Drugs with custody?

I'm wondering if anyone has had experience with this...

A friend and I were talking not long ago, and it came up a little while back
when she and her bf had an episode and although in the end, things were
worked out to an extent and are currently being worked on, HE said he was
going to take the baby (10 months old), fight for custody and bla bla bla.
One of those anger 'threats' and all that.
In this case, there's no way anyone in their right mind would put a baby or
child with this guy. He's a good dad and person, but with a temper, and
fairly selfish in some ways. In the case of him leaving, he would also have
no real home. He'd be stuck living with friends, and in this case, not a
good scene. Drugs, alcohol, whatever. Not good, AFAIC, or anyone would be
concerned, for that matter.
She simply said (to him) that there would be no need for courts and all
that. She would totally and fully agree 100% to him coming by and/or
spending time with the kids in or out of the house. She also said that if
it ever came to this, she would also request that the one and only condition
would be that he ****es clean once a month in order to see his kids. That
would, I guess, mean no drugs in his system at all.
Anyone ever hear of this? Basically saying that in order to see your
child(ren) you have to stay off the drugs. That's all. One and only
'condition'.
Would something like this be possible? Would a demand or request like this
hold any weight? Would there be any benefit from something like this,
assuming it was possible, and assuming it's a known fact that the person is
a drug user...?

"Kathryn" wrote in message
news:H5Brg.133611$771.66841@edtnps89...
I'm wondering if anyone has had experience with this...

A friend and I were talking not long ago, and it came up a little while
back when she and her bf had an episode and although in the end, things
were worked out to an extent and are currently being worked on, HE said he
was going to take the baby (10 months old), fight for custody and bla bla
bla. One of those anger 'threats' and all that.
In this case, there's no way anyone in their right mind would put a baby
or child with this guy. He's a good dad and person, but with a temper,
and fairly selfish in some ways. In the case of him leaving, he would
also have no real home. He'd be stuck living with friends, and in this
case, not a good scene. Drugs, alcohol, whatever. Not good, AFAIC, or
anyone would be concerned, for that matter.
She simply said (to him) that there would be no need for courts and all
that. She would totally and fully agree 100% to him coming by and/or
spending time with the kids in or out of the house. She also said that if
it ever came to this, she would also request that the one and only
condition would be that he ****es clean once a month in order to see his
kids. That would, I guess, mean no drugs in his system at all.
Anyone ever hear of this? Basically saying that in order to see your
child(ren) you have to stay off the drugs. That's all. One and only
'condition'.
Would something like this be possible? Would a demand or request like
this hold any weight? Would there be any benefit from something like
this, assuming it was possible, and assuming it's a known fact that the
person is a drug user...?

Realistically, she probably can't demand regular drug testing unless he's
been convicted of drug use already - and she can't control what he does on
his own time when the children are around, any more than he can control what
SHE does on her own time when the children are not around.

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 07 Jul 2006 22:19:19 GMT, "Kathryn" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

I'm wondering if anyone has had experience with this...

A friend and I were talking not long ago, and it came up a little while
back
when she and her bf had an episode and although in the end, things were
worked out to an extent and are currently being worked on, HE said he was
going to take the baby (10 months old), fight for custody and bla bla bla.
One of those anger 'threats' and all that.
In this case, there's no way anyone in their right mind would put a baby
or
child with this guy. He's a good dad and person, but with a temper, and
fairly selfish in some ways. In the case of him leaving, he would also
have
no real home. He'd be stuck living with friends, and in this case, not a
good scene. Drugs, alcohol, whatever. Not good, AFAIC, or anyone would
be
concerned, for that matter.
She simply said (to him) that there would be no need for courts and all
that. She would totally and fully agree 100% to him coming by and/or
spending time with the kids in or out of the house. She also said that if
it ever came to this, she would also request that the one and only
condition
would be that he ****es clean once a month in order to see his kids. That
would, I guess, mean no drugs in his system at all.
Anyone ever hear of this? Basically saying that in order to see your
child(ren) you have to stay off the drugs. That's all. One and only
'condition'.
Would something like this be possible? Would a demand or request like
this
hold any weight? Would there be any benefit from something like this,
assuming it was possible, and assuming it's a known fact that the person
is
a drug user...?

How would she enforce the drug test?

I guess I didn't state clearly... She said no custody battle, just court
enforced stuff like visits, whatever. Just not a big, messy, expensive,
bitter court battle. She'd walk in saying, yes, I want him to visit, take
the kids, be with them, see them, not have the stance of kicking him out of
the kids' life completely.
Have a drug test as a mandatory thing through the courts.

Watch him pee? And what if it turns
up positive?

In this case, if there was a court order, it would be his fault for messing
up and failing, not hers.

How will she handle it if he gets angry about not seeing
his kid because he smoked a joint 20 days earlier?

Then wouldn't this be his problem to handle?

And even if she pee
tests him, that's not to say the first thing he's going to do when he
gets the kids is pull over and smoke, inhale, pop, or inject his drug of
choice with the kids in the car.

Then come the next month, he'd fail, wouldn't he?

She's better off insisting on a
treatment program.

Not that this is the case, as it was just a convo that came up from an
incident of stupidity and angry words with them (that I thought was
stupidity, and both of them agree it was downright stupid) how effective
would a treatment program be?

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"Kathryn" wrote in message
news:H5Brg.133611$771.66841@edtnps89...
I'm wondering if anyone has had experience with this...

A friend and I were talking not long ago, and it came up a little while
back when she and her bf had an episode and although in the end, things
were worked out to an extent and are currently being worked on, HE said
he was going to take the baby (10 months old), fight for custody and bla
bla bla. One of those anger 'threats' and all that.
In this case, there's no way anyone in their right mind would put a baby
or child with this guy. He's a good dad and person, but with a temper,
and fairly selfish in some ways. In the case of him leaving, he would
also have no real home. He'd be stuck living with friends, and in this
case, not a good scene. Drugs, alcohol, whatever. Not good, AFAIC, or
anyone would be concerned, for that matter.
She simply said (to him) that there would be no need for courts and all
that. She would totally and fully agree 100% to him coming by and/or
spending time with the kids in or out of the house. She also said that
if it ever came to this, she would also request that the one and only
condition would be that he ****es clean once a month in order to see his
kids. That would, I guess, mean no drugs in his system at all.
Anyone ever hear of this? Basically saying that in order to see your
child(ren) you have to stay off the drugs. That's all. One and only
'condition'.
Would something like this be possible? Would a demand or request like
this hold any weight? Would there be any benefit from something like
this, assuming it was possible, and assuming it's a known fact that the
person is a drug user...?

Realistically, she probably can't demand regular drug testing unless he's
been convicted of drug use already - and she can't control what he does on
his own time when the children are around, any more than he can control
what SHE does on her own time when the children are not around.

He was found to be high (on pot) and borderline drunk when he caused an
accident a couple years back. The charges of DUI was dropped, but only
because there were many other things found against him (accident being his
fault, no insurance on his truck, outstanding warrants, etc.) and he did
serve time in the slammer, although if I remember, it was only a couple days
before it was just considered time served.
She was saying that with a monthly drug test, anything can be detected
within that month, if there's something to be found. IF something came down
to this, and yes, this was just more casual convo I had with her, would a
case like this come down to the person who has more money and support wins
and the one with less money and support gets screwed?
I don't know what I'm saying... I'm saying let's say it's you and I in
court. You have a lot more money and family support than I do, and you also
have a good, clean bill of health and record. I'm the opposite with less
money, less family to support me and I'm known to use drugs. Will you screw
me over just because you have the means to do so, moreso than I do?

"Kathryn" wrote ...

8 a bit...

She simply said (to him) that there would be no need for courts and all
that. She would totally and fully agree 100% to him coming by and/or
spending time with the kids in or out of the house. She also said that if
it ever came to this, she would also request that the one and only
condition would be that he ****es clean once a month in order to see his
kids. That would, I guess, mean no drugs in his system at all.

Wow!... does your uh...Friend have a controlling streak...

Anyone ever hear of this? Basically saying that in order to see your
child(ren) you have to stay off the drugs. That's all. One and only
'condition'.


What the guy does on his 'Off Time' ie. when he's not with the kids really
is none of her business. Yep... tis right it would be better for all
concerned if he was clean 24/7... but in this situation he only has to be
'straight' while he has responsibility for the kids... Would a court really
get involved in something like this?... I would hope not...

What happens if Mom says he can see the kids whenever so long as he doesnt
drink?( cos that would be a bad example for the kids... right?)... or so
long as he doesnt ever go to mass (cos the kids are anglicans, ok?), or so
long as he doesnt see other women (cos the kids may get confused...ya
know?).... etc etc etc...can-o-worms...

z

"Kathryn" wrote in message
news:2kQrg.43923$B91.37361@edtnps82...

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"Kathryn" wrote in message
news:H5Brg.133611$771.66841@edtnps89...
I'm wondering if anyone has had experience with this...

A friend and I were talking not long ago, and it came up a little while
back when she and her bf had an episode and although in the end, things
were worked out to an extent and are currently being worked on, HE said
he was going to take the baby (10 months old), fight for custody and bla
bla bla. One of those anger 'threats' and all that.
In this case, there's no way anyone in their right mind would put a baby
or child with this guy. He's a good dad and person, but with a temper,
and fairly selfish in some ways. In the case of him leaving, he would
also have no real home. He'd be stuck living with friends, and in this
case, not a good scene. Drugs, alcohol, whatever. Not good, AFAIC, or
anyone would be concerned, for that matter.
She simply said (to him) that there would be no need for courts and all
that. She would totally and fully agree 100% to him coming by and/or
spending time with the kids in or out of the house. She also said that
if it ever came to this, she would also request that the one and only
condition would be that he ****es clean once a month in order to see his
kids. That would, I guess, mean no drugs in his system at all.
Anyone ever hear of this? Basically saying that in order to see your
child(ren) you have to stay off the drugs. That's all. One and only
'condition'.
Would something like this be possible? Would a demand or request like
this hold any weight? Would there be any benefit from something like
this, assuming it was possible, and assuming it's a known fact that the
person is a drug user...?

Realistically, she probably can't demand regular drug testing unless he's
been convicted of drug use already - and she can't control what he does
on his own time when the children are around, any more than he can
control what SHE does on her own time when the children are not around.

He was found to be high (on pot) and borderline drunk when he caused an
accident a couple years back. The charges of DUI was dropped,

Then he wasn't considered legally drunk, borderline or otherwise - because
there's no way a DUI charge is dropped for lesser charges of not carrying
insurance.

but only
because there were many other things found against him (accident being his
fault, no insurance on his truck, outstanding warrants, etc.) and he did
serve time in the slammer, although if I remember, it was only a couple
days before it was just considered time served.
She was saying that with a monthly drug test, anything can be detected
within that month, if there's something to be found. IF something came
down to this, and yes, this was just more casual convo I had with her,
would a case like this come down to the person who has more money and
support wins and the one with less money and support gets screwed?

Here's what it would come down to...... how the judge might well see it -
she's trying to dictate how he may and may not behave - not only when he has
the kids, but when he doesn't.

Judges frown on that sort of thing.

I don't know what I'm saying... I'm saying let's say it's you and I in
court. You have a lot more money and family support than I do, and you
also have a good, clean bill of health and record. I'm the opposite with
less money, less family to support me and I'm known to use drugs. Will
you screw me over just because you have the means to do so, moreso than I
do?

Me? No.

This is, however, sounding more and more like she is trying to exert control
over his personal life, something she has no legal right to do.

"'Kate" wrote ...

Yep... that would be a can-o-worms. No one lives a pristine, idyllic
lifestyle.


Except me....kinda ;-)


What if someone insisted that we not date because it's not
appropriate.


Is *that* why you been turning me down all these years?... and here was I
thinking you was just carrying a torch for Dennis...


Or what if someone decided that single parenting should be
illegal


You mean it aint?... well it sure as heck should be... no wait...um


and if a mother was a single parent, she must be on birth
control or sterilized until she married?


Hey!... you might be onto sumthin here... (saves awkward questions...)


"Community standards" have a
way of making unrealistic demands on people who are living
non-traditional lifestyles.


Oh yeah... no wisecrack for that one... BTDTGTTS

z

.... save me a slice of wedding cake woncha? ...

Kathryn wrote:

condition
would be that he ****es clean once a month in order to see his kids.

And she has to be breathalized before he gives them back. Any sign of
alcohol in her system in the previous 30 days and he holds on to them.

Dennis

'Kate wrote:

I've been a little down lately.

You need a holiday. Ireland. ASAP

Pick you up from then airport.

Dennis