teaching tolerance

Hi -

I think Debbie's response (point out how *everyone* is different in
different ways, including personality) was terrific. Kids go through a
stage of noticing and labelling differences, so you need to deal with
this in a developmentally appropriate fashion.

In our house, this means teaching the kids early that we don't make
comments out loud about how people look (but it's fine to whisper to
your parents), since this is a general etiquette rule. We also talked
about how different people are, what makes them special, what makes each
person unique, and which differences are important (being nice, for
example), which are ones you work with (Grandpa's wheelchiar) and which
ones just *are* but make no difference (and skin color is one of
those). This was not, clearly, a single conversation, but an ongoing
one. We still revisit the topic from time to time, although at a much
higher level because the kids are much bigger.

If you want to deal with race specifically, look at some books on
Dr. Martin Luther King. That lets you talk about how silly it was once,
that blacks weren't allowed to go to school with whites, etc.

Don't worry that you've got a budding racist! As long as you deal with
this appropriately, your child will grow up with attitudes similar to
yours. What you're seeing now is part of his learning to separate
himself and his family from "others".

My two cents,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

Welches wrote:

I then asked her what colour she thought her skin was. She looked very
carefully down at her arms and said "pink with blue stripes" (she has
fairly noticable veins) :-)

That's excellent.

My husband has white patches all over his body, and we've noticed one
(so far, more to come) on Ollie. I wonder if Ollie will think he's pink
with white spots?

--
Sara, also striped

writes:

I am looking for some resources to help explain to my son (4yo) that
people are people, and not to discriminate based on skin color or other
differences he can see. He said something last night that sent me
through the roof, and I'm pretty sure he won't say it to me again to
prevent me getting mad, but that's not the lesson I want to teach. I
wish I hadn't gotten mad, of course, but it was a shock :-/

These things happen. Still, you should apologize to him. He's only 4
years old and honestly doesn't know any better. You should tell him
about the kind of discrimination grownups have done, who should know
better, and why discrimination makes you feel angry.

Any suggestions for things I can read to help me explain at his level
or things we can read together? He's said similar, though less
shocking, things in the past and I've tried reading books like the Star
Belly Sneetches (Dr Seuss) but it seems I need a less subtle approach.

Star Belly Sneetches is great. You might read it again, and take some
time afterward to relate it to real-world discrimination. Talk about
what it would be like to be a star-belly Sneetch living in a
neighborhood with non-star-belly Sneetches or vice versa. He's old
enough to be let in on the secret of what motivated Dr Seuss to write
the book.

Interacting with a diversity of 4-year-olds would be the ideal thing,
but I understand this isn't available to everybody.

--

http://ourdoings.com/ Let your digital photos organize themselves.
Sign up today for a 7-day free trial.

The first book I ever bought for ds1 while I was pregnant with him is a
beautiful, vibrantly illiustrated version of the Louis Armstrong classic
song Wonderful World. It shows kids and adults of every color putting on
a puppet show that goes along with the song. Some of the lyrics, if you
don't know the song, "the colors of the rainbow/so pretty in the sky/are
also on the faces/of people walking by." It is still one of my son's
favorites, is very proud that he can sing the song himself now, and
loves showing the book to his baby brother.

What a wonderful World, illustrated by Ashley Bryan ISBN#0689800878.
They have it on Amazon, or it should be easy to order from your local
bookstore.

-Karen, mom to Henry 4 1/2 and William 7 months-

I am looking for some resources to help explain to my son (4yo) that
people are people, and not to discriminate based on skin color or other
differences he can see. He said something last night that sent me
through the roof, and I'm pretty sure he won't say it to me again to
prevent me getting mad, but that's not the lesson I want to teach.

I'd be really interested to know where he was picking it up!

DS (nearly 4) has started to notice that some people have "very dark skin",
and my response is that God made everyone different. DS has friends and
acquaintances in every colour you can imagine.

I remember, years ago, reading an interview with a black presenter (maybe
Trisha Goddard?) saying how humiliating it was to be on the bus when the
person opposite decided they had to "educate" their child about how that
woman's black skin and wide nostrils etc had evolved! How's that for
condescension!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Life is like a cigarette -- smoke it to the butt." -- Harvie Krumpet

I remember, years ago, reading an interview with a black presenter (maybe
Trisha Goddard?) saying how humiliating it was to be on the bus when the
person opposite decided they had to "educate" their child about how that
woman's black skin and wide nostrils etc had evolved! How's that for
condescension!

I can not even imagine anyone ever being that rude ever.. Well yes I can but
grrrr. No person should EVER be the speciman for a science lesson especialy
in a public bus! I am embarassed for the child.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier 10/27/04

I am looking for some resources to help explain to my son (4yo) that
people are people, and not to discriminate based on skin color or
other
differences he can see. He said something last night that sent me
through the roof, and I'm pretty sure he won't say it to me again to
prevent me getting mad, but that's not the lesson I want to teach.


I'd be really interested to know where he was picking it up!

Me too. My 4 year old still doesn't seem to notice any difference
between people based on race and I'm in no hurry to teach him that
people classify others based on arbitrary physical characteristics.
When it does come time for that talk I will tell him that the concept
of race, dividing people into 'black', 'white' etc. is based on silly
myths that only foolish people believe.

I was trying to help and I do believe she asked for reading material.
I sincerely hope that to her, I was helpful. Sorry if you were offended.

On 10 Dec 2004 13:57:36 -0800, "parenting"
wrote:

I was trying to help and I do believe she asked for reading material.
I sincerely hope that to her, I was helpful. Sorry if you were offended.

I was offended because your offer to help was an advertisement, which
is not allowed here.

this is why I was offended.

Since the thread is on teaching tolerance, perhaps we can agree to
tolerate it when a regular poster to this group toots her on horn in a
way that is appropriate to the topic at hand?

I'm offended by random strangers advertising, starting new threads
(especially under covert subject lines) and stuff like that. I'm not in
the least offended when someone mentions their own book or web site or
whatever in a context that is both helpful and germane to the topic
under discussion.

Also, since this is an un-moderated newsgroup, there is nothing that is
either allowed or not-allowed. Posters who go off-topic or who offend
are dealt with by snide responses (not the case here --- the responses
were polite) or by falling into readers' kill files.

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

_________________(snip)___________________________ _________

I was trying to help and I do believe she asked for reading material.
I sincerely hope that to her, I was helpful. Sorry if you were
offended.

I was offended because your offer to help was an advertisement, which
is not allowed here.

this is why I was offended.