How to stop the night wakings?

Thoughts:

1. Is it possible to get her to bed any earlier than you're already
doing? If she's already really tired when she gets in, that may mean
that by the time she gets to sleep she's worked up enough that she's
more likely to wake in the night. Sometimes an earlier bedtime can help.

2. Will she take a pacifier rather than your nipple to suck on? Helped
a great deal with my son.

3. Do you nurse her to sleep at bedtime? I agree with Beth that it may
be worth tackling this issue first and getting her to complete the final
steps of falling asleep without nursing (i.e. nurse her until nearly
asleep, unlatch, comfort her in other ways but stand firm on not
offering the breast again before she goes to sleep). Spending a week or
two getting her used to going to sleep without nursing may well mean
that when you do tackle the night wakings you have more luck with them
because she's already used to getting to sleep without nursing. (The
advantage of this is that you can work on her getting-to-sleep skills in
the evening rather than in the middle of the night when all you want to
do is to get back to sleep. However, you may prefer just to get it all
over with in one go.) If you do work on the bedtime falling-to-sleep
first, then at 4 a.m. just nurse her straight away or whatever you
normally do to get her to sleep - if she either gets nursed straight
away or has to go to sleep without nursing then she'll figure it out
pretty quickly, but if she sometimes has to go to sleep without nursing
but sometimes gets the breast if she cries long enough then that gives
her an incentive to keep crying for longer as she has reason to think it
might work (see 6 below).

4. If she's waking at a specific time each night, there is a technique
you can use called the wake-to-sleep technique or scheduled awakening.
Basically, you set your alarm, go into your room between 15 and 60
minutes before the time when you expect her to wake (so, between 3 and
3.45 a.m), wake her partway up, and settle her again. This can readjust
the sleep cycle and thus eliminate the habitual waking. Tracy Hogg
gives the most complete description of this that I've got in 'The Baby
Whisperer Solves All Your Problems', and advises that if the child is
still waking up at the usual time after three nights of trying this, you
might as well drop it, but if they seem to be stopping their usual
waking then continue with the scheduled awakening for six nights before
stopping. This has been found to be as effective as CIO techniques, but
it's a pain to implement.

5. If you do use CIO, bear in mind that just because you won't *nurse*
her doesn't mean that you can't comfort her in other ways while she gets
used to going to sleep without nursing. Thus, it may help to stay with
her and cuddle her until she falls asleep. Or, if she's in the crib,
just keep lowering her down every time she stands up and patting and
reassuring her. (Your husband may be better able to do this since he
doesn't have breasts and thus there isn't quite that same "Don't mock me
with what I can't have!" effect that can happen in such circumstances.)
My view when I tried this with my son was that, as long as I was there
with him and cuddling him when he cried and he wasn't actually hungry or
in need of a change, then I was meeting his needs. I might not be
meeting all his *wants*, but that was OK with me because I don't believe
parenthood is about meeting all your child's wants.

6. Don't try this unless you're prepared to see it through. The pattern
of letting her cry for 30 minutes and then nursing her just makes it
harder for you next time, because now she knows that if she holds out
for long enough she'll get nursed. When I tried eliminating nursing to
sleep for my son's bedtime, I read that it can take over an hour in some
cases, so I braced myself for it to take that long. In the end, it took
47 minutes the first night and was much easier thereafter. Keep a note
of how long it takes each time, so that you can see improvement happening.

Good luck!


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

On Mar 12, 4:06*pm, (Beth Kevles) wrote:
Hi --

With our kids, we approached things as follows, and had both kids pretty
much sleeping through before age 2:

First, deal with falling asleep at night:
* * * *Feed well so the child falls asleep feeling full
* * * *Never nurse all the way to sleep
* * * *Consistent sleeping place (crib -- I could never sleep through
* * * *the night snuffles when in the same room)

We have a few issues here - her eating habits are hit and miss these
days. Some nights she gobbles up a storm. Other nights it's a few
bites and NOTHING we do can make her eat more. I figured that was
associated with her sleep issues, but actually last night she ate a
ton and slept very poorly.

The nursing to sleep is an issue. How does one stop this? When I don't
nurse her to sleep, she just cries and cries. That said, when I'm not
here, DH is able to get her to sleep. But if she knows I'm in the
house, she won't stop til she has me.

Our consistent sleep place is our bed, and that's what I'd like to
change to the crib, but the crib is in our room. SO it's like teasing
her - we're there but she can't lay on top of us.


Next, deal with morning:
* * * Blackout shades in bedroom
* * * Never feed right on waking. *Instead, do morning routine first
* * * (diaper, dress both of us)
* * * Go to kitchen to eat and nurse

We do all this already, morning is usually not a problem.


Finally, deal with night wakings:
* * * * *Never feed at night

We haven't been consistent here. No feeding at night was working for
awhile, but DH gave in a few times (and ok, I gave in a few times too
and now we're screwed....)

* * * * *Be boring at night -- no talking, just "shhh, shhh"

This has been a consistent thing we've done.

* * * * *Keep child in crib when he wakes, do not remove to my bed

Well, since she's always co-slept, the whole transition to crib will
be an issue.

* * * * *Let child cry if it doesn't last more than minutes

We have tried this, I think we lasted 30 minutes which was too long
for everyone.

* * * * *Consider pain reliever (tylenol, etc) if you suspect teething
* * * * *pain causing the wakings

Tried that a few times, but as I've said elsewhere, pain relievers
seem to do nothing for her.


The theory is that waking is caused partly by habits that can be
changed. *Ie, a child is used to eating right away on waking, so learns
to waken when mildly hungry. *But by age two (or earlier) the child
should be able to sleep through a certain amount of hunger.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a habit. That was why my leaving the room
helped. But ever since she had croup (over Thanksgiving) her sleep
pattern got all thrown off and has never recovered. Didn't help that
we travelled soon after that, then I was in hospital for emergency
surgery, and then ill...so everything was off for a good 6 weeks.
We've been trying to get back on track for the past 6 weeks and it's
not working!

Sleeping through the night is GLORIOUS. *The kids are 10 and 12 now,
which means we have the opposite problem: getting them out of bed in the
morning.

We already decided that when we get to that stage, we're going to bang
pots in her room as payback ;-)

Thanks for the suggestions. We'll try them out.

On Mar 12, 5:25*pm, Sarah Vaughan wrote:
Thoughts:

1. Is it possible to get her to bed any earlier than you're already
doing? *If she's already really tired when she gets in, that may mean
that by the time she gets to sleep she's worked up enough that she's
more likely to wake in the night. *Sometimes an earlier bedtime can help..

We often don't get home til close to 6pm. By the time we're done
eating it's close to 7pm. Not much we can change there,
unfortunately.That's been the schedule for the past year, and for
awhile was fine. I think now it's problematic because she's getting so
little sleep at night. She wasn't acting tired (no rubbing eyes for
example, but after multiple 6pm meltdowns, I figured it was tiredness)

I have tried just putting her down as soon as we get home for a 'nap'
then feeding her afterwards, but it doesn't work. She has no interest
in that.

2. Will she take a pacifier rather than your nipple to suck on? *Helped
a great deal with my son.

hahahahaha!
No. No pacifier. I tried many times. I've even tried sneaking it in in
place of my nipple. She's too smart for that ;-) The look on her face
when you give her a pacifier is priceless.

3. Do you nurse her to sleep at bedtime?

Yes, although when I'm away (which doesn't happen often but lately has
been ~ 2-3x per month), DH puts her to bed.

*I agree with Beth that it may
be worth tackling this issue first and getting her to complete the final
steps of falling asleep without nursing (i.e. nurse her until nearly
asleep, unlatch, comfort her in other ways but stand firm on not
offering the breast again before she goes to sleep). *Spending a week or
two getting her used to going to sleep without nursing may well mean
that when you do tackle the night wakings you have more luck with them
because she's already used to getting to sleep without nursing. *(The
advantage of this is that you can work on her getting-to-sleep skills in
the evening rather than in the middle of the night when all you want to
do is to get back to sleep. *However, you may prefer just to get it all
over with in one go.) *If you do work on the bedtime falling-to-sleep
first, then at 4 a.m. just nurse her straight away or whatever you
normally do to get her to sleep - if she either gets nursed straight
away or has to go to sleep without nursing then she'll figure it out
pretty quickly, but if she sometimes has to go to sleep without nursing
but sometimes gets the breast if she cries long enough then that gives
her an incentive to keep crying for longer as she has reason to think it
might work (see 6 below).

I think we'll go this route for awhile. I am concerned about her lack
of food - nights when she doesn't eat much I always worry she'll wake
because she's starving, so think that nursing her will help that, but
it doesn't....

4. If she's waking at a specific time each night, there is a technique
you can use called the wake-to-sleep technique or scheduled awakening.
Basically, you set your alarm, go into your room between 15 and 60
minutes before the time when you expect her to wake (so, between 3 and
3.45 a.m), wake her partway up, and settle her again. *This can readjust
the sleep cycle and thus eliminate the habitual waking. *Tracy Hogg
gives the most complete description of this that I've got in 'The Baby
Whisperer Solves All Your Problems', and advises that if the child is
still waking up at the usual time after three nights of trying this, you
might as well drop it, but if they seem to be stopping their usual
waking then continue with the scheduled awakening for six nights before
stopping. *This has been found to be as effective as CIO techniques, but
it's a pain to implement.

Well, she's in 'our' room - although I've been sleeping in another
room lately. She's in bed with DH. I still wake up automatically about
3:45 knowing she'll wake up (I do this even when I'm away, it's so
annoying!). I guess i'd be afraid to try this...the idea is to wake
her a bit before she really wakes up?

For so long I always got to her immediately on the first peep and
could usually settle her back down. But now I've avoided going to her
because she wants to nurse, and then she just nurses non-stop and
doesn't fall asleep. I think this would require my DH waking up before
her and doing it and I don't think he's up to the task, honestly. He
has taken over the night wakings for the most part (not that it helps
my sleep much, but the idea was it helped DD to sleep), but I don't
think I could convince him to wake up before her.


5. If you do use CIO, bear in mind that just because you won't *nurse*
her doesn't mean that you can't comfort her in other ways while she gets
used to going to sleep without nursing. *Thus, it may help to stay with
her and cuddle her until she falls asleep.

I've tried doing this a lot - just rocking her or cuddling rather than
nursing. It usually calms her and that's when I'm sure she's not
waking for hunger. Other times she goes straight for the boobs and
nothing will distract her. Problem has been though that though it
calms her, it doesn't put her to sleep.

6. Don't try this unless you're prepared to see it through. *The pattern
of letting her cry for 30 minutes and then nursing her just makes it
harder for you next time, because now she knows that if she holds out
for long enough she'll get nursed. *When I tried eliminating nursing to
sleep for my son's bedtime, I read that it can take over an hour in some
cases, so I braced myself for it to take that long. *In the end, it took
47 minutes the first night and was much easier thereafter. *Keep a note
of how long it takes each time, so that you can see improvement happening.

Yeah, that's why we haven't really tried it yet...earlier on my DH was
more keen to try it and I wasn't. Now I'm ready and he says it's
cruel...that said I have let her CIO a few times for sleeping (when DH
wasn't home), if she just refused to fall asleep after an hour or more
of me with her. One time it took an hour, but the few other times it
was only a few minutes. We haven't done it consistently though -
hadn't really needed to for bedtime.

We tried once for the 4am wakeup and gave in.

Thanks for the suggestions, it gives me something to work with. I know
I'm supposed to accept all this and be grateful she still wants to be
with me, but one can only function on little sleep for so long....

"cjra" wrote in message
...
Am I left to resort to scream-it-out?

DD is 20 months, and though she went through a few months of 9-11 hour
sleep stretches, for the past few months she's back to waking up 1-2x
night. Always around 4am, and sometimes around 1am.

I'll share my thoughts based on my experiences. I basically suck at night
time parenting - or at least I don't have stellar results so keep that in
mind. My first two boys co-slept and did not sleep through for years. I
did CIO with my second two boys. They are 23mos right now.

1) An earlier bedtime might really do the trick. My boys always go to sleep
at the same time (7:30pm) but if they miss their nap they almost always
wake at night crying. They get up at 6:30-7am and have a 1-1.5hr nap most
days - unless they decide to party through it.

2) I think you might have to decide on co-sleeping or crib sleeping and
embrace one or the other. The combination works for some kids but not all.
I would also take a pretty hard line on the night weaning. My boys both
have sippy cups of water in their crib and I hear the one drink often. I
night weaned one of my older boys at 18mos but continued to co-sleep. He
quit crying about it relatively quickly but he continued to wake at night
and ask to nurse until he was completely weaned at 26mos. After that he
slept through if I was in bed with him. IIRC I had my bed on the floor so I
just laid there and let him crawl around and it didn't last long. He also
had a sippy available. Might not be an option on a regular bed.

3) I tried to do all the right things with my second two boys. I never
nursed to sleep, they always slept in their cribs, they went down awake, we
had a stead fast routine, blah blah blah. They went to sleep in their cribs
like a dream - and still didn't sleep through. I could not get that to
change without night weaning and CIO.

4) They mostly sleep now but if there is a freak night I go to them after
about 5 min. If they are sick I go right away. After illness or other
things where I have gotten up with them 4-5 nights in a row they aren't
giving that up and I do CIO again. I feel terrible about it. They can
sometimes cry for quite some time. I can't figure out what they want, I've
done everything I can think of, and frankly I can not go back to the chronic
sleep deprivation I had with the first two. I just can not do it when I
can't think of anything wrong with them. I was not able to figure out a
gentle way to do it but they don't seem to have suffered from it so.

5) Good luck. I know this is really hard. Oh - one more thing. Mine wake
up most often when the heater kicks on. I moved the crib so it wasn't
blowing down on them and that seemed to help. Maybe there is something
happening at 4am that is waking her?


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

On Mar 12, 10:12*pm, "Nikki" wrote:

I'll share my thoughts based on my experiences. *I basically suck at night
time parenting - or at least I don't have stellar results so keep that in
mind. *My first two boys co-slept and did not sleep through for years. *I
did CIO with my second two boys. *They are 23mos right now.

I'll take whatever insight I can get.


1) An earlier bedtime might really do the trick. *My boys always go to sleep
at the same time (7:30pm) *but if they miss their nap they almost always
wake at night crying. *They get up at 6:30-7am and have a 1-1.5hr nap most
days - unless they decide to party through it.

We start bedtime at 7pm. If it's bath night that adds in another 15
minutes or so. This may be another issue, but I'm not sure as it's not
consistent. bath time = play time for her. She goes nuts in the bath,
it's not really relaxing. However it doesn't seem to have an effect
either way on the falling to sleep.

Generally we're in bed by 7:30 almost every night, and sometimes
she'll fall to sleep in 10 minutes (~6 songs on the night time CD) and
sometimes it'll take an hour.

SHe's good with her naps at daycare 'cause all the other kids sleep.
One the weekends it's another story, kind of hit or miss.

2) I think you might have to decide on co-sleeping or crib sleeping and
embrace one or the other. *The combination works for some kids but not all.
I would also take a pretty hard line on the night weaning. *My boys both
have sippy cups of water in their crib and I hear the one drink often. *I
night weaned one of my older boys at 18mos but continued to co-sleep. *He
quit crying about it relatively quickly but he continued to wake at night
and ask to nurse until he was completely weaned at 26mos. *After that he
slept through if I was in bed with him. *IIRC I had my bed on the floor so I
just laid there and let him crawl around and it didn't last long. * He also
had a sippy available. *Might not be an option on a regular bed.

Ok. We're at 95% co-sleeping, but I'd like to move her to the crib as
I think that's the only way she's going to sleep. Now I have to
convince my husband...our bed is low to the ground, so she can get off
it easily. The problem is when she sleeps by herself she squirms
everywhere and I've caught her nearly falling off asleep a few times.

She was basically night weaned from about 14 months until almost 17
months when she got croup. During that time it worked just by having
DH there and not me, it wasn't too difficult, but we've never been
able to fully go back to that since that blasted croup.


3) I tried to do all the right things with my second two boys. *I never
nursed to sleep, they always slept in their cribs, they went down awake, we
had a stead fast routine, blah blah blah. *They went to sleep in their cribs
like a dream - and still didn't sleep through. *I could not get that to
change without night weaning and CIO.

I guess this is good to hear...when people say her sleep problems are
due to nursing to sleep or co-sleeping...although I had hoped we'd
have better luck the next time around.

4) They mostly sleep now but if there is a freak night I go to them after
about 5 min. *If they are sick I go right away. *After illness or other
things where I have gotten up with them 4-5 nights in a row they aren't
giving that up and I do CIO again. *I feel terrible about it. *They can
sometimes cry for quite some time. * I can't figure out what they want, I've
done everything I can think of, and frankly I can not go back to the chronic
sleep deprivation I had with the first two. *I just can not do it when I
can't think of anything wrong with them. *I was not able to figure out a
gentle way to do it but they don't seem to have suffered from it so.

I really don't like the concept of CIO. The couple of times I've let
her cry have been out of sheer desperation. It's hard for me to do it
in a planned manner, although I'm getting there. I'd prefer to find
something gentler. I really don't care about everyone else telling me
she should be STTN by now. Until recently I was tolerating it ok, but
it's really taking its toll on both DH and myself and I think her too.


5) Good luck. *I know this is really hard. *Oh - one more thing. *Mine wake
up most often when the heater kicks on. *I moved the crib so it wasn't
blowing down on them and that seemed to help. *Maybe there is something
happening at 4am that is waking her?

Hmmm. You can barely hear the heater in that room and can't feel the
blowing air really (12 ft ceilings, which make it cold closer to the
floor where the bed is!), I'm not sure what else is happening. Maybe
I'll have to check and see if there's some other environmental noise
going on.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

"cjra" wrote in message
...

I really don't like the concept of CIO. The couple of times I've let
her cry have been out of sheer desperation. It's hard for me to do it
in a planned manner, although I'm getting there. I'd prefer to find
something gentler. I really don't care about everyone else telling me
she should be STTN by now. Until recently I was tolerating it ok, but
it's really taking its toll on both DH and myself and I think her too.

I understand. Two more thoughts.....

I would really not worry about her needing food at night. She might eat a
lot when nursed but unless she has a weight gain issue she will be fine.
Kids this age will have days when they eat hardly anything. It just works
that way. She'll eat a big breakfast if she's hungry. I also give my boys
smoothies before bed. I make them with yogurt, whole milk, banana, berries.
It is quite filling I think. They have sort of quit eating them of their
own accord but that has only been recently. Oh - if the bed is low to the
ground I wouldn't be overly worried about her on that either. Each of my
big kids only fell off a bed once.

I have to be honest and say I don't see a way to get a 95% co-sleeping
toddler that night nurses on occasion to move to a crib on her own without
some serious crying. I'd either bite the bullet and let the crying commence
and stick with it for 5-7 days before throwing in the towel or figure out a
way to make co-sleeping work better for all.

You might consider taking a hard line at the night weaning while going back
to all sleeping together again. There will probably be crying involved but
IME it is different to have her crying next to you because she is mad you've
changed the plan then it is crying totally confused in a crib. It will also
probably be much less intense. You can refuse to nurse and say - 'We only
nurse when the sun is shining' or 'only in our rocking chair' and then just
lay there and let her work through it. If you don't do anything more then
say a few gentle words and lay your hand on her back to comfort her I think
she'll quit the midnight party behavior and go back to sleep in a fairly
timely way, without many antics. It was easy for me to lay there and ignore
because I was so flipp'n tired, lol. After the initial shock even though
he woke a couple times a night asking to nurse it was just a blip - didn't
really mess with my sleep much because I'd just say no and he'd go back to
sleep. My issue was that they would not sleep without me in the bed with
them.

I also learned that I had to promise myself to stick with something for x
amount of time - like I'd suggest at least two weeks for the above scenario.
Changes happen fast for some kids but 3 of mine were a little more stubborn
and needed much longer to accept a new plan.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

"cjra" wrote in message
...

4. If she's waking at a specific time each night, there is a technique
you can use called the wake-to-sleep technique or scheduled awakening.
Basically, you set your alarm, go into your room between 15 and 60
minutes before the time when you expect her to wake (so, between 3 and
3.45 a.m), wake her partway up, and settle her again. This can readjust
the sleep cycle and thus eliminate the habitual waking. Tracy Hogg
gives the most complete description of this that I've got in 'The Baby
Whisperer Solves All Your Problems', and advises that if the child is
still waking up at the usual time after three nights of trying this, you
might as well drop it, but if they seem to be stopping their usual
waking then continue with the scheduled awakening for six nights before
stopping. This has been found to be as effective as CIO techniques, but
it's a pain to implement.

Well, she's in 'our' room - although I've been sleeping in another
room lately. She's in bed with DH. I still wake up automatically about
3:45 knowing she'll wake up (I do this even when I'm away, it's so
annoying!). I guess i'd be afraid to try this...the idea is to wake
her a bit before she really wakes up?

Hi Cjra

I did this with Jessica. When she was 6 weeks, she used to go to sleep at
9pm, sleep til midnight, nurse and then sleep until 6am. I started going im
at about 23.50 and nursing her without waking her properly. That eliminated
the need for her to wake fully (as with you waking while you're away, it'll
have become part of her routine too) and she very quickly learnt to sleep
through. I don't know how it will work for an older child, as Jessie was
still at the newborn 'I can sleep and eat at the same time' stage, but I
think it's worth trying. I think part of it is the surprise at being woken
when they're sleeping peacefully and the gratitude of being allowed back to
sleep!

In regards to the 6pm meltdowns, it kinda sounds like Jessica when it all
gets too much for her. You might find she's tired *and* hungry, and
therefore unhappy too. If dinner's going to be later than madam would like,
I give her something little in the car like a roll or some fruit. It
occupies her while she's waiting, takes the edge off her hunger and gives
her a little energy boost.

How much does she sleep duing the day? I tried cutting Jessie's naps out in
the day, but she just wasn't ready for that, and if she doesn't sleep at
all, she's pretty evil by 7pm. I try to get her to nap for about an hour
after lunch and then gently wake her up. If she's desperate to stay asleep,
I let her have an another half an hour or so. Her bed time hasn't changed
since she was born, and she's always grateful to go to bed when we take her,
and impatient if the milk/pyjamas etc aren't ready!

Not saying it's perfect, but here's her routine. I'm not advising you have
to follow it or anything, but it's here just to give an outline of her day.

7.30 Up. Breakfast (2 x Toast, sometimes cereal too). That takes about half
an hour or so, longer if she's trying to run off to play with the animals.
Then washing/teeth/dressing etc.
10.00 Snack, Ususally an apple or something.
12.30 Cooked lunch. I normally try to give her something like stew and
mashed potato as it fills her up and makes her sleepy.
1.30-2.30/3pm Sleep.
4pm. Small snack, raisins or a roll
7pm Cooked Dinner
8-9pm Bedtime routine, Bath, pyjamas and nappy, saying goodnight to all the
animals and me (Note they come first lol) bedtime CD on and she switches the
light off herself. She has no nightlights on at all, neither during her milk
nor overnight. DH cuddles her while she has her milk and puts her in her cot
when she's asleep..

Heh... It looks like we just sleep and eat here!! She does munch a lot
during the day, but the snacks are little, and I normally keep packets of
raisins in my handbag so that she can have them while we're out. If she's
hungry, her energy levels drop, and we get (extra) tantrums All I need to
do now is to get her to stop screaming when I put reins on her!

Sorry for the long post, Cjra, it was only going to be a quick one! Hope you
get some sleep soon hun.

Lucy x

Nikki wrote:


5) Good luck. I know this is really hard. Oh - one more thing. Mine wake
up most often when the heater kicks on. I moved the crib so it wasn't
blowing down on them and that seemed to help. Maybe there is something
happening at 4am that is waking her?



That's worth checking. When my son was about a year old, he'd go to bed
at 7:30 p.m. and sleep until 3 or 4 a.m. Suddenly, he started waking
up, like clockwork, at 10 p.m. We had recently moved him to a room down
the hall - It took me about a week to realize my across-the-street
neighbor let his dogs out for their final run about 10, and the barking
was waking Joseph up (his new room was on the front of the house instead
of the back, so the dogs were a lot closer). You might wonder why it
took me a week to figure this out, but I didn't really 'hear' normal
city noises - it was all just background noise to me.

Clisby

"cjra" wrote in message
Apart from the fact I'd like my bed back, I'd like to get her to
sleep! We do put her in a crib which is in our room, but to do that we
have to let her cry. Usually that only takes a few minutes, but it's
not something I'd like to do. Is that going to be our last resort now
for the 4am wakeup?

In my opinion, you are waffling on what you want to do and confusing her by
sometimes having her in the crib and sometimes in the bed with you. Pick one
and stick to it and really stick to it and be consistent. If there is one
thing I have learned about parenting, is that you have to be consistent with
whatever you decide to do. I have read it takes 21 days to change or break a
habit, so you might want to take that in consideration. Also, you may have
to have your husband handle all the night wakings and putting her to bed
until she gets used to sleeping through the night (which honestly, I do
think she should be able to do this by now. I think it is a habit and
because you are waffling, she is picking up on that). You have gotten some
good advice and its seems that anything anyone is suggesting, you are coming
up with excuses for why it won't work, house isn't set up right, she doesn't
have a room, etc. Put her crib in another room and be done with it. I think
she needs to go to bed earlier because it sounds like she is getting
overtired and by that time, you won't be able to settle her. Just my humble
opinion, take it for what its worth.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

cjra wrote:

The nursing to sleep is an issue. How does one stop this? When I don't
nurse her to sleep, she just cries and cries. That said, when I'm not
here, DH is able to get her to sleep. But if she knows I'm in the
house, she won't stop til she has me.

You may need to absent yourself at every bedtime for
a while.

Our consistent sleep place is our bed, and that's what I'd like to
change to the crib, but the crib is in our room. SO it's like teasing
her - we're there but she can't lay on top of us.

Any chance of expediting completion of her room?

We haven't been consistent here. No feeding at night was working for
awhile, but DH gave in a few times (and ok, I gave in a few times too
and now we're screwed....)

Not necessarily, but it does make it more of a
challenge.


The theory is that waking is caused partly by habits that can be
changed. Ie, a child is used to eating right away on waking, so learns
to waken when mildly hungry. But by age two (or earlier) the child
should be able to sleep through a certain amount of hunger.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a habit. That was why my leaving the room
helped. But ever since she had croup (over Thanksgiving) her sleep
pattern got all thrown off and has never recovered. Didn't help that
we travelled soon after that, then I was in hospital for emergency
surgery, and then ill...so everything was off for a good 6 weeks.
We've been trying to get back on track for the past 6 weeks and it's
not working!

It does take a while to get back on track after upheaval
like that. You may just need to be patient and consistent. You
might also introduce another upheaval, but this time deliberately
in order to do things like get her to bed earlier, remove mom
from bedtime, stop feeding at night, etc.

Best wishes,
Ericka