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#21
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How to stop the night wakings?
cjra wrote:
I've tried doing this a lot - just rocking her or cuddling rather than nursing. It usually calms her and that's when I'm sure she's not waking for hunger. Other times she goes straight for the boobs and nothing will distract her. Problem has been though that though it calms her, it doesn't put her to sleep. It can be multiple reasons for waking at night--sometimes habitual, sometimes hunger, sometimes something else, sometimes two or more of the above. I know you can't force feed during the day, but sometimes you can gently encourage more food by feeding more often. What's the schedule at daycare? Can they introduce more food there? Also, for the comforting at night, you may not be able to go as far as rocking and cuddling. You may need to keep her in the crib and limit it to patting her back and such. Getting her up may be enough to reorient her to playtime/cuddle time rather than to sleep time. Best wishes, Ericka |
#22
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How to stop the night wakings?
cjra wrote:
On Mar 12, 10:12 pm, "Nikki" wrote: We start bedtime at 7pm. If it's bath night that adds in another 15 minutes or so. This may be another issue, but I'm not sure as it's not consistent. bath time = play time for her. She goes nuts in the bath, it's not really relaxing. However it doesn't seem to have an effect either way on the falling to sleep. You might try moving bath time to another time, then. That may be tricky with your schedules, but maybe there's another time that would suit. Generally we're in bed by 7:30 almost every night, and sometimes she'll fall to sleep in 10 minutes (~6 songs on the night time CD) and sometimes it'll take an hour. See, that seems a bit wonky to me. If she's well into a routine, I just wouldn't expect to see that much variation in how long it takes her to get to sleep. I'm not sure if that's being overtired, being overstimulated, having you nearby, or what. SHe's good with her naps at daycare 'cause all the other kids sleep. One the weekends it's another story, kind of hit or miss. Having two days a week where her daytime sleep is messed up can keep the chaos alive with her nighttime sleep during the week. I really don't like the concept of CIO. The couple of times I've let her cry have been out of sheer desperation. It's hard for me to do it in a planned manner, although I'm getting there. I'd prefer to find something gentler. I really don't care about everyone else telling me she should be STTN by now. Until recently I was tolerating it ok, but it's really taking its toll on both DH and myself and I think her too. I am also not a big fan of CIO, but I do also believe there are some personalities that will take you for a ride if you are not willing to be firm. With those kids, it is not kind to be wishy washy on boundaries, because it puts them on a roller coaster where nothing is to be depended upon. It also makes life difficult for you. Your daughter is not an infant anymore, so you are not dealing with infant issues and needs, so you should not frame them that way to yourself. I think you have to make some distinctions here. If you are nearby and she is screaming at night, one of two things is most likely happening (assuming she's not sick): she's hungry or she just wants to play with you. The ultimate solution to the former is more food during the day. You can work that issue on the positive side (trying to get more in during the day), the negative side (refusing to further the habit of eating at night so she'll be hungrier during the day), or both. If she wants play time (whether that's active play time or cuddle time), you cannot afford to feed that habit if you want any of you to get a good night's sleep. Some kids are very flexible, but it sounds like your daughter is much more determined than that, so if you give in once, that's good for a month's worth of effort to break the habit again. You've also got the added wrinkle of wanting to change the habit of having her sleep with you. That will also require a change process. So, you've got three habits to change. Often it's easier to change a habit by substituting something else for it, rather than just eliminating it. I'd pick one habit at a time to change rather than trying to do them all at once. If I felt I needed to do it all at once, I'd do something radical like go on vacation somewhere, have a day or two where you *totally* mess up the schedule, and then take several more days to settle into the schedule you want, and then try to transition the new schedule home. That can be tough to arrange, though. To change the co-sleeping, you may have to make a big hairy deal out of it. Can you move the crib, change the bedding, change something about your bed, and then consistently start using the crib? Develop some new ritual. To change the night eating, you'll have to decide whether to work it from the day side, the night side, or both and then be consistent about it. Enlist help from daycare if you're working the day side and see if they can get more food into her. If it takes offering favorite foods to do that, go with it. A little while of a less than ideal diet isn't going to kill her, though you'll have some recovering to do on that front afterwards. To change the play time, I think you're only option is to completely refuse to give in unless she's sick or something. If she's in the crib, you can rub or pat her back or something, but don't pick her up or take her out of the crib. She will likely pitch a huge fit over this, but the thing to keep in mind is that you're right there when she's doing it. She's not hungry (either deal with the food issue before attempting to deal with the play issue, or feed her before trying to resettle her), she's not in pain or anything like that, so this is just the two of you having a disagreement over appropriate nighttime activities. She can pitch a tantrum over that. If you're there patting her back or whatever, she's clearly not scared or anything like that. This is a simple clashing of wills. Sounds like you've been blessed with one of those kids who are very strong willed. That has its benefits, but you can't afford to be a pushover. You can be judicious about the things you take a stand on, but you can't fold on the things that are important or you do her a terrific disservice. It is very hard on strong-willed children to have weak willed parents. It forces them to shoulder the responsibility for making decisions too early because they know they can browbeat you into caving. It makes the world a much scarier place because they don't know that they can count on you to keep them safe. Now, the tricky bit with this is that especially with some strong-willed children, having you standing there patting her on the back may actually prolong the crying because it keeps giving her hope that you'll cave. That's something you just have to decide for yourself. I know it's awful to walk away with them crying, but it's also awful to stand there with them crying. And, of course, it's awful to continue a habit that's detrimental to both of you. No easy answers. Personally, I'd likely tackle this issue last and hope tackling the others magically solves it ;-) The other thing that may be a factor is that she might be trying to get her Mommy time at night since you're at work during the day. That can make it hard to make a commitment to insisting on no play/cuddle time at night because of all the feelings involved with that. However, if you think that's part of the issue, then maybe you need to look at ways to address it. Could you jiggle schedules in such a way as to allow a little extra Mommy time somewhere else? Could you stop by for lunch at daycare? Could you do something different in the mornings? Could you make some of the evening Mommy time more salient somehow? I have some very stubborn kids, but they pretty much slept in their cribs (which I think was lucky in hindsight, given what I know of them now). We did have the nighttime hunger issue until around 15 months, and mostly worked it from the day side. When I tried to work it from the night side at around 12 months with #1, it was an unmitigated disaster, but it did convince me that it really was hunger. We scheduled the night feeding at a more convenient time (woke him right before I went to bed with occasional tests to see if he was ready to go without) and the wakings to eat went away on their own around 15 months. With #3 we would have occasional nights where she wanted to get up and play. For her, I found that it was better for me to leave her and come back periodically to resettle than to stay; however, these were infrequent and she was starting from a base of sleeping in her crib and sleeping through the night most nights, so the tantrums didn't go on as long and it didn't usually take more than one night to get back on track. Best wishes, Ericka |
#23
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How to stop the night wakings?
cjra wrote:
[snip] Our consistent sleep place is our bed, and that's what I'd like to change to the crib, but the crib is in our room. SO it's like teasing her - we're there but she can't lay on top of us. [snip] Keep child in crib when he wakes, do not remove to my bed Well, since she's always co-slept, the whole transition to crib will be an issue. [snip] Personally I wouldn't bother with a crib any more, I'd get her her own bed. If you are worried she'd fall out, you could either put cushions next to it, or have a very low one, possiby just a matress on the floor. -- Penny Gaines UK mum to three |
#24
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 7:00 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
cjra wrote: The nursing to sleep is an issue. How does one stop this? When I don't nurse her to sleep, she just cries and cries. That said, when I'm not here, DH is able to get her to sleep. But if she knows I'm in the house, she won't stop til she has me. You may need to absent yourself at every bedtime for a while. I think DH is getting softer though, so he's not helping! He used to be more consistent with her, but lack of sleep is weaing him down too. Our consistent sleep place is our bed, and that's what I'd like to change to the crib, but the crib is in our room. SO it's like teasing her - we're there but she can't lay on top of us. Any chance of expediting completion of her room? Not unless we win the lottery and can pay someone to do it. We scheduled out every weekend based on what needs to be done, and came up with a September end date. No other rooms are 'complete' except our bedroom. Just for the record, things we need to do: 4 windows: 1. Remove lead paint from casing, strip windows (stripping to be done off-site) 2. Sand, paint casing (1&2 have to be done when she's out of the house) 3. re-glaze 4 windows (each double hung) and paint 4. frames: strip (done off-site), sand and stain, then rehang 4. Rehang with weights 2 doors, which include transom windows 1. strip, sand, paint 2. rehang walls: tape and float, sand, paint floor: complete stripping of linoleum (most is off, but there's a particularly stubborn part) lay new flooring Having done one room almost completely, and about 90% of the kitchen, we have a good idea of how long each task takes. |
#25
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How to stop the night wakings?
Clisby wrote:
5) Good luck. I know this is really hard. Oh - one more thing. Mine wake up most often when the heater kicks on. I moved the crib so it wasn't blowing down on them and that seemed to help. Maybe there is something happening at 4am that is waking her? That's worth checking. When my son was about a year old, he'd go to bed at 7:30 p.m. and sleep until 3 or 4 a.m. Suddenly, he started waking up, like clockwork, at 10 p.m. We had recently moved him to a room down the hall - It took me about a week to realize my across-the-street neighbor let his dogs out for their final run about 10, and the barking was waking Joseph up (his new room was on the front of the house instead of the back, so the dogs were a lot closer). You might wonder why it took me a week to figure this out, but I didn't really 'hear' normal city noises - it was all just background noise to me. With dd#3, it was the man next door (row house where we shared side walls) who came home from the second shift and put his car in the garage. The garages were in the basement and had overhead doors, and when the garage doors went up and down, you could hear them through the walls. I formed the habit of bringing her back to bed with me when that happened because I didn't want her crying to wake up the neighbors (my own children would sleep through). She was 8-14 months at the time. I've been following this along, but don't really have much advice because although I bf all four of mine, I almost never co-slept (with the exception above) and I was a SAHM. My mom advised me never to have the children sleep in the room with me because I would not get any sleep. She said that often if the children woke up, they'd go back to sleep if nobody went in and it was dark etc. She said to let them fuss for a couple of minutes first. Maybe as a result of that, mine slept through the night relatively early - well before a year. Thinking back on what people have said -- I agree with Erika and Sue - your child has got your number and she is NOT going to go to her crib and sleep through the night without a determined and protracted struggle to keep things the way she wants them. If you or she is sick, then it is going to set the program back a little bit, but you don't have to give up on it because you feel sorry for her. Erika wrote I do also believe there are some personalities that will take you for a ride if you are not willing to be firm.... Your daughter is not an infant anymore, so you are not dealing with infant issues and needs, so you should not frame them that way to yourself. I think you have to make some distinctions here. If you are nearby and she is screaming at night, one of two things is most likely happening (assuming she's not sick): she's hungry or she just wants to play with you.... If she wants play time (whether that's active play time or cuddle time), you cannot afford to feed that habit if you want any of you to get a good night's sleep. Some kids are very flexible, but it sounds like your daughter is much more determined than that, so if you give in once, that's good for a month's worth of effort to break the habit again. So - I think you are going to have to bite the bullet. Either have her sleep with you and let your dh get his sleep in another room (I don't remember whether this has been mentioned and rejected as a solution), or just put her firmly in the crib and let her CIO. I also think the bath time needs to be at a different time in the day. If I didn't get home until 6, I'd feed her (and maybe feed her in the car before you get home or stop somewhere to feed her), and put her straight to bed before you and your dh eat. If everyone went to bed earlier, then maybe you could get up earlier and do the bath then. |
#26
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 11:48 am, Rosalie B. wrote:
I've been following this along, but don't really have much advice because although I bf all four of mine, I almost never co-slept (with the exception above) and I was a SAHM. My mom advised me never to have the children sleep in the room with me because I would not get any sleep. She said that often if the children woke up, they'd go back to sleep if nobody went in and it was dark etc. She said to let them fuss for a couple of minutes first. Maybe as a result of that, mine slept through the night relatively early - well before a year. See, co-sleeping was a life saver the first year. She always fell back to sleep right away and I slept fine. I'm not sure if she would have slept better in a crib or not. I never slept well as a child even though my mom had the same advice as yours. Co-sleeping was the only way I could deal with the night feedings and still make it to work the next day. She also reverse cycled as soon as I went back to work. It was around 14 months or so that it wasn't working as well. Thinking back on what people have said -- I agree with Erika and Sue - your child has got your number and she is NOT going to go to her crib and sleep through the night without a determined and protracted struggle to keep things the way she wants them. Yeah, I'm sure of that. I'm much more of a softy than I expected to be. So - I think you are going to have to bite the bullet. Either have her sleep with you and let your dh get his sleep in another room (I don't remember whether this has been mentioned and rejected as a solution), or just put her firmly in the crib and let her CIO. The problem here is DH. he claims he doesn't sleep well in the other bed (it hurts his back) and every time I bring it up (like daily) he says No, he'll manage (but he has a hard time with it...). Until he took over night duty, he always slept through her wakings just fine. He never knew how many times she woke up. Last night I actually slept through for a change, and I thought she didn't wake at all...hah. He told me no, she woke up just past midnight, and another 2 times at least after that. She had been put to sleep in the crib, and at one waking he left her to fall back to sleep, but the next one he went to her and she handed him her pillow and blanket and he couldn't resist so brought her to bed. I also think the bath time needs to be at a different time in the day. If I didn't get home until 6, I'd feed her (and maybe feed her in the car before you get home or stop somewhere to feed her), and put her straight to bed before you and your dh eat. If everyone went to bed earlier, then maybe you could get up earlier and do the bath then. This isn't a solution for us. It's only 15 mins or so commute home from daycare, not worth stopping and as it is she refuses to eat anyway more than 1/2 the time. I've noticed ont he few nights she's awake later, she's hungry later. I've also tried putting her straight to bed when we get home and it doesn't fly. She has no desire to sleep at that time. Last night we didn't have a meltdown for a change. I'm actually wondering if she's eating too much at daycare. I send her b'fast, snack and lunch, and the babysitter feeds her whatever the other kids are eating. I've considered not sending anything and let her eat only what she has there, but I supply more 'healthy' stuff so I want her to at least have that stuff first. So I think at 5-6pm she's not that hungry, but it kicks in later. DH and I already gets up at 5am (he goes tobed at 9pm) and I get up by 6am, I really don't *want* to push that any earlier, frankly. |
#27
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 3:48 am, "lu-lu" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message ... 4. If she's waking at a specific time each night, there is a technique you can use called the wake-to-sleep technique or scheduled awakening. Basically, you set your alarm, go into your room between 15 and 60 minutes before the time when you expect her to wake (so, between 3 and 3.45 a.m), wake her partway up, and settle her again. This can readjust the sleep cycle and thus eliminate the habitual waking. Tracy Hogg gives the most complete description of this that I've got in 'The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems', and advises that if the child is still waking up at the usual time after three nights of trying this, you might as well drop it, but if they seem to be stopping their usual waking then continue with the scheduled awakening for six nights before stopping. This has been found to be as effective as CIO techniques, but it's a pain to implement. Well, she's in 'our' room - although I've been sleeping in another room lately. She's in bed with DH. I still wake up automatically about 3:45 knowing she'll wake up (I do this even when I'm away, it's so annoying!). I guess i'd be afraid to try this...the idea is to wake her a bit before she really wakes up? Hi Cjra I did this with Jessica. When she was 6 weeks, she used to go to sleep at 9pm, sleep til midnight, nurse and then sleep until 6am. I started going im at about 23.50 and nursing her without waking her properly. That eliminated the need for her to wake fully (as with you waking while you're away, it'll have become part of her routine too) and she very quickly learnt to sleep through. I don't know how it will work for an older child, as Jessie was still at the newborn 'I can sleep and eat at the same time' stage, but I think it's worth trying. I think part of it is the surprise at being woken when they're sleeping peacefully and the gratitude of being allowed back to sleep! Aha! You mean the "Dream Feed"? Yes, I used to do that about 10pm in the first 4 months or so. Then she started waking up like clockwork at 10pm and I was convinced it was because I got her used to eating at that time and swore never to do that again. I finally broke her of that habit. I honestly am not willing to try that one again at this age, I fear she'll get so used to it she'll be hungry at that hour. I don't think it's hunger waking her but habit. In regards to the 6pm meltdowns, it kinda sounds like Jessica when it all gets too much for her. You might find she's tired *and* hungry, and therefore unhappy too. If dinner's going to be later than madam would like, I give her something little in the car like a roll or some fruit. It occupies her while she's waiting, takes the edge off her hunger and gives her a little energy boost. I think the problem is that she's not hungry. For a long time DH would give her a snack in the car on the way home, then she wouldn't eat at all. As it is it seems 6pm is sometimes too early for her to eat (but on the odd nights she's up much later, she's all happy to eat at 8pm - I think she's a European baby with these late dinners ;-)). She gets offered food now as soon as we walk in the door and she's not interested. How much does she sleep duing the day? I tried cutting Jessie's naps out in the day, but she just wasn't ready for that, and if she doesn't sleep at all, she's pretty evil by 7pm. I try to get her to nap for about an hour after lunch and then gently wake her up. If she's desperate to stay asleep, I let her have an another half an hour or so. Her bed time hasn't changed since she was born, and she's always grateful to go to bed when we take her, and impatient if the milk/pyjamas etc aren't ready! At daycare she sleeps ~1.5 hours. She stopped a morning nap at about 9 months as she wouldn't sleep when the older kids were up. I've told the babysitter to let her sleep as long as she needs, but she's usually ready to get up when the other kids do. Heh... It looks like we just sleep and eat here!! She does munch a lot during the day, but the snacks are little, and I normally keep packets of raisins in my handbag so that she can have them while we're out. If she's hungry, her energy levels drop, and we get (extra) tantrums All I need to do now is to get her to stop screaming when I put reins on her! There are some weekends it seems that's all we *try* to do and not succeed. She began throwing tantrums recently with the high chair, refusing to sit in it (I think the time out at daycare was in a high chair and since then, at least at home, she sees it as a torture chamber...). However we've let her scream and now she only resists for a minute, down from 30 minutes. |
#28
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 12, 11:45 pm, "Nikki" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message ... I really don't like the concept of CIO. The couple of times I've let her cry have been out of sheer desperation. It's hard for me to do it in a planned manner, although I'm getting there. I'd prefer to find something gentler. I really don't care about everyone else telling me she should be STTN by now. Until recently I was tolerating it ok, but it's really taking its toll on both DH and myself and I think her too. I understand. Two more thoughts..... I would really not worry about her needing food at night. She might eat a lot when nursed but unless she has a weight gain issue she will be fine. She was off the bottom of the charts in weight until recently, so I was worried. Although her doc wasn't particularly concerned. She had been 50% through one year so it made me nervous. In the last month she's gained and is back on the charts, so I'm less concerned now. Kids this age will have days when they eat hardly anything. It just works that way. She'll eat a big breakfast if she's hungry. I also give my boys smoothies before bed. I make them with yogurt, whole milk, banana, berries. It is quite filling I think. Yeah, she LOVES yoghurt so we've been having those before bed, I also mix with cereal. I was hoping it was filling, but she's still waking so that's why I think it's not always hunger but habit now. They have sort of quit eating them of their own accord but that has only been recently. Oh - if the bed is low to the ground I wouldn't be overly worried about her on that either. Each of my big kids only fell off a bed once. Maybe we'll take the arms off the crib and try that. I have to be honest and say I don't see a way to get a 95% co-sleeping toddler that night nurses on occasion to move to a crib on her own without some serious crying. I'd either bite the bullet and let the crying commence and stick with it for 5-7 days before throwing in the towel or figure out a way to make co-sleeping work better for all. I was hoping to try other options first. Tonight I'm going to rearrange furniture and put the crib next to the bed and see if I can get her back to sleep without getting her out of it. You might consider taking a hard line at the night weaning while going back to all sleeping together again. There will probably be crying involved but IME it is different to have her crying next to you because she is mad you've changed the plan then it is crying totally confused in a crib. It will also probably be much less intense. You can refuse to nurse and say - 'We only nurse when the sun is shining' or 'only in our rocking chair' and then just lay there and let her work through it. Well, to be honest she doesn't nurse every night. For a long time she wasn't at all, just before bed then about 6-7am when she woke up. Since that stopped working we've not been consistent. I try to see what kind of cry it is - if it's just 'i'm awake and mad' cry I've not nursed her, but then there are other "I'm so desperate/sick/hungry' cry and I have... DH wasn't entirely sticking with the program though. When I was unavailable a few times he started giving her milk during those wake ups because it put her back to sleep. I've convinced him now to stop that. Last night for example I didn't nurse her at all, but she did wake up a number of times. If you don't do anything more then say a few gentle words and lay your hand on her back to comfort her I think she'll quit the midnight party behavior and go back to sleep in a fairly timely way, without many antics. It was easy for me to lay there and ignore because I was so flipp'n tired, lol. After the initial shock even though he woke a couple times a night asking to nurse it was just a blip - didn't really mess with my sleep much because I'd just say no and he'd go back to sleep. My issue was that they would not sleep without me in the bed with them. I hear ya loud and clear. She "needs" to be touching someone. When it's just DH, she's almost on top of him - and she's been like that since she came home from NICU at 3 weeks. We couldn't even touch her the first week of her life, and didn't hold her til she was 10 days old, so in those first months we held her as much as she needed us too, figuring she'd grow out of it as time passed. She hasn't. I've tried giving her stuffed animals or a blanket to hold onto and she knows the difference. She wants a warm body! I also learned that I had to promise myself to stick with something for x amount of time - like I'd suggest at least two weeks for the above scenario. Changes happen fast for some kids but 3 of mine were a little more stubborn and needed much longer to accept a new plan. I think that's what we need to do, and I need to get DH on the same page. Devise a plan and a timeline and stick to it, then re-evaluate when the time's up. I think we've gotten so desperate that we do just whatever we can to get through the night now, which isn't a solution. |
#29
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How to stop the night wakings?
cjra wrote:
On Mar 13, 11:48 am, Rosalie B. wrote: I've been following this along, but don't really have much advice because although I bf all four of mine, I almost never co-slept (with the exception above) and I was a SAHM. My mom advised me never to have the children sleep in the room with me because I would not get any sleep. She said that often if the children woke up, they'd go back to sleep if nobody went in and it was dark etc. She said to let them fuss for a couple of minutes first. Maybe as a result of that, mine slept through the night relatively early - well before a year. See, co-sleeping was a life saver the first year. She always fell back to sleep right away and I slept fine. I'm not sure if she would have slept better in a crib or not. I never slept well as a child even though my mom had the same advice as yours. Co-sleeping was the only way I could deal with the night feedings and still make it to work the next day. She also reverse cycled as soon as I went back to work. It was around 14 months or so that it wasn't working as well. Thinking back on what people have said -- I agree with Erika and Sue - your child has got your number and she is NOT going to go to her crib and sleep through the night without a determined and protracted struggle to keep things the way she wants them. Yeah, I'm sure of that. I'm much more of a softy than I expected to be. So - I think you are going to have to bite the bullet. Either have her sleep with you and let your dh get his sleep in another room (I don't remember whether this has been mentioned and rejected as a solution), or just put her firmly in the crib and let her CIO. The problem here is DH. he claims he doesn't sleep well in the other bed (it hurts his back) and every time I bring it up (like daily) he How about switching the beds? So he's in the bed that he likes but in another room. says No, he'll manage (but he has a hard time with it...). Until he took over night duty, he always slept through her wakings just fine. He never knew how many times she woke up. Last night I actually slept through for a change, and I thought she didn't wake at all...hah. He told me no, she woke up just past midnight, and another 2 times at least after that. She had been put to sleep in the crib, and at one waking he left her to fall back to sleep, but the next one he went to her and she handed him her pillow and blanket and he couldn't resist so brought her to bed. I also think the bath time needs to be at a different time in the day. If I didn't get home until 6, I'd feed her (and maybe feed her in the car before you get home or stop somewhere to feed her), and put her straight to bed before you and your dh eat. If everyone went to bed earlier, then maybe you could get up earlier and do the bath then. This isn't a solution for us. It's only 15 mins or so commute home from daycare, not worth stopping and as it is she refuses to eat anyway more than 1/2 the time. I've noticed ont he few nights she's awake later, she's hungry later. I've also tried putting her straight to bed when we get home and it doesn't fly. She has no desire to sleep at that time. Last night we didn't have a meltdown for a change. I'm actually wondering if she's eating too much at daycare. I send her b'fast, snack and lunch, and the babysitter feeds her whatever the other kids are eating. I've considered not sending anything and let her eat only what she has there, but I supply more 'healthy' stuff so I want her to at least have that stuff first. So I think at 5-6pm she's not that hungry, but it kicks in later. OK - then offer her food when you get home and if she doesn't want to eat, give her the bath then, and eat afterwards. Maybe a later bedtime will be the thing. Experiment. Although I found that counter-intuitively- if I put dd#2 to bed later than normal, that she woke up earlier than normal. So if she went down at her normal bedtime at 7, she'd sleep through until 7 the next morning. (This was when she was a baby.) But if she didn't get to bed until 8 pm, she'd be up at 6 am or earlier. I also used to not go in right away in the morning. I'd hear her in there playing in her crib for a bit before everyone had to be up. DH and I already gets up at 5am (he goes tobed at 9pm) and I get up by 6am, I really don't *want* to push that any earlier, frankly. |
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 6:36 am, "Sue" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message Apart from the fact I'd like my bed back, I'd like to get her to sleep! We do put her in a crib which is in our room, but to do that we have to let her cry. Usually that only takes a few minutes, but it's not something I'd like to do. Is that going to be our last resort now for the 4am wakeup? In my opinion, you are waffling on what you want to do and confusing her by sometimes having her in the crib and sometimes in the bed with you. Pick one and stick to it and really stick to it and be consistent. Yeah, I think you are right there. Now we have to decide which option to try first. I think first up is putting the crib next to the bed and just touching her but not picking her up. We'll try that for a week and see where we are then. If there is one thing I have learned about parenting, is that you have to be consistent with whatever you decide to do. I have read it takes 21 days to change or break a habit, so you might want to take that in consideration. Also, you may have to have your husband handle all the night wakings and putting her to bed until she gets used to sleeping through the night He has been for the most part for many months now (except when he was out of town), but I still wake up. (which honestly, I do think she should be able to do this by now. I think it is a habit and because you are waffling, she is picking up on that). You have gotten some good advice and its seems that anything anyone is suggesting, you are coming up with excuses for why it won't work, house isn't set up right, she doesn't have a room, etc. I was waiting for someone to say that ;-) Honestly, I didn't write every single thing we'd already tried or considered because that would be a ridiculously long post. Perhaps I should have. Put her crib in another room and be done with it. Simply put, we do NOT have another room to put her in at this time. The room I sleep in is in the middle of the house with no doors, so can not be closed off. We are working on a room for her, but it'll be some months before it's done (see my response to Erika). I think she needs to go to bed earlier because it sounds like she is getting overtired and by that time, you won't be able to settle her. Just my humble opinion, take it for what its worth. Problem isn't so much getting her to sleep, although some nights that's problematic, most nights she falls to sleep ok. It's the waking after midnight. I do think she's not getting enough sleep overall, but that's because she's taking 'naps' at night. One problem, and I've addressed this with DH, is that sometimes he gets her excited at night claiming it'll wear her out. I think I've finally convinced him it's the opposite - esp as he's the one who suffers most. I do think the bath is part of the problem too, as she sees that as play time and gets very excited, so instead of its calming effect it's the opposite. It had been part of our bedtime routine but clearly is not working. I may try to move that to right when we get home before dinner (although if she makes a huge mess at dinner, it's easier to clean her in the bath) and see if that helps. I think she does need some more wind down time after dinner tho. |
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