Advice--sickness, germs, and new babies

"Jill" wrote in message
m...

Any advice or opinions on how to deal with this? Some said I was
overzealous
about avoiding sickness while pregnancy but it paid off for me- I've been
ok. But I am serious, the nursing home germs are YUCKY, it's just the
nature
of the environment, like hospitals. I have a lot of anxiety over this.

I am not afraid to tell someone to just get over it, that they need be
considerate of the baby-- but does anyone especially have any advice on
this
anyway, such as ways to prevent the baby from getting sick from people who
have a problem with always being sick??? That's my issue-- this is not
speculation, my parents are ALWAYS sick, like monthly.

Jill, my advice would be to try to lighten up a little bit about this.
Whoever handles the baby should be washing their hands before picking her
up, and naturally, banning people who are actively contagious isn't at all
unreasonable, but other than that... Your baby's immune system develops
through being challenged, particularly during the first two years of life.
Your child will get sick every now and then. There isn't anything you can,
or should, be doing to fix that.

Donna

I'm so gald that my parents KNOW to wash their hands, my worries are
kids!
because they dont wash their hands EVER even after using the
restroom,,,grrrr,
another thing is Kissing the baby on the lips......that is how ppl end
up with oral herpes....from ppl kissing babies and children on the
lips......
Smoking is just outta the question around her......and i'm so worried
that someone will bring something in from school.....ie.
meningitis....spelling? or something like that......in a way i think
its good that were due in May because school will be out soon after
that....BUT WE have snow days to make up, that will take us into june...
I do not like day cares either, my SD was in one and I got her out!

I can start freaking when I think of things....My DH likes to drink a
little....like once every 2 weeks, he drinks at home..BUT he gets
trashed when he does drink......I told him NO picking up Chloe while
drinking....and I can see him, getting defensive already.....well, TOO
DAMN BAD....if he picks her up drunk...i WILL Leave for the
night......nothing is worth taking the chance of dropping her!!!!

Oh, **** now I'm fired up.....lol...

Yikes! I'm the same way when Kevin cusses while holding the baby. He did
that in the hospital AND twice at home. I finally had to tell him it wasn't
going to happen. HE would be the one to leave, though. I will NOT allow
him to screw my child up. We get one shot to get it right. I don't want
him to sabotage my efforts.

Kevin drinks, too.

~Carol Ann

Naysando,
But in your case, it sounds like your parents immature attitude paid off
well for you and the baby, and only hurt them in the long run. They lost
out, and your child stayed healthy!
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html


"naysando" wrote in message
...

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
Unless they are actively sick, washing hands is very
effective. .....

unless you have both sets of parents like we do who just refused to wash
their hands at all!
i had my son almost 6 weeks early and even though he was pretty healthy,
his
immune system really needed alittle time, but both sets of grandparents
took
the whole hand washing thing way out of proportion and said that i should
just put my son in a bubble! he was 4 pound 14 ounces when he was born!
i tried the whole, "well the doctor said" and they just got sooo mad that
both set of grandparents REFUSED to come and see him again!
my own mother smokes and was just plain po'ed that i refused to let my
preemie son around her while she smoked (she thought that as long as she
didn't blow the smoke in his face it was fine)

sometimes its just hard to deal with the "older" generation.
they raised their kids with the best information that they had at the time
and are not up to date on new technology.

your parents (and the rest of your family) are the ones who can either
live
by your rules, or not.
but you really have to put your child first no matter what.
that child is your responsablity now and what your parents think come way
at
the bottom of the list.


good luck!

I agree with Ericka's advice, pretty much to the letter. And basic logic --
if someone isn't sick, that you or they know of, they are welcome to hold
the baby after they wash their hands. Have lots of Purell on hand, so that
it's not a major ordeal. If they call and want to visit, and are sick, then
you'll just have to politely and nicely remind them that they can come on
over when they are well. Don't make a big ordeal about it, just be nice and
firm and consistent. I think if you have to decline your parents visits
repeatedly due to illnesses, they'll likely cut back on the nursing home on
their own. Don't make a big deal out of it, just do it.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html

naysando wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message

Unless they are actively sick, washing hands is very
effective. .....


unless you have both sets of parents like we do who just refused to wash
their hands at all!
i had my son almost 6 weeks early and even though he was pretty healthy, his
immune system really needed alittle time, but both sets of grandparents took
the whole hand washing thing way out of proportion and said that i should
just put my son in a bubble! he was 4 pound 14 ounces when he was born!
i tried the whole, "well the doctor said" and they just got sooo mad that
both set of grandparents REFUSED to come and see him again!

Problem solved!


my own mother smokes and was just plain po'ed that i refused to let my
preemie son around her while she smoked (she thought that as long as she
didn't blow the smoke in his face it was fine)

Problem solved!


sometimes its just hard to deal with the "older" generation.
they raised their kids with the best information that they had at the time
and are not up to date on new technology.

What does technology have to do with it? You're an adult, it's your
baby, and unless you're a psycho child-abuser, you make the rules. End
of story.

Clisby

Jill I have a serious question for you. Have you ever been tested for an
anxiety disorder? If you are THIS worried about what could happen every
minute you are awake it may be a problem not a help. Just BREATH no matter
what at some point your children will become sick, yes it would be nice if
it did not happen right away but sometimes that just isn't possible. For
instance I had a terrible cold and cough when DD was born, now following
your line of thinking I should have shut myself off from every person that
has been or is sick, well most illnesses are transmitted before the original
carrier knows they have it. So in order to stay healthy I would have had to
stay home ALL the time. Dont go to the store, Movies, Mall, or church
because ALL those people could be carrying something around with them.
Almost everyday there is another "panic" type thread. Just relax and
remember that illnesses happen sometimes and it does not measure your worth
as a parent.

Tori
"Jill" wrote in message
m...
I have mentioned this before and this is just something that I can't just
get over! I had problems earlier in pregnancy with relatives getting
purely
angry because I wouldn't want to be around anyone who was possibly sick or
had just been sick etc, because I didn't want the flu or anything else
while
pregnant. People were not understanding at all, but I stuck my ground and
raised hell-- I made it through without picking up the flu or other things
that were going around. Let's put it this way- I refused to be around my
niece/nephew much because they are in school and daycare, and just during
my
pregnancy my nephew has been sick at least 2 major times (taken to
hospital
both times for such a high fever and prolonged symptoms!)-- it was
something
like December and March. I also have had to refuse to be around my
parents--
my dad and mom both, each, have been sick about FOUR times just during my
pregnancy! 4 times each since September when I knew. Every time they get
sick, my mom says how "bad" it is, how this is "the sickest they've been"
etc, it's always "viruses" and "flus" and fevers and bad body aches etc.

Well.....both of my parents go to a nursing home a couple of times a day
to
take care of my grandmother who has alzheimers. There is ALWAYS some
sickness and infections going around there and I totally believe that is
why
they are sick so much. Even though they are paying the nursing home AND an
additional nurse to care for my grandmother my mom still insists they go
several times a day to feed her themselves etc- which is NOT a bad thing,
except I couldn't do it, because how can you work or have any other
responsibilities?? which my mom doesn't...that is all she has to do, is
devote herself 100% to that. That's again, not bad....BUT...

How do I deal with this when the baby gets here?? I am absolutely anxiety
ridden. I had such a hard time getting them not to be around me pregnant
while they were sick. They can live without me but they are NOT going to
be
as cooperative about the baby because they want to spend as much time as
possible with the baby. This problem is only with 2 sections of the
family-
my nephew in daycare, and my parents around the nursing home all the time.
It's very easy for me to lmit my nephew's contact with the baby, he is 2,
and so he is not going to be holding the baby or sniffling on the baby or
anything, very simply.

But I am torn UP over how my parents are sick all the time- and they are
contagious because they both get the same things. They are never going to
stop staying around the nursing home so much. I don't think they should.
But
it IS an infectious place with crowds of people and all kinds of
meningitis,
pnuemonia, colds, staph, flu, e coli etc. I canNOT resolve this because my
parents still try to get ME to go to the nursing home, pregnant. I do not,
because my grandmother cannot speak and mostly just sleeps and doesn't
know
anyone anymore. I raised hell and just told them I put my foot down, they
can abuse or curse me whatever, but I am NOT exposing myself to that. I do
tend to catch things that are going around, when I am exposed.

But I am terrified for them to be around a newborn. They literally wake up
sick often. They were just now sick AGAIN- and my mom was around me the
day
before, and then had a fever the next day. My husband's parents are NEVER
sick, not even so much as a cold or headache, ever. So I know that will
****
my parents off too, the fact that my issue is only with them. Furthermore-
my husband and his parents worry too. his parents are conscious of it
because they have seen their grandson (my nephew) pick up infections and
have to go to the hospital, so they don't feel that I should just "get
over
it" with a newborn and let people pass germs on her.

I am especially worried about the first few months. Even doctors suggest
making people wash their hands and having them not touch a newborns hands
since they go right in the mouth afterwards, or kiss their face etc.

Any advice or opinions on how to deal with this? Some said I was
overzealous
about avoiding sickness while pregnancy but it paid off for me- I've been
ok. But I am serious, the nursing home germs are YUCKY, it's just the
nature
of the environment, like hospitals. I have a lot of anxiety over this.

I am not afraid to tell someone to just get over it, that they need be
considerate of the baby-- but does anyone especially have any advice on
this
anyway, such as ways to prevent the baby from getting sick from people who
have a problem with always being sick??? That's my issue-- this is not
speculation, my parents are ALWAYS sick, like monthly.

Yes, I was going to say the same thing. I think the OP is a very anxious
person by her nature and worries about everything. Jill, you can't drive
yourself crazy worrying about things that haven't happened yet. If she gets
sick, she gets sick. The chances of her getting seriously ill are very very
remote, and even if she does, you'll have her in the ER and treated before
most of us will have even noticed ours were unwell. If you continue being
this worried about every little thing, you'll end up with PPD with nobody
around to notice or support you. I really really don't mean to sound mean
or harsh but your anxiety seems to be driving everyone you love away from
you and I don't think you want that do you? If I were you, I would speak to
somebody about your concerns because there is oodles of help out there.
It's completely natural to be concerned about your child, and God knows
there's enough to worry about once she gets here. Trust me, it never ends,
but you just have to get it into perspective and deal with each thing as it
happens.


"Tori M." wrote in message
...
Jill I have a serious question for you. Have you ever been tested for an
anxiety disorder? If you are THIS worried about what could happen every
minute you are awake it may be a problem not a help. Just BREATH no
matter
what at some point your children will become sick, yes it would be nice if
it did not happen right away but sometimes that just isn't possible. For
instance I had a terrible cold and cough when DD was born, now following
your line of thinking I should have shut myself off from every person that
has been or is sick, well most illnesses are transmitted before the
original
carrier knows they have it. So in order to stay healthy I would have had
to
stay home ALL the time. Dont go to the store, Movies, Mall, or church
because ALL those people could be carrying something around with them.
Almost everyday there is another "panic" type thread. Just relax and
remember that illnesses happen sometimes and it does not measure your
worth
as a parent.

Tori
"Jill" wrote in message
m...
I have mentioned this before and this is just something that I can't
just
get over! I had problems earlier in pregnancy with relatives getting
purely
angry because I wouldn't want to be around anyone who was possibly sick
or
had just been sick etc, because I didn't want the flu or anything else
while
pregnant. People were not understanding at all, but I stuck my ground
and
raised hell-- I made it through without picking up the flu or other
things
that were going around. Let's put it this way- I refused to be around my
niece/nephew much because they are in school and daycare, and just
during
my
pregnancy my nephew has been sick at least 2 major times (taken to
hospital
both times for such a high fever and prolonged symptoms!)-- it was
something
like December and March. I also have had to refuse to be around my
parents--
my dad and mom both, each, have been sick about FOUR times just during
my
pregnancy! 4 times each since September when I knew. Every time they get
sick, my mom says how "bad" it is, how this is "the sickest they've
been"
etc, it's always "viruses" and "flus" and fevers and bad body aches etc.

Well.....both of my parents go to a nursing home a couple of times a day
to
take care of my grandmother who has alzheimers. There is ALWAYS some
sickness and infections going around there and I totally believe that is
why
they are sick so much. Even though they are paying the nursing home AND
an
additional nurse to care for my grandmother my mom still insists they go
several times a day to feed her themselves etc- which is NOT a bad
thing,
except I couldn't do it, because how can you work or have any other
responsibilities?? which my mom doesn't...that is all she has to do, is
devote herself 100% to that. That's again, not bad....BUT...

How do I deal with this when the baby gets here?? I am absolutely
anxiety
ridden. I had such a hard time getting them not to be around me pregnant
while they were sick. They can live without me but they are NOT going to
be
as cooperative about the baby because they want to spend as much time as
possible with the baby. This problem is only with 2 sections of the
family-
my nephew in daycare, and my parents around the nursing home all the
time.
It's very easy for me to lmit my nephew's contact with the baby, he is
2,
and so he is not going to be holding the baby or sniffling on the baby
or
anything, very simply.

But I am torn UP over how my parents are sick all the time- and they are
contagious because they both get the same things. They are never going
to
stop staying around the nursing home so much. I don't think they should.
But
it IS an infectious place with crowds of people and all kinds of
meningitis,
pnuemonia, colds, staph, flu, e coli etc. I canNOT resolve this because
my
parents still try to get ME to go to the nursing home, pregnant. I do
not,
because my grandmother cannot speak and mostly just sleeps and doesn't
know
anyone anymore. I raised hell and just told them I put my foot down,
they
can abuse or curse me whatever, but I am NOT exposing myself to that. I
do
tend to catch things that are going around, when I am exposed.

But I am terrified for them to be around a newborn. They literally wake
up
sick often. They were just now sick AGAIN- and my mom was around me the
day
before, and then had a fever the next day. My husband's parents are
NEVER
sick, not even so much as a cold or headache, ever. So I know that will
****
my parents off too, the fact that my issue is only with them.
Furthermore-
my husband and his parents worry too. his parents are conscious of it
because they have seen their grandson (my nephew) pick up infections and
have to go to the hospital, so they don't feel that I should just "get
over
it" with a newborn and let people pass germs on her.

I am especially worried about the first few months. Even doctors suggest
making people wash their hands and having them not touch a newborns
hands
since they go right in the mouth afterwards, or kiss their face etc.

Any advice or opinions on how to deal with this? Some said I was
overzealous
about avoiding sickness while pregnancy but it paid off for me- I've
been
ok. But I am serious, the nursing home germs are YUCKY, it's just the
nature
of the environment, like hospitals. I have a lot of anxiety over this.

I am not afraid to tell someone to just get over it, that they need be
considerate of the baby-- but does anyone especially have any advice on
this
anyway, such as ways to prevent the baby from getting sick from people
who
have a problem with always being sick??? That's my issue-- this is not
speculation, my parents are ALWAYS sick, like monthly.

Yes, I was going to say the same thing. I think the OP is a very anxious
person by her nature and worries about everything. Jill, you can't drive
yourself crazy worrying about things that haven't happened yet. If she
gets
sick, she gets sick. The chances of her getting seriously ill are very
very
remote, and even if she does, you'll have her in the ER and treated before
most of us will have even noticed ours were unwell. If you continue being
this worried about every little thing, you'll end up with PPD with nobody
around to notice or support you. I really really don't mean to sound mean
or harsh but your anxiety seems to be driving everyone you love away from
you and I don't think you want that do you? If I were you, I would speak
to
somebody about your concerns because there is oodles of help out there.
It's completely natural to be concerned about your child, and God knows
there's enough to worry about once she gets here. Trust me, it never
ends,
but you just have to get it into perspective and deal with each thing as
it
happens.


"Tori M." wrote in message
...
Jill I have a serious question for you. Have you ever been tested for an
anxiety disorder? If you are THIS worried about what could happen every
minute you are awake it may be a problem not a help. Just BREATH no
matter
what at some point your children will become sick, yes it would be nice
if
it did not happen right away but sometimes that just isn't possible.
For
instance I had a terrible cold and cough when DD was born, now following
your line of thinking I should have shut myself off from every person
that
has been or is sick, well most illnesses are transmitted before the
original
carrier knows they have it. So in order to stay healthy I would have had
to
stay home ALL the time. Dont go to the store, Movies, Mall, or church
because ALL those people could be carrying something around with them.
Almost everyday there is another "panic" type thread. Just relax and
remember that illnesses happen sometimes and it does not measure your
worth
as a parent.

Tori


Personally, I believe that Jill is able to reduce her anxiety and worries by
voicing her concerns here on the newsgroup. Once she is able to discuss
them, then they are not as BIG as she imagined.

I worry about many things as well. I sometimes use the newsgroup as my
"purging soundboard". Does that make sense?

What I mean is that Jill is a healthy young woman who is fortunately wise
enough to have found a place where she can (without fear of embarrassment)
voice her concerns about her firsttime pregnancy AND motherhood.

~Carol Ann

I second Erica's advice. Lighten up a bit.

However, having said that... We had Purell (or
the Safeway equivalent) on every single table in
every room. We made it an explicit policy that
anyone who wanted to hold the baby would have to
use the hand cleanser first. Other than that, we
didn't put any restrictions. We ourselves were
also very vigilant on that rule. We always used
it first before picking up the baby. After four
months, we stopped doing that.

I didn't want Pillbug to get sick, but I do want
him exposed to germs so that he grows up healthy.

-- Anita --
--
SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST
TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE
POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE
MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS.

about her firsttime pregnancy AND
motherhood.

Yep very well could be!!!!
and when someone offends you, =91=91even though they might not MEAN
to=92=92 it can REALLY ruin your day...other ppl might not believe how
easily you really CAN get your feelings hurt on the internet...