Help! Toddler left in car question

In article ,
"nimue" wrote:

I know it is a pretty safe place. Things will always happen
to people somewhere, here included. But a bit of perspective
is always a good idea.


P.
Tierney

So you would leave your 2 year old alone in the car, out of your sight, for
15-20 minutes?

It depends. Where is this, and why might I do it?

The circumstances under which I HAVE done it:

To run into a pharmacy to fill a perscription for said child; actually,
that doesn't quite count -- I chose a pharmacy with a large window
facing the parking lot, so I could see the car and the child.

At home, in my driveway, with the doors left open, and a window in the
house open so I could hear of she started to cry. Child was sleeping,
weather was cooperative (warm, but cloudy).

Hmmm -- I think that covers it. In a public place while I go shopping?
-- no.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article ,
"nimue" wrote:

Okay. I just wanted to make that clear. I just spoke to my friend and she
EXPLODED all over me and didn't want to hear it. It was very unpleasant. I
was surprised she called me today -- I wasn't expecting to hear from her
until tomorrow at the earliest. Anyway, she sees NOTHING wrong with what
she did and she got VERY angry. FURIOUS. I tried very hard to be mild and
caring, but no matter what I said, she just reacted and got angrier and
angrier. It was very unpleasant and I am feeling kind of down about it now.

When my kids get this angry at me when I call them on something, I know
it's because they KNOW they were in the wrong, and are angry at having
been caught . . .
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

nimue wrote:

I tried the "I care about you and your daughter" and I got NOWHERE.

I mostly meant that I'd approach it by saying "I care about you. Did you
know that people call the police if they see children in the car?! It is
against the law too so child protection gets involved...it can be really
ugly."

I don't know of a single person that is going to like to have someone tell
them they are an irresponsible parent. Some will flip in front of you,
others won't but I'd guess the vast majority are fuming non the less.

I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't have mentioned it at all. There are
times when we have to follow our conscious, even if we know the fall out
will be bad just because we have to look ourselves in the mirror every day.

--
Nikki (who spent a lot of time waiting in the car as a child)

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 28 Feb 2005 23:22:44 GMT, "P. Tierney"
scribbled:

Then how can you take them out of the house at all? Or even
in the house? As people are saying, *anything* can happen.

eyeroll Someone always has to trot out this stupid argument.

But we all, individually, use our reason to determine what is
best individual situations instead of creating blanket rules. Put a
blanket rule up to scrutiny, and one might find a lot of holes in it.

Last time I checked, nobody has put a blanket rule out. You choose to
leave your kid in your car for a "one minute rule" according to your
comfort level. I choose to never leave mine in the car period.

A blanket rule for the individual family, I meant to say. But
some have seemed to imply that no one should ever do it.
Or maybe it was stated, I'd have to go back and check.

And the "one minute" thing isn't mine, but someone else's.
I realized, however, that it's also my rough limit, depending
on the circumstances -- give or take.


P. Tierney

On Tue, 01 Mar 2005 04:00:08 GMT, "P. Tierney"
scribbled:


A blanket rule for the individual family, I meant to say.

It is a blanket rule for us. My dh has left dd1 in the car, and he
knows I don't like it. I don't lecture or get mad, but he agrees he
shouldn't. If it's just to appease me, that's fine by me!

But
some have seemed to imply that no one should ever do it.

Tbh, I don't think it's a good idea. But I acknowledge my feelings
are based on my own (dis)comfort level. I guess those that choose to
do it will just have to live with the fact that people don't think
they should do it. Just like a million other things we all choose to
do wrt our kids.

Or maybe it was stated, I'd have to go back and check.

And the "one minute" thing isn't mine, but someone else's.
I realized, however, that it's also my rough limit, depending
on the circumstances -- give or take.

Okay.

Nan

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 01 Mar 2005 04:00:08 GMT, "P. Tierney"
scribbled:


A blanket rule for the individual family, I meant to say.

It is a blanket rule for us. My dh has left dd1 in the car, and he
knows I don't like it. I don't lecture or get mad, but he agrees he
shouldn't. If it's just to appease me, that's fine by me!

I don't think I expressed myself all that well, I'd have
to look at the post that I was responding to with my comment.
But, it's probably not worth backtracking.

But
some have seemed to imply that no one should ever do it.

Tbh, I don't think it's a good idea. But I acknowledge my feelings
are based on my own (dis)comfort level. I guess those that choose to
do it will just have to live with the fact that people don't think
they should do it.

My guess is that every family does something that
*someone* considers unsafe. I would guess further that
most doing things that a significant percentage would frown
upon. I certainly have my areas of disdain, and I've
probably expressed them here over the years. ;-)

Just like a million other things we all choose to
do wrt our kids.

Yup.


P. Tierney

"nimue" wrote in message
...
snip

P. Tierney

So you would leave your 2 year old alone in the car, out of your
sight, for
15-20 minutes?

My first post in this thread on the subject indicated that I would
not, of course. I've not seen a single parent (or otherwise) on this
newsgroup supporting such an idea.

Okay. I just wanted to make that clear. I just spoke to my friend and
she
EXPLODED all over me and didn't want to hear it. It was very unpleasant.
I
was surprised she called me today -- I wasn't expecting to hear from her
until tomorrow at the earliest. Anyway, she sees NOTHING wrong with what
she did and she got VERY angry. FURIOUS. I tried very hard to be mild
and
caring, but no matter what I said, she just reacted and got angrier and
angrier. It was very unpleasant and I am feeling kind of down about it
now.

It's hard to say from a distance, but regardless of how you
expressed yourself, the other parent may have considered it
demeaning or patronizing.

I would stick to just doing the right thing instead of saying it.
You can't get her to change with your words, I don't think, but
in the same situation in the future, I'd insist on staying by the car
and, if asked why, I might say, "Look, it's the law that we can't
leave kids in the car in this state, so I can't check the property with
you. You go ahead."


P.
Tierney

On Tue, 01 Mar 2005 00:53:05 GMT, "nimue"
wrote:
I tried the "I care about you and your daughter" and I got NOWHERE. She
flipped. I really tried my very best to keep it light and be nice and it
didn't matter. It was awful. She said, "Well, your husband never wears a
seatbelt -- how can you even talk?" I was flabbergasted. I said, "My
husband is a grown man and if he wants to put his own life in danger, then
he can choose to do that. Your daughter is a defenseless baby who depends
on you to protect her. You can't even compare the two!" She made no sense,
but she was FURIOUS. I am so down right now. I honestly think it might be
the end of our friendship because I cannot be her friend if she continues to
act irresponsibly toward her daughter. I mean, she and I have been through
a lot together, but I would DESPISE myself if I saw her do something that
jeopardized her daughter's safety and I didn't say something -- and when I
said something she got so enraged there was no talking to her.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry it went so badly. I'm hoping your
friend will calm down and somehow your relationship will work out.
Marie

Hi --

When I feel it necessary to correct someone else's behavior (which I try
hard to avoid, don't we all?) I try to lay the blame on myself.

"I know I'm probably paranoid, but I'm just uncomfortable leaving a baby
alone in the car. I'll have nightmares about what might happen if she
woke up, or a stranger passed by and snatched her. Would you mind if we
looked at the house later/took her in with us?"

If your friend sees herself as accomodating YOU, she might change her
behavior, at least wehn you're around, to fit with your "idiosyncrasy".

I hope your friendship goes back to normal. It sounds to me as though
your friend IS feeling guilty but doesn't really know what else to do.
And your good parenting behavior will be a good model for her.

Good luck,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

On Tue, 01 Mar 2005 04:17:42 GMT, "P. Tierney"
scribbled:

I don't think I expressed myself all that well, I'd have
to look at the post that I was responding to with my comment.
But, it's probably not worth backtracking.

No worry... the problem is most likely in my interpretation ;-)

Nan