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#1
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Need some advice...sibling behaviors
These are not huge problems but just little things that are making some days
seem very long, Lol. They each think they should be the last one to do xyz. Could be closing the door, letting the dog out, putting the cup away...anything. They fight and argue, cry and tantrum, and keep trying to be the last one to do it until there is a brawl or I fear something will be damaged. I won't allow the brawl to go to far because Luke will bite and I'm desperately trying to extinguish that behavior. I've never seen this interaction end positively with or without my participation. Reasoning and offering alternatives or distractions doesn't seem to be working. Any suggestions. Luke will do some dumb 2yo thing and I'll redirect or tell him not to. No problem he generally accepts that. But then up Hunter shoots (with a smile only an annoying 4yo can manage ;-) to go do the exact same thing - often more then once. I snapped and had a mother tantrum tonight which I know is not the answer. I'm having a heck of a time getting Hunter to behave properly lately but this just takes the cake. Any suggestions here? Thank you bunches! -- Nikki Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2) |
#2
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Need some advice...sibling behaviors
Mary Gordon wrote:
You want advice....well, as mom of three, I'd say...get used to it!! HA - that is what I was afraid I was going to hear :-) I hate to say it but I actually remember my brother and I being the same way (we are 12 months apart). My poor mother! There are things you can do to reduce it. Standard tips include 1 Focus on Each Child's Individual Needs 2 Give Each Child Special Time with You At least once a week, plan a special date with each child. I used to do this regularly but in the last month it has been hectic. Hunter and I really need this again. Luke and I get it quite a bit. 3 Don't Compare Kids 4 Be Aware of Favoritism 5 Respect Each Child's Space Getting their own rooms really helped this and Hunter has a desk now which he thinks is the cats meow and Luke is not allowed to play in it unless Hunter invites him too. It has MARKERS. Luke and markers need lots of supervision! ;-) There are also some good books out there such as Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish Great tips - Thank You. Good book and I did read it when I was pg with Luke but I think I'll read it again now, when I have actual experiences to relate it to. I'm also glad to hear that it isn't necessarily my poor parenting abilities, that it is somewhat normal. Half my frustration is with myself thinking I should be doing something but don't know how/what to do. -- Nikki Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2) |
#4
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Need some advice...sibling behaviors
Very good advice. Just a note on equaling portions. With two you can say - you divide it up and your sibling gets first choice of the pieces. What a great idea. Mine might be a little to young and we haven't had this particular war yet but I'm definately remembering it!! -- Nikki Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2) |
#5
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Need some advice...sibling behaviors
Rosalie B. wrote: x-no-archive:yes (Mary Gordon) wrote: Very good advice. Just a note on equaling portions. With two you can say - you divide it up and your sibling gets first choice of the pieces. Yep. My mother always made us do that. And once we got old enough to fight over what to watch on TV, she started rotating "weeks" among us. On my week, I got to pick the TV shows. I could be overridden if there was something on that my parents particularly wanted to watch (not often) or if there was some really special show on that week that wouldn't be repeated. But for the ordinary sitcoms, cowboy shows, etc. - it was up to me. If the others didn't like what I picked, too bad - they'd get their turn when their weeks came around. Clisby |
#6
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Need some advice...sibling behaviors
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#7
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Need some advice...sibling behaviors
Kris wrote:
We had some of this too. Now at 6 and 4 things are considerably smoother. Yea!! Taking turns even for some of the silliest things and letting them keep track of whose turn it was. Not everything but 1 or 2 big points of argument. If necessary you could even hang a chart on the bottom of the refrigerator where they can 'track' things. Hmm. They are generally good about taking turns with toys, especially if I remind them. Sometimes a new toy causes a problem but toys are easy to deal with because I can just remove them if they cause to much grief. I might have to consider a chart for some of the fun chores though. Things like letting the dog out, doing the dishwasher etc. It might be hard for Luke to grasp but jeez, he's already getting ticked, might as well try something! Step in before things go too far. It seemed to me that once it reached a point of going too far it was too hard to pull them back to 'negotiation ground'. I have to do this because of Luke's biting. I sometimes wonder if things would be better if I could stay out of it but I can't ignore the biting. They do really well on lots of things actually but there are few activities that just zoom right past negotiation really really fast. We also do not have regular TV viewing. I know lots of people believe different things about this but I feel it has made a difference in their actions. They watch about 30 minutes in the morning - so they sit still and eat before we have to leave. Plus I'm so not a morning person that I take the easy way out ;-) Then there is about an hour in the evening when we sit with dh and watch TV. They either watch TV or play. Like tonight they played - nicely even!! Didn't mean for this to get so long. :-) No problem. I enjoyed it and got some good ideas! -- Nikki Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2) |
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