She told my 12 yrs old daughter first

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?

"Gini" wrote in message news:Q491i.44$CQ4.0@trndny06...

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?

How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need of a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met, or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?

"Bob Whiteside" wrote

"Gini"wrote

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?

How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?
==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.

On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote





"Gini"wrote

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?

How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?

==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.

wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote





"Gini"wrote

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the
time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days
before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?

How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a
different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need
of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs
met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?

==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they chose
to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's
the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after
all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their
choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice
of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a
creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most
important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.
==
Advice about what--exactly?

wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote





"Gini"wrote

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and
12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the
time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days
before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?

How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a
different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in
need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs
met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?

==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they
chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's
the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after
all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their
choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice
of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a
creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most
important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.

Daughters are the first to communicate to their dads they got screwed over.
Daughters understand the games played by their mothers and are willing to
come forward with the truth. My daughter, who is an adult now, has
volunteered she observed the divorce situation and how her mother portrayed
it, and me, for many years and then has come forward to disclose lots of
details contrary to how they were presented to me.

The basic problem you have described is how mothers treat their daughters as
their best friends to confide in them about the intimate details of
relationships. What those moms don't realize is how much the daughters care
for their dads and how they are negatively affected by the backstream games.

Your daughter has to be very mature to come forward at just 14 years of age
to give you details to help you protect yourself emotionally from all the
games.

On May 11, 8:03 pm, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:
"Gini" wrote in messagenews:Q491i.44$CQ4.0@trndny06...

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?

How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need of a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met, or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?

Well previously how could a wife predict her husband would dump her
and the kids for a whole new life? This is not a new scenario. It's
been going on for quite some time. The only difference now is that
there is financial recourse for the dumped spouse especially if kids
are involved.

Some men may argue that the finances are an encouragement for women to
seek divorce. Perhaps it is. But that's the type of women they like,
otherwise they wouldn't have married them.

wrote in message
oups.com...
On May 11, 8:03 pm, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:
"Gini" wrote in
messagenews:Q491i.44$CQ4.0@trndny06...

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the
time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days
before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?

How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need
of a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs
met, or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?

Well previously how could a wife predict her husband would dump her
and the kids for a whole new life? This is not a new scenario. It's
been going on for quite some time. The only difference now is that
there is financial recourse for the dumped spouse especially if kids
are involved.

The statistics are clear - 85% of divorces are initiated by women over the
objections of their husbands. It doesn't matter which criteria is used to
measure this fact, it always comes up 85% of marriages are ended by women.

Actually there is much more than just financial gains for women to take this
action. They can also get favorable tax treatment, symapthy from their
friends, emotional support from confidants who are aware of what they are
doing, and the psychological motivator in knowing they will get custody of
any children.

When asked to disclose why they ended their marraiges woman rank the bad
husband factors - abuse, neglect, affairs, drinking, drugs - very low.
Instead, they list touchy-feely stuff like needing to find themselves, not
feeling fulfilled, wanting to move on, and feeling they were growing apart
as the factors leading up to divorce.


Some men may argue that the finances are an encouragement for women to
seek divorce. Perhaps it is. But that's the type of women they like,
otherwise they wouldn't have married them.

This is total crap! Neither men nor women know how a person is going to
change over an extended period of time. And to make it worse, a statement
like the one above assumes women are consistent and predictable and men make
bad choices. I would bet there are a lot of people reading this that would
say it's the other way around - Men are consistent and predictable and the
women make bad choices because the women assume they can get men to change.

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in

This is total crap! Neither men nor women know how a person is going to
change over an extended period of time.

I would say that many people living together become disenchanted with their
partner, but their should be no government controlled program to financially
reward anyone for making bad decisions.

Once the kids are assured basic survival needs, that where the government
authority ends!
Let the parents squabble over lifestyle issues, why should the tax payer
care if Johnny or Suzie has a new computer or attends tennis camp?