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  #1  
Old September 4th 08, 08:29 AM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
lu-lu
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 113
Default My concerns

I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally
difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my issues
with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I
didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor
brains here if that's ok.

My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For
more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used to
that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a
better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy is
a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time, and
I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but now
I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that I
won't know how to respsond to his needs ect.

My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the most
part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain
relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I still
enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went
overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice
and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't
know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions. I
worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the
hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that
I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with
Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time.

I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives & health
visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of
minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't
really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a
Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her. The
midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more
than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one happens
to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt able
to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did
the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit abandoned..
Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently you
just get put on the community nurses's list.

I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the
best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever
I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and what
belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when
the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time when
we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and
about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking him
to look after Jessica.

I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that I'll
get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as
last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when I
had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder how
I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to
having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little baby
again.

Oh well. Thanks for the brain airing space Sorry for going on.

Lucy x


  #2  
Old September 4th 08, 11:54 AM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
NL
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 444
Default My concerns

lu-lu schrieb:
snip
Oh well. Thanks for the brain airing space Sorry for going on.


Been there, done that. It'll go away, really. The week before Sara's
birth I was thinking "I can never ever love her as much as Sam. OMG! I
will hate her, she will feel neglected, she'll need therapy for the rest
of her life because I'm a horrible mother! What am I doing?!" then she
was born and the hormones kicked in and I love her just as much as I
love Sam.
Sure, I don't spend as much time with Sam anymore, but I do have two
children now. Of course I can't spend all my time with just one of them.
But that's getting better and better as Sara grows and gets more and
more independent and doesn't need to be held all the time and likes to
go off exploring on her own and can sit quietly looking at a book. (Can
you believe she just turned a year this week? Time sure flies.) Anyway,
yes, the start will be stressful but it'll get better. I'm sure you'll
love the baby just as much as your daughter and she'll probably love him
lots, too, but sometimes will hate him, but that's natural. As my
midwife once said "Well, how would you feel if your partner brought home
a new and younger woman, told you you needed to love her just as much as
he does, you can't make too much noise when she's sleeping and she needs
a lot of sleep,..."
I'd recommend finding info about dealing with your older child fears and
reactions to the baby.

cu
nicole - who has to run and get Sam from school.
  #3  
Old September 4th 08, 05:25 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,293
Default My concerns

lu-lu wrote:

My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For
more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used to
that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a
better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy is
a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time, and
I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but now
I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that I
won't know how to respsond to his needs ect.


I think this is a very common worry, and in my experience
it doesn't help much at all to tell someone not to worry ;-)
However, babies are babies and you'll figure out what your baby
needs and wants just like you did the first time around. When
it comes to boys vs. girls, even though I think it's true that
there are differences when speaking in generalities, whether you
have a boy or a girl, he or she will be an individual. You
could have a boy who was similar to and got on well with your
daughter, or you could have a girl who was nothing like your
daughter and never got on well with her. I have an older friend
with two girls and two boys who always says that everyone should
have a boy and a girl so that they know boys and girls are different...
and then another boy to know that boys are different from boys
and another girl to know that girls are different from girls ;-)
Certainly it's the case that all three of mine are quite different
from one another, and the two that get along the best are the
oldest boy and the youngest girl, despite the different sex
and the eight years between them.

My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the most
part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain
relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I still
enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went
overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice
and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't
know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions. I
worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the
hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that
I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with
Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time.


Labor is whatever it is, just like your kids are whoever
they are. Going into labor can drive you nuts figuring out when
it's really starting and going through the false starts and whatnot,
but it's survivable and when the time comes, the vast majority of
women know that it's time.
The logistics of a second labor are more challenging, since
you have to deal with the childcare issue. The main thing
I'd say there is just that you shouldn't be afraid to cash in
your social capital at this point. That's what friends are for.
Get everyone who's willing on a phone list to help if you need
someone to pick up your daughter or get you to the hospital or
whatever it takes.

I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the
best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever
I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and what
belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when
the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time when
we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and
about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking him
to look after Jessica.


I think this is another common worry, and this one I
think is important to deal with. For many women, the worry
falls away as soon as the baby arrives, which solves the issue
handily. For a few, however, they stay wrapped up in the guilt
of diverting their attention from their firstborn, and as a
consequence they're a wreck. Yes, it's true that your daughter
will have to learn to have patience to share her mother's attention.
On the other hand, she will be learning some important social
skills and she will be gaining another beloved family member.
In my opinion, there is nothing bad about that. More people for
her to love, more people to love her, and while I think every
child should be special and unique in his or her parents' eyes,
I think it does children a grand disservice to keep them the
center of the universe or to feel guilty about failing to keep
them the center of the universe.
You will still spend time with your daughter. You
can even work to carve out one-on-one time with her, just
as you will need some with the baby. Her father should do
the same...with both children. It will work out, though it
will take some work and will occasionally be frustrating.
There are the occasional days when everyone seems to need you
at once ;-)

I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that I'll
get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as
last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when I
had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder how
I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to
having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little baby
again.


Will your DH be able to take some time off work to be
at home? Do you have other family or friends who will help out
for a little bit? Call in the cavalry! Give yourself a few
weeks with help, however you can get it, and you'll figure out
a rhythm for your life with two kids. Babies are very portable
and they sleep a lot, even if it's not always when you wish they
would ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #4  
Old September 4th 08, 09:04 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
april & co[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 9
Default My concerns

Hi Lucy

most of your fears I had when I was pregnant and they just kind of sort
themselves out. I was totally petrified of labour because i'd had such a
hard labour with Joanna and was treated like a criminal after but on the day
although at the time the pain was horrendous I would actually do it all
again given the chance to be mum to another little one but thats not going
to happen as DH doesnt want anymore. Bad labours are horrible at the time
and took me a while to get over but it didnt affect the way I bounded with
Joanna, through all the crap I went through with her including the labour I
still bounded with her and you will to with your lo no matter what.

Have back up plans if you can for the day of the labour just incase you
can't contact the person doing the babysitting or whatever, you'll feel much
calmer if you know there are things in place to protect a breakdown.

I feared like hell how I was going to cope with the two of them, I was also
worried sick about cot death so much so it made me feel physically sick
thinking about it. I got myself in a state some nights thinking how I was
going to cope with a 2 yr old and a newborn and how I was going to protect
Harleigh from cot death ect. Well the first week I was on tender hooks at
night and wasnt happy and couldnt fall asleep if I couldnt hear Harleigh
breathing, now I'm not so worried anymore. I do as much as I can to protect
her but stressing is just going to make me worse. I've also fallen into
parenting for two really easily and I absolutly love it and you will too,
make sure you involve your little girl as much as possible. Joanna is 2 and
a half but helps with things like bottle feeding, bathing, winding and is
allowed supervised cuddles with her. She loves the baby. You might find a
little trouble with your lo as soon as baby is born but this should settle
down as long as she doesnt feel pushed aside. Joanna threw extra tantrums
and refused to eat for a while but we constantly told her how loved she was
and made her important in the babies life as well and shes back to her
normal self. You'll be fine.

april

"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally
difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my
issues
with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I
didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor
brains here if that's ok.

My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For
more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used
to
that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a
better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy
is
a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time,
and
I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but
now
I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that
I
won't know how to respsond to his needs ect.

My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the
most
part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain
relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I
still
enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went
overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice
and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't
know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions.
I
worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the
hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that
I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with
Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time.

I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives &
health
visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of
minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't
really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a
Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her.
The
midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more
than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one
happens
to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt
able
to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did
the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit
abandoned..
Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently
you
just get put on the community nurses's list.

I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the
best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever
I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and
what
belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when
the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time
when
we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and
about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking
him
to look after Jessica.

I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that
I'll
get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as
last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when
I
had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder
how
I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to
having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little
baby
again.

Oh well. Thanks for the brain airing space Sorry for going on.

Lucy x



  #5  
Old September 5th 08, 02:35 AM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Anne Rogers[_5_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 47
Default My concerns

Hi Lucy, I wondered if you have ever had counselling? It really sounds
like you need someone who you can talk through some of these things with
as you do have a lot of things coming up and they might help you get
to the bottom of things - I'm not saying that you there is some deep
underlying trauma or anything, but if there is something bigger
bothering you that you haven't been able to put a finger on, or they
might work out that most things you worry about fits into a particular
pattern of thought and be able to help you with that. An increasing
number of GPs surgeries have counsellors, so your GP is probably the
first person to talk to.

On the specific issue of having a boy, or not, I wonder if it might help
you to remember that each child is individual, yes there are some
personality traits that are more common in boys or girls, some
developmental point that on average happen at different times, but each
child is very much an individual and you can have one of each and find
for some things they fit the opposite gender average or stereo type. I
have a boy then a girl, apparently boys are usually slower to speak than
girls, so given DS was pretty much average and then took off really fast
aged about 2 and a quarter, I expected I'd be getting 2 words together
from her well before she was 2, as it turned out she had quite a severe
speech delay (we've no idea why as her understanding always appeared to
be fine and now she is speaking, although the clarity isn't as good as
we'd like, she uses some pretty complex concepts to express herself),
she didn't even say Mummy until 21 months and there are several other
aspects of her that are typically boyish and DS is much more girly,
though they each fit many stereotypes of their own gender.

Another supposed difference between girls and boys is potty training,
well, the less said about that the better - I think the moral of the
story is to not assume anything, you could get a girl who is the total
opposite of Jessie, or a boy who is very similar!

With antenatal care and the named midwife thing, I think that whilst a
named midwife isn't mandatory, it's stronger than a guideline and people
high up in various places want to hear from women who don't have one, it
might be helpful for you to contact AIMS, a charity that supports
improvement of maternity services and can work one on one with
individuals to help them access the best care within their local
situation. Sometimes random occurances mean you don't get a midwife
named, then unless the next person you see then uses her initiative and
puts you on the right track you can just get bounced around - or you
could be unlucky and be in an area with a poor system who've been
getting away with it for too long.

Sadly a lot of work that health visitors do is changing and they seem to
be reducing the numbers of them and spreading the work over staff that
cost less, a lot of things that were previously done in the home are now
being done in clinics etc. There are a lot of different types of nurses
and it's quite possible that whoever deals with toddlers has more
experience and training in that area than a health visitor does - where
we were the health visitor was basically the boss of a team of her plus
two nurses with different titles called the child and family team, the
health visitor wasn't usually at baby clinic as she generally took on
the more challenging work and spent most of her time visiting families
with difficult situations and focused a lot more on the mother than the
baby, but at clinic there was always a sheet to sign if you did want to
see the health visitor, I think she would then call you and arrange a
visit. I have a suspicion that 3 visits in the first 6 weeks from a
health visitor is mandatory, not mandatory from the point of view of you
having to let them in the house, but that they can't be denied to you,
that if you ask for a health visitor not a nurse that somehow they'd
have to work out how to do that. Don't put a health visitor on a
pedestal, just as a specialist nurse can be more of an expert than a
doctor about day to day management of a condition, so can they be better
at at caring for newborns.

If you want to find out more about your rights and how to access
treatment, every primary care trust should have a group known as PALS,
patient advice and liason service, they deal with complaints but they
also deal with any kind of issue of communication, who is providing
care, etc. I rang them once because I'd been told I should have a
procedure done and not really told why, they talked to a nurse in the
department, the nurse called me and talked me through it and decided
that I needed to see the doctor again and booked me the next slot that
got cancelled. Just be sure if you do call to be clear that you are not
making a complaint, so they know what service they are providing to you.

Cheers
Anne
  #6  
Old September 5th 08, 10:05 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Jamie Clark
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 855
Default My concerns


"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally
difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my
issues
with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I
didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor
brains here if that's ok.

My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For
more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used
to
that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a
better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy
is
a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time,
and
I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but
now
I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that
I
won't know how to respsond to his needs ect.


I think others have already made good comments about this issue. I think
it's entirely normal to wonder if you'll be able to parent a child of the
opposite sex from what you already have. If your first child had been a
boy, and this one a girl, you'd be having the same issues/worries. You will
figure it out with this boy, the same way that you figured it out with your
girl -- one day at a time.

My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the
most
part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain
relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I
still
enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went
overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice
and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't
know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions.
I
worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the
hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that
I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with
Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time.


Your wonderful experience of labor with Jessica is what it is. A wonderful
experience. Any future labors you have will be their own experiences, good,
bad or indifferent. None of that will change what you experienced with
Jessica. Yes, you do have additional things to worry and fret about this
time with the planning and logistics of having a small child when you go
into labor, that you didn't have the first time, but make plans, make
contingency plans, and then a back up plan. You can't plan for everything,
but you can at least make sure that you've got options, so that you won't
feel totally out of control, in terms of what to do with Jessica when you go
into labor.

I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives &
health
visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of
minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't
really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a
Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her.
The
midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more
than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one
happens
to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt
able
to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did
the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit
abandoned..
Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently
you
just get put on the community nurses's list.


I don't really have any comments about these issues, as we aren't really set
up the same way here in the US. Hopefully one of the other UK people will
be able to offer you some advice or insight.

I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the
best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever
I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and
what
belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when
the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time
when
we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and
about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking
him
to look after Jessica.


It's really easy to talk to people before they come over, and ask them to
"ignore" the baby when they first come over and make a beeline to Jessica.
Many people will bring a toy or something for the older child, if they are
already bringing something for the baby. You can let people know that even
something as small as a sheet of stickers will thrill your daughter and make
her feel super special, etc. You'll be surprised at how well Jessica does
do, with the new addition, and how other people will be careful not to make
her feel like the odd man out.

Remember, the baby is not really aware of his surroundings for a while, so
he won't know if you are "ignoring" him to spend time with Jessica to make
up for other people showing him with gifts, etc. So don't fret about that.

Also, a neat little trick I did with Taylor when Addie was a baby -- rather
than drop everything the first moment that Addie cried, I'd make a point to
finish what I was doing, ESPECIALLY if it was with Taylor, while saying
(ostensibly to Addie, but really for Taylor's benefit), "Hold on Addie, I'll
be with you in a minute. I have to finish tying Taylor's shoe (or reading
Taylor this story, etc.)" Then, if I was feeding Addie or changing her
diaper, and Taylor needed me, I'd use the same words to her -- "Hold on
Taylor, I'll be with you in a minute. I have to finish feeding Addie."
Addie had no idea what was going on, but Taylor was shown that each child
had to wait their turn, that neither child was more important than the
other, etc.

I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that
I'll
get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as
last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when
I
had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder
how
I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to
having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little
baby
again.


Hugs. Little babies aren't that scary, at all. In fact, for me, I prefer
little babies -- there are three main issues that need to be addressed. If
the baby is not happy, it's either hungry, tired, or dirty. Fix the
problem, and baby usually gets happy again, and often falls back asleep for
another few hours. For newborns, at least.

I hope venting has helped you process a bit. I know that some people will
not try to tell you not to worry about some of these things, since you'll
probably worry anyway, but here is what I say...most of these issues are
normal, and will resolve themselves. Worrying about these things in advance
won't change them, and in fact, worry just breeds more worry. Try to let
them all go, and focus on the special one on one time you have now with
Jessica, and the little baby growing in your belly. You've been pregnant
before, experienced labor and delivery before...you'll do fine.

Hugs.
--

Jamie Clark

www.ClarkDigitalArts.com


  #7  
Old September 7th 08, 08:28 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Welches
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 849
Default My concerns


"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
...

"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally
difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my
issues
with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I
didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor
brains here if that's ok.

My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For
more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used
to
that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a
better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy
is
a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time,
and
I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but
now
I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or
that I
won't know how to respsond to his needs ect.


I think others have already made good comments about this issue. I think
it's entirely normal to wonder if you'll be able to parent a child of the
opposite sex from what you already have. If your first child had been a
boy, and this one a girl, you'd be having the same issues/worries. You
will figure it out with this boy, the same way that you figured it out
with your girl -- one day at a time.

My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the
most
part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain
relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I
still
enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went
overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice
and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't
know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real
contractions. I
worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the
hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that
I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with
Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time.


Your wonderful experience of labor with Jessica is what it is. A
wonderful experience. Any future labors you have will be their own
experiences, good, bad or indifferent. None of that will change what you
experienced with Jessica. Yes, you do have additional things to worry and
fret about this time with the planning and logistics of having a small
child when you go into labor, that you didn't have the first time, but
make plans, make contingency plans, and then a back up plan. You can't
plan for everything, but you can at least make sure that you've got
options, so that you won't feel totally out of control, in terms of what
to do with Jessica when you go into labor.

I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives &
health
visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of
minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they
don't
really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a
Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her.
The
midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more
than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one
happens
to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt
able
to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she
did
the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit
abandoned..
Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently
you
just get put on the community nurses's list.


I don't really have any comments about these issues, as we aren't really
set up the same way here in the US. Hopefully one of the other UK people
will be able to offer you some advice or insight.

I think you can demand to see a HV. A HV is only a trained nurse anyway.
Certainly a lot of them are out of date and set in their ways (aaah this
child is below the 50% centile-PANIC UNDERWEIGHT but this child is above 50%
centile-PANIC OBESE...) (I love my present one, she's the most sensible I've
ever come across) :-)
Do you mean for the signing off appointment you don't get a HV? Cause round
here you take them to be weighed at the clinic which is done by the HV any
age up to school age (and beyond if you're wanting). I've never been
questioned when I've asked for any of them to be checked at up to 7yo. (last
birthday) I think at school age they go under the school nurse officially.
If your HV refuses to see you at the clinic, I think you can complain. I'll
check that one if you like.
Debbie

snip



  #8  
Old September 7th 08, 09:58 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Anne Rogers[_5_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 47
Default My concerns


Do you mean for the signing off appointment you don't get a HV? Cause round
here you take them to be weighed at the clinic which is done by the HV any
age up to school age (and beyond if you're wanting). I've never been
questioned when I've asked for any of them to be checked at up to 7yo. (last
birthday) I think at school age they go under the school nurse officially.
If your HV refuses to see you at the clinic, I think you can complain. I'll
check that one if you like.


I think with pressure on finances they are trying to reduce the number
of home visits, which increases the amount of drop in clinic time, so
child and family teams that might previously have had one clinic per
week (our surgery was big enough to have 3 people in the team, HV and
two nurses of some other kind, neither were "just" nurses - but until
about 3 years ago, one clinic on a Monday afternoon), they now expect to
spend more time in that kind of setting and then rather than just having
another general clinic, they label them as being for specific groups, so
that only one would be a clinic where you could get vaccinations and
thus mainly be aimed at babies and would have baby weighing equipment
out and ready, not necessarily toddler weighing and measureing equipment.

When they started doing that in our area, they were actually quite
creative in where they used for toddler clinics and often tried to have
them in another room of a building where there was a playgroup or
something going on.

We got a letter from our surgery giving us options on how to get what is
usually referred to as "the 2 year check", but I know families at other
surgeries got quite different letters, even though the toddler clinics
were a collaboration, some people just got very stark letters saying
they have to be at this place at this time, whereas we got a letter that
quite subtly said they would really prefer you to go to one of the drop
ins, but made it very easy to access other options, I just ticked to say
I'd prefer a home visit and that was what happened, with no fuss at all.

I can kind of see how someone running a clinic might be very busy and
stressed out and not respond appropriately to someone new to the area
showing up somewhere that they weren't really expected to be at, but
that doesn't excuse poor handling.

I also found often that the receptionists were the worst, it was only
once I said to the HV that Monday afternoons were terrible to get
vaccinations for me that I found out I could make an appointment with
the practice nurse at another time. They also told me the only time I
could possibly see the midwife was Tuesday afternoon, which I couldn't
do and they made no attempt to make any alternative arrangements and
seemed to have the attitude that if you can't make it then you don't get
antenatal care, I managed to call the midwife and she fitted me in to
her home visiting schedule.

Cheers
Anne
 




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