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loneliness



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 26th 06, 11:35 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Mike
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 38
Default loneliness

Hello, everyone!

My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a bit
to talk to my ng buddies...

Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for fighting
loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more to
people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and I
definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard to
find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness so
that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I
know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment).

That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a
silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone
all the time... :\

Mike


  #2  
Old August 27th 06, 12:32 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Moon Shyne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 427
Default loneliness


"Mike" wrote in message
ink.net...
Hello, everyone!

My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a
bit to talk to my ng buddies...

Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for
fighting loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open
up more to people again, and actually would like to start dating at some
point, and I definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though,
it's very hard to find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight
against loneliness so that I don't sink back into depression, but it's
kinda hard sometimes (I know probably everyone who reads this will
undertand that sentiment).

That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a
silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone
all the time... :\


You need to figure out what things satisfy you - be it reading (you can meet
people at the library), crafts/hobbies (there are networks all over the
place), perhaps joining the local Y (you can always meet people there)

The hardest part is making yourself get up and out, and go do something -
though it gets easier with time and practice, just like just about anything
else

And you're right, there are no silver bullets.


Mike



  #3  
Old August 27th 06, 02:48 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Mike
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 38
Default loneliness


"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Hello, everyone!

My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a
bit
to talk to my ng buddies...

Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for
fighting
loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more to
people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and I
definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard
to
find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness
so
that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I
know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment).


Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like
trying to divide by 0... you can't.

That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a
silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone
all the time... :\

Mike



You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into
depression so you fight against loneliness?


Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right? It
doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some
sort of adult contact.


  #4  
Old August 27th 06, 03:00 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Moon Shyne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 427
Default loneliness


"Mike" wrote in message
ink.net...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Hello, everyone!

My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a
bit
to talk to my ng buddies...

Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for
fighting
loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more
to
people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and
I
definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard
to
find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness
so
that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I
know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment).


Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like
trying to divide by 0... you can't.

That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for
a
silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being
alone
all the time... :\

Mike



You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into
depression so you fight against loneliness?


Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right? It
doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some
sort of adult contact.


Would it be safe to assume you have adult contact at work? And at least
some friends that you can contact outside of work?





  #5  
Old August 27th 06, 06:16 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Mike
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 38
Default loneliness


"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"Mike" wrote in message
ink.net...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Hello, everyone!

My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a
bit
to talk to my ng buddies...

Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for
fighting
loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more
to
people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and
I
definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very
hard to
find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness
so
that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I
know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment).

Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like
trying to divide by 0... you can't.

That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for
a
silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being
alone
all the time... :\

Mike


You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into
depression so you fight against loneliness?


Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right? It
doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some
sort of adult contact.


Would it be safe to assume you have adult contact at work? And at least
some friends that you can contact outside of work?






Yeah, I have adult contact at work, but everyone on my team is either
married or living with their partner. I actually like the people I work
with, but I have a long commute, and outside of work itself, it's kinda hard
to relate to them personally. Maybe that's my fault, maybe that's just
where we're at in life. I have a few friends outside of work, but they are
"mutual" friends that I (we) had during the marriage, so it's kinda weird,
you know?

I know, I'm throwing a pity party. But now that I'm past my "rebound" phase
(maybe later I'll explain all that... but I'd rather forget that part), and
now that the boys and I have settled into a relatively stable routine, I'm
realizing I need more friends, and I need to start taking better care of
myself. I am trying to reach out more, it's just harder than I thought it
would be...


  #6  
Old August 27th 06, 06:34 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Mike
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 38
Default loneliness


"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 27 Aug 2006 13:48:45 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


"'Kate" wrote in message
. ..
On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Hello, everyone!

My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a
bit
to talk to my ng buddies...

Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for
fighting
loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more
to
people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and
I
definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very
hard
to
find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness
so
that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I
know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment).

Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like
trying to divide by 0... you can't.

That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for
a
silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being
alone
all the time... :\

Mike


You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into
depression so you fight against loneliness?


Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right?


I think the level varies. Some people need less interaction, and some
more. But being alone and being lonely are, to me, distinctly different.
You can be lonely in a room full of people. You can be lonely in a
marriage. You can't be alone in either... see what I mean? If
interaction is the component that you're missing, then there are some
simple fixes. There are single parent groups with planned adult
activities like parents without partners. The YMCA is very family
oriented and they provide daycare. And once you get things settled with
your 9 year old, perhaps you'll be able to get someone over once in
awhile so that you can take a break from the day in and day out care.
The Autism groups should be able to guide you toward that goal. I know
that there were several graduate students at the university who donated
their time to help a family affected by autism... they'd schedule hours
that they could visit with the child so that the parents could get away.

It
doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some
sort of adult contact.


Yeah... there's a period of withdrawal. It sounds to me like you're at a
point where you don't like where you're at and you want to move forward
but don't know how because you're a single parent. It can be frustrating
to recognise something's missing like that. Taking steps toward more
interaction with adults, like a plan or just saying hello to someone
while you're waiting in line somewhere may help a bit. So will making
phone calls. So does the internet... maybe not so much here but there
are special interest groups that may be more "yourself" oriented and not
so wrapped up in the single parenting job.

I think that if you find a way to reach out to the community for help,
help will be there for you. Where there's help, there's adult
interaction.



I think you pretty much summed it up, Kate... I don't like where I'm at, and
I've never been at this point, so I'm not sure where to go. Actually, it
felt good to see you put it that way: maybe I'm not the only one that's ever
felt like this. I did try contacting the Y though. They won't watch my
oldest because he's not toilet trained yet. I suppose that goes more with
his mental retardation diagnosis, though. I know not being trained on that
yet is not from lack of trying on mine or his Mom's part, or even his
school. Now that he has his official diagnosis, though, I'm hoping to get
some sort of respite care. I'm just scared, though, because the cheapest I
have found so far was through a subsidized agency that wanted to charge me
$17 / hour, because they worked on a sliding scale rate based on your income
(I'm a computer programmer). I'm having my ex's neighbor watch him now
during the day for $11 / hour. Times like this just make me want to take
their Mom and ask why she did this to us. But you can only go forward,
right?

I have signed up with 2 local groups though: an autism support group, and a
recreational "just for the adults" single parents group that does group
outings. My Mom will watch them occasionally, so I'm hoping to get out with
them in the next month or two.


  #7  
Old August 28th 06, 12:03 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Mike
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 38
Default loneliness


"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 27 Aug 2006 17:34:52 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

I think you pretty much summed it up, Kate... I don't like where I'm at,
and
I've never been at this point, so I'm not sure where to go. Actually, it
felt good to see you put it that way: maybe I'm not the only one that's
ever
felt like this.


You're absolutely not the only one. And it'll pass now that you've got a
handle on it and you're dealing with it.

I did try contacting the Y though. They won't watch my
oldest because he's not toilet trained yet. I suppose that goes more with
his mental retardation diagnosis, though. I know not being trained on
that
yet is not from lack of trying on mine or his Mom's part, or even his
school. Now that he has his official diagnosis, though, I'm hoping to get
some sort of respite care. I'm just scared, though, because the cheapest
I
have found so far was through a subsidized agency that wanted to charge me
$17 / hour, because they worked on a sliding scale rate based on your
income
(I'm a computer programmer). I'm having my ex's neighbor watch him now
during the day for $11 / hour. Times like this just make me want to take
their Mom and ask why she did this to us. But you can only go forward,
right?


So they say.... so they say. But I find that walking in circles can feel
like forward.

Being understood and feeling understood by someone who knows us well...
that intimacy... it's nice. Ya gotta have someone that you're willing to
be yourself with, warts and all even if it's just a friendship. Or
maybe, especially just a friendship. Sometimes sex confuses things...
things become less honest over time. We get wrapped up in the need of
the relationship and it becomes riskier to be totally honest.... even if
that's what we really need. If you're interested, there's an author
named Robert Schnarch who explains it much better than I ever could.


I have signed up with 2 local groups though: an autism support group, and
a
recreational "just for the adults" single parents group that does group
outings. My Mom will watch them occasionally, so I'm hoping to get out
with
them in the next month or two.


Good! Then this is the inbetween waiting room omg when is someone gonna
call my number period. Frustrating.... but it'll pass and you're doing
something about it. Meanwhile, perhaps check that author out. It may
give you answers or it may help for the future.

You are, without a doubt, doing all you can right now. Ride it out...
it'll end soon.


thank you... :`( It's hard to keep a up a happy front; gotta let it out
once in a while.


 




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