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#1
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concerns about 4yo
A little man in my care has some things that strike me as not quite right,
and I would like your opinion if these things are in the range of normal. He is approx. 4.5 yo. He speaks very poorly, almost like the 2yos in my care. He refers to himself by his first name. He does not seem to get gender and/or gender pronouns. He and she are used sort of randomly. He will not/cannot call me by my name. He calls his sister by his name as often or more often than her own name. He is not potty trained and when saying he needs to be changed he calls both pee and poop poop. I *think*he knows the difference and maybe the distinction is not made at home. I am about 90% that whatever developmental issue there may be has no bearing on potty training. I am pretty sure he is physically ready. He's *really* resistant to doing anything for himself. He associates as a baby not as a little capable boy, though that is lessening here in only the 2 short weeks he has been here. The advice I am looking for is - As his childcare provider should I be mentioning what I notice as not quite right with his mother, suggesting he might qualify for services? I am not educated in developmental stuff for kids any more than any other mother. - Any other thoughts you have? Is there any harm in proceeding slowly with potty expectations? Thanks/ |
#2
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concerns about 4yo
Stephanie wrote:
A little man in my care has some things that strike me as not quite right, and I would like your opinion if these things are in the range of normal. He is approx. 4.5 yo. He speaks very poorly, almost like the 2yos in my care. He refers to himself by his first name. He does not seem to get gender and/or gender pronouns. He and she are used sort of randomly. He will not/cannot call me by my name. He calls his sister by his name as often or more often than her own name. He is not potty trained and when saying he needs to be changed he calls both pee and poop poop. I *think*he knows the difference and maybe the distinction is not made at home. I am about 90% that whatever developmental issue there may be has no bearing on potty training. I am pretty sure he is physically ready. He's *really* resistant to doing anything for himself. He associates as a baby not as a little capable boy, though that is lessening here in only the 2 short weeks he has been here. The advice I am looking for is - As his childcare provider should I be mentioning what I notice as not quite right with his mother, suggesting he might qualify for services? I am not educated in developmental stuff for kids any more than any other mother. - Any other thoughts you have? Is there any harm in proceeding slowly with potty expectations? I would think that it is very appropriate for a childcare provider to recommend screening by the early intervention folks when it seems reasonable. I suspect your early intervention folks have some sort of set of guidelines for childcare providers to use in making these sorts of suggestions. That might help depersonalize things a bit if you do choose to say something. That way, it's not "I think something isn't quite right with your kid," it's more, "One of the services I provide is a recommendation for screening when a child's behaviors meet the criteria put out by X, and according to this guideline standard, you might want to have your child screened by them because he might possibly qualify for free services to help get him ready for school." I think that two weeks isn't very long. I would likely wait a bit before doing anything, since he's already making significant strides. You never know--maybe this is more the result of his environment at home. A little bit longer and you'll likely have a much better idea. You can use that time to gather the information about the early intervention program and track some of his behaviors that seem worrisome, and maybe also to target one or two little issues to see if working on them under your care solves the issue or not. As far as proceeding slowly on the potty expectations, what other choice do you have? I don't think you can really push it under the circumstances. I think you just proceed carefully and observe and say something to the parents about possible screening if warranted after you've gathered some more information. I would also suspect that the early intervention program might have some developmental checklists that you could share with the parents, perhaps in the context of "this is what I work on with kids at this level." If his delays are due more to inadequate expectations at home, seeing a list of what normal 4yos really are capable of might be a revelation. Even in our preschool, the kids make *huge* strides in so many areas just because parents haven't realized that they are capable of these things (especially first time parents). Best wishes, Ericka |
#3
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concerns about 4yo
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message . .. Stephanie wrote: A little man in my care has some things that strike me as not quite right, and I would like your opinion if these things are in the range of normal. He is approx. 4.5 yo. He speaks very poorly, almost like the 2yos in my care. He refers to himself by his first name. He does not seem to get gender and/or gender pronouns. He and she are used sort of randomly. He will not/cannot call me by my name. He calls his sister by his name as often or more often than her own name. He is not potty trained and when saying he needs to be changed he calls both pee and poop poop. I *think*he knows the difference and maybe the distinction is not made at home. I am about 90% that whatever developmental issue there may be has no bearing on potty training. I am pretty sure he is physically ready. He's *really* resistant to doing anything for himself. He associates as a baby not as a little capable boy, though that is lessening here in only the 2 short weeks he has been here. The advice I am looking for is - As his childcare provider should I be mentioning what I notice as not quite right with his mother, suggesting he might qualify for services? I am not educated in developmental stuff for kids any more than any other mother. - Any other thoughts you have? Is there any harm in proceeding slowly with potty expectations? I would think that it is very appropriate for a childcare provider to recommend screening by the early intervention folks when it seems reasonable. I suspect your early intervention folks have some sort of set of guidelines for childcare providers to use in making these sorts of suggestions. That might help depersonalize things a bit if you do choose to say something. That way, it's not "I think something isn't quite right with your kid," I was certainly not going to say it like that! But I get your point. it's more, "One of the services I provide is a recommendation for screening when a child's behaviors meet the criteria put out by X, and according to this guideline standard, you might want to have your child screened by them because he might possibly qualify for free services to help get him ready for school." I think that two weeks isn't very long. I would likely wait a bit before doing anything, since he's already making significant strides. You never know--maybe this is more the result of his environment at home. A little bit longer and you'll likely have a much better idea. You can use that time to gather the information about the early intervention program and track some of his behaviors that seem worrisome, and maybe also to target one or two little issues to see if working on them under your care solves the issue or not. True enough. Good thought. As far as proceeding slowly on the potty expectations, what other choice do you have? I meant as opposed to doing nothing. I don't think you can really push it under the circumstances. I don't beleive in pushing it under most circumstances, so that's easy. I think you just proceed carefully and observe and say something to the parents about possible screening if warranted after you've gathered some more information. I would also suspect that the early intervention program might have some developmental checklists that you could share with the parents, perhaps in the context of "this is what I work on with kids at this level." If his delays are due more to inadequate expectations at home, seeing a list of what normal 4yos really are capable of might be a revelation. Even in our preschool, the kids make *huge* strides in so many areas just because parents haven't realized that they are capable of these things (especially first time parents). Best wishes, Ericka Thanks. |
#4
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concerns about 4yo
Stephanie wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message . .. I would think that it is very appropriate for a childcare provider to recommend screening by the early intervention folks when it seems reasonable. I suspect your early intervention folks have some sort of set of guidelines for childcare providers to use in making these sorts of suggestions. That might help depersonalize things a bit if you do choose to say something. That way, it's not "I think something isn't quite right with your kid," I was certainly not going to say it like that! But I get your point. Oh, I didn't think that you would have! But even if you phrase it very tactfully, some people are hellbent on taking things personally. Having a checklist from some external authority can really go a long way toward depersonalizing something like this if the parents are the sort to take anything like that as a criticism of their parenting or a sign that you don't like their child. Goodness knows some parents are like that. As far as proceeding slowly on the potty expectations, what other choice do you have? I meant as opposed to doing nothing. Ahh, sorry. I do think it's reasonable to start taking slow steps in that direction. I don't think you would do any harm as long as you weren't pushing. Take care, Ericka |
#5
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concerns about 4yo
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Stephanie wrote: "Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message . .. I would think that it is very appropriate for a childcare provider to recommend screening by the early intervention folks when it seems reasonable. I suspect your early intervention folks have some sort of set of guidelines for childcare providers to use in making these sorts of suggestions. That might help depersonalize things a bit if you do choose to say something. That way, it's not "I think something isn't quite right with your kid," I was certainly not going to say it like that! But I get your point. Oh, I didn't think that you would have! But even if you phrase it very tactfully, some people are hellbent on taking things personally. Having a checklist from some external authority can really go a long way toward depersonalizing something like this if the parents are the sort to take anything like that as a criticism of their parenting or a sign that you don't like their child. Goodness knows some parents are like that. DS's daycare center just hired an infant/toddler developmental specialist. She sent around a questionnaire that asks whether or not the child (in our case, a 33 month old) does a list of activities. Supposedly it allows her to evaluate how the child is doing and highlight his/her needs. Many activities in this survey are pretty general and the parents can answer pretty easily (e.g., can jump off the ground with both feet). Several things I had not done or even thought about doing with my son - for instance, have him repeat two numbers (e.g., seven three) back to me. I'm not sure if this is a list of things a 33 month old is supposed to be able to do, but it's a nice way of putting such a checklist. Jeanne |
#6
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concerns about 4yo
In article UXDSf.21$1U1.16@trndny05, "Stephanie"
wrote: - As his childcare provider should I be mentioning what I notice as not quite right with his mother, suggesting he might qualify for services? Yes. That's how we found out that our son qualified -- his teacher, as she was kicking him out of her preschool, suggested that we have him screened for behavioral issues. I don't like how she did it, but I appreciate that she had the phone number ready for me. -- Sara accompanied by TK, due in April Quoting, for users of Google Groups: http://groups.google.com/support/bin...4213&topic=250 |
#7
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concerns about 4yo
In article UXDSf.21$1U1.16@trndny05, "Stephanie" wrote:
A little man in my care has some things that strike me as not quite right, and I would like your opinion if these things are in the range of normal. He is approx. 4.5 yo. He speaks very poorly, almost like the 2yos in my care. He refers to himself by his first name. He does not seem to get gender and/or gender pronouns. He and she are used sort of randomly. He will not/cannot call me by my name. He calls his sister by his name as often or more often than her own name. He is not potty trained and when saying he needs to be changed he calls both pee and poop poop. I *think*he knows the difference and maybe the distinction is not made at home. I am about 90% that whatever developmental issue there may be has no bearing on potty training. I am pretty sure he is physically ready. He's *really* resistant to doing anything for himself. He associates as a baby not as a little capable boy, though that is lessening here in only the 2 short weeks he has been here. The advice I am looking for is - As his childcare provider should I be mentioning what I notice as not quite right with his mother, suggesting he might qualify for services? I am not educated in developmental stuff for kids any more than any other mother. I'm just nother Mum too, and my just-5yo is a bright boy, but I am sure this speech isn't right. However, some of it may be due to shyness -- for example, not referring ot you by name -- and some of his speech might be regression due to shyness. Gender should be right more often than wrong by this age, certainly, and of course he should know his own and his sister's name! -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "... if *I* was buying a baby I'd jolly well make sure it was at least a two-tooth!" Mary Grant Bruce, The Houses of the Eagle. |
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