Living with PAS

Well,
The stepdaughter went back to Washington. The past month and a half have
been enlightening if nothing else. Everything she said and did made it
obvious she was determined to not be happy here. This is very sad because
before the divorce, J (the ncp dad), was very close to all three girls,
spending nearly all spare time with them. J was always taking them to
various free events around Olympia and on the res as well as to places like
Barnes and Noble for storytime, etc.

The girl decided she wasn't going to go to school last monday. She had been
up too late playing on the computer and reading. Her dad went to get her up
and then came in to me completely exasperated saying she said she wasn't
going to school, (this had hapened once before and we thought we had worked
it all out). I went and tried to get her up and she didn't move and just
yelled "NO!". Okayyy, I went back and told J and we decided that if she
wasn't going to go to school she sure as heck wasn't going to spend the day
in bed. I hadn't had a bunch of sleep but I told her she had to get up and
help me with stuff around the house. Same answer. Now I was ticked. I
went back to J and talked then I went and got the vacuum cleaner & turned
the tv up loud. Ignored. So I added telling her in no uncertain terms
,(loud enough to be heard over the noise), that she was not going to spend
the day sleeping, either she go to school or she gets up and works. She
continued to ignore me for a while then she finally gets ****ed off and
starts screaming for me to shut the "f" up and again "NO!". Her tone and
body language and everything were basically, I'm not going to and you can't
make me! In fact it was obvious that she was trying for a physical
altercation which was NOT going to happen.

Anyway the whole point of this is how did this kid get to the point where
she thought she had the right to say no to something she was told to do, to
the point of saying you can't MAKE me do it? This is not something her dad
would have allowed and was so shocking and distressing, on top of many other
things that she did, that we realized that there was nothing we could do
with her at this point. We were at our wits end and were not going to be
bullied by this child anymore. It was a difficult decision but we decided
to let her go back.

She would use having "abandonment issues" as an excuse for all sorts of
acting up. She was meeting older (MUCH older like 40's) men on the
internet, they were calling her here and she would secretly meet them. And
she told several of them that she was doing what she was because of
"abandonment issues". She also told one of them that she was extremely good
at being manipulative and she could manipulate anybody she wants. One guy
told me that she was going to run away by going from guy to guy with the
guys she had met while chatting and go around the country. It wasn't
difficult to discover what she had been chatting about and it was the most
shocking things I have ever read especially when written by a 15 yo girl. A
15 yo old going on 40 that is.

We talked to her counselor up there a little especially about the running
away idea. I really hope she somehow manages to get past this. And as far
as her mom, I hope she is reaping what she sowed.

~AZ~

AZ Astrea wrote:

Well,
The stepdaughter went back to Washington. The past month and a half
have been enlightening if nothing else. Everything she said and did
made it obvious she was determined to not be happy here. This is
very sad because before the divorce, J (the ncp dad), was very close
to all three girls, spending nearly all spare time with them. J was
always taking them to various free events around Olympia and on the
res as well as to places like Barnes and Noble for storytime, etc.

The girl decided she wasn't going to go to school last monday. She
had been up too late playing on the computer and reading. Her dad
went to get her up and then came in to me completely exasperated
saying she said she wasn't going to school, (this had hapened once
before and we thought we had worked it all out). I went and tried to
get her up and she didn't move and just yelled "NO!". Okayyy, I went
back and told J and we decided that if she wasn't going to go to
school she sure as heck wasn't going to spend the day in bed. I
hadn't had a bunch of sleep but I told her she had to get up and help
me with stuff around the house. Same answer. Now I was ticked. I
went back to J and talked then I went and got the vacuum cleaner &
turned the tv up loud. Ignored. So I added telling her in no
uncertain terms ,(loud enough to be heard over the noise), that she
was not going to spend the day sleeping, either she go to school or
she gets up and works. She continued to ignore me for a while then
she finally gets ****ed off and starts screaming for me to shut the
"f" up and again "NO!". Her tone and body language and everything
were basically, I'm not going to and you can't make me! In fact it
was obvious that she was trying for a physical altercation which was
NOT going to happen.

Anyway the whole point of this is how did this kid get to the point
where she thought she had the right to say no to something she was
told to do, to the point of saying you can't MAKE me do it? This is
not something her dad would have allowed and was so shocking and
distressing, on top of many other things that she did, that we
realized that there was nothing we could do with her at this point.
We were at our wits end and were not going to be bullied by this
child anymore. It was a difficult decision but we decided to let her
go back.

She would use having "abandonment issues" as an excuse for all sorts
of acting up. She was meeting older (MUCH older like 40's) men on the
internet, they were calling her here and she would secretly meet
them. And she told several of them that she was doing what she was
because of "abandonment issues". She also told one of them that she
was extremely good at being manipulative and she could manipulate
anybody she wants. One guy told me that she was going to run away by
going from guy to guy with the guys she had met while chatting and go
around the country. It wasn't difficult to discover what she had
been chatting about and it was the most shocking things I have ever
read especially when written by a 15 yo girl. A 15 yo old going on
40 that is.

We talked to her counselor up there a little especially about the
running away idea. I really hope she somehow manages to get past
this. And as far as her mom, I hope she is reaping what she sowed.

~AZ~

Sad, but not shocking.