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Told my students I wasn't coming back next year-it didn't go well.
I told my special group students-my choir and band classes-
that I would not be coming back next year, and why (that I'm pregnant and my doctors don't think I should work during the last half of pregnancy, which will start about the time fall classes begin). Basically, half of them are mad and upset-and don't understand why I can't just do like every other teacher and teach until right before the baby comes, then come back 6 weeks later-and the other half aren't really upset, but don't want to do choir or band next year. In general, the kids who were around two years ago when I was last pregnant are in the latter group-those who have come in since are in the first one. The two groups ended up yelling at each other, with the latter group kids basically accusing the former group of forcing me to quit by their bad behavior and stressing me out. I tried to emphasize that this wasn't their fault-that my doctors wouldn't have wanted me to work any job at all-but they're still upset. I'm really wondering what kind of keg of worms I've opened for next year's teacher. These were the kids I most expected to be able to understand and adjust-and to be the core she or he would need in general music classes as well. I'm dreading talking to my general classes next week (I had arranged to spend some time in each classroom-it didn't work to do it in my music classes because so many kids were rehearsing for performances, which won't end until Tuesday). I feel totally awful-and that I've completely messed things up. The goal was to get the kids to love music and be hooked on music-not to be attached to me! I'm also feeling horribly guilty about abandoning them. Even though I'm trying to tell myself that it really won't matter who their music teacher is next year-and keeping my stress level and BP down could make a lot of difference for this baby. |
#2
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Told my students I wasn't coming back next year-it didn't go well.
On Fri, 14 May 2004 15:47:04 -0500, "Donna Metler"
wrote: I feel totally awful-and that I've completely messed things up. The goal was to get the kids to love music and be hooked on music-not to be attached to me! I'm also feeling horribly guilty about abandoning them. Even though I'm trying to tell myself that it really won't matter who their music teacher is next year-and keeping my stress level and BP down could make a lot of difference for this baby. I'm sorry, that sounds miserable for you. Don't feel guilty though, you and yours comes first (which you know already). You sound like you've made a great impact on your students. I can't recall anyone I went to school with ever caring enough about who their teachers were to be disappointed. Marie |
#3
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Told my students I wasn't coming back next year-it didn't go well.
I cared when my Music teacher left in 11th grade.. though he left because he
was arrested and now is in jail for MANY years... but that is not the point. He was the 3rd teacher I had had since Jr high and every time a teacher left the next teacher had a differant teaching style... I HATED the teacher they hired the next year and dropped out of Chorus even though I had been in it since 5th grade. Tori -- Bonnie 3/20/02 Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04 "Marie" wrote in message ... On Fri, 14 May 2004 15:47:04 -0500, "Donna Metler" wrote: I feel totally awful-and that I've completely messed things up. The goal was to get the kids to love music and be hooked on music-not to be attached to me! I'm also feeling horribly guilty about abandoning them. Even though I'm trying to tell myself that it really won't matter who their music teacher is next year-and keeping my stress level and BP down could make a lot of difference for this baby. I'm sorry, that sounds miserable for you. Don't feel guilty though, you and yours comes first (which you know already). You sound like you've made a great impact on your students. I can't recall anyone I went to school with ever caring enough about who their teachers were to be disappointed. Marie |
#4
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Told my students I wasn't coming back next year-it didn't go well.
"Tori M." wrote in message ... I cared when my Music teacher left in 11th grade.. though he left because he was arrested and now is in jail for MANY years... but that is not the point. He was the 3rd teacher I had had since Jr high and every time a teacher left the next teacher had a differant teaching style... I HATED the teacher they hired the next year and dropped out of Chorus even though I had been in it since 5th grade. Tori One of the things which does worry me is that I have been the only music teacher for most of these kids their entire time in school-I've been there 5 years. I'm the only band teacher the school has ever had, because I'm the one who wrote the grants and got the funds to start a band program. I was hoping that by letting the kids know, it would smooth the way for the next teacher-when I first got here, I replaced a teacher who had changed schools after getting really frustrated with the school and kids-and had told the students exactly why she was leaving-and the kids acted like I had killed her and buried her in the parking lot. it took almost a year before they started acting like I belonged there. This poor new teacher will only be there a year (unless we decide that we can afford to have me stay home full-time with the baby, in which case all bets are off). -- Bonnie 3/20/02 Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04 "Marie" wrote in message ... On Fri, 14 May 2004 15:47:04 -0500, "Donna Metler" wrote: I feel totally awful-and that I've completely messed things up. The goal was to get the kids to love music and be hooked on music-not to be attached to me! I'm also feeling horribly guilty about abandoning them. Even though I'm trying to tell myself that it really won't matter who their music teacher is next year-and keeping my stress level and BP down could make a lot of difference for this baby. I'm sorry, that sounds miserable for you. Don't feel guilty though, you and yours comes first (which you know already). You sound like you've made a great impact on your students. I can't recall anyone I went to school with ever caring enough about who their teachers were to be disappointed. Marie |
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Told my students I wasn't coming back next year-it didn't go well.
Donna,
I think you need to have another talk with them. They are understandably shocked and surprised. Let them deal with that. Then, talk to them about how your goal and job was to foster a lifelong love of music, and any bonding and relationship with you was just gravy. Let them know how disappointed you'll be if they don't continue some form of music in their lives -- but if they quit class, it won't be hurting you, it will only be hurting them. Remind them not to throw out the baby with the bathwater, or burn down their house to kill a rat -- or one of those sayings. I found as a teenager, that if I really thought about those types of cliché's, they clicked, and you really understood why it was a cliché, but that it had a real meaning behind it. Anyway, this is a great life lesson for these kids. Help them through it. This isn't a one conversation thing -- this might be an issue to process for a few weeks. -- Jamie & Taylor Earth Angel, 1/3/03 Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html |
#6
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Told my students I wasn't coming back next year-it didn't go well.
It may be very hard, but try not to take it too personally.
Our band director left my junior year of h.s. We were all very upset about it. He was a great director (a little unorthodox at times...but that's a different post . Had graduated from there, had been director for nearly 20 years there, ect. Parents and students alike were exremely distressed. We went from having about 120 kids in marching band to roughly half that size for my senior year. Our new director had quite a lot to live up to and while he tried his best, it took a very long time to get used to the different style of teaching, him as a person in general. It's natural to feel possessive towards the one who has been with you and taught you, the younger students didn't have half as much of an issue with the new guy as the older members did. We clashed on a great many things. It's good that you've given them a heads up that you are leaving and I agree with another poster that you should make it part of an ongoing discussion, not just a bomb that was dropped one day in class. Let them process their inital feelings and then try to have another talk with them. Maybe offer to make yourself available for individual talks if that is possible. Anyway, HTH and good luck. Maria Kelly 2/19/00 Kyle 7/9/01 "Donna Metler" wrote in message ... I told my special group students-my choir and band classes- that I would not be coming back next year, and why (that I'm pregnant and my doctors don't think I should work during the last half of pregnancy, which will start about the time fall classes begin). Basically, half of them are mad and upset-and don't understand why I can't just do like every other teacher and teach until right before the baby comes, then come back 6 weeks later-and the other half aren't really upset, but don't want to do choir or band next year. In general, the kids who were around two years ago when I was last pregnant are in the latter group-those who have come in since are in the first one. The two groups ended up yelling at each other, with the latter group kids basically accusing the former group of forcing me to quit by their bad behavior and stressing me out. I tried to emphasize that this wasn't their fault-that my doctors wouldn't have wanted me to work any job at all-but they're still upset. I'm really wondering what kind of keg of worms I've opened for next year's teacher. These were the kids I most expected to be able to understand and adjust-and to be the core she or he would need in general music classes as well. I'm dreading talking to my general classes next week (I had arranged to spend some time in each classroom-it didn't work to do it in my music classes because so many kids were rehearsing for performances, which won't end until Tuesday). I feel totally awful-and that I've completely messed things up. The goal was to get the kids to love music and be hooked on music-not to be attached to me! I'm also feeling horribly guilty about abandoning them. Even though I'm trying to tell myself that it really won't matter who their music teacher is next year-and keeping my stress level and BP down could make a lot of difference for this baby. |
#7
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Told my students I wasn't coming back next year-it didn't go well.
"Donna Metler" wrote in message
.. . One of the things which does worry me is that I have been the only music teacher for most of these kids their entire time in school-I've been there 5 years. I'm the only band teacher the school has ever had, because I'm the one who wrote the grants and got the funds to start a band program. I was hoping that by letting the kids know, it would smooth the way for the next teacher- when I first got here, I replaced a teacher who had changed schools after getting really frustrated with the school and kids-and had told the students exactly why she was leaving-and the kids acted like I had killed her and buried her in the parking lot. it took almost a year before they started acting like I belonged there. This poor new teacher will only be there a year (unless we decide that we can afford to have me stay home full-time with the baby, in which case all bets are off). This must be so hard for you. IIRC, you are teaching in a socio-economically disadvantaged area? I'm guessing many of the kids might not have great family lives and so, may have a hard time trusting adults. That could explain why they were slow to warm up to you, and why they are feeling so angry and betrayed that you are leaving. But, while I can guess at why they feel that way, what's important is that you remember you are *not* betraying them in any way. They will pick up on any feelings of guilt you have and that will just prevent them from dealing with it effectively. If *you* don't believe it's OK for you to not come back next year, and project that belief with confidence, they certainly won't ever believe it's OK. I think it's a very important life lesson for them to see an example of someone *valuing herself*, and that is what you can do for them right now. I think that learning self-worth and to have enough self-respect to do what is best for them, is something sorely lacking in many disadvantaged children's upbringing - because their parents never got to learn it either. I think it will help them to be able to talk about it with you, as long as you don't put yourself in the position of trying to justify it to them. Avoid ever making it sound like you are seeking their approval for your decision, e.g., ending an explanation with "OK?" Talk about *their* feelings with them, but do not discuss yourself much or offer reason after reason why you need to have next year off. Good luck with this, and for the rest of your pregnancy to be healthy and low-stress. -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 8 months |
#8
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Told my students I wasn't coming back next year-it didn't go well.
"Cheryl S." wrote in message ... "Donna Metler" wrote in message .. . One of the things which does worry me is that I have been the only music teacher for most of these kids their entire time in school-I've been there 5 years. I'm the only band teacher the school has ever had, because I'm the one who wrote the grants and got the funds to start a band program. I was hoping that by letting the kids know, it would smooth the way for the next teacher- when I first got here, I replaced a teacher who had changed schools after getting really frustrated with the school and kids-and had told the students exactly why she was leaving-and the kids acted like I had killed her and buried her in the parking lot. it took almost a year before they started acting like I belonged there. This poor new teacher will only be there a year (unless we decide that we can afford to have me stay home full-time with the baby, in which case all bets are off). This must be so hard for you. IIRC, you are teaching in a socio-economically disadvantaged area? I'm guessing many of the kids might not have great family lives and so, may have a hard time trusting adults. That could explain why they were slow to warm up to you, and why they are feeling so angry and betrayed that you are leaving. But, while I can guess at why they feel that way, what's important is that you remember you are *not* betraying them in any way. They will pick up on any feelings of guilt you have and that will just prevent them from dealing with it effectively. If *you* don't believe it's OK for you to not come back next year, and project that belief with confidence, they certainly won't ever believe it's OK. I think it's a very important life lesson for them to see an example of someone *valuing herself*, and that is what you can do for them right now. I think that learning self-worth and to have enough self-respect to do what is best for them, is something sorely lacking in many disadvantaged children's upbringing - because their parents never got to learn it either. I think it will help them to be able to talk about it with you, as long as you don't put yourself in the position of trying to justify it to them. Avoid ever making it sound like you are seeking their approval for your decision, e.g., ending an explanation with "OK?" Talk about *their* feelings with them, but do not discuss yourself much or offer reason after reason why you need to have next year off. Good luck with this, and for the rest of your pregnancy to be healthy and low-stress. It is an extremely economically depressed area-which may be one reason why the children have so much trouble accepting it. Mothers in this area either have never worked (but don't talk about staying home with the children) or work right up until delivery, and as soon afterwards as the doctor allows them to do it. I was also shocked at the number of mothers who told me after my first pregnancy that they'd has several losses-it almost seems expected that you might have 6 pregnancies and 3 children, for example. And I think you hit the nail on the head. While I know mentally this is the right thing to do for the baby, and I don't believe I'll have any trouble staying home the months AFTER December, right now I feel really good. My BP is staying right about what it was pre-pregnancy, morning sickness isn't bad, and while I have enough symptoms to know that I'm pregnant, the only really annoying one at school is the frequent bathroom visits part. And in some ways, stopping and changing everything seems to be expecting complications in this pregnancy, which seems like a very bad thing to do. When I came back to work after my last maternity leave, it was really the kids who I feel got me back on track emotionally-I couldn't mull over the baby, because they needed me so much. So this is hard for me. One thing which did help is that its very obvious that every ADULT I know feels this is absolutely the right thing to do-including those who have had completely uncomplicated pregnancies and taught right up to going into labor (I have a friend who literally taught all 9 months of her pregnancy, going into the first stages of labor during graduation and having her husband drive her to the hospital at the end of the ceremony!)-most say they wish they'd left early, because it gets so hard to do a good job in the last few months, and that 6 weeks is too early to come back to other people's children (one nice thing about this is that I won't have to make a decision about coming back until next Summer, so I'll have 5-6 months with the baby first) -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 8 months |
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