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Isn't it supposed to get better...



 
 
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  #1  
Old January 28th 04, 07:59 AM
Cheryl S.
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...

I feel like I am really losing my mind, I am so exhausted. 6 weeks ago
it seemed DS was clearly moving toward sleeping all night. There was
even one night where he only got up once, and only nursed for 5 minutes.
But instead since then things keep getting worse. He has gradually been
getting up more often, and staying up longer. Now he's up to two or
three times a night, for at least 30 and usually 45-60 minutes at a
time. He nurses most of that time, though the last 15-20 minutes or so
are not active eating. I think it could partly be because he is
becoming easily distractable and not nursing as much during the day as
he should (could? would?). Maybe that is the entire problem; I can't
think of what else it could be. The main advice I see for the
distraction problem is to nurse in a quiet room. That might work, *if*
I didn't have a noisy, active two year old as well. She is so
distracting to him. I can't keep sending her away - she gets upset at
being separated from me for so long and it seems a good recipe for
sibling problems to keep telling her to go away from the baby. I'm
overusing videos as it is already. They won't even work if I try to use
them to buy nursing time, she'll get too used to them. I am so
irritated and resentful all the time now. I don't even feel like doing
anything, so I wonder sometimes about depression, but I really think
it's just because I am so damn tired and it just seems so darn hard to
take them both out. Help. How do I get him to eat more during the
day?? It's so tempting to think introducing cereal would help but I
know everyone says it doesn't affect sleep. I just don't know what else
to do and something has to change because I feel like I have only one
tiny shred of sanity left and it's stretching thin. I know other people
have had to endure sleep deprivation as bad as this or worse, for
longer, but for me this is more than I can handle.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 10 mo.
And Jaden, 4 1/2 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


  #2  
Old January 28th 04, 10:50 AM
HollyLewis
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...

The main advice I see for the
distraction problem is to nurse in a quiet room. That might work, *if*
I didn't have a noisy, active two year old as well.


Can you nurse him in a sling? If he's willing to be covered up, that might
block out the distraction effectively enough, and the sling would allow you to
continue to play with DD or go out for a walk while he eats.

What about encouraging him to "tank up" in the evening after your DH gets home
and can occupy DD?

Does DD nap? If DS sleeps at the same time DD does, you can doze too. If not,
you can feed him while she's asleep. :-)

In your place, I would also be giving some serious thought to getting DD into
preschool, or maybe some sort of co-op playgroup where you don't have to stay
with her every time. I don't know what's available near you, of course, but
I'm sure *I* would go nuts if I didn't get some time away from a child that age
(with or without putting a new baby to care for into the mix!), and the
experience will likely be good for her too.

Holly
Mom to Camden, almost 3
EDD #2 6/8/04
  #3  
Old January 28th 04, 02:54 PM
Kari
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...

Im in the same boat as you are, Cheryl. Im tired, cranky, miserable. Noah is
older than Julie though so I think that does help me out but he is a very
high maintenance kid. I feel so guilty because I'll let him play his
nintendo (game cube & gba) or watch Nick Jr. all day if it keeps him quiet.
Not every day but on my bad days.

Xander sleeps maybe 3 hours at night at a stretch IF Im lucky. And he has
this awake period for 2 hours between 2am and 4am every night. He's so tired
during the days that he takes cat naps, as many as 4 or 5. And lately he's
been cranky if Im not nursing him or holding him. Not crying cranky but
protesting cranky where I can't really set him down.

I wish I had some advice for you but Im going to be reading this thread with
interest because I really need some sleep too. I dont leave the house much
because of the weather for one and becuase I just can't get the nerve. I get
more tired going out and then Im really stressed and if Xander isn't
sleeping, he hates the car seat and screams.

Could he be teething? I know Xander is drooling all over the place and
putting things in his mouth left and right. He's also learning a lot of new
skills right now, rolling, sitting (or trying to!) and he wont stay still at
night for me anymore. Maybe he does need some more substance and I might get
flamed for saying that but with Noah, as soon as we started him on solids,
he was a completely different baby. It took about a week of cereal at
bedtime mixed with breast mik and he was only getting up once, then slept
through from about 6 mos. Im *so* tempted to start Xan man next week after
he hits the 4 month mark but I dont think I'll be so fast to jump the
bandwagon, but if this keeps up, maybe I will.

Hang in there, if you think you may have PPD it wouldn't hurt to talk to
your Dr. I've been thorugh depression before, not ppd but between kids
actually (when Kaylie was 2 and then when Noah was 3 it started again) and
within a week of being on something I felt better than I had in months. Plus
it helps to talk to someone and that too, is why we're all here to listen

Kari
mom to Kaylie (8) Noah (4) and Xander (3 mos)


  #4  
Old January 28th 04, 03:18 PM
Cheryl S.
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...

"HollyLewis" wrote in message
...
The main advice I see for the
distraction problem is to nurse in a quiet room. That might
work, *if* I didn't have a noisy, active two year old as well.


Can you nurse him in a sling?


I don't even know where my sling is right now. I know I should use it.
I know. But if one kid doesn't need something the other does, and I can
hardly keep myself fed let alone figure out how to use the thing.
Yesterday I had a hunger induced meltdown worthy of any toddler. I'll
try throwing a blanket over him at least.

What about encouraging him to "tank up" in the evening after
your DH gets home and can occupy DD?


DH gets home relatively late many evenings. DS does nurse a lot in the
evening. Yesterday he nursed from about 6:15 to 7:00 and 8:40 to 9:15.

Does DD nap? If DS sleeps at the same time DD does, you can
doze too. If not, you can feed him while she's asleep. :-)


She "naps" (i.e. doesn't always sleep but always spends time in her
crib) most days, starting at about 3:00. She's getting a bed soon which
I shudder to think of. For most of his life I have spent 3:00 to 5:00
nursing DS. If they ever sleep at the same time it's a miracle, and I
do jump right into bed for a nap when I'm lucky enough to have that
happen.

In your place, I would also be giving some serious thought to getting

DD into
preschool, or maybe some sort of co-op playgroup where you don't have

to stay
with her every time. I don't know what's available near you, of

course, but
I'm sure *I* would go nuts if I didn't get some time away from a child

that age
(with or without putting a new baby to care for into the mix!), and

the
experience will likely be good for her too.


She is in a class already but it's only an hour and fifteen minutes
long. I honestly am starting to feel it's more trouble than it's worth,
especially with all the snow we've got right now. I spend as much time
getting them both in and out of the car and driving, as she spends
there. Yesterday I dropped her off, came straight home, nursed DS the
entire time I was home up until the last minute before I had to scramble
back to get DD, and still had to cut him off before he was done. I may
look for a longer preschool, but she is too young for all the
traditional preschools current school year around here. I am looking
for next school year, but September cannot come fast enough for me right
now! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who can't take caring for an
almost-3-y.o. 24/7. Thanks for your suggestions Holly, it really does
help just to be "heard". ;-)
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 10 mo.
And Jaden, 4.5 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


  #5  
Old January 28th 04, 03:44 PM
Tine Andersen
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...


"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
She is in a class already but it's only an hour and fifteen minutes
long. I honestly am starting to feel it's more trouble than it's worth,
especially with all the snow we've got right now. I spend as much time
getting them both in and out of the car and driving, as she spends
there. Yesterday I dropped her off, came straight home, nursed DS the
entire time I was home up until the last minute before I had to scramble
back to get DD, and still had to cut him off before he was done. I may
look for a longer preschool, but she is too young for all the
traditional preschools current school year around here. I am looking
for next school year, but September cannot come fast enough for me right
now! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who can't take caring for an
almost-3-y.o. 24/7. Thanks for your suggestions Holly, it really does
help just to be "heard". ;-)


It's a cultural thing. In my country most kids 2 yo kids would be in some
kind of daycare for 6-8 hours a day - 5 days a week. They turn out quite
fine most of them (as in all other countries)

If you are at your witts end find someone to take her for several hours in a
row several times a week. It could be a life saver. I would have become nuts
caring for two so small children at the same time for very long.
/
Tine, Denmark


  #6  
Old January 28th 04, 03:49 PM
Sue
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...

Cheryl S. wrote in message
She is in a class already but it's only an hour and fifteen minutes
long. I honestly am starting to feel it's more trouble than it's worth,
especially with all the snow we've got right now. I spend as much time
getting them both in and out of the car and driving, as she spends
there. Yesterday I dropped her off, came straight home, nursed DS the
entire time I was home up until the last minute before I had to scramble
back to get DD, and still had to cut him off before he was done. I may
look for a longer preschool, but she is too young for all the
traditional preschools current school year around here. I am looking
for next school year, but September cannot come fast enough for me right
now! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who can't take caring for an
almost-3-y.o. 24/7. Thanks for your suggestions Holly, it really does
help just to be "heard". ;-)


And imo, it doesn't get better until they are in school full time. During
the preschool years with all three of mine was the most frustrating, because
school was only 3 hours long and all I did was shuttle back and forth. Learn
the fine art of car pooling. Is there any other mom that you have gotten to
know that lives near you? You drop off in the morning and have someone else
pick Julie up so you don't have to get back out. Perhaps then Jaden can nap
and more sleep during the day would help him at night. Also, could you just
stay at the school for the time she is there? I don't mean in the class
directly, but is there a library you could just park yourself and Jaden and
read a book? Why do you think 3-4 hours is too long for a 3-year-old? I bet
she would love it. I know mine did.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...


  #7  
Old January 28th 04, 03:51 PM
Nikki
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...

Cheryl S. wrote:

I just don't know what else to do and something has to
change because I feel like I have only one tiny shred of sanity left
and it's stretching thin. I know other people have had to endure
sleep deprivation as bad as this or worse, for longer, but for me
this is more than I can handle.


Call in all the troups. Do you have any family, even somewhat close. Could
Julie stay the weekend with grandma and your husband could commit the
weekend to Jaden so all you had to do was nurse him and he did the rest.
Luke and Julie are about the same age and if I needed to, I wouldn't feel
bad about him staying a weekend with his grandma. A weekend like that every
couple months might help. I'm sorry I don't have any better suggestions
:-( Jaden sounds a lot like Hunter, except Hunter was my first so it wasn't
so hard.

Does Jaden take a bottle? I've heard some people have luck with having dad
tank the baby up with a bottle of EBM at the first night waking. At least
you'd initially get a slighly longer stretch of sleep in. Pumping the
bottle might be a pain though.

Don't rule out depression either! Speak with your doctor.

Hope things get better soon!

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)


  #8  
Old January 28th 04, 03:57 PM
Cheryl S.
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...

"Kari" wrote in message
...
Im in the same boat as you are, Cheryl.


I'm sorry to hear that but kind of relieved to know I'm not the only
one.

Xander sleeps maybe 3 hours at night at a stretch IF Im lucky.
And he has this awake period for 2 hours between 2am and
4am every night. He's so tired during the days that he takes
cat naps, as many as 4 or 5. And lately he's been cranky if
Im not nursing him or holding him. Not crying cranky but
protesting cranky where I can't really set him down.


This sounds just like Jaden too, other than the awake period from 2am to
4am which thankfully he doesn't currently have. He was up from 12:00 to
2:00 last night though so we may be headed for that. He doesn't take
naps of any significant length - he sleeps and nurses at the same time.
It's like going back to having a newborn again.

I wish I had some advice for you but Im going to be reading
this thread with interest because I really need some sleep too.
I dont leave the house much because of the weather for one
and becuase I just can't get the nerve. I get more tired going
out and then Im really stressed and if Xander isn't
sleeping, he hates the car seat and screams.


Our weather is bad too. Jaden often cries when I put him in his carseat
too. Last week I made it out to the mall for Julie to play on the
indoor playground, which was great for her, but when we were leaving, I
looked up from putting Jaden's bunting on him and she had run off and I
didn't know where she was for a minute. So now I'm afraid of taking
them both out! I really feel like I've got more than I can handle ATM.
It doesn't help at all that whenever things get really bad (like last
night) DH says to me that he *knew* it would be a bad idea to have
another baby. It just kills me to hear that. So I feel like I have to
hide my difficulties from him rather than being able to rely on him for
help. Very bad, I know.

Could he be teething? I know Xander is drooling all over the
place and putting things in his mouth left and right.


Actually he is teething, I keep forgetting that. I can't remember
anything these days. At his 4-month check up the doctor said she could
feel his lower right tooth, but it was still way down there and wouldn't
be coming through anytime soon.

He's also learning a lot of new
skills right now, rolling, sitting (or trying to!) and he wont
stay still at night for me anymore.


Jaden would *so* love to be able to sit up. I think that alone will be
a big improvement in his (and therefore, my) life. :-)

Maybe he does need some more substance and I might get
flamed for saying that but with Noah, as soon as we started
him on solids, he was a completely different baby.


A month ago, Jaden had gotten to where he nursed 7 times a day for no
more than 15 minutes at a time, sometimes only 5. Now it seems like
he's norsing more than 7 times, though I haven't actually kept track,
and for 30-45 minutes at a time. Honestly if that isn't an indication
that he needs more to eat I don't know what is. I was going to wait
until 6 months but now I'm thinking 5. I don't think it can hurt to try
it.

Hang in there, if you think you may have PPD it wouldn't
hurt to talk to your Dr.


I really think it is just being so tired, though it's having some of the
same effects as depression.

Plus it helps to talk to someone and that too, is why
we're all here to listen


Thanks Kari, I hope you get some helpful ideas from this thread too.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 9 mo.
And Jaden, 4 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


  #9  
Old January 28th 04, 04:06 PM
Cheryl S.
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...

"Sue" wrote in message
...
And imo, it doesn't get better until they are in school full time.
During the preschool years with all three of mine was the most
frustrating, because school was only 3 hours long and all I did
was shuttle back and forth. Learn the fine art of car pooling.


How does that work with carseats though? I can't fit another carseat
into my car to transport another kid.

Also, could you just stay at the school for the time she is there?


Yes, there is a nature center in the same building that has a comfy
reading corner and a birdwatching area with benches. I really should
just go there, and I have actually done that before. I don't know why I
didn't keep doing it. I am just not thinking very well right now.

Why do you think 3-4 hours is too long for a 3-year-old? I bet
she would love it. I know mine did.


I don't think it is too long - for *me*, 3-4 hours is not long enough,
lol! - but she's below the cutoff age for the current school year 3-y.o.
programs. She would have had to be 3 by last December 1.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 10 mo.
And Jaden, 4.5 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


  #10  
Old January 28th 04, 04:07 PM
Kari
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Default Isn't it supposed to get better...


It doesn't help at all that whenever things get really bad (like last
night) DH says to me that he *knew* it would be a bad idea to have
another baby. It just kills me to hear that.


Ugh, that sounds just like mine when he says "and you want a 4th?" Grrrrr.

So I feel like I have to
hide my difficulties from him rather than being able to rely on him for
help. Very bad, I know.


I feel the same way sometimes. Like I have no room to complain since I was
the one who really wanted more kids (he wanted 2, I wanted 6, so we are
pretty sure we're going have 4)


Actually he is teething, I keep forgetting that. I can't remember
anything these days. At his 4-month check up the doctor said she could
feel his lower right tooth, but it was still way down there and wouldn't
be coming through anytime soon.


That may be part of it, maybe once that tooth pops through (hopefully sooner
rather than later) he will feel better.



Jaden would *so* love to be able to sit up. I think that alone will be
a big improvement in his (and therefore, my) life. :-)


Do you prop him with pillows or a boppy? I do that right now and it keeps
him happy for a few minutes. Im kind of lost though for what to do now that
he doesn't like the swing he used to love, he wont sit in the bouncy seat.
He does like the excersaucer for about, oh, a minute, lol.


I really think it is just being so tired, though it's having some of the
same effects as depression.


Yes, that could be it. It's so hard to function and feel normal when you're
tired.

I keep telling myself - this too shall pass. Im still waiting though....

Kari



 




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