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#1
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
I feel like I am really losing my mind, I am so exhausted. 6 weeks ago
it seemed DS was clearly moving toward sleeping all night. There was even one night where he only got up once, and only nursed for 5 minutes. But instead since then things keep getting worse. He has gradually been getting up more often, and staying up longer. Now he's up to two or three times a night, for at least 30 and usually 45-60 minutes at a time. He nurses most of that time, though the last 15-20 minutes or so are not active eating. I think it could partly be because he is becoming easily distractable and not nursing as much during the day as he should (could? would?). Maybe that is the entire problem; I can't think of what else it could be. The main advice I see for the distraction problem is to nurse in a quiet room. That might work, *if* I didn't have a noisy, active two year old as well. She is so distracting to him. I can't keep sending her away - she gets upset at being separated from me for so long and it seems a good recipe for sibling problems to keep telling her to go away from the baby. I'm overusing videos as it is already. They won't even work if I try to use them to buy nursing time, she'll get too used to them. I am so irritated and resentful all the time now. I don't even feel like doing anything, so I wonder sometimes about depression, but I really think it's just because I am so damn tired and it just seems so darn hard to take them both out. Help. How do I get him to eat more during the day?? It's so tempting to think introducing cereal would help but I know everyone says it doesn't affect sleep. I just don't know what else to do and something has to change because I feel like I have only one tiny shred of sanity left and it's stretching thin. I know other people have had to endure sleep deprivation as bad as this or worse, for longer, but for me this is more than I can handle. -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 10 mo. And Jaden, 4 1/2 months Cleaning the house while your children are small is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing. |
#2
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
The main advice I see for the
distraction problem is to nurse in a quiet room. That might work, *if* I didn't have a noisy, active two year old as well. Can you nurse him in a sling? If he's willing to be covered up, that might block out the distraction effectively enough, and the sling would allow you to continue to play with DD or go out for a walk while he eats. What about encouraging him to "tank up" in the evening after your DH gets home and can occupy DD? Does DD nap? If DS sleeps at the same time DD does, you can doze too. If not, you can feed him while she's asleep. :-) In your place, I would also be giving some serious thought to getting DD into preschool, or maybe some sort of co-op playgroup where you don't have to stay with her every time. I don't know what's available near you, of course, but I'm sure *I* would go nuts if I didn't get some time away from a child that age (with or without putting a new baby to care for into the mix!), and the experience will likely be good for her too. Holly Mom to Camden, almost 3 EDD #2 6/8/04 |
#3
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
Im in the same boat as you are, Cheryl. Im tired, cranky, miserable. Noah is
older than Julie though so I think that does help me out but he is a very high maintenance kid. I feel so guilty because I'll let him play his nintendo (game cube & gba) or watch Nick Jr. all day if it keeps him quiet. Not every day but on my bad days. Xander sleeps maybe 3 hours at night at a stretch IF Im lucky. And he has this awake period for 2 hours between 2am and 4am every night. He's so tired during the days that he takes cat naps, as many as 4 or 5. And lately he's been cranky if Im not nursing him or holding him. Not crying cranky but protesting cranky where I can't really set him down. I wish I had some advice for you but Im going to be reading this thread with interest because I really need some sleep too. I dont leave the house much because of the weather for one and becuase I just can't get the nerve. I get more tired going out and then Im really stressed and if Xander isn't sleeping, he hates the car seat and screams. Could he be teething? I know Xander is drooling all over the place and putting things in his mouth left and right. He's also learning a lot of new skills right now, rolling, sitting (or trying to!) and he wont stay still at night for me anymore. Maybe he does need some more substance and I might get flamed for saying that but with Noah, as soon as we started him on solids, he was a completely different baby. It took about a week of cereal at bedtime mixed with breast mik and he was only getting up once, then slept through from about 6 mos. Im *so* tempted to start Xan man next week after he hits the 4 month mark but I dont think I'll be so fast to jump the bandwagon, but if this keeps up, maybe I will. Hang in there, if you think you may have PPD it wouldn't hurt to talk to your Dr. I've been thorugh depression before, not ppd but between kids actually (when Kaylie was 2 and then when Noah was 3 it started again) and within a week of being on something I felt better than I had in months. Plus it helps to talk to someone and that too, is why we're all here to listen Kari mom to Kaylie (8) Noah (4) and Xander (3 mos) |
#4
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
"HollyLewis" wrote in message
... The main advice I see for the distraction problem is to nurse in a quiet room. That might work, *if* I didn't have a noisy, active two year old as well. Can you nurse him in a sling? I don't even know where my sling is right now. I know I should use it. I know. But if one kid doesn't need something the other does, and I can hardly keep myself fed let alone figure out how to use the thing. Yesterday I had a hunger induced meltdown worthy of any toddler. I'll try throwing a blanket over him at least. What about encouraging him to "tank up" in the evening after your DH gets home and can occupy DD? DH gets home relatively late many evenings. DS does nurse a lot in the evening. Yesterday he nursed from about 6:15 to 7:00 and 8:40 to 9:15. Does DD nap? If DS sleeps at the same time DD does, you can doze too. If not, you can feed him while she's asleep. :-) She "naps" (i.e. doesn't always sleep but always spends time in her crib) most days, starting at about 3:00. She's getting a bed soon which I shudder to think of. For most of his life I have spent 3:00 to 5:00 nursing DS. If they ever sleep at the same time it's a miracle, and I do jump right into bed for a nap when I'm lucky enough to have that happen. In your place, I would also be giving some serious thought to getting DD into preschool, or maybe some sort of co-op playgroup where you don't have to stay with her every time. I don't know what's available near you, of course, but I'm sure *I* would go nuts if I didn't get some time away from a child that age (with or without putting a new baby to care for into the mix!), and the experience will likely be good for her too. She is in a class already but it's only an hour and fifteen minutes long. I honestly am starting to feel it's more trouble than it's worth, especially with all the snow we've got right now. I spend as much time getting them both in and out of the car and driving, as she spends there. Yesterday I dropped her off, came straight home, nursed DS the entire time I was home up until the last minute before I had to scramble back to get DD, and still had to cut him off before he was done. I may look for a longer preschool, but she is too young for all the traditional preschools current school year around here. I am looking for next school year, but September cannot come fast enough for me right now! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who can't take caring for an almost-3-y.o. 24/7. Thanks for your suggestions Holly, it really does help just to be "heard". ;-) -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 10 mo. And Jaden, 4.5 months Cleaning the house while your children are small is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing. |
#5
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
"Cheryl S." wrote in message ... She is in a class already but it's only an hour and fifteen minutes long. I honestly am starting to feel it's more trouble than it's worth, especially with all the snow we've got right now. I spend as much time getting them both in and out of the car and driving, as she spends there. Yesterday I dropped her off, came straight home, nursed DS the entire time I was home up until the last minute before I had to scramble back to get DD, and still had to cut him off before he was done. I may look for a longer preschool, but she is too young for all the traditional preschools current school year around here. I am looking for next school year, but September cannot come fast enough for me right now! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who can't take caring for an almost-3-y.o. 24/7. Thanks for your suggestions Holly, it really does help just to be "heard". ;-) It's a cultural thing. In my country most kids 2 yo kids would be in some kind of daycare for 6-8 hours a day - 5 days a week. They turn out quite fine most of them (as in all other countries) If you are at your witts end find someone to take her for several hours in a row several times a week. It could be a life saver. I would have become nuts caring for two so small children at the same time for very long. / Tine, Denmark |
#6
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
Cheryl S. wrote in message
She is in a class already but it's only an hour and fifteen minutes long. I honestly am starting to feel it's more trouble than it's worth, especially with all the snow we've got right now. I spend as much time getting them both in and out of the car and driving, as she spends there. Yesterday I dropped her off, came straight home, nursed DS the entire time I was home up until the last minute before I had to scramble back to get DD, and still had to cut him off before he was done. I may look for a longer preschool, but she is too young for all the traditional preschools current school year around here. I am looking for next school year, but September cannot come fast enough for me right now! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who can't take caring for an almost-3-y.o. 24/7. Thanks for your suggestions Holly, it really does help just to be "heard". ;-) And imo, it doesn't get better until they are in school full time. During the preschool years with all three of mine was the most frustrating, because school was only 3 hours long and all I did was shuttle back and forth. Learn the fine art of car pooling. Is there any other mom that you have gotten to know that lives near you? You drop off in the morning and have someone else pick Julie up so you don't have to get back out. Perhaps then Jaden can nap and more sleep during the day would help him at night. Also, could you just stay at the school for the time she is there? I don't mean in the class directly, but is there a library you could just park yourself and Jaden and read a book? Why do you think 3-4 hours is too long for a 3-year-old? I bet she would love it. I know mine did. -- Sue (mom to three girls) I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World... |
#7
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
Cheryl S. wrote:
I just don't know what else to do and something has to change because I feel like I have only one tiny shred of sanity left and it's stretching thin. I know other people have had to endure sleep deprivation as bad as this or worse, for longer, but for me this is more than I can handle. Call in all the troups. Do you have any family, even somewhat close. Could Julie stay the weekend with grandma and your husband could commit the weekend to Jaden so all you had to do was nurse him and he did the rest. Luke and Julie are about the same age and if I needed to, I wouldn't feel bad about him staying a weekend with his grandma. A weekend like that every couple months might help. I'm sorry I don't have any better suggestions :-( Jaden sounds a lot like Hunter, except Hunter was my first so it wasn't so hard. Does Jaden take a bottle? I've heard some people have luck with having dad tank the baby up with a bottle of EBM at the first night waking. At least you'd initially get a slighly longer stretch of sleep in. Pumping the bottle might be a pain though. Don't rule out depression either! Speak with your doctor. Hope things get better soon! -- Nikki Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2) |
#8
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
"Kari" wrote in message
... Im in the same boat as you are, Cheryl. I'm sorry to hear that but kind of relieved to know I'm not the only one. Xander sleeps maybe 3 hours at night at a stretch IF Im lucky. And he has this awake period for 2 hours between 2am and 4am every night. He's so tired during the days that he takes cat naps, as many as 4 or 5. And lately he's been cranky if Im not nursing him or holding him. Not crying cranky but protesting cranky where I can't really set him down. This sounds just like Jaden too, other than the awake period from 2am to 4am which thankfully he doesn't currently have. He was up from 12:00 to 2:00 last night though so we may be headed for that. He doesn't take naps of any significant length - he sleeps and nurses at the same time. It's like going back to having a newborn again. I wish I had some advice for you but Im going to be reading this thread with interest because I really need some sleep too. I dont leave the house much because of the weather for one and becuase I just can't get the nerve. I get more tired going out and then Im really stressed and if Xander isn't sleeping, he hates the car seat and screams. Our weather is bad too. Jaden often cries when I put him in his carseat too. Last week I made it out to the mall for Julie to play on the indoor playground, which was great for her, but when we were leaving, I looked up from putting Jaden's bunting on him and she had run off and I didn't know where she was for a minute. So now I'm afraid of taking them both out! I really feel like I've got more than I can handle ATM. It doesn't help at all that whenever things get really bad (like last night) DH says to me that he *knew* it would be a bad idea to have another baby. It just kills me to hear that. So I feel like I have to hide my difficulties from him rather than being able to rely on him for help. Very bad, I know. Could he be teething? I know Xander is drooling all over the place and putting things in his mouth left and right. Actually he is teething, I keep forgetting that. I can't remember anything these days. At his 4-month check up the doctor said she could feel his lower right tooth, but it was still way down there and wouldn't be coming through anytime soon. He's also learning a lot of new skills right now, rolling, sitting (or trying to!) and he wont stay still at night for me anymore. Jaden would *so* love to be able to sit up. I think that alone will be a big improvement in his (and therefore, my) life. :-) Maybe he does need some more substance and I might get flamed for saying that but with Noah, as soon as we started him on solids, he was a completely different baby. A month ago, Jaden had gotten to where he nursed 7 times a day for no more than 15 minutes at a time, sometimes only 5. Now it seems like he's norsing more than 7 times, though I haven't actually kept track, and for 30-45 minutes at a time. Honestly if that isn't an indication that he needs more to eat I don't know what is. I was going to wait until 6 months but now I'm thinking 5. I don't think it can hurt to try it. Hang in there, if you think you may have PPD it wouldn't hurt to talk to your Dr. I really think it is just being so tired, though it's having some of the same effects as depression. Plus it helps to talk to someone and that too, is why we're all here to listen Thanks Kari, I hope you get some helpful ideas from this thread too. -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 9 mo. And Jaden, 4 months Cleaning the house while your children are small is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing. |
#9
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
"Sue" wrote in message
... And imo, it doesn't get better until they are in school full time. During the preschool years with all three of mine was the most frustrating, because school was only 3 hours long and all I did was shuttle back and forth. Learn the fine art of car pooling. How does that work with carseats though? I can't fit another carseat into my car to transport another kid. Also, could you just stay at the school for the time she is there? Yes, there is a nature center in the same building that has a comfy reading corner and a birdwatching area with benches. I really should just go there, and I have actually done that before. I don't know why I didn't keep doing it. I am just not thinking very well right now. Why do you think 3-4 hours is too long for a 3-year-old? I bet she would love it. I know mine did. I don't think it is too long - for *me*, 3-4 hours is not long enough, lol! - but she's below the cutoff age for the current school year 3-y.o. programs. She would have had to be 3 by last December 1. -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 10 mo. And Jaden, 4.5 months Cleaning the house while your children are small is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing. |
#10
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Isn't it supposed to get better...
It doesn't help at all that whenever things get really bad (like last night) DH says to me that he *knew* it would be a bad idea to have another baby. It just kills me to hear that. Ugh, that sounds just like mine when he says "and you want a 4th?" Grrrrr. So I feel like I have to hide my difficulties from him rather than being able to rely on him for help. Very bad, I know. I feel the same way sometimes. Like I have no room to complain since I was the one who really wanted more kids (he wanted 2, I wanted 6, so we are pretty sure we're going have 4) Actually he is teething, I keep forgetting that. I can't remember anything these days. At his 4-month check up the doctor said she could feel his lower right tooth, but it was still way down there and wouldn't be coming through anytime soon. That may be part of it, maybe once that tooth pops through (hopefully sooner rather than later) he will feel better. Jaden would *so* love to be able to sit up. I think that alone will be a big improvement in his (and therefore, my) life. :-) Do you prop him with pillows or a boppy? I do that right now and it keeps him happy for a few minutes. Im kind of lost though for what to do now that he doesn't like the swing he used to love, he wont sit in the bouncy seat. He does like the excersaucer for about, oh, a minute, lol. I really think it is just being so tired, though it's having some of the same effects as depression. Yes, that could be it. It's so hard to function and feel normal when you're tired. I keep telling myself - this too shall pass. Im still waiting though.... Kari |
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