Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?

In article , enigma says...

Banty wrote in
:

All went very well, but one of the requirements was a visit
from social workers. That went OK, but one item that
concerned me is that they tested my son, showing him
pictures. It looked like he was getting some testing for
how he pronounces words. One picture was of a handgun. He
didn't know what that was.

At the end of the visit, one of the social workers
commented that it was good that he didn't know what a gun
was - are there guns in my house? I said "no". But I
wondered - is their scope way beyond educational needs, and
what if we were a hunting family?

oh, yeah! they certainly are/were scoping out for other
things. i got an earful about both the guns (it's a freaking
air gun!) *and* the bows & arrows. neither was within child
reach, but OMG! they were *in the house!!!*
they're also checking out your housekeeping. you get huge
ticks off for clutter, dishes in the sink & probably the dust
bunnies under the furniture. big dogs are a "bad thing" too,
especially "dangerous" breeds like Malamutes.
i'm shocked my kid has made it to 7, really.
i bet they'd be having absolute hissies if they knew i bought
Boo his very own soft pellet gun (with glow in the dark
pellets) so he can target practice in the basement...

You have Malamutes? Cool.

Yes, although I'm pretty plain-vanilla as far as those issues, aside from being
a single mother, I didn't like the feeling of being scrutinized in view of
whatever the concern-du-jour would be.

Banty

cjra wrote in

oups.com:

Anyway - why was therapy so bad for him, other than the
fallout of the preschool situation?

oh no, the early intervention therapies were *wonderful*. the
problems were when they tried to transfer him to the school
district.
the comment about speech therapy being the stupidest thing
i've ever done, parenting-wise, is because he never shuts up
now he's constantly yammering (lots of echolalia, which i'm
getting better at tuning out) & even talks in his sleep (his
teachers say he doesn't do that at school though).
oh, one other thing... i think you mentioned your daughter
cosleeps? don't tell them that! that was one of the things
that got me labelled as overly attached. i didn't transfer him
to his own bed until he was 3.5.
lee

Banty wrote in
:

You have Malamutes? Cool.

only one, & he's not the one we had when Boo was getting
services.
we had Delby at that point. he was a rush rescue through
AMRONE (he was put in a kill shelter on Friday evening & was
due for euthanization Monday morning. AMRONE picked him up
Saturday & i got him Saturday afternoon). he was 9 when we got
him (pre-Boo) & was a *great* dog, and a huge Mal. 125 pounds,
no fat. when he died of cancer at 12 i contacted AMRONE for
another rescue, but they won't place dogs in homes with kids
under 9 now. i understand, because rescue dogs can be quirky.
the current Mal is Chief, who just turned 3 & is a bit, um,
puppy exuberant still. our older Great Pyr/Border Collie
doesn't like his exuberance. i've told Tom we need 2 more Mals
for Chief to play with (& make a teamg)

Yes, although I'm pretty plain-vanilla as far as those
issues, aside from being a single mother, I didn't like the
feeling of being scrutinized in view of whatever the
concern-du-jour would be.

some things just *aren't* their business. if the kid is
clean, clothed, fed & happy, leave the parents alone.
lee

In article , enigma says...

Banty wrote in
:

You have Malamutes? Cool.

only one, & he's not the one we had when Boo was getting
services.
we had Delby at that point. he was a rush rescue through
AMRONE (he was put in a kill shelter on Friday evening & was
due for euthanization Monday morning. AMRONE picked him up
Saturday & i got him Saturday afternoon). he was 9 when we got
him (pre-Boo) & was a *great* dog, and a huge Mal. 125 pounds,
no fat. when he died of cancer at 12 i contacted AMRONE for
another rescue, but they won't place dogs in homes with kids
under 9 now. i understand, because rescue dogs can be quirky.
the current Mal is Chief, who just turned 3 & is a bit, um,
puppy exuberant still. our older Great Pyr/Border Collie
doesn't like his exuberance. i've told Tom we need 2 more Mals
for Chief to play with (& make a teamg)

Hee.

We just got a lab-hound mix resuced from Little Rock in July. He's real sweet.
My son wanted a Husky, but we're not home enough, and no fenced yard.


Yes, although I'm pretty plain-vanilla as far as those
issues, aside from being a single mother, I didn't like the
feeling of being scrutinized in view of whatever the
concern-du-jour would be.

some things just *aren't* their business. if the kid is
clean, clothed, fed & happy, leave the parents alone.
lee

Right. What's with the co-sleeping/spanking/gun bit.

Banty

On Fri, 7 Dec 2007 15:35:33 +0000 (UTC), enigma
wrote:

cjra wrote in

oups.com:

Anyway - why was therapy so bad for him, other than the
fallout of the preschool situation?

oh no, the early intervention therapies were *wonderful*. the
problems were when they tried to transfer him to the school
district.
the comment about speech therapy being the stupidest thing
i've ever done, parenting-wise, is because he never shuts up
now he's constantly yammering (lots of echolalia, which i'm
getting better at tuning out) & even talks in his sleep (his
teachers say he doesn't do that at school though).
oh, one other thing... i think you mentioned your daughter
cosleeps? don't tell them that! that was one of the things
that got me labelled as overly attached. i didn't transfer him
to his own bed until he was 3.5.
lee

See, I didn't have any negative feedback for co-sleeping. My
evaluator actually said she thought it was "wonderful".

Nan

On Fri, 7 Dec 2007 06:45:29 -0800 (PST), cjra
wrote:


This makes me feel better, since we're having our evaluation next week!

Please forgive me if I'm not remembering correctly... are you in
Indiana?

Nan

Nan wrote in
:

On Fri, 7 Dec 2007 15:35:33 +0000 (UTC), enigma
wrote:

cjra wrote in

gr oups.com:

Anyway - why was therapy so bad for him, other than the
fallout of the preschool situation?

oh no, the early intervention therapies were *wonderful*.
the
problems were when they tried to transfer him to the school
district.
the comment about speech therapy being the stupidest thing
i've ever done, parenting-wise, is because he never shuts
up now he's constantly yammering (lots of echolalia,
which i'm getting better at tuning out) & even talks in his
sleep (his teachers say he doesn't do that at school
though).
oh, one other thing... i think you mentioned your daughter
cosleeps? don't tell them that! that was one of the things
that got me labelled as overly attached. i didn't transfer
him to his own bed until he was 3.5.
lee

See, I didn't have any negative feedback for co-sleeping.
My evaluator actually said she thought it was "wonderful".

maybe because you have girls & i have a boy? i'm sorry, but
if they think a mother cosleeping with a baby/toddler boy is
wrong then *they* have serious mental health issues they need
to address!
oh, apparently not forcing him to submit to haircuts was a
no-no too.
lee

Chookie wrote:
In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Chookie wrote:

The only thing I disagree with Ericka about is dropping in unannounced; I
think that's rude, and it can be very inconvenient for the carers.
Dropping in unannounced is widely recommended in the US, and
pretty much all daycare centers expect it. If you don't drop in once
in a while, how do you know that what goes on at pickup/dropoff times
is representative of what goes on all day?

I was under the impression we were talking about *finding* a day care, not
checking up on an enrolled child.

I think the thread veered a bit to discussing ways to
evaluate a daycare, which includes an ongoing component ;-)

DOes your question imply your places have set dropoff/pickup times? We don't.

Some places do, and some don't. If parents are coming and
going all day long, you may feel less compelled to drop by at different
times than if you had a situation where all the parents dropped off
early in the morning and didn't pick up until late afternoon. With a
smaller center or a home daycare, it's not uncommon that parents
would be unlikely to be coming and going all day.

I think it's reasonable for visitors evaluating the facility
to have scheduled times for a visit, but if you have a child in the
facility then you should never be forbidden to enter.

It never crossed my mind that someone would try to forbid me seeing/collecting
my own child! And if it happened, my kid would be out of there so fast the
director would be spinning for a week.

Some will try to discourage parents from arriving unannounced
or at unexpected times. That's typically a bad sign, and the point
of the suggestion that one should test out their willingness to have
parents drop in unannounced.

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Fri, 7 Dec 2007 16:28:46 +0000 (UTC), enigma
wrote:

Nan wrote in
:

On Fri, 7 Dec 2007 15:35:33 +0000 (UTC), enigma
wrote:

cjra wrote in

gr oups.com:

Anyway - why was therapy so bad for him, other than the
fallout of the preschool situation?

oh no, the early intervention therapies were *wonderful*.
the
problems were when they tried to transfer him to the school
district.
the comment about speech therapy being the stupidest thing
i've ever done, parenting-wise, is because he never shuts
up now he's constantly yammering (lots of echolalia,
which i'm getting better at tuning out) & even talks in his
sleep (his teachers say he doesn't do that at school
though).
oh, one other thing... i think you mentioned your daughter
cosleeps? don't tell them that! that was one of the things
that got me labelled as overly attached. i didn't transfer
him to his own bed until he was 3.5.
lee

See, I didn't have any negative feedback for co-sleeping.
My evaluator actually said she thought it was "wonderful".

maybe because you have girls & i have a boy? i'm sorry, but
if they think a mother cosleeping with a baby/toddler boy is
wrong then *they* have serious mental health issues they need
to address!
oh, apparently not forcing him to submit to haircuts was a
no-no too.
lee

I'm wondering if you just had a bad caseworker or it's the agency you
dealt with, rather than a child gender issue.

My ds didn't co-sleep past the toddler stage but he had episodes of
sleep walking at times and would come to my room in the middle of the
night. Some nights he'd crawl in bed with me, other times I'd find
him sleeping in a 'nest' on the floor next to my bed. He was around 7
or so. I wasn't about to forbid him from coming to my room if he
needed to!

Nan

On Dec 7, 10:36 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Chookie wrote:
In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Chookie wrote:

The only thing I disagree with Ericka about is dropping in unannounced; I
think that's rude, and it can be very inconvenient for the carers.
Dropping in unannounced is widely recommended in the US, and
pretty much all daycare centers expect it. If you don't drop in once
in a while, how do you know that what goes on at pickup/dropoff times
is representative of what goes on all day?

I was under the impression we were talking about *finding* a day care, not
checking up on an enrolled child.

I think the thread veered a bit to discussing ways to
evaluate a daycare, which includes an ongoing component ;-)

DOes your question imply your places have set dropoff/pickup times? We don't.

Some places do, and some don't. If parents are coming and
going all day long, you may feel less compelled to drop by at different
times than if you had a situation where all the parents dropped off
early in the morning and didn't pick up until late afternoon. With a
smaller center or a home daycare, it's not uncommon that parents
would be unlikely to be coming and going all day.

I think it's reasonable for visitors evaluating the facility
to have scheduled times for a visit, but if you have a child in the
facility then you should never be forbidden to enter.

It never crossed my mind that someone would try to forbid me seeing/collecting
my own child! And if it happened, my kid would be out of there so fast the
director would be spinning for a week.

Some will try to discourage parents from arriving unannounced
or at unexpected times. That's typically a bad sign, and the point
of the suggestion that one should test out their willingness to have
parents drop in unannounced.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Most schools I talked to said I can drop in any time and observe
through the large glass window but I can't go inside and disturb the
class. This is of course assuming that the day care is not home
based.

I came across one big establishment with at least 10 separate classes
which had the policy of routing everything through the director. I was
told if I have to convey anything to the teacher, I have to talk to
the director first and she will pass my message on to the teacher. I
didn't like that policy we picked another school which is more open. I
still can't talk to teachers during the class in our school. I can
send them emails and they reply in the evening. If I need to talk to
them sooner, I can leave a note in their mailbox and they call me
within an hour or two.