Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?

In article ,
toypup wrote:

On Fri, 07 Dec 2007 13:05:46 +1100, Chookie wrote:

The only thing I disagree with Ericka about is dropping in unannounced; I
think that's rude, and it can be very inconvenient for the carers.

That's really the only way to see things in action. Haven't you seen the
undercover videos they make for the news?

Er, no. And shock-horror programs where reporters (as opposed to, say,
police) hide cameras are not *news*, in my book.

Those poorer quality daycare
centers know how to straighten up before the parents get there. One center
neglected the kids all day. They were in their carseats from the time they
came to just before their parents came to pick them up, at which time more
staff arrived to pick up the place and play with the babies. It was all
for show.

And none of the children were old enough to talk, and their parents never
noticed how their behaviour changed?

I did once visit a site that could have made it in the news like that. I
thought, if only I had a video camera.

Over here, we have things even better than video cameras. They're called
legislation and regulation. The resulting system isn't perfect -- I have no
idea how that bad centre passed its accreditation -- but we don't allow
baby-farming any more.

The question is why your legislators permit little children to be neglected,
and their parents to be ripped off. Perhaps they need to be spied on by
hidden cameras, to find out what they are doing instead of working!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

In article
,
wrote:

Most schools I talked to said I can drop in any time and observe
through the large glass window but I can't go inside and disturb the
class. This is of course assuming that the day care is not home
based.

The thing that leaps out at me is that they call them "classes" and
"teachers". They are sometimes called teachers here, too -- I suspect because
some parents/staff use the Chinese courtesy title for teacher -- but
officially, they staff are *carers*, and they do not have teacher training.
It is a *day care centre*, not a school, and learning should be informal. The
day care centres I have used refer to rooms (eg, Toddlers' Room) rather than
classes.

To describe a parent's entry into a room of two-year-olds as "disturbing the
class" suggests to me either extreme regimentation or extreme pomposity!

I should also add a caveat: there are times when staff will advise you not to
approach your child, in the interests of the child. For example, if a child
is at the stage where they become distressed when the parent leaves, it would
be really silly for the parent to keep coming in to see how the child is
going. *That's* when you need to look through the window.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

In article
,
cjra wrote:

That's my current worry when the evaluator comes next week. Our house,
undergoing extensive restorations, is not exactly "acceptable" by some
people's standards. Fortunately the cleaning lady comes that
morning ;-)

Well, if you can afford restoration (which is even better than renovation, in
terms of class markers!) and a cleaning lady, they will know you are middle
class and thus Quite All Right.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

On Dec 7, 9:35 am, enigma wrote:
cjra wrote
oups.com:

Anyway - why was therapy so bad for him, other than the
fallout of the preschool situation?

oh no, the early intervention therapies were *wonderful*. the
problems were when they tried to transfer him to the school
district.
the comment about speech therapy being the stupidest thing
i've ever done, parenting-wise, is because he never shuts up
now he's constantly yammering (lots of echolalia, which i'm
getting better at tuning out) & even talks in his sleep (his
teachers say he doesn't do that at school though).

Ah, thanks. That makes sense ;-). I have no doubt DD will be talking
up a storm sooner or later. When she was in NICU we begged to hear her
cry. Now, um...

oh, one other thing... i think you mentioned your daughter
cosleeps? don't tell them that! that was one of the things
that got me labelled as overly attached. i didn't transfer him
to his own bed until he was 3.5.
lee

It'll be kind of obvious, as her room (the only other bedroom in the
house) is currently full of tools and construction materials.... we do
have a crib in our room though (not that it's ever used).

On Dec 7, 10:05 am, Nan wrote:
On Fri, 7 Dec 2007 06:45:29 -0800 (PST), cjra
wrote:

This makes me feel better, since we're having our evaluation next week!

Please forgive me if I'm not remembering correctly... are you in
Indiana?

Nan


Nope. Texas. Although I used to live in IN - that was pre husband and
kids.

In article ,
enigma wrote:

At the end of the visit, one of the social workers
commented that it was good that he didn't know what a gun
was - are there guns in my house? I said "no". But I
wondered - is their scope way beyond educational needs, and
what if we were a hunting family?

oh, yeah! they certainly are/were scoping out for other
things. i got an earful about both the guns (it's a freaking
air gun!) *and* the bows & arrows. neither was within child
reach, but OMG! they were *in the house!!!*
they're also checking out your housekeeping. you get huge
ticks off for clutter, dishes in the sink & probably the dust
bunnies under the furniture. big dogs are a "bad thing" too,
especially "dangerous" breeds like Malamutes.
i'm shocked my kid has made it to 7, really.
i bet they'd be having absolute hissies if they knew i bought
Boo his very own soft pellet gun (with glow in the dark
pellets) so he can target practice in the basement...

lee who has no use for the nanny state

The problem is that in a large number of cases, you'll find a whole number of
bad things going on at once. The child is delayed, but there's also
unemployment, history of violence, illiteracy, abuse, convictions, drug abuse,
mental illness etc going on in the household. So yes, they need to see if you
fit into that high-risk category called the underclass. And in my country, if
you look at who has weapons and aggressive dog breeds, it's the underclass
(though I've never heard that Mals are dangerous!). Chaotic households with
dirt everywhere can indicate mental illness in the adult(s), so yep, you'd get
dinged for that. Remember these people are doing risk assessment, and the
penalty for getting it wrong is a tragedy.

We've just had a very sad case where a little girl of 7 starved to death in
the "care" of her parents. They refused to send her to school, but the
education people hadn't really joined the dots with community services (DOCS).
There had been numerous calls to DOCS about the family over many years, the
children were dirty, the parents had denied caseworkers entry to the house
(public housing, implying a very low income), another child had been removed
earlier -- and I've been told that a TV interview with the father showed that
he was practically unable to put a sentence together.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

On Sat, 08 Dec 2007 09:57:46 +1100, Chookie wrote:

In article ,
toypup wrote:

On Fri, 07 Dec 2007 13:05:46 +1100, Chookie wrote:

The only thing I disagree with Ericka about is dropping in unannounced; I
think that's rude, and it can be very inconvenient for the carers.

That's really the only way to see things in action. Haven't you seen the
undercover videos they make for the news?

Er, no. And shock-horror programs where reporters (as opposed to, say,
police) hide cameras are not *news*, in my book.

Well, I've seen the shock and horror with my own eyes.

On Dec 7, 5:41 pm, Chookie wrote:
In article
,

cjra wrote:
That's my current worry when the evaluator comes next week. Our house,
undergoing extensive restorations, is not exactly "acceptable" by some
people's standards. Fortunately the cleaning lady comes that
morning ;-)

Well, if you can afford restoration (which is even better than renovation, in
terms of class markers!) and a cleaning lady, they will know you are middle
class and thus Quite All Right.



I guess being middle class makes us good parents then? Maybe they'll
ignore the caution tape strung across the front porch?

Seriously, our neighbors all joke about the various states of
disrepair of our homes and how our kids are going to be traumatized. I
was uncertain about getting a cleaning person even, because I feared
one would not 'know' how to deal with such a house. Fortunately, my
neighbor whose house is in a similar state already found one and we
share her.

I'm not too worried, esp. now that we've painted the exterior. But
it's certainly on my mind.

cjra wrote in

oups.com:

On Dec 7, 5:41 pm, Chookie
wrote:
Well, if you can afford restoration (which is even better
than renovation, in terms of class markers!) and a
cleaning lady, they will know you are middle class and
thus Quite All Right.

I guess being middle class makes us good parents then?
Maybe they'll ignore the caution tape strung across the
front porch?

it seriously helps, both because it eliminates some snap
judgements & because they know middle class parents have the
money to fight them in court.
in my case, because neither of us work outside the home & i
tend to dress as a sys admin/farmer (i'm not too proud to
patch my clothes), they seemed to think i was pushing poverty
level. granted my income is somewhat less since Bush took
office, but it's far from poverty.

so, what kinds of restoration are you doing?

Seriously, our neighbors all joke about the various states
of disrepair of our homes and how our kids are going to be
traumatized. I was uncertain about getting a cleaning
person even, because I feared one would not 'know' how to
deal with such a house. Fortunately, my neighbor whose
house is in a similar state already found one and we share
her.

i need a cleaning person, but i need to clean first
the big problem i have with restoring this old house is having
stuff out of place because it doesn't currently have a place
to be, so i have all kinds of bins & boxes & piles of stuff in
the dining room (right now. when i get to the dining room,
it'll be somewhere else & different stuff).

I'm not too worried, esp. now that we've painted the
exterior. But it's certainly on my mind.

exterior painting is on the list, but rebuilding the Federal
front entry (door, side & top lights, rebuilding the moldings,
etc) & reroofing with a metal roof (adding ventilation &
insulation) will come first.
the garage looks worse than the house. that needs a complete
residing & the side door is rotted. really poor construction
on that & it's only 20 years old.
but the posts for the new barn are in...
lee



--
Question with boldness even the existence of god; because if
there be
one, he must more approve the homage of reason than that of
blindfolded
fear. - Thomas Jefferson

"cjra" wrote in message
...
On Dec 6, 7:19 pm, enigma wrote:
Banty wrote
:

Whats this? Who are "ChildFind" and how did they get this
power and mixed up in your life??

he didn't talk at age 2. no babble, nothing except an really
good ambulance siren imitation, so he was referred to Early
Intervention. he received physical therapy & later speech
therapy. he was unable to work the muscles in his tongue &
face to make sounds (i currently maintain speech therapy was
the stupidest parenting mistake i've made g)

Interesting. I've just called to set up an evaluation with ECI. DD is
behind in gross motor development and speech (still within normal
range, but just barely). I'm not sure yet if she'll qualify for
therapy. Everyone I've heard from raves about the program. I figured a
little therapy wouldn't hurt.

However I'm a little nervous that when they come over and see our
house in various states of renovation (it's safe but has some major
issues), they're going to freak...

I just had EI here and they were great. They didn't ask anything weird or
inappropriate and didn't seem at all concerned that the boys didn't get off
my lap. My house is not being restored so don't know if they'd have said
anything about that or not

The EI program here seems to be great and minds their business. I have some
experience with them through work as well. Every place is different of
course.

With co-sleeping I've found through work that how crazy some one is over
that seems to have nothing to do with policy and just individual
case-worker/foster parent. Some foster parents are determined that young
siblings (2-4yo and under) NEED to sleep apart from each other and others
don't seem to care.

--

Nikki