Daughters!!!

So it's her 14th birthday and she usually has a bunch of friends overnight.

This time, I just had a feeling something was up. Couldn't put my finger on
it. They usually sleep in the attic and she wanted to sleep in the basement,
where it's damp and musty. But it's pretty far from my upstairs bedroom.
Then a couple of phone calls when they got home from male voices. "No more
phone calls" I order "This is a party, you don't need to be talking on the
phone" I started sleeping on the couch downstairs but it was so uncomfortable
and I was soo tired, I went upstairs. I locked all the doors (Well duh, you
may say but out here we just don't lock the doors)

About 2 in the morning I'm woken by what sounds like the backdoor to the
basement slamming. Some girls are in the kitchen. Door to the basement is
unlocked. "Why is this door unlocked" Nobody answers me. I go downstairs,
Sarah and others are huddled on the floor, speechless. I look around, and go
into the next room, turn on the light and there are two white faced boys
standing up against the wall. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE????"

Tried to get ahold of the boys parents to come get them, one number is busy and
he tells me the phone is disconnected because they didn't pay the bill. I know
these people and they pay their bills. I can't even get an answer from the
other kids home. What the hell are they doing out at 2 am? I was so ****ed
off I kicked them out and told them if they came back I was calling the cops.
Probably shouldn't have but at that moment I didn't care about the boys.

I let the girls stay so they could cry all night and just when they got to
sleep at 6 am I woke everyone up and told them the party was over and they were
going home. After a lecture about what usually happens when you are in the
habit of inviting boys over at 2 am. Daughter got the long version.

She is so grounded. Here I was thinking I couldn't lock her up to keep her out
of trouble. Well I sure as hell can for the summer anyway. She can skate and
she can babysit and she can go to the park across the street where I can see
her and that is all she is doing this summer. Geesh.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
So it's her 14th birthday and she usually has a bunch of friends
overnight.

This time, I just had a feeling something was up. Couldn't put my finger
on
it. They usually sleep in the attic and she wanted to sleep in the
basement,
where it's damp and musty. But it's pretty far from my upstairs bedroom.
Then a couple of phone calls when they got home from male voices. "No
more
phone calls" I order "This is a party, you don't need to be talking on the
phone" I started sleeping on the couch downstairs but it was so
uncomfortable
and I was soo tired, I went upstairs. I locked all the doors (Well duh,
you
may say but out here we just don't lock the doors)

About 2 in the morning I'm woken by what sounds like the backdoor to the
basement slamming. Some girls are in the kitchen. Door to the basement
is
unlocked. "Why is this door unlocked" Nobody answers me. I go
downstairs,
Sarah and others are huddled on the floor, speechless. I look around, and
go
into the next room, turn on the light and there are two white faced boys
standing up against the wall. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE????"

Tried to get ahold of the boys parents to come get them, one number is
busy and
he tells me the phone is disconnected because they didn't pay the bill. I
know
these people and they pay their bills. I can't even get an answer from
the
other kids home. What the hell are they doing out at 2 am? I was so
****ed
off I kicked them out and told them if they came back I was calling the
cops.
Probably shouldn't have but at that moment I didn't care about the boys.

I let the girls stay so they could cry all night and just when they got to
sleep at 6 am I woke everyone up and told them the party was over and they
were
going home. After a lecture about what usually happens when you are in
the
habit of inviting boys over at 2 am. Daughter got the long version.

She is so grounded. Here I was thinking I couldn't lock her up to keep
her out
of trouble. Well I sure as hell can for the summer anyway. She can skate
and
she can babysit and she can go to the park across the street where I can
see
her and that is all she is doing this summer. Geesh.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Oh boy. It's amazing that kids think they can get away with things like
that, but on her birthday no less. Geez, I'm sorry Joelle. What about the
other girls' parents, what did they have to say?

Christine

Subject: Daughters!!!
From: oaway (Joelle)
Date: 5/1/2004 4:58 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

So it's her 14th birthday and she usually has a bunch of friends overnight.

This time, I just had a feeling something was up. Couldn't put my finger on
it. They usually sleep in the attic and she wanted to sleep in the basement,
where it's damp and musty. But it's pretty far from my upstairs bedroom.
Then a couple of phone calls when they got home from male voices. "No more
phone calls" I order "This is a party, you don't need to be talking on the
phone" I started sleeping on the couch downstairs but it was so
uncomfortable
and I was soo tired, I went upstairs. I locked all the doors (Well duh, you
may say but out here we just don't lock the doors)

About 2 in the morning I'm woken by what sounds like the backdoor to the
basement slamming. Some girls are in the kitchen. Door to the basement is
unlocked. "Why is this door unlocked" Nobody answers me. I go downstairs,
Sarah and others are huddled on the floor, speechless. I look around, and go
into the next room, turn on the light and there are two white faced boys
standing up against the wall. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE????"

Tried to get ahold of the boys parents to come get them, one number is busy
and
he tells me the phone is disconnected because they didn't pay the bill. I
know
these people and they pay their bills. I can't even get an answer from the
other kids home. What the hell are they doing out at 2 am? I was so ****ed
off I kicked them out and told them if they came back I was calling the cops.

Probably shouldn't have but at that moment I didn't care about the boys.

I let the girls stay so they could cry all night and just when they got to
sleep at 6 am I woke everyone up and told them the party was over and they
were
going home. After a lecture about what usually happens when you are in the
habit of inviting boys over at 2 am. Daughter got the long version.

She is so grounded. Here I was thinking I couldn't lock her up to keep her
out
of trouble. Well I sure as hell can for the summer anyway. She can skate
and
she can babysit and she can go to the park across the street where I can see
her and that is all she is doing this summer. Geesh.

Hey.........welcome to the real world, this is the age it starts. It does not
get easier as they get older . I found it pretty difficult keeping mine in line
when I am gone from home 10 hours a day to work and support her ass.Rules mean
nothing, when you are not around to enforce them.I'd punish , I'd ground her,
I'd take stuff away, I would search her butt down and literally drag it home. I
had her on official house arrest, with the ankle bracelet thingy and she would
go out on the roof to talk to her friends in the street. the monitor wouldn't
go off so the police never came to the house , unless of course I called them ,
which I did and that was how she ended up in lock up.Holy hell I tell you, and
I am sooooooooooo grateful all the struggle we went through that way is over. I
don't know the answer, but I can say I thought briefly about locking her in a
closet till I was home but the thought of prison detered me LOL! I sincerely
wish you luck..........Bev


Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Happy 14th birthday to your daughter! She'll never forget your birthday
surprise, that's for sure.

I made her clean up her room since we are having relatives tomorrow (it's also
her confirmation!) and she's redecorated and thought they'd like to see it.
After she was done I found her curled up on the floor crying. She didn't think
I wanted to let her open her gifts, thought I was so mad I didn't like her
anymore. So talk #2 about how I was so mad because I do love her and want to
protect her and wish I could keep her out of all trouble.

She did manage to have a good day today.

but she is still sooo grounded.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...

So it's her 14th birthday and she usually has a bunch of friends
overnight.

Remainder of story snipped

My first reaction was to smile, sorry and all that but it's best to be
honest right? I think it's because I can remember trying very much the same
sort of thing at a similar age so on the bright side it seems her hormones
are working fine anyway. ;-)

More seriously, she's most definitely abused the trust you put in her and
that, to my mind, is more of an issue than exactly what she did. I hope
you've explained to her, fully and at great length, how precious trust is,
how long it takes to build and how easy it is to destroy.

She needs to know, though, that the only one who is ultimately affected by
the decisions she makes is herself. If she does things that eventually
undermine her own self-worth she'll be the main one to suffer. On this
occasion you seem to have been in the right place at the right time but you
won't always be. She needs to understand this or she'll probably end up
just being more careful that you don't find out what she's up to next time
which would, IMHO, be a worse situation.


--
Paul Griffiths

She needs to know, though, that the only one who is ultimately affected by
the decisions she makes is herself. If she does things that eventually
undermine her own self-worth she'll be the main one to suffer

That was the long version of the lecture.

:-)

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Welcome to my world! :-) We moved from a more urban environment last year
to a small town (POP 600) to protect my 14 year old from the easy access to
'bad things' (she had already slept with her little twerp boyfriend). How
naive was that? We are now, there are only a handful of kids her age to run
with. Turns out since there's nothing to do around here, they turn to
smoking and alcohol to relieve the boredom. Last night we foiled the oldest
trick in the book - the "I'm staying at her house while her friend tells her
folks she is staying at my house" thanks to her girlfriends older sister.

I have talked till I'm blue in the face. So far, I am trusting my daughter
because she is usually honest with me and tells me what's going on. She did
tell me that some of the kids were drinking and that she did try it but
didn't like it. Same with smoking. All I can do is pray and hope she keeps
her level headedness and isn't in the wrong place at the wrong time with
these kids.

The gray hairs a multiplying more quickly these days. She still tells me
(after three years of saying so) that she wants to go into the military
after high school. If that's the case, then I have three more years of
'teenage' worrying. Then I can move to the 'adult' stage of worrying. I
guess it never ends. :-)

Good catch mom!


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
So it's her 14th birthday and she usually has a bunch of friends
overnight.

This time, I just had a feeling something was up. Couldn't put my finger
on
it. They usually sleep in the attic and she wanted to sleep in the
basement,
where it's damp and musty. But it's pretty far from my upstairs bedroom.
Then a couple of phone calls when they got home from male voices. "No
more
phone calls" I order "This is a party, you don't need to be talking on the
phone" I started sleeping on the couch downstairs but it was so
uncomfortable
and I was soo tired, I went upstairs. I locked all the doors (Well duh,
you
may say but out here we just don't lock the doors)

About 2 in the morning I'm woken by what sounds like the backdoor to the
basement slamming. Some girls are in the kitchen. Door to the basement
is
unlocked. "Why is this door unlocked" Nobody answers me. I go
downstairs,
Sarah and others are huddled on the floor, speechless. I look around, and
go
into the next room, turn on the light and there are two white faced boys
standing up against the wall. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE????"

Tried to get ahold of the boys parents to come get them, one number is
busy and
he tells me the phone is disconnected because they didn't pay the bill. I
know
these people and they pay their bills. I can't even get an answer from
the
other kids home. What the hell are they doing out at 2 am? I was so
****ed
off I kicked them out and told them if they came back I was calling the
cops.
Probably shouldn't have but at that moment I didn't care about the boys.

I let the girls stay so they could cry all night and just when they got to
sleep at 6 am I woke everyone up and told them the party was over and they
were
going home. After a lecture about what usually happens when you are in
the
habit of inviting boys over at 2 am. Daughter got the long version.

She is so grounded. Here I was thinking I couldn't lock her up to keep
her out
of trouble. Well I sure as hell can for the summer anyway. She can skate
and
she can babysit and she can go to the park across the street where I can
see
her and that is all she is doing this summer. Geesh.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
So it's her 14th birthday and she usually has a bunch of friends overnight.

This time, I just had a feeling something was up. Couldn't put my finger on
it. They usually sleep in the attic and she wanted to sleep in the
basement,
where it's damp and musty. But it's pretty far from my upstairs bedroom.
Then a couple of phone calls when they got home from male voices. "No more
phone calls" I order "This is a party, you don't need to be talking on the
phone" I started sleeping on the couch downstairs but it was so
uncomfortable
and I was soo tired, I went upstairs. I locked all the doors (Well duh, you
may say but out here we just don't lock the doors)

About 2 in the morning I'm woken by what sounds like the backdoor to the
basement slamming. Some girls are in the kitchen. Door to the basement is
unlocked. "Why is this door unlocked" Nobody answers me. I go downstairs,
Sarah and others are huddled on the floor, speechless. I look around, and
go
into the next room, turn on the light and there are two white faced boys
standing up against the wall. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE????"

Tried to get ahold of the boys parents to come get them, one number is busy
and
he tells me the phone is disconnected because they didn't pay the bill. I
know
these people and they pay their bills. I can't even get an answer from the
other kids home. What the hell are they doing out at 2 am? I was so ****ed
off I kicked them out and told them if they came back I was calling the
cops.
Probably shouldn't have but at that moment I didn't care about the boys.

I let the girls stay so they could cry all night and just when they got to
sleep at 6 am I woke everyone up and told them the party was over and they
were
going home. After a lecture about what usually happens when you are in the
habit of inviting boys over at 2 am. Daughter got the long version.

She is so grounded. Here I was thinking I couldn't lock her up to keep her
out
of trouble. Well I sure as hell can for the summer anyway. She can skate
and
she can babysit and she can go to the park across the street where I can see
her and that is all she is doing this summer. Geesh.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Joelle, do you not remember being 14? hee hee. I do and you should lock her
up!
You handled it well.
V

"Joelle" wrote in message
...

She needs to know, though, that the only one who is ultimately affected
by
the decisions she makes is herself. If she does things that eventually
undermine her own self-worth she'll be the main one to suffer

That was the long version of the lecture.

I had a feeling it might have been. :-)

:-)

Glad to see you're smiling now.


--
Paul Griffiths

Buy a BIG baseball bat.

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
So it's her 14th birthday and she usually has a bunch of friends
overnight.

This time, I just had a feeling something was up. Couldn't put my finger
on
it. They usually sleep in the attic and she wanted to sleep in the
basement,
where it's damp and musty. But it's pretty far from my upstairs bedroom.
Then a couple of phone calls when they got home from male voices. "No
more
phone calls" I order "This is a party, you don't need to be talking on the
phone" I started sleeping on the couch downstairs but it was so
uncomfortable
and I was soo tired, I went upstairs. I locked all the doors (Well duh,
you
may say but out here we just don't lock the doors)

About 2 in the morning I'm woken by what sounds like the backdoor to the
basement slamming. Some girls are in the kitchen. Door to the basement
is
unlocked. "Why is this door unlocked" Nobody answers me. I go
downstairs,
Sarah and others are huddled on the floor, speechless. I look around, and
go
into the next room, turn on the light and there are two white faced boys
standing up against the wall. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE????"

Tried to get ahold of the boys parents to come get them, one number is
busy and
he tells me the phone is disconnected because they didn't pay the bill. I
know
these people and they pay their bills. I can't even get an answer from
the
other kids home. What the hell are they doing out at 2 am? I was so
****ed
off I kicked them out and told them if they came back I was calling the
cops.
Probably shouldn't have but at that moment I didn't care about the boys.

I let the girls stay so they could cry all night and just when they got to
sleep at 6 am I woke everyone up and told them the party was over and they
were
going home. After a lecture about what usually happens when you are in
the
habit of inviting boys over at 2 am. Daughter got the long version.

She is so grounded. Here I was thinking I couldn't lock her up to keep
her out
of trouble. Well I sure as hell can for the summer anyway. She can skate
and
she can babysit and she can go to the park across the street where I can
see
her and that is all she is doing this summer. Geesh.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle