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Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?



 
 
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  #1  
Old January 7th 04, 10:41 PM
Donna
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Default Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?

I am kind of concerned about my daughter's stability when her sibling comes
along in July.

Here is the background - My husband is a resident,who will finish his
training on June 30. I'm due with the new baby at the end of July. I'm
assuming that DH will begin his new job around September 1. The deal is,
the new job is in another part of the country - new england. I'll plan to
join him around six weeks after delivery - mid to end september. So my
poor daugher will be hit with a) being taken out of her beloved day care, b)
a new baby sibling c) a move from her house, all within the same six weeks.
And every book I've read on easing the transition for the elder child
stresses keeping everything as NORMAL as possible. I'm actually concerned
that this may be seriously damaging to the poor kid.

Any suggestions as to how I can manage things a bit better? How can I best
protect my daughter? Am I overreacting to think that all of these huge
changes will be a real problem for a 20 month old?

Advice greatly appreciated.

Donna


  #2  
Old January 8th 04, 12:46 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?

Donna wrote:

I am kind of concerned about my daughter's stability when her sibling comes
along in July.

Here is the background - My husband is a resident,who will finish his
training on June 30. I'm due with the new baby at the end of July. I'm
assuming that DH will begin his new job around September 1. The deal is,
the new job is in another part of the country - new england. I'll plan to
join him around six weeks after delivery - mid to end september. So my
poor daugher will be hit with a) being taken out of her beloved day care, b)
a new baby sibling c) a move from her house, all within the same six weeks.
And every book I've read on easing the transition for the elder child
stresses keeping everything as NORMAL as possible. I'm actually concerned
that this may be seriously damaging to the poor kid.

Any suggestions as to how I can manage things a bit better? How can I best
protect my daughter? Am I overreacting to think that all of these huge
changes will be a real problem for a 20 month old?



Oh, piffle. Kids are terribly resilient and she'll do
just fine. My first was 2 1/2 yo when his little brother
arrived. A week and a half later he left with my mother
for VA (we were in MI), and a week after that, we moved to VA.
He was just fine--no problems at all. Your eldest is a bit
younger, but at that stage, the main thing in her life is
*you*. Make time for her and deal with any issues if and
when they come up and you'll all be fine. Sometimes it's
actually *better* when all the change comes at once.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #3  
Old January 8th 04, 01:59 AM
Sue
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Default Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?

There is a very good chance that your daughter will be unfazed by it all. As
long as you remain constant and consistent with your attention to her, I am
sure she will be fine. I had to be separated from two of my girls for two
months when they were 6 and 4. The 4-year-old had some separation issues
after I got home, but I made sure that I gave her a lot of attention and
didn't leave her with others (she was afraid that I needed to leave again)
and both kids were really okay. Once you move, is there a family member
(like grandma) that could give her attention? If someone made a fuss over
her, it might help matters. Good luck and don't worry, kids are pretty
resilient. )
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Donna wrote in message
...
I am kind of concerned about my daughter's stability when her sibling

comes
along in July.

Here is the background - My husband is a resident,who will finish his
training on June 30. I'm due with the new baby at the end of July. I'm
assuming that DH will begin his new job around September 1. The deal is,
the new job is in another part of the country - new england. I'll plan to
join him around six weeks after delivery - mid to end september. So my
poor daugher will be hit with a) being taken out of her beloved day care,

b)
a new baby sibling c) a move from her house, all within the same six

weeks.
And every book I've read on easing the transition for the elder child
stresses keeping everything as NORMAL as possible. I'm actually concerned
that this may be seriously damaging to the poor kid.

Any suggestions as to how I can manage things a bit better? How can I

best
protect my daughter? Am I overreacting to think that all of these huge
changes will be a real problem for a 20 month old?

Advice greatly appreciated.

Donna




  #4  
Old January 8th 04, 04:02 PM
Chris Himes
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Default Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?

"Donna" wrote in message ...
So my
poor daugher will be hit with a) being taken out of her beloved day care, b)
a new baby sibling c) a move from her house, all within the same six weeks.
And every book I've read on easing the transition for the elder child
stresses keeping everything as NORMAL as possible. I'm actually concerned
that this may be seriously damaging to the poor kid.

Any suggestions as to how I can manage things a bit better? How can I best
protect my daughter? Am I overreacting to think that all of these huge
changes will be a real problem for a 20 month old?


We had a somewhat similar situation. My son was 3 when we moved at
the end of July and had a new baby in early October. He started a new
daycare, had a new house, I had a new job, new sibling, etc. He did
fine. The move was a great adventure to him and the new baby was just
a new "toy." If you and your husband keep letting her know that she
is loved and safe, she'll do fine. She will depend on you for the
cues on how to handle the situation, so as stress-free as you can make
it seem to her, the better. think of it all as a new adventure, and
she is more likely to as well.

Chris, mom to doug and Evan
  #5  
Old January 9th 04, 04:44 PM
Donna
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Default Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?


"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...

Oh, piffle.


snicker

Kids are terribly resilient and she'll do
just fine. My first was 2 1/2 yo when his little brother
arrived. A week and a half later he left with my mother
for VA (we were in MI), and a week after that, we moved to VA.
He was just fine--no problems at all. Your eldest is a bit
younger, but at that stage, the main thing in her life is
*you*. Make time for her and deal with any issues if and
when they come up and you'll all be fine. Sometimes it's
actually *better* when all the change comes at once.


Ok, thanks. I am delighted to find that you all think I'm overreacting.
I appreciate the advice. I swear, the most common thing I've needed this
year is a reminder to lighten up, the baby's fine. Maybe I could
needlepoint that on a pillow or something.
Donna



  #6  
Old January 9th 04, 04:45 PM
Donna
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Posts: n/a
Default Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?


"Sue" wrote in message
...
There is a very good chance that your daughter will be unfazed by it all.

As
long as you remain constant and consistent with your attention to her, I

am
sure she will be fine. I had to be separated from two of my girls for two
months when they were 6 and 4. The 4-year-old had some separation issues
after I got home, but I made sure that I gave her a lot of attention and
didn't leave her with others (she was afraid that I needed to leave again)
and both kids were really okay. Once you move, is there a family member
(like grandma) that could give her attention?


Yes, we're moving closer to my family. So relatives will be crawling out
of the woodwork.

If someone made a fuss over
her, it might help matters. Good luck and don't worry, kids are pretty
resilient. )


Thanks. I really appreciate your experience.

Donna


  #7  
Old January 9th 04, 04:46 PM
Donna
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Posts: n/a
Default Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?


"Chris Himes" wrote in message
m...
If you and your husband keep letting her know that she
is loved and safe, she'll do fine. She will depend on you for the
cues on how to handle the situation, so as stress-free as you can make
it seem to her, the better. think of it all as a new adventure, and
she is more likely to as well.


Excellent advice. Thanks for the reassurance.

Donna


  #8  
Old January 9th 04, 08:54 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default Minimizing trauma for elder daughter?

Donna wrote:


Ok, thanks. I am delighted to find that you all think I'm overreacting.
I appreciate the advice. I swear, the most common thing I've needed this
year is a reminder to lighten up, the baby's fine. Maybe I could
needlepoint that on a pillow or something.



Hee, hee--needlepoint is good therapy. Kill
two birds with one stone... ;-)

Take care,
Ericka

 




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