Day care!!!!

I am in a fix. Should we or shouldn't we.
Yes, our son is 3 mo old and we are deciding to send him to a daycare.
I am scared, I am worrie5d and I am not sure if this is the right
thing to do.
it is not cost effective either, we may bring home $500 more but is it
worth it? What if he gets sick. What am I going to do. Would I be a
bad dad to let him go to a daycare when everyone tells me that cold /
ear infection are inevitable. What should I do. I live in NY
Westchester ( any good day care you know of?)

I am not even sure what I wrote here but it came straight from the
heart, I know other parents out there will understand me.


Help me!

In article ,
(Humber Consumer) wrote:

I am in a fix. Should we or shouldn't we.
Yes, our son is 3 mo old and we are deciding to send him to a daycare.
I am scared, I am worrie5d and I am not sure if this is the right
thing to do.
it is not cost effective either, we may bring home $500 more but is it
worth it? What if he gets sick. What am I going to do. Would I be a
bad dad to let him go to a daycare when everyone tells me that cold /
ear infection are inevitable. What should I do. I live in NY
Westchester ( any good day care you know of?)

I am not even sure what I wrote here but it came straight from the
heart, I know other parents out there will understand me.


Help me!

This isn't enough information.

Why is he going to day care? Are you a single parent? If you are, what
other options do you have? Are you going back to work after being home
full time?

I'm going to jump to the sexist/heterosexist assumption that you are
probably a dad who works outside the home, and that the baby's other
parent is his mom, and that she is going back to work after being home
full time since his birth.

This isn't JUST about making a short-term economic decision: it is also
about her long term prospects in her chosen field. Some of us walked
away from careers when we stayed home for several years, often without
really realizing that's what we were doing. She may also enjoy her paid
work -- this may be a mental health issue. So -- assuming this is the
case -- why is she going back to work? In the LONG run, this may be
the best economic decision for many, many reasons, even if in the short
run it isn't so clear cut. Plus, frankly, $500 a month isn't peanuts!
Bank it so you can have a parent be home after school when the baby hits
about 12 and there ARE no more decent alternative care situations!

Having a 3 mo in full time day care is not the end of the world. My
oldest was in full time care from six weeks. In our case, I chose a
family day care provider (that is, a woman who took in up to three kids
at a time into her home) rather than a day care center; I tend to think
these are better for tiny ones, but others have been very satisfied with
full time care in day care centers.

Surely you and the baby's other parent have already discussed this? Are
you trying to overcall/second guess a decision that you had previosly
reached?

Yes, children in child care get more colds, ear infections, whatever in
the early years -- but they get fewer when they enter school.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

Hi -

There's some evidence that kids who are in daycare prior to the age of
six months develop fewer allergies. (That's because their immune system
gets "challenged" by all the bugs around them, so they get sick a lot,
but their immune systems "learn" how to respond correctly. At least,
that's the current hypothesis.)

Socially and emotionally, it depends upon the daycare itself. A good
quality daycare is fine for most babies; a poor quality one isn't good
for anyone.

Beyond that, you need to look at WHY you may need daycare for your baby,
and what happens if you don't have one. DO you get a nanny? An au
pair? Telecommute and try to work while the baby is asleep? NOt work
at all (for pay, I mean, of course)?

My two cents,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

"Humber Consumer" wrote in message
om...
I am in a fix. Should we or shouldn't we.
Yes, our son is 3 mo old and we are deciding to send him to a daycare.
I am scared, I am worrie5d and I am not sure if this is the right
thing to do.
it is not cost effective either, we may bring home $500 more but is it
worth it? What if he gets sick. What am I going to do. Would I be a
bad dad to let him go to a daycare when everyone tells me that cold /
ear infection are inevitable. What should I do. I live in NY
Westchester ( any good day care you know of?)

I am not even sure what I wrote here but it came straight from the
heart, I know other parents out there will understand me.


Help me!

My daughter went one day a week from about 4 weeks of age and it was mainly
for my health and to catch up on sleep or housework or relaxing. It also
helped her socialize with other children as at the time I didn't know any
mums with children and didn't have family around much.

My son on the other hand didn't start until 6 months of age and he now goes
once a week. He goes once again to socialize as most of the children we know
are around my daughters age. We do have a cousin but she is much younger
then both of my children and we only see her once or twice a year.

If you need care of some kind, make sure you ask the important questions.
Like what they eat everyday and what times.
How they treat fights and or fighting over toys or with each other?
What type or variety of toys they play with ?
What are the fee's ? (and if late fee's apply)
And so forth. etc

Goodluck with your decision.
Nic

(Humber Consumer) wrote in message . com...
I am in a fix. Should we or shouldn't we.
Yes, our son is 3 mo old and we are deciding to send him to a daycare.
I am scared, I am worrie5d and I am not sure if this is the right
thing to do.
it is not cost effective either, we may bring home $500 more but is it
worth it? What if he gets sick. What am I going to do. Would I be a
bad dad to let him go to a daycare when everyone tells me that cold /
ear infection are inevitable. What should I do. I live in NY
Westchester ( any good day care you know of?)


Not going to day care does not necessarily mean that your child will
be ear infection free. My husband didn't go to day care and had
chronic ear infections that required tubes. Now, my DS goes to day
care full-time and is battling ear infections as well. I started day
care at 6 weeks old and have never had an ear infection in my life.
Eventually, your child is going to be exposed to germy groups of
people - he's going to get the infections now or later.

I was nervous when I first dropped my son off at day care and there
was a lot of adjustments over the first couple of weeks as he got used
to the environment, used to taking bottles instead of nursing, etc.
Now, he loves, loves, loves his school. He loves his teachers. He
loves his toys at school. He loves his friends at school. Everything.
As a first-time Mom, the interaction with the teachers and other kids
at the school have helped me a lot as well.

Obviously, the most important thing is to find a good day care that
you're comfortable with.

Manda

I am not even sure what I wrote here but it came straight from the
heart, I know other parents out there will understand me.


Help me!

(Humber Consumer) wrote in message . com...
I am in a fix. Should we or shouldn't we.
Yes, our son is 3 mo old and we are deciding to send him to a daycare.
I am scared, I am worrie5d and I am not sure if this is the right
thing to do.
it is not cost effective either, we may bring home $500 more but is it
worth it? What if he gets sick. What am I going to do. Would I be a
bad dad to let him go to a daycare when everyone tells me that cold /
ear infection are inevitable. What should I do. I live in NY
Westchester ( any good day care you know of?)

Our son has been in day care since he was four months old, so I
can speak from my own experience at least and tell you what
we thought about.

Depending on the career of the person who would otherwise be a SAH
parent, it *may* just be $500 a month for a short time, but there
will be long-term consequences in terms of employability. If
the person who might stay home is in a technical field or some
other area in which it's very important to stay current, staying
home might cost a lot more than just the salary for the years at
home. Also, if that person has trouble getting employed again
after the SAH years, it means that should something happen to the
primary wage earner you're all in trouble.

On the other hand, your son will almost certainly get sick, a
lot. Ours started day care in December during cold and flu season,
and it was literally four months before we all sort of recovered.
We went through it again with a bit less severity this last winter
too. It's hard to watch a tiny baby be sick, although our son
wasn't prone to ear infections and only wound up on antibiotics
once in two years. There are also some studies which show some
correlations between day care and negative behaviors later, although
virtually all these studies are somewhat flawed so it's hard to
know what to make of the results.

There are also all kinds of intangibles to consider. Which will
the potential SAH parent find more difficult, staying at home
or knowing that someone else may see some 'firsts'? Which will
get more family support (important to some people)? What is the
quality of available day care? In my personal opinion, if you
have the money to get the BEST day care available, do it, at least
you'll feel good about the place you picked even if you feel
guilty for leaving him.

I don't think there's a perfect answer. In my ideal world my
son would be here at work with me along with a full-time nanny
to watch him, but this isn't a benefit my company offers. :-)
In the end, lots of people put their kids in day care and they
turn out fine, other people choose to have a parent stay home
and things go fine that way too. I wouldn't over-obsess;
consider the various variables that are affecting your decision
and then go with what seems best for your family as a whole.
Chances are everything will be all right either way.

Beth

"Humber Consumer" wrote in message
om...
I am in a fix. Should we or shouldn't we.
Yes, our son is 3 mo old and we are deciding to send him to a daycare.
I am scared, I am worrie5d and I am not sure if this is the right
thing to do.
it is not cost effective either, we may bring home $500 more but is it
worth it? What if he gets sick. What am I going to do. Would I be a
bad dad to let him go to a daycare when everyone tells me that cold /
ear infection are inevitable. What should I do. I live in NY
Westchester ( any good day care you know of?)

I am not even sure what I wrote here but it came straight from the
heart, I know other parents out there will understand me.


Help me!

First. Take a deep breath in. Take a deep breath out. AHHH. OK.

Now. You are thinking of someone being a stay at home parent. Would this be
you or your wife/partner? In any event, what does your partner think about
this? Are you on the same page, so to speak?

Here is what I would do:

1. List the pros and cons of each option.
2. See if it is even possible to trim $500 out of your monthly budget. Are
you willing to give up the things that you will have to give up to trim this
$500. For instance, if it means moving to an apartment from owning a house,
this would be something you may not be willing to do.
3. Sit down with your partner and discuss these 2 inputs.

After doing this, you may need to go back and write down MORE options with
pros and cons. Like maybe someone can work part time. Then repeat.

Ear infections are no fun. But they are not the end of the world. My DD, 7
mo, went through the winter without a single illness (knocking on wood) and
she is in daycare 2 days per week. But IMO no one raises kids like Mommy or
Daddy does.

S