Marriage problems - advice needed

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 03 Sep 2004 01:18:28 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
there is no bigger shame for a man, than to
know that his some other man had sex with his wife.

Well that's just stupid. That shame belongs to his wife, not him.
There
should
be no greater shame for a man than that he abandon his children.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

I happen to agree with him. It's a horrible feeling to find out you've
been
cheated on and you tend to internalize that experience... therefore it
becomes your shame, does it not? Regardless, I happened to like his
post.

Christine

Only if you think your spouse cheating is about your deficits and not
your spouses' lack of self-control and maturity.

'Kate

No my ex cheating on me really had nothing to do with me and my flaws, but I
still thought so anyways. Took a long time to get over that.

Christine

I happen to agree with him. It's a horrible feeling to find out you've
been
cheated

Not all horrible feelings are shame.

and you tend to internalize that experience... therefore it
becomes your shame, does it not?

Not shame. Hurt, betrayal, anger, embarrasment, not shame. Shame is about
your bad acts and character. The shame of infidelity belongs to the one who
betrays alone.

And to characterize being cheated on as one's greatest shame? That's a wrong
use of the word shame. Shame is who you are and what you do wrong. Sometimes
you should be ashamed. Sometimes shame is wrongly placed. If you abandon your
children, you should be ashamed, and society should shame you. If you are
cheated on, well I would be ashamed I picked such a loser but it wouldn't be my
greatest shame.

No my ex cheating on me really had nothing to do with me and my flaws, but I
still thought so anyways. Took a long time to get over that

Which proves my point the shame was wrongly placed.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I happen to agree with him. It's a horrible feeling to find out you've
been
cheated

Not all horrible feelings are shame.

and you tend to internalize that experience... therefore it
becomes your shame, does it not?

Not shame. Hurt, betrayal, anger, embarrasment, not shame. Shame is
about
your bad acts and character. The shame of infidelity belongs to the one
who
betrays alone.

And to characterize being cheated on as one's greatest shame? That's a
wrong
use of the word shame. Shame is who you are and what you do wrong.
Sometimes
you should be ashamed. Sometimes shame is wrongly placed. If you abandon
your
children, you should be ashamed, and society should shame you. If you are
cheated on, well I would be ashamed I picked such a loser but it wouldn't
be my
greatest shame.

No my ex cheating on me really had nothing to do with me and my flaws,
but I
still thought so anyways. Took a long time to get over that

Which proves my point the shame was wrongly placed.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Ok when you put it that way. lol

Christine