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#51
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
Catherine Woodgold wrote: "-L." ) writes: The whole point is, she acted this way toward me and DS from the get-go so if this was the case there was nothing for her to base that judgement on, other than the fact that he is black and I am white. Actually, there were other things. There was the fact that she'd never met you before. Maybe she wants about 2 or 3 friends in the playgroup, and already has those. If her purpose is to socialize with a small number of friends, refusing to socialize with others doesn't defeat that purpose of hers. There may also have been things about your manner. Maybe she only socializes with people who walk a certain way, or move their eyes around a lot or don't move their eyes around a lot, or something. Maybe she just gets a feeling when she looks at someone. Some people can read signals like that very quickly. Maybe all she needs is to see someone walk across the room once. I'm just saying that many things are possible. Ok, you are right, but I just find that extremely *weird*. Especially in a playgroup that is supposedly set up to encourage interaction between Moms as well as the kids. -L. |
#52
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
In article , Catherine Woodgold says...
Banty ) writes: Occurs to me that we've not come up with the most obvious advice - she can break the ice and talk with this woman, and see if she warms up! That's what I was suggesting! Um, I mean without bringing up race and doing hand-signal histrionics. Banty |
#53
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
"-L." wrote in message oups.com... toypup wrote: I can't see how - we have only been around them once when this first happened and then a couple more times. But personality type is easy to spot from the first meeting. I mean, you may not really know someone, but you can spot the aggressive person, the shy person, the social butterfly, etc. I can't see how I could make that judgement being around a person only once. I mean, we are all there supposedly for the same reason - so our kids can play and so we can talk to other Moms (that's sort of the charter). I assume everyone is nice and friendly unless proven otherwise. I would give people the benefit of the doubt, but surely you can tell if someone is aggressive or awkward or a social butterfly after a first meeting, can you not? It doesn't mean they are not nice and friendly if you were to get to know them better, but the basic personality trait is there. |
#54
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Catherine Woodgold says... Banty ) writes: Occurs to me that we've not come up with the most obvious advice - she can break the ice and talk with this woman, and see if she warms up! That's what I was suggesting! Um, I mean without bringing up race and doing hand-signal histrionics. ROTFLOL! |
#55
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
"-L." wrote in message oups.com... True, and it doesn't really worry me. I just find it very *odd* behavior, as no one else in the playgroup acts this way. We missed today because we are sick, so I didn't get to ask my friend if she noticed anything strange. But haven't you been in groups where someone in it acts odd? I mean, not everyone in every group acts like everyone else. Not everyone is always friendly. I would just chalk it up to one not as friendly person and just go on with it. She may eventually come around, or maybe not, but she's just one person in your group. |
#56
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
"-L." wrote in message oups.com... Ok, you are right, but I just find that extremely *weird*. Especially in a playgroup that is supposedly set up to encourage interaction between Moms as well as the kids. But Cathy's right. She may have found the number of people she wants to interact with and that's it. FWIW, when I join playgroups, it is for the benefit of my kids. I don't have any real interest in interacting with the women on anything other than an acquaintance level as my social calendar is as full as I am willing to make it. I have enought playdates with my friends' children and unless my kids hit it off with someone, I don't want playdates with anyone else. Most moms there are SAHM's and want to make it a social activity for themselves and I tend to be a bit more standoffish, since I don't want that level of involvement. Mostly, I make smalltalk here and there, but anything looking like it's approaching more than that, I give my subtle signals. (Don't know what they are, but when I get less comfortable with the level of involvement someone wants, it lessens, so I must be giving off signals.) |
#57
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
On Tue, 31 Jan 2006 03:32:24 GMT, "toypup"
wrote: "-L." wrote in message roups.com... True, and it doesn't really worry me. I just find it very *odd* behavior, as no one else in the playgroup acts this way. We missed today because we are sick, so I didn't get to ask my friend if she noticed anything strange. But haven't you been in groups where someone in it acts odd? I mean, not everyone in every group acts like everyone else. Not everyone is always friendly. I would just chalk it up to one not as friendly person and just go on with it. She may eventually come around, or maybe not, but she's just one person in your group. Yeah, maybe she just isn't a Stepford Wife -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#58
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
toypup wrote: "-L." wrote in message oups.com... True, and it doesn't really worry me. I just find it very *odd* behavior, as no one else in the playgroup acts this way. We missed today because we are sick, so I didn't get to ask my friend if she noticed anything strange. But haven't you been in groups where someone in it acts odd? I mean, not everyone in every group acts like everyone else. Not everyone is always friendly. Guess I am lucky in that I hang out with friendly people. People here seem to go out of their way to make others feel welcome, especially in new situations. You bring up a good point though - maybe she is from a part of the country that is culturally different. I would just chalk it up to one not as friendly person and just go on with it. She may eventually come around, or maybe not, but she's just one person in your group. Oh I will - I am not really bothered by it as I have made good acquaintence with everyone else in the group and have a couple of friends there, as well. I am just wondering if anyone else has noticed odd behavior from her. I will only discuss this with my good friend as I don't want to gossip about her. -L. |
#59
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
toypup wrote: But Cathy's right. She may have found the number of people she wants to interact with and that's it. FWIW, when I join playgroups, it is for the benefit of my kids. I don't have any real interest in interacting with the women on anything other than an acquaintance level as my social calendar is as full as I am willing to make it. I have enought playdates with my friends' children and unless my kids hit it off with someone, I don't want playdates with anyone else. Most moms there are SAHM's and want to make it a social activity for themselves and I tend to be a bit more standoffish, since I don't want that level of involvement. Mostly, I make smalltalk here and there, but anything looking like it's approaching more than that, I give my subtle signals. (Don't know what they are, but when I get less comfortable with the level of involvement someone wants, it lessens, so I must be giving off signals.) But she doesn't even do the "small talk" - that's what is weird. And she was "rude" (for lack of better word) to DS. That is what bothers me the most, I guess, as he's an innocent. 99% of what I do there is small talk as well - It just almost seems as if she is hostile when I can't figure out why there would be a reason to be so. I guess when I say the group is designed for interaction between the parents and the children what I am trying to say is I expect people to be friendly, at least to the children, since it is a child-centered activity. She clearly isn't friendly. I don't know if she is the same with other kids - I pretty much ignored her after the first couple "negative" interactions. I don't want to be friends with her - I was just put off by the fact that she was so cold when it came to the bare minimum of small talk - it was just kind of...bizarre, really. Someone else mentioned there was a nanny who "hated" her and her child in their play group. I was also (in my OP) just wondering how common this kind of thing was/is...? -L. |
#60
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UPDATE: playgroup fiasco
toypup wrote: I would give people the benefit of the doubt, but surely you can tell if someone is aggressive or awkward or a social butterfly after a first meeting, can you not? Yes, I suppose so, at first meeting. You can at least tell if they are receptive or not, and how comfortable they are in meeting you/with the situation. It doesn't mean they are not nice and friendly if you were to get to know them better, but the basic personality trait is there. Maybe that is why this woman seemed so weird - she gave me absolutley *no* feedback to go on. I couldn't tell you anything about her except she was deadpan, cold and completely unresponsive to DS's attempts at making contact with her. -L. |
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