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Fight with a friend



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 2nd 03, 05:00 AM
AlenasMom
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Default Fight with a friend

Yesterday I was at the dress fitting for my friend's wedding. One of her
bride's maids is really uptight and "socially correct" about everything.
All the dresses are being custom made, and when we were talking about how
my bodice will lace up the front, she asked why. I told her it was because
I'll have to have access to nurse Alena.

She turned really pale and asked if I was serious. I told her yes (in a
voice that meant no nonsense to everyone else) and tried to change the
subject. She must have done the math in her head and said: "Don't you think
that nursing at 10 months is a little excessive?"

I said no and told her that I plan to nurse until Alena's ready to wean
herself. She looked ill. She got up, excused herself and went into another
room. The bride went and asked her what was wrong. They were still in
hearing distance, but not sight. She said that she wasn't going to be in
the wedding party if I was seriously going to be nursing my toddler (since
when is a ten month old a toddler????) during the wedding!
I was so ****ed! I'm not planning on whipping it out during their vows, but
I will nurse her after the ceremony and during the reception which is 6
hours long! She's mad at this!

The worst was at dinner when she told, not asked!, me to go nurse in the
bathroom. I told her that we were nursing at the table and she could mind
her own business. I wasn't about to let my baby starve nor eat in the
bathroom by a disgusting garbage can no matter what she said.

I think I've royally ticked her off now, but luckily the bride is pro
breastfeeding and is really supportive of me. She even insisted that my
bodice do up in the front to accommodate the baby's nursing.

But I'm worried. I have to plan the bridal shower with this woman and I
just don't know what to say to her. She thinks nursing is disgusting and
shouldn't be done, ever. She told me to my face that she'll never nurse
because she was formula fed and she's just fine, and so was most of our
generation and we're smarter, healthier and stronger than previous
generations. (Not all true at all.)

Any advice???


--
Lina
Alena born July 1st, 2003
www.maternalinstinctscanada.com
validate the email address before sending.


  #2  
Old December 2nd 03, 06:03 AM
She's A Goddess
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Default Fight with a friend


"AlenasMom" wrote in message
.rogers.com...
Yesterday I was at the dress fitting for my friend's wedding. One of her
bride's maids is really uptight and "socially correct" about everything.
All the dresses are being custom made, and when we were talking about how
my bodice will lace up the front, she asked why. I told her it was because
I'll have to have access to nurse Alena.


snip story of idiot friend

Any advice???


Umm...let her leave the wedding party? Seriously, in order to stand up for
the bride you've got to make the best of the situation which will probably
mean not discussing it with her. Maybe even have the "I know we disagree
about nursing...lets agree to disagree" conversation. It might just cause
you less stress to smile and nod if she does bring up breastfeeding rather
than fight back with her. Easier said than done, I know

Good luck!

--
Rhiannon
Mom to M. Girl (27 months) and O. Boy (5 months)


  #3  
Old December 2nd 03, 06:37 AM
badgirl
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Posts: n/a
Default Fight with a friend


"AlenasMom" wrote in message
.rogers.com...
Yesterday I was at the dress fitting for my friend's wedding. One of her
bride's maids is really uptight and "socially correct" about everything.
All the dresses are being custom made, and when we were talking about how
my bodice will lace up the front, she asked why. I told her it was because
I'll have to have access to nurse Alena.

She turned really pale and asked if I was serious. I told her yes (in a
voice that meant no nonsense to everyone else) and tried to change the
subject. She must have done the math in her head and said: "Don't you

think
that nursing at 10 months is a little excessive?"

I said no and told her that I plan to nurse until Alena's ready to wean
herself. She looked ill. She got up, excused herself and went into another
room. The bride went and asked her what was wrong. They were still in
hearing distance, but not sight. She said that she wasn't going to be in
the wedding party if I was seriously going to be nursing my toddler (since
when is a ten month old a toddler????) during the wedding!
I was so ****ed! I'm not planning on whipping it out during their vows,

but
I will nurse her after the ceremony and during the reception which is 6
hours long! She's mad at this!

The worst was at dinner when she told, not asked!, me to go nurse in the
bathroom. I told her that we were nursing at the table and she could mind
her own business. I wasn't about to let my baby starve nor eat in the
bathroom by a disgusting garbage can no matter what she said.

I think I've royally ticked her off now, but luckily the bride is pro
breastfeeding and is really supportive of me. She even insisted that my
bodice do up in the front to accommodate the baby's nursing.

But I'm worried. I have to plan the bridal shower with this woman and I
just don't know what to say to her. She thinks nursing is disgusting and
shouldn't be done, ever. She told me to my face that she'll never nurse
because she was formula fed and she's just fine, and so was most of our
generation and we're smarter, healthier and stronger than previous
generations. (Not all true at all.)

Any advice???


--
Lina
Alena born July 1st, 2003
www.maternalinstinctscanada.com
validate the email address before sending.



It's not her business who else is in the wedding party. It is the brides
decision not hers and if she has a problem with you doing what's healthy for
both you and your child then let her leave the wedding party. Yes the bride
will be conflicted but unfortunately that's unavoidable. Don't think that by
you leaving instead that you will cause less stress on the bride, obviously
she wants you both there or she wouldn't have invited you both. Let the one
with the problem be the ass and walk out on the bride.
And IMO she is not *fine* she is an idiot and her behavior dictates that all
too clearly. I feel sorry for any children she has, her attitude is what's
disgusting. Snotty little stuck up twit needs to learn when to keep her
opinions to herself and not engage her mouth.
As far as the shower is concerned I wouldn't plan it with her. I would give
her a call and let her know that since she is so against your choices then
obviously you won't be able to agree on anything to do with the party and
either do it yourself or pick someone else to help you plan it. There is no
way I would opt to spend one more second than neccessary with someone who
told me my childrearing choices were disgusting.

Jen


  #4  
Old December 2nd 03, 09:32 AM
Herself
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Posts: n/a
Default Fight with a friend

badgirl wrote:

It's not her business who else is in the wedding party. It is the brides
decision not hers and if she has a problem with you doing what's healthy for
both you and your child then let her leave the wedding party. Yes the bride
will be conflicted but unfortunately that's unavoidable. Don't think that by
you leaving instead that you will cause less stress on the bride, obviously
she wants you both there or she wouldn't have invited you both. Let the one
with the problem be the ass and walk out on the bride.


Well said!!!

And IMO she is not *fine* she is an idiot and her behavior dictates that all
too clearly. I feel sorry for any children she has, her attitude is what's
disgusting. Snotty little stuck up twit needs to learn when to keep her
opinions to herself and not engage her mouth.


Damn...can't we have a world-wide meet? I gotta meet all of you!! This
is just...classic.

As far as the shower is concerned I wouldn't plan it with her. I would give
her a call and let her know that since she is so against your choices then
obviously you won't be able to agree on anything to do with the party and
either do it yourself or pick someone else to help you plan it. There is no
way I would opt to spend one more second than neccessary with someone who
told me my childrearing choices were disgusting.


WHOO HOO!!!!!!!

Okay, wait, I agree with everyone else, calling and saying "Let's put
this aside for the sake of our friend", but I'd LOVE to call this woman
up and tell her where she can shove her tired-ass story of "we're better
than previous generations" (yeah, all those chemicals pumped into you
from a young age...I bet you have ulcers, and heartburn, and and
and...well she must, since she's so uptight).

snort I love the Jens on here :-)
--
'Tis Herself
  #5  
Old December 2nd 03, 09:32 AM
Herself
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fight with a friend

AlenasMom wrote:

She turned really pale and asked if I was serious. I told her yes (in a
voice that meant no nonsense to everyone else) and tried to change the
subject. She must have done the math in her head and said: "Don't you think
that nursing at 10 months is a little excessive?"


Come on...tell her about the mom on here who nursed til her daughter was
6. I can't remember who, but I DARE you!!! heheheh

I said no and told her that I plan to nurse until Alena's ready to wean
herself. She looked ill. She got up, excused herself and went into another
room. The bride went and asked her what was wrong. They were still in
hearing distance, but not sight. She said that she wasn't going to be in
the wedding party if I was seriously going to be nursing my toddler (since
when is a ten month old a toddler????) during the wedding!
I was so ****ed! I'm not planning on whipping it out during their vows, but
I will nurse her after the ceremony and during the reception which is 6
hours long! She's mad at this!


No, get a nice satin sling made, to match the dresses, and nurse at the
altar :-).

The worst was at dinner when she told, not asked!, me to go nurse in the
bathroom. I told her that we were nursing at the table and she could mind
her own business. I wasn't about to let my baby starve nor eat in the
bathroom by a disgusting garbage can no matter what she said.


Tell her to go eat her damn dinner in there...if no one else had a
problem, including the restaurant owner, than she shouldn't.

I think I've royally ticked her off now, but luckily the bride is pro
breastfeeding and is really supportive of me. She even insisted that my
bodice do up in the front to accommodate the baby's nursing.


Thank god for smart friends, eh?

But I'm worried. I have to plan the bridal shower with this woman and I
just don't know what to say to her. She thinks nursing is disgusting and
shouldn't be done, ever. She told me to my face that she'll never nurse
because she was formula fed and she's just fine, and so was most of our
generation and we're smarter, healthier and stronger than previous
generations. (Not all true at all.)


Ask her about the huge rise in food allergies (ooooh, I kill myself).

Ask her why they are there then. And tell her that even the formula
makers say that NOTHING is as good as mama milk. So there. And know
that you are in the right, your friend the bride knows you're in the
right, and this woman is an ass :-).

takes off Lactivist hat...ooohhh...we should get you one for next time
you see her!!!!
--
'Tis Herself
  #7  
Old December 2nd 03, 03:50 PM
Karlee in Kansas
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fight with a friend

"AlenasMom" wrote in message
.rogers.com...
| Yesterday I was at the dress fitting for my friend's wedding. One of her
| bride's maids is really uptight and "socially correct" about everything.
| All the dresses are being custom made, and when we were talking about how
| my bodice will lace up the front, she asked why. I told her it was
because
| I'll have to have access to nurse Alena.

snippage

| Any advice???

Hi Lina...it's me from the other group. The mouthy one. grins Since
I've had a lot of practice with the "AAP and WHO Guidelines Speech" (see my
previous ranting post about my idiot family, and earlier posts about morons
at my son's school) if you wanted to pass along her phone number I'd be
more than delighted to give her a run for her money. Not only would I give
her the Guidelines Rant but I'd throw in a "Grow Up And Act Your Age And
Not Your Shoe Size Rant" for good measure. In the mean time, realize that
as angry as you are (ok we all are) you can't change anyone unless they are
in diapers. Yes, she probably needs a "Legally Stupid" sign to warn
everyone, but I've found that getting anyone other than *our* dog to wear
it is a lot harder than it sounds. Keep the following points in mind...

1) People with their nose that far in the air are more likely to have a
nosebleed than those of us who see you on your level (the reverse is also
true...those who look down their nose at you will dump all the **** off
their brown nose into your lap...best to steer clear of them as well)
2) It is NOT *her* wedding to set the standards for. When she becomes a
bride, she can become bridezilla all she wants, but this is your other
friends wedding and the one in question should just keep her mouth shut,
and when such time occurs (she happens to get married), you can either opt
for or against being part of her wedding party if she requests it. Not her
wedding, not her rules.
3) People that are that snotty, and people that are rude about what is
REALLY best for the child, are probably rude to waiters. People that are
nice to you, but are not nice to waiters, are not nice people.
4) People that are considered snotty, stuck up, pedantic (I love that
word), rude, and selfish, are rarely happy people. They aren't happy, so
they insist that everyone around them be as miserable as they are, and will
go to any lengths to see that happen. If you need a real life story on
that, I'll tell you about the mother-in-law-from-hell. Surround yourself
with happy supportive people and tell the rest of em to go lay an egg.

Have some chocolate, treat yourself to a FQ and a bubble bath, visit my
"stress relief" post on the other ng and learn to dance the angry dance
(yes, all that stomping and whomping really does make you feel better).

Stick with us...we will help you through it, even if it means that we have
to call this chick en mass and open a can of whoopass on her.

Hugs,
Karlee in Kansas, probably not taking the most mature of all routes with
this, but sometimes you have to stoop to a new low to get your point
across.
Queen of Packrats
~~
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't
matter and those who matter don't mind."
-Dr. Seuss


  #8  
Old December 2nd 03, 04:21 PM
JennP
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Posts: n/a
Default Fight with a friend


"AlenasMom" wrote in message
.rogers.com...
She turned really pale and asked if I was serious. I told her yes (in a
voice that meant no nonsense to everyone else) and tried to change the
subject. She must have done the math in her head and said: "Don't you

think
that nursing at 10 months is a little excessive?"

I said no and told her that I plan to nurse until Alena's ready to wean
herself. She looked ill. She got up, excused herself and went into another
room. The bride went and asked her what was wrong. They were still in
hearing distance, but not sight. She said that she wasn't going to be in
the wedding party if I was seriously going to be nursing my toddler


What a drama queen. Give me a f*&$ing break. It's not her wedding. Wait, let
me guess. She's not married yet and is living vicariously through the bride?
Ugh!

I think I've royally ticked her off now, but luckily the bride is pro
breastfeeding and is really supportive of me. She even insisted that my
bodice do up in the front to accommodate the baby's nursing.


Then she is who matters, not this bridesmaidzilla (didn't know there was
such thing? Is this bridesmaid a friend or an aquaintance? If she's not a
friend then I would just chalk her up as kooky, grit your teeth and try to
get through the shower and all. If she gives you a hard time then just say,
"Well, bride's name doesn't have a problem with it and this is *her*
occasion not yours".

--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
remove "no........spam" to reply


  #9  
Old December 2nd 03, 04:22 PM
badgirl
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fight with a friend


"Herself" wrote in message
...
badgirl wrote:

It's not her business who else is in the wedding party. It is the brides
decision not hers and if she has a problem with you doing what's healthy

for
both you and your child then let her leave the wedding party. Yes the

bride
will be conflicted but unfortunately that's unavoidable. Don't think

that by
you leaving instead that you will cause less stress on the bride,

obviously
she wants you both there or she wouldn't have invited you both. Let the

one
with the problem be the ass and walk out on the bride.


Well said!!!


Thank you

And IMO she is not *fine* she is an idiot and her behavior dictates that

all
too clearly. I feel sorry for any children she has, her attitude is

what's
disgusting. Snotty little stuck up twit needs to learn when to keep her
opinions to herself and not engage her mouth.


Damn...can't we have a world-wide meet? I gotta meet all of you!! This
is just...classic.


I'm in the Chicago area if you're ever close. I doubt you'd want to meet me
though, I'm awfully boring LOL

As far as the shower is concerned I wouldn't plan it with her. I would

give
her a call and let her know that since she is so against your choices

then
obviously you won't be able to agree on anything to do with the party

and
either do it yourself or pick someone else to help you plan it. There is

no
way I would opt to spend one more second than neccessary with someone

who
told me my childrearing choices were disgusting.


WHOO HOO!!!!!!!

Okay, wait, I agree with everyone else, calling and saying "Let's put
this aside for the sake of our friend", but I'd LOVE to call this woman
up and tell her where she can shove her tired-ass story of "we're better
than previous generations" (yeah, all those chemicals pumped into you
from a young age...I bet you have ulcers, and heartburn, and and
and...well she must, since she's so uptight).


Yea, I kind of went into Bitch mode last night. I just couldn't believe
someone's *friend* would behave that way, especially at the cost of the
brides feelings. It is a priveledge to be asked to be a part of someones
wedding and frankly anyone that gets asked should feel special and act
accordingly but not in the selfish way IYKWIM.
We recently had a wedding to deal with, my daughter was invited to be a Jr
Bridesmaid, the bride isn't one of my favorite people (ok, I can't stand the
high maintenance little bitch) but I made it an extreme point to behave
myself and put my feelings aside so that things would go as smoothly as
possible for my daughter and for the bride.
I guess if it were someone in the mall or something making comments like
that I would have felt a little less strongly and not suggested such a
reaction, but this person is supposed to be a *friend*. Friends don't treat
eachother like that.

Ok, I'm now rambling
Jen

snort I love the Jens on here :-)
--
'Tis Herself



  #10  
Old December 2nd 03, 04:42 PM
Herself
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Posts: n/a
Default Fight with a friend

Karlee in Kansas wrote:

Stick with us...we will help you through it, even if it means that we have
to call this chick en mass and open a can of whoopass on her.


Damn, I love this group.
--
'Tis Herself
 




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