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when one kid is naughty and the other is nice



 
 
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  #2  
Old December 5th 04, 02:44 AM
ted
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Default when one kid is naughty and the other is nice

How do you deal with it if among the siblings one is naughty and the
other is nice? Just curious.

Thanks
  #4  
Old December 5th 04, 11:23 AM
Welches
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"ted" wrote in message
om...
How do you deal with it if among the siblings one is naughty and the
other is nice? Just curious.

Thanks

Do you mean continually? Or in one given situation?
Or do you mean by your conception, i.e. you have a favourite?

If it's just one situation then I think you praise the good behaviour, and
discipline (which might mean ignoring) the naughty one. Certainly I remember
discovering that a really good way to annoy my siblings was to do something
really good (say do the washing up without being asked) when they were being
naughty.

Continually is more difficult.
I know my brother was regarded as "difficult" or "going through an awkward
stage" (lasted from age 8 to about 18) and I found it really frustrating
that he would get treats by being difficult. For example he didn't really
entertain himself so they took him to things that I'd been told that I
couldn't. I can see now why they did it, but it did make things hard between
us.
The problem is that if they'd praised/punished us on the same scale then
he'd have constantly been in trouble and hardly ever praised. He always had
a bit of a persecution complex so it wouldn't have helped his behaviour. But
sometimes I felt he got things just because he made much more fuss if told
no.

I think if you have a favourite then you must not let it be known by your
reactions. After I'd married dh one time I commented once about his parent's
favourites and dh not only hadn't noticed, but I don't think he believed me.
They do treat them all the same and I only noticed over a length of time,
and certain things when added together.

HTH
Debbie


  #5  
Old December 5th 04, 02:37 PM
Cindy Kandolf
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ted ) writes:
| How do you deal with it if among the siblings one is naughty and the
| other is nice? Just curious.

Stop thinking of them as "the naughty one" and "the nice one" or the
good one/the bad one - and for that matter the brain/the jock, the
neatnik/the slob, the artist/the scientist, the hard worker/the
goof-off, or any other combination where the two are defined by their
opposition to one another. It's limiting and harmful to both of them
and to you.

Start thinking of them as individuals, each of which has their strong
points and their weak points. Every single kid has qualities their
parents are proud of and qualities that drive their parents nuts -
every single one. Encourage the good qualities, do your best to
squelch the bad ones - but not by setting them up against one another.

- Cindy Kandolf, mamma to Kenneth (10) and Robert (4)
****** Bærum, Norway
Bilingual Families Web Page:
http://www.nethelp.no/cindy/biling-fam.html



  #9  
Old December 10th 04, 06:03 AM
Chookie
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In article ,
"Welches" wrote:

I would avoid making simplistic distinctions. It's unlikely one kid is
significantly more naughty than the other -- it's probably your
perception.
Or one is at an age where they are better at pushing your buttons.

I would disagree with this. Kids are different and it is certainly possible
that one is naughtier than another.


Well, it could also be that one is more inclined to (say) disobey an
instruction and another is more inclined to hit people. Or that the one who
is more compliant now will be less so later on!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Life is like a cigarette -- smoke it to the butt." -- Harvie Krumpet
  #10  
Old December 10th 04, 02:08 PM
Penny
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Hi Ted,
Just wrote a book called "Want Great Kids? It takes Good Parenting!"
Hopefully will be available on booksurge.com at the end of next week.
Anyway I wrote a chapter on Punishment or Redirecting Bad Behavior.
I have a boy and a girl and for years it was a battle until I
discovered the perfect equal punishment. Doesn't matter who started it
or who finished it...They both do the time! Simply, they get one
warning and if they don't stop, it's jumping jack time. Depending on
their age, start with 25 and then double each time they misbehave.
Chances are the nice one will do it gladly and the not so nice will
fight you every step of the way. BUT, eventually they will start
working as a team, and it just might stop. My kids learned to get along
in a real short period of time. See it through whether it be in the
parking lot or at the shopping mall.
Worked wonders for me! Need to contact me? : website is:
www.wantgreatkids.com Be glad to share information!
Penny

 




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