How much privacy do you give them?

Wendy wrote in message ...
dejablues wrote:
The kids have their own computer, with no internet access. If they want
internet, they have to use the one in the kitchen or our bedroom.

My husband is a network admin guy and I use computers in my business
so we've got various generations of computers lying around:

So have your husband set up a firewall and some filters. The one thing
my experience as an admin person on the job has taught me is that my
home system should be as bullet-proof as a corporate system.

I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed that no one took the position
that the adolescent has a right to privacy. I feel cruel not giving it to
her.

Don't you ask her questions like "where are you going?" if she goes
out? Do you ask her what she did at school? (I know, I know:
"Nothing." But you *ask,* right?) I think those questions are as much
your business as what she's doing on the internet.

She has more home computer privacy at 13 than a 40 year old does at
work. Though since *I'm* the one doing the monitoring at my job, I
have all the privacy I afford myself (including my Google Usenet
habit,) but if one of my bosses feels that an employee is using the
computers in violation of our written corporate policy, I can and I
*will* certainly track that usage down.

She's darned lucky. And though I understand that you're torn between
knowing what she's doing and respecting her privacy, she *is* only 13
and it *is* your computer system and it *is* your house. You have a
right to know what's up.

If she were a live-at-home college student or even a high school
junior or senior, I'd feel differently. I'd feel very different if
she'd bought her own computer and was paying for her own internet
access.

When I picked her up after school yesterday I started out by saying,
"I want to talk about privacy." She said, "Good, when are you going to
give me some?" Oops, that wasn't the way I wanted that direction to go.

Just reading this, it sounds very smart-assed of her. I hope it wasn't
said as I'm "hearing" it. I'm a pretty hot-tempered mom. If my child
said something like that to me in the tone I'm imagining, that would
be the last of her computer usage at home. (I'd likely live to regret
that, too.)

I couldn't even promise her that I'd never read her email or look at her
chat conversations, but I did promise her that snooping wouldn't be my
FIRST stop with no warning, i.e., I'd only do it if I were particularly
concerned about something and I would bring up that concern with her
first.

Unfortunately, you're kind of back-pedaling and she knows it. Of
course there's nothing to be done about that now and I'm quite certain
I'll be doing much back-pedaling when mine are in their teens. But it
seems as though the rules weren't laid out earlier.

To me this is akin to rules about how much TV is allowed or whether or
not homework is done or how late a kid can stay out. And it's your
prerogative as a parent to change the house rules if you think they
need to change.

- Bev