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My son hates to lose... need help!



 
 
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  #1  
Old June 13th 07, 01:43 PM posted to misc.kids
bchamberlin
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Posts: 3
Default My son hates to lose... need help!

I know this is a common problem and a part of growing up, but it seems
that my 7 year old is having a rather hard time with this concept.
He's overly competitive and terribly hard on himself. I'm not sure
what to do but his behavior is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if
he's playing Playstation, soccer, or goofing around with me in the
yard. He quits, whines, and has a fit if he doesn't win. I've had to
ban him from Tiger Woods golf (a healthy non violent game) that we
often play together because he's actually gotten to the point where he
hits himself in the head with the controller when he loses. Today he
started crying because of some event he has at school today where
everyone plays a car in a line of trains and he's the caboose. He
simply didn't want to be last. My ex-wife and I both tried explaining
that in some cases, being last was the most important position but he
didn't want to hear any of it.

Now, on a side note, my ex-wife and I are recently divorced. It was a
clean divorce and we're still very close. We eat dinner together a
few times a week, take our kids to the movies still, and talk several
times a day. I haven't seen either of our children act out because of
this but I figured I'd just throw that in ... in case any of you see
something that I do not.

Thanks for any advice...

Brian

  #2  
Old June 13th 07, 05:17 PM posted to misc.kids
Vickie
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Posts: 96
Default My son hates to lose... need help!

On Jun 13, 5:43 am, bchamberlin wrote:
I know this is a common problem and a part of growing up, but it seems
that my 7 year old is having a rather hard time with this concept.
He's overly competitive and terribly hard on himself. I'm not sure
what to do but his behavior is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if
he's playing Playstation, soccer, or goofing around with me in the
yard. He quits, whines, and has a fit if he doesn't win. I've had to
ban him from Tiger Woods golf (a healthy non violent game) that we
often play together because he's actually gotten to the point where he
hits himself in the head with the controller when he loses. Today he
started crying because of some event he has at school today where
everyone plays a car in a line of trains and he's the caboose. He
simply didn't want to be last. My ex-wife and I both tried explaining
that in some cases, being last was the most important position but he
didn't want to hear any of it.

Now, on a side note, my ex-wife and I are recently divorced. It was a
clean divorce and we're still very close. We eat dinner together a
few times a week, take our kids to the movies still, and talk several
times a day. I haven't seen either of our children act out because of
this but I figured I'd just throw that in ... in case any of you see
something that I do not.

Thanks for any advice...

Brian


Brian,

I know where you are coming from. My 11yo is extremely competitive
and doesn't like to loose. He isn't doing the crying or hitting
himself thing, probably because of his age, but he will argue his
point until we are all blue in the face.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years, no divorces for us,
and we still see this problem, so I can't comment if this is a
reaction to that.

I will say I think some kids just naturally have the disposition for
this.

My best advice, and sorry maybe some one else can do better, is to
keep repeating to him what you have been saying, over and over. If he
is having that bad of a reaction to losing a game, the game goes
away. "Sorry, dude, but I think you need a break from this for
awhile."

I always try to key him in on the fact that playing just for fun is
better than not playing at all. It is his choice.

Right now my son is in the habit of questioning everything and making
remarks where he has no idea what he is talking about. So, the
conversation is over when he starts to mouth off. So, that might be
what you have to look forward to handling in the future with this type
of child. Of course, they can be terrific kids too.

Luck,
Vickie

  #3  
Old June 15th 07, 05:43 AM posted to misc.kids
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1
Default My son hates to lose... need help!

On Jun 13, 4:43 am, bchamberlin wrote:
I know this is a common problem and a part of growing up, but it seems
that my 7 year old is having a rather hard time with this concept.
He's overly competitive and terribly hard on himself. I'm not sure
what to do but his behavior is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if
he's playing Playstation, soccer, or goofing around with me in the
yard. He quits, whines, and has a fit if he doesn't win. I've had to
ban him from Tiger Woods golf (a healthy non violent game) that we
often play together because he's actually gotten to the point where he
hits himself in the head with the controller when he loses. Today he
started crying because of some event he has at school today where
everyone plays a car in a line of trains and he's the caboose. He
simply didn't want to be last. My ex-wife and I both tried explaining
that in some cases, being last was the most important position but he
didn't want to hear any of it.

Now, on a side note, my ex-wife and I are recently divorced. It was a
clean divorce and we're still very close. We eat dinner together a
few times a week, take our kids to the movies still, and talk several
times a day. I haven't seen either of our children act out because of
this but I figured I'd just throw that in ... in case any of you see
something that I do not.

Thanks for any advice...

Brian


Hi Brian,

I also have a 7 yr old and I would describe his ability to handle
winning and losing games as a "work in progress". I think kids handle
these things as they can and the best we can do is keep on providing
them with postive feedback. I tell my 7 yr old that the only way you
learn to win is by losing over and over again. And I tell him that if
he's not losing, then he's not learning to get better (esp with games
like chess or physical activity). Also, learning to regulate emotions
is something that takes time. Some kids---like mine--are very
emotional. I find that toning down the volume, rather than discussing
emotionally charged issues, often helps. Joking, communicating that
everyone loses, and getting a child to understand how they are growing
vs. winning/losing seems to help. If your kid is up to it, try to
work on understanding probabilities and chances of winning by using
doing heads/tails with a coin, games with dice, etc. Playing with
probability games and gaining confidence with them is often a good
stepping stone for dealing with winning/losing in games of skill.

Best wishes to you,
SMC

 




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