I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?

BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day
while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with
sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other
fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be
careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of
things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so
really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be
more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot
faster than you'd think.

I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot
out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they
realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I
asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful
of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off
and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't
trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True,
except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding
door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler
about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency
to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would
have no qualms about it.

I am super anal about pool safety, having grown up with a pool and a
father who drilled it into us. Our pool had a high fence and gate and
we were under strict guidelines about when/how it could be used.

With my own siblings, I could say that. They might roll their eyes at
my paranoia, but I'd still say it. However they also are all super
anal about pool safety.

So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that door
given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not
be so careful...." would you be offended?

I do realize I'm being paranoid - I love the water and I want DD to
have a healthy respect for it. So I'm not anti-pool, I just fear
people who haven't had as much exposure to pools in such a setting
might not be so aware (that said, BIL is a swimmer, it's not like he
has no knowledge of pools, but there's a big difference from a highly
controlled environment like an athletic club pool and a pool in a home
setting).

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...
So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that
door
given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not
be so careful...." would you be offended?

I wouldn't be *offended* per se....but I'd think it was a bit odd. I
mean, surely they wouldn't allow the 4YO, or even the 7YO to just open
the door and run out of the room. I mean, at home, yes, but in a
hotel in a strange city? Not if they're the conscientious parents you
describe.

So I think you could just give a generic warning about having to keep
an eye on her because she scoots so fast, and the extra warning about
the door and pool would be unnecessary. Still, if it makes you feel
better, I also don't think it would cause any harm.

Bizby

On Jun 30, 11:24 pm, "bizby40" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message

oups.com...

So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that
door
given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not
be so careful...." would you be offended?

I wouldn't be *offended* per se....but I'd think it was a bit odd. I
mean, surely they wouldn't allow the 4YO, or even the 7YO to just open
the door and run out of the room. I mean, at home, yes, but in a
hotel in a strange city? Not if they're the conscientious parents you
describe.

Yes, they would. I think it's partly cultural - where they live in
Europe, there's a lot less fear about such things. However, this hotel
they have stayed in before, the pool is enclosed by the hotel - the
only access is through the hotel. Their room opens right out onto it -
not *that* close, it's about 15 ft away. When we visited them at that
room before, the door was open and the older boy (then just 4) was
running in and out and they carried the one year old.

So, it's not a whole lot different, except that instead of one boy
potentially leaving the door open/distracting the parents, there's a
second one - who is really bad about listening to direction and very
readily distracts the parents because he can be difficult - to monitor
while watching DD.

They *are* conscientious though, I do trust them otherwise, I just
have this thing about pools...

So I think you could just give a generic warning about having to keep
an eye on her because she scoots so fast, and the extra warning about
the door and pool would be unnecessary. Still, if it makes you feel
better, I also don't think it would cause any harm.

Yeah, we will give that warning....I am just feeling the need to point
out the added risk. Maybe if I add an example about how I turned for a
minute and DD had moved from the kitchen where I was standing to the
dining room - which requires scooting over 2 awkward thresholds and
across a raw wood floor and very near an open closet full of tools...
(she wasn't ever at risk, but it made *me* realize she's a lot faster
than I thought!)

On Jun 30, 9:18 pm, cjra wrote:
BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day
while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with
sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other
fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be
careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of
things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so
really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be
more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot
faster than you'd think.

I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot
out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they
realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I
asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful
of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off
and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't
trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True,
except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding
door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler
about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency
to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would
have no qualms about it.

I am super anal about pool safety, having grown up with a pool and a
father who drilled it into us. Our pool had a high fence and gate and
we were under strict guidelines about when/how it could be used.

With my own siblings, I could say that. They might roll their eyes at
my paranoia, but I'd still say it. However they also are all super
anal about pool safety.

So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that door
given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not
be so careful...." would you be offended?

I do realize I'm being paranoid - I love the water and I want DD to
have a healthy respect for it. So I'm not anti-pool, I just fear
people who haven't had as much exposure to pools in such a setting
might not be so aware (that said, BIL is a swimmer, it's not like he
has no knowledge of pools, but there's a big difference from a highly
controlled environment like an athletic club pool and a pool in a home
setting).

Go for it. Say what you need to say. I don't care how anal you are,
or that they have raised kids. People tend to forget things. And yes
7yo and 4yo do have a tendency to leave doors (any doors) open, so
there is cause for concern.
If they get bent out of shape over it, too bad. If my SIL reminded me
of something, even if I knew about it, I would in no way get ****ed.
I would want to do everything to reassure her that I would handle it
and understand her.

As for hubby, he should always be on your side of things. If he has
to be the one to clue them in, tell him to use you as an excuse. *My
wife tends to be very worried about pools and kids. We know how
responsible and how great you have raised the boys, but just a
reminder, baby is quick and if the boys run outside without shutting
the door, you know baby will be right there with them and in that
pool.* End of story, you said your peace, it is at the forefront of
their mind now.

Really, what would be the point of getting a nice break with your
husband if you are going to spend the time feeling anxious about your
babes welfare.

Vickie

On Jun 30, 11:46 pm, Vickie wrote:

Go for it. Say what you need to say. I don't care how anal you are,
or that they have raised kids. People tend to forget things. And yes
7yo and 4yo do have a tendency to leave doors (any doors) open, so
there is cause for concern.
If they get bent out of shape over it, too bad. If my SIL reminded me
of something, even if I knew about it, I would in no way get ****ed.
I would want to do everything to reassure her that I would handle it
and understand her.

As for hubby, he should always be on your side of things. If he has
to be the one to clue them in, tell him to use you as an excuse.

There is somewhat of a language barrier (their english is tolerable
but not great, my french is hopeless, so anything important I let DH
communicate). He thinks I'm being paranoid, but he also knows how
extra sensitive his brother and SIL are.

*My
wife tends to be very worried about pools and kids. We know how
responsible and how great you have raised the boys, but just a
reminder, baby is quick and if the boys run outside without shutting
the door, you know baby will be right there with them and in that
pool.* End of story, you said your peace, it is at the forefront of
their mind now.

yeah, I have told him to use me as the 'paranoid new mom' and blame it
all on me...

Really, what would be the point of getting a nice break with your
husband if you are going to spend the time feeling anxious about your
babes welfare.

heh, we're not even getting a break. They'll take her while we're at
work, so our daycare provider is getting the break ;-). They mainly
want to take her so they can spend some time with her.

On Jun 30, 9:51 pm, cjra wrote:
On Jun 30, 11:46 pm, Vickie wrote:

Go for it. Say what you need to say. I don't care how anal you are,
or that they have raised kids. People tend to forget things. And yes
7yo and 4yo do have a tendency to leave doors (any doors) open, so
there is cause for concern.
If they get bent out of shape over it, too bad. If my SIL reminded me
of something, even if I knew about it, I would in no way get ****ed.
I would want to do everything to reassure her that I would handle it
and understand her.

As for hubby, he should always be on your side of things. If he has
to be the one to clue them in, tell him to use you as an excuse.

There is somewhat of a language barrier (their english is tolerable
but not great, my french is hopeless, so anything important I let DH
communicate). He thinks I'm being paranoid, but he also knows how
extra sensitive his brother and SIL are.

*My
wife tends to be very worried about pools and kids. We know how
responsible and how great you have raised the boys, but just a
reminder, baby is quick and if the boys run outside without shutting
the door, you know baby will be right there with them and in that
pool.* End of story, you said your peace, it is at the forefront of
their mind now.

yeah, I have told him to use me as the 'paranoid new mom' and blame it
all on me...

Really, what would be the point of getting a nice break with your
husband if you are going to spend the time feeling anxious about your
babes welfare.

heh, we're not even getting a break. They'll take her while we're at
work, so our daycare provider is getting the break ;-). They mainly
want to take her so they can spend some time with her.

Oh man! Too bad. Parents of little ones always need some couple
time.

They are honestly that sensative? That just seems absurd to me. You
do what you think is right. Better to make them a little miffed then
regret your decision if something goes wrong. Not that I think it
will, but you need to say your peace to have your peace. I would even
go so far as look up words for pool, worried, and boys need to shut
the doors. Smile when you say it and laugh at yourself by doing it.
How can they be mad at that? And you are still getting your point
across.

Best of luck,
Vickie

On Sat, 30 Jun 2007 21:18:21 -0700, cjra wrote:

BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day
while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with
sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other
fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be
careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of
things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so
really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be
more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot
faster than you'd think.

I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot
out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they
realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I
asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful
of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off
and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't
trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True,
except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding
door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler
about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency
to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would
have no qualms about it.

I'd just keep the baby and have the SIL see the baby with me there or they
could come watch the baby at your place. You could explain that you are
extremely paranoid about pools.

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...
BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day
while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with
sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other
fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be
careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of
things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so
really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be
more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot
faster than you'd think.

I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot
out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they
realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I
asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful
of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off
and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't
trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True,
except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding
door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler
about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency
to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would
have no qualms about it.

I am super anal about pool safety, having grown up with a pool and a
father who drilled it into us. Our pool had a high fence and gate and
we were under strict guidelines about when/how it could be used.

With my own siblings, I could say that. They might roll their eyes at
my paranoia, but I'd still say it. However they also are all super
anal about pool safety.

So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that door
given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not
be so careful...." would you be offended?

I do realize I'm being paranoid - I love the water and I want DD to
have a healthy respect for it. So I'm not anti-pool, I just fear
people who haven't had as much exposure to pools in such a setting
might not be so aware (that said, BIL is a swimmer, it's not like he
has no knowledge of pools, but there's a big difference from a highly
controlled environment like an athletic club pool and a pool in a home
setting).


You know, maybe I don't understand their motivation, but there is no
'visiting' with an infant. Your DD is going to be doing her infant trying
to be mobile thing, is not a conversationalist at this stage, and napping
and sleeping. Why would they want to borrow a baby for a whole day when you
have perfectly adequate carers who know here and are set up for dealing with
a child that age? Maybe they want to relive the baby thing, I don't know,
but there is no real visiting involved here, and if I've understood most day
care situations in the US you are still paying for that day of care you
didn't use, so there is no help to you. Personally, even knowing I might
upset husband, I'd push for the baby to go to the carer for the day and they
can visit with you all when you're not at work. While they are visiting
they can hold the baby and such, but really, unless they are into diaper
changing and burping, they'll get their enjoyment without the worries over
the pool issue. But, then there is that part about talking with your hubby
to help him understand so he can then translate to them. Good luck. It
is too bad their visit has to create stressors like this, I'm sure they
don't intend to.

Aula

cjra wrote:
..

I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot
out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they
realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I
asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful
of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off
and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't
trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True,
except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding
door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler
about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency
to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would
have no qualms about it.

Your husband knows your BIL and SIL better than you do, and if he says
it would cause offense, then it probably will. But if they then say -
OK then we won't keep her - that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Because
I agree with Aula - I don't see why they would want to have a baby for
a day while you are at work unless they just want to have the
experience of a baby girl. And it is no benefit to you or to the baby
whatever.

On thinking about this - I'd suggest that your husband didn't mention
the pool, but just say that you would rather she stay with her regular
routine during the day while you are at work.

In article , Rosalie B. says...

cjra wrote:
.

I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot
out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they
realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I
asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful
of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off
and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't
trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True,
except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding
door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler
about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency
to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would
have no qualms about it.

Your husband knows your BIL and SIL better than you do, and if he says
it would cause offense, then it probably will. But if they then say -
OK then we won't keep her - that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Because
I agree with Aula - I don't see why they would want to have a baby for
a day while you are at work unless they just want to have the
experience of a baby girl. And it is no benefit to you or to the baby
whatever.

On thinking about this - I'd suggest that your husband didn't mention
the pool, but just say that you would rather she stay with her regular
routine during the day while you are at work.

I dont' think they would 'get' what's supposed to be meant by that. "Regular
routine" = "no pool" huh? Waaaay to obtuse.

Maybe a way around this would be "no no, WE'D love to take YOUR BOYS for the
day! No, don't mention it, we'd love it" :-) Or, take the day(s) off make
plans for mutual outings while they're here.

It's at the sacrifice of a days or so work, but since this is all about
who-watches-baby to begin with, if one or the other parent (or both) take the
time off, this all should go away. So that's IMO the solution. No feelings
hurt, no worries about baby. And more fun with the inlaws to boot. (Unless
they're visiting for a long time, wouldn't time be taken off work anyway?)

IMO a lot of 'problems' people have like this (and the gym daycare thing) are
really about little changes (new person, visitors), and folks not seeing how
little changes one can make oneself can solve things. Instead people look to
that outside element to bend around or go away so they don't have to make even
the littlest adjustment in their routine, and, well, bending other people around
doesn't generally work ;-)

Banty