Long Update - it has been a while

Hi All,

Its been a while since I posted last. A lot has happened over the last 1.5
months, and there is so much more to be done. The last time I posted we
were talking about attitude towards marriage, and the impact that attitude
has on the family unit. The last 1.5 months has been a big reflection on
family and what it really means to be part of a family. So where to begin?
I guess I should start where we left off....

Mid-January :-)
It was slightly after my nephew's wedding that I last posted. Him and his
wife left for home (Texas) shortly after they were married in Washington.
My boyfriend (at the time) was sorry he couldn't attend due to work. Him
and I were quite busy during the month of January, and we're still very
busy. So much to do and so little time.

On January 18th my boyfriend receives a threatening phone call from his
ex-wife. You see she received her papers in the mail concerning
child-support. My boyfriend was in the process of starting child-support
proceeding against her after months of trying to negotiate with her.
Originally when he talked to me about it I told him to talk to her - skip
the formal proceedings and negotiate the terms. She wanted nothing to do
with it and continuously reminded him of what she could have done to him
during their divorce (kept the kids, the house, received alimony, and large
amounts of child-support). There was a threat made against his life, and a
formal complaint filed.

On Monday, January 19th, his ex-wife (anyone want one?!?) started with her
phone calls begging to "come home" again. This time she was hitting him
with nearly daily phone calls. Each time he said 'no', but he told her he
would help her leave her current situation by helping with her move. He is
concerned for his kids and the situation their mother lives in. After all,
it impacts the kids when they are with her. The man she lives with is just
creepy... A control freak who drinks heavily and it is questionable if he
is still doing crack! No, my beloved nor his ex-wife does drugs, but her
boyfriend does. This man has even gone to the extent of putting a lock and
carries the only keys to some of her belongings. It is his way of keeping
her where she is at. Not to mention - the treats of violence just to "get
back at him" for filing for child support.

At one time I had told my boyfriend I would help her move - as it was
beneficial to the kids, and I couldn't help but to feel for someone who is
in a bad relationship/situation. So on the 23rd of January I was told we
came close of helping her leave/move, but she had a change of heart.

Along came the 26th... I receive my nightly phone call informing me he is
driving to her home along with one of her cousins to get her out of that
situation. Around 11:30 pm I received another call letting me know the deed
was done and she is now living with her Aunt and Uncle. I told him to
expect the worse out of her as I strongly believed she was going to do
everything in her power to "go home".

Tuesday night I received my nightly phone call - right on time and like
normal. But the conversation wasn't typically. I was told the ex called
him several times at work - begging to "come home". I found out his ex was
there to spend time with his daughter after school. Just like I told him.
She was going to do anything she possibly could to show him she is a "good"
mommy to their kids... including, but not limited to, cleaning his house and
cooking him dinner. Did she clean & cook? No, but she asked if she could.
I came very close of driving down to his home to bring his daughter home
with me. The little girl was in tears and crying out for help. He didn't
know what to do. Her mother started her head-games with her again... and
this time it wasn't working like it had six months ago. This time this
little girl was very upset with her mother. This time she was frightened
due to someone that was said, or done. I told him to go and take care of
his daughter since I couldn't just drive there to give her a reassuring hug
like she needed. He didn't understand why I wasn't more "trusting" and
happy with him. I tried to explain that trust has nothing to do with it. I
trust him. I don't trust her. She has no respect for other people's
relationships & hearts - not even her own kids! How could I just sit here
and be happy with him when I just heard his daughter crying due to confusion
her mother is causing? How could I trust a woman who has done nothing but
tried to break us up since we've started to date? How can I trust a woman
how asked my boyfriend to dump me now that she has left her boyfriend?

Wednesday morning it was raining outside, and I sent him a text message to
his cell phone... it read "It may seem as if it is raining on you, but try
to remember one thing - golf balls are not smooth. Love them because they
love & depend on you. Love, Tracy". You see, his mother sent him an email
concerning an empty jar that was filled with golf balls, small stones, sand,
and then two beers. The golf balls are suppose to resemble those who mean
the most to you - your family. The small stones is work, your home, your
toys, etc. The sand is the small stuff, and the beer is to show there is
always room for a couple of beers. So just like Tuesday night, I reminded
him it is the golf balls which needs his attention - not his ex!

Like always Wednesday evening my boyfriend headed up my way to have dinner
with me. On the way he called me. He informed me his ex went back to her
boyfriend. Wednesday morning she called my boyfriend to beg to "come home".
He finally started to get frustrated and firmly said "no!" So she backed up
her stuff and left her Aunt's and Uncle's home. There was nothing anyone
could do. He didn't have nice things to say about her... it was also when
he told me she tried to kiss him Monday night after he helped her move! I
had about 15 minutes to "think" about that statement before he showed up. I
was not in a good mood, and for the first time he seen what I'm like when
I'm extremely ****ed off! I told him it was a good thing my anger was not
directed at him. "She is dirt! Not the sand in that jar," I told him in a
firm voice. "You put that dirt before your own daughter's welfare and me!"
I was very upset. I flat out told him I felt like driving to his house,
getting his daughter, and keeping her until he figures out what is really
important - the hell with both of them - I'll file for custody of the
children. I was ****ed. Oh - but that isn't all... nope, he told me how
her boyfriend has been making crap up about ME as a way to keep her away
from her ex (my boyfriend). Some of the lies include me having AIDS... yeah
right! ;-)

He calmed me down, but knew I was not happy with how things went over the
last 1.5 weeks. Work had been a pill, and so was my personal life - due to
his ex).

His ex still played games, including but not limited to - asking him if he
took her copies of the child-support papers then admitted to throwing them
away. Gotta love someone who lies like that, right? HA!

Come to find out his daughter was very upset that Tuesday night because for
some odd reason (wonder where she heard this!) she was told mommy and daddy
was getting back together... she doesn't want her mother back, she wants me!
I'll tell you, provide a stable environment for a child, give them limits to
live by, give them lots of hugs, and show them love - it is amazing what
happens when love is unconditional and displayed in a healthy manner.

So where was I? Oh yes... between birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, snow,
and ice I hadn't had any time to see my Grandmother. So I took the 6th of
February off to spend it with my Grandmother. From Salem I drove directly
to my boyfriend's home in McMinnville. A "quick" 1 hour drive from my
Grandmother's home. I was aware that my boyfriend was still in Salem as he
was just getting off of work when I was close to his house. As I pulled up
into his drive-way there sat his ex-wife's SUV. She was there to pick up
the two youngest kids (the oldest refuses to go to her home). I sat in my
SUV for a minute, or two, just thinking - breathing - and tell myself I can
behave. I took a deep breath and got out of my SUV. Locked it and headed
for the front door. This is when his daughter came running out of the
house, jumped into my arms, gave me a hug, and told me her brother (the
middle child) locked himself in his bedroom and refuses to leave or talk. I
gave her a big hug and told her I'll get him to come out.

As I entered the house there was the fat b*cth whining on the phone to my
boyfriend that she had to go, had no one to watch the daughter, and didn't
know what to do. I just rolled my eyes and headed upstairs pretending she
wasn't there. :-)

Three small and light knocks on his son's bedroom door, and a simple "[his
name], please let me in." The door opens, and there was a 15 year old boy
in tears standing before me. He sat down on his exercise equipment as I
shut the door and proceeded to give him a hug. The first time we hugged,
and he held onto me as if he wasn't going to let go. I told him we needed
to do the right thing and go downstairs. "Let's talk," I said. He left his
room and went into the living room - that was the easy part. My boyfriend
told his ex that I would have him out of his room within 5 minutes. She
didn't believe him - I guess that proved her wrong.

BTW - I gave blood that morning and was still wearing my "bandage" around my
arms where they stuck me. The daughter asked why I was wearing that, and I
told her (in front of her mother) I gave blood and how it is used to help
save people's lives... maybe the woman is too stupid to understand I
couldn't do that it I had AIDS!

Anyways... there sat the son in the living room and the mother in the
dinning room. She stood there and asked him if he was leaving with her.
After she received a "no", she just stood there and said "I don't know what
to do." I'll tell you right now - I wanted to blow! Instead I looked at
her and repeated her own words "you don't know what to do?" (I was nice
about it). I then grabbed her hand and walked her over to her son and told
her to sit down next to him. Turned around and told the daughter to go
upstairs because I wanted to hear about her day. As I was following her up
the stairs I heard their mother whining to the son asking him what she is
suppose to do since she has no one to baby-sit the daughter while she is
working Saturday night. I heard the son tell her that he isn't the adult
and that is her problem.

Later I came downstairs to find they were not getting no where. I sat down
at the son's feet and started to get him to talk a little about his
feelings. Sometimes I have to really wonder if some parents miss the boat
on talking to their kids about how much they love them. This woman is
making her love towards her kids conditional, and putting them in the middle
of her problems. This should be an easy situation to handle, but she makes
it impossible. Needless to say, I got no where because the woman is totally
out of it. She lives in la-la-land and believes her kids will go running
for her when they see her. How many times do they need to say 'no' to her
because she realizes she has put a lot of distance between her and them?

Towards the end of this whole charade the son takes off out of the house and
disappears. I stood there biting my tongue as her only concern was leaving
with the daughter and demanding my boyfriend be around when she decides to
drop her off Saturday. She wasn't even willing to set a time! I wanted to
yell at her "am I the only person in this house who is concerned about [the
son]?"

Before she left she thanked me for trying - I just bit my tongue as I wanted
to say "**** you bitch for everything you've tried to destroy!" But I
didn't. I was polite.

The son showed up and we had a long talk after that. I got him to smile,
talk, give me more hugs, and even got him to hug his father when he arrived
home. We had another busy, but enjoyable weekend after that. The son came
up with me and spent the weekend at my home instead.

This last week has been another busy week. Tuesday I learned my middle son,
who graduated from high school last June, was accepted into the Army. He
signed paper tomorrow and starts his final steps within a couple of weeks.
I'm extremely proud and happy for my son!!!

My boyfriend and I planned how to handle four more birthdays and two more
anniversaries this month (after one birthday this month just passed). Then
Friday was a very special day for us. Our first date was on a Friday the
13th, back in June of last year. This last Friday we celebrate our 8th
month anniversary. He took me to the same place we ate at during our first
date - the Flying M Ranch (http://www.flying-m-ranch.com/). We had a great
time.

Valentines Day we had plans to take all of our kids out to dinner up here in
the Beaverton area. Its a long story (like this post isn't long already)...
but Wednesday I told him I had too many earrings and didn't *need* anymore.
On Valentines Day I was complaining that I didn't have any red earrings to
match this one necklace. See what he has to put up with. ;-) So when he
arrived he told me he wanted to take me somewhere really quick before we
went out to dinner. I knew what he was up to, but played along. We drove
to the Shane Co, but they were closed. I just looked at him and told him if
he was honest I would have told him they were closed. He was very
disappointed they were closed, but I told him I didn't need the earrings.
There is a difference between need and want, and ruby earrings is something
I would only wear once a year since I don't wear a lot of red. On the way
home, in the car, while it was raining outside, he asked me a question... he
asked me to marry him.

He wanted to have ring before our anniversary - so he could pop the question
while we were out eating dinner. But we were too busy to give him time to
go get one. He wanted to use the ruby earrings as an excuse to get me into
a jeweler. He was going to buy me both the earrings and the wedding ring.
But they were closed before we could get there. So there he sat in his SUV
all teary-eyed popping the question. He felt as if he did everything
half-ass-backwards. Those golf balls comes first, and he didn't make the
time to put them first. He asked me if I could forgive him for that... I
was crying and couldn't say a thing.

For the last two weeks my co-workers have been asking almost daily - when's
the date? Have you set a date? I just chuckle and told them he is up to
something and has everything worked out in his head. That is all I could
say.

If anyone is still reading this and is wondering what my answer was... let
me remind you a few things. I left my ex back in Dec. of 1985. I never
remarried to this day since then. I had a lot of time to think about what I
wanted, and what was important. I never had a wedding. I never had a
wedding ring. And there I was hearing the words I wanted to hear from my
boyfriend, and there I was in tears crying. Darn him for making me cry!
For more than 18 years I had to be strong. For more than 18 years I was the
only provider, caregiver to my oldest two sons, etc... I'm a very
independent woman who had to become what I am to survive and provide a life
for my kids. Darn him for forcing me to melt away the harden ice from my
heart and soul. I looked at him and told him he has brought LIFE back into
MY life. For once someone took me by the hand and allowed me to feel loved,
play, and have a reason to really want a balance in my life. It is one
thing to make that balance happen for your kids, but it is another thing to
make it happen for yourself. Our jobs are demanding, but we've made the
time for us. We've allowed our love for each other to work out solutions to
all issues that have come up.

If anyone is wondering - of course I said 'yes'. There isn't a man out
there that I know who has so much life in him and has the same respect and
attitude towards marriage & family as him. There isn't a man out there that
I know who doesn't come close to the respect & love he has for me. He has
given me a new meaning to Valentines Day.

Yesterday, Sunday, we drove back to the jeweler and picked out the ring. It
will be ready this coming Wednesday. Just in time for us to take his
parents out for their wedding anniversary.

Him and I will be married on August 13th, 2004 in Salem. It is a Friday - a
way for us to celebrate Friday the 13th as it was the first day we went out.

If anyone is still reading my very long post... the me say this once - there
are many people in this group over the years which have touched my heart and
soul with their kind words and stories, and I wish everyone of them the
greatest happiness they could ever experience. For those of you out there -
if you wish to witness my fiancé and I getting married please let me know in
email. It may be another three month before the invitations are sent, but
we need to start working on that list now. We are not asking for gifts - we
have enough stuff. All we want are those who are supportive of our decision
to marry to be there in person as a witness to our love for each other.

Thank you and take care.

Signing off,
Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

Tracy wrote in message
news:Rm7Yb.329662$xy6.1614882@attbi_s02...
Hi All,



Congratulations Tracy! You deserve this and I wish you and your finance many
happy times.

Tiff

Tracy wrote in message
news:Rm7Yb.329662$xy6.1614882@attbi_s02...
Hi All,



Congratulations Tracy! You deserve this and I wish you and your finance many
happy times.

Tiff

Oh Tracy, I am SO happy for you. I am shedding tears of happiness as I type.
You have climbed the mountain, girl, and now you can enjoy the view from the
summit. I hope your guy knows just how lucky he is to have you in his life. I
also hope his ex can try and learn a thing or two from you.

Mrs Indyguy

Oh Tracy, I am SO happy for you. I am shedding tears of happiness as I type.
You have climbed the mountain, girl, and now you can enjoy the view from the
summit. I hope your guy knows just how lucky he is to have you in his life. I
also hope his ex can try and learn a thing or two from you.

Mrs Indyguy

"Tracy" wrote in message
news:Rm7Yb.329662$xy6.1614882@attbi_s02...

snippety

How wonderful for you both!! You really deserve some happiness. Remember
to surround yourselves with supportive people.

~AZ~

"Tracy" wrote in message
news:Rm7Yb.329662$xy6.1614882@attbi_s02...

snippety

How wonderful for you both!! You really deserve some happiness. Remember
to surround yourselves with supportive people.

~AZ~

Wish I could be there--What a happy occasion! He is a very fortunate guy
(and if he screws up, he's gonna have to deal with me. It won't be pretty).
How
are your boys dealing with this? Next month, it will be 12 years since we
began our
blended family. Seems like yesterday. Best wishes to all.

Wish I could be there--What a happy occasion! He is a very fortunate guy
(and if he screws up, he's gonna have to deal with me. It won't be pretty).
How
are your boys dealing with this? Next month, it will be 12 years since we
began our
blended family. Seems like yesterday. Best wishes to all.

"Gini" wrote in message
...

Wish I could be there--What a happy occasion! He is a very fortunate guy
(and if he screws up, he's gonna have to deal with me. It won't be
pretty).

ROFL! My Grandmother has said something similar.
Now my Grandfather told me back in September to be nice to him. We really
do deserve each other, if you understand what I mean.

Currently we have a list of about 150 people between his family, my family,
our friends & co-workers, and his ex's family. I wish you could be here
with us, and it would be a great honor to have you here. You have been one
of the greatest supporters I've had. This may sound really strange, but I
don't miss not posting. I know with you, Indy, Tiffany, and TM here - this
group has been left in some of the greatest women to post here. The four of
you will help keep a much needed balance, and all four of you are level
headed in different but similar ways.

How
are your boys dealing with this?

All our kids are very supportive and excited. As he told me Sunday, I
didn't only win the approval of his ex's family, but most importantly - I
won the approval of his kids. His oldest son will be his best-man, because
he has been his biggest supporter over the last year. Our two youngest
children (my youngest son & his daughter) will be in the wedding too. I was
thinking of having both my oldest two sons walk me down the isle. If my
middle son can't be with us (due to the Army), then I've decided to carry a
single yellow rose in my bouquet.

Next month, it will be 12 years since we
began our
blended family. Seems like yesterday. Best wishes to all.

thank you... and congratulations on your 12th. You'll have many more to
come.

Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***