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What to do about crying



 
 
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  #21  
Old November 14th 03, 08:49 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default What to do about crying

Banty wrote:


It's just that said restaurant doesn't have to be the one which has 30 minute
typical serving times, or is next to the parking lot where a clown scared the 4
year old at a carnival two months prior, or whatever the hassle was in this
case. That's the accommodation and flexibility I'm talking about.

*Plus*, not reinforcing the behavior and appropriately counteracting it as you
say.

The point I'm trying to get across to the OP is that, at four, it's a
developmental *and* discipline matter that takes place concurrently, and doesn't
get fixed instantly by application of a magic discipline method necessarily.



Oh, I gotcha. Yes, absolutely, it's not fair to put
children in situations they really aren't able to handle and
then expect them to behave. Sometimes you just have to wait
until they're ready. Preparation and practice helps a lot,
but some behaviors just won't come until they come.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #22  
Old November 15th 03, 06:14 PM
mypet
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Default What to do about crying

Excellent suggestions one and all! Thanks so much for bringing me up
to speed and jogging my memories of child behavior. I began to
forward each tip as it's been received and I think that y'all are
possibly overestimating the timeframe as far as how long it takes to
see results. After bringing your advice into play just in a day or
so, I can see a glimmer of improvement! They came over and upon being
told that they had missed the 7pm showing of Brother Bear, they would
go on home and go the next night the little one threw herself on the
floor face down not crying, but for all appearances getting ready to
tune up big time. We all looked at each other and said nothing as we
all thought, Here we go.. let the hysterics begin...but there was no
verbal indication that we had noticed she was on the carpet. Her mom
picked her up and said come on let's get ready to go home to bed, thus
maintaining the prescribed direction of discipline. Once picked up
the little one looked so serious and said, "I wasn't crying, I was
praying that we don't miss Brother Bear again tomorrow."! How super
is that!? While expecting some backsliding and missteps along the
way, there is hope. I think the mother remaining calm and not
beginning an argument with her as she had been doing in the very
recent past kept the situation from escalating into a full blown
hissy. This is a great group with lots of knowledge. Thanks and I'll
be back!
  #23  
Old November 15th 03, 07:04 PM
Jenn
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Default What to do about crying

In article ,
(mypet) wrote:

Excellent suggestions one and all! Thanks so much for bringing me up
to speed and jogging my memories of child behavior. I began to
forward each tip as it's been received and I think that y'all are
possibly overestimating the timeframe as far as how long it takes to
see results. After bringing your advice into play just in a day or
so, I can see a glimmer of improvement! They came over and upon being
told that they had missed the 7pm showing of Brother Bear, they would
go on home and go the next night the little one threw herself on the
floor face down not crying, but for all appearances getting ready to
tune up big time. We all looked at each other and said nothing as we
all thought, Here we go.. let the hysterics begin...but there was no
verbal indication that we had noticed she was on the carpet. Her mom
picked her up and said come on let's get ready to go home to bed, thus
maintaining the prescribed direction of discipline. Once picked up
the little one looked so serious and said, "I wasn't crying, I was
praying that we don't miss Brother Bear again tomorrow."! How super
is that!? While expecting some backsliding and missteps along the
way, there is hope. I think the mother remaining calm and not
beginning an argument with her as she had been doing in the very
recent past kept the situation from escalating into a full blown
hissy. This is a great group with lots of knowledge. Thanks and I'll
be back!




That is great to hear -- good going

using behavioral techniques my 7 year old son was able to break his 7
year thumb sucking habit [which he was anxious to do] in 5 days

it doesn't always take a long time BUT consistency is important which I
think is why everyone counseled hanging in -- because SOMETIMES when
something has been long and inconsistently reinforced it is harder to
extinquish [think of it positively as perseverence]
  #24  
Old November 16th 03, 10:28 PM
Stephanie and Tim
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Default What to do about crying


"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Ignoramus12517 wrote:


Imagine this situation. You go to a restaurant where she does not want
to eat. She throws a big tantrum.

What can you do except leave?

Not much.



Leaving, however, is highly effective, particularly
if leaving doesn't get her what she wants (e.g., if she's
screaming to leave the restaurant because she wants to go
to a different restaurant, you don't leave the restaurant
to go to the one she wants to go to!). You can also leave
her with a babysitter the next time you go out to dinner.


Best wishes,

Ericka


I agree. If you are not prepared to leave, then you really are not prepared
to go in the first place.


  #25  
Old November 17th 03, 04:36 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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Default What to do about crying

In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Ignoramus12517 wrote:


Imagine this situation. You go to a restaurant where she does not want
to eat. She throws a big tantrum.

What can you do except leave?

Not much.



Leaving, however, is highly effective, particularly
if leaving doesn't get her what she wants


The problem is how to avoid reinforcing the tantrum when leaving *was*
what the child wanted. Assuming you need to leave for the benefit of
others present, it's hard to avoid rewarding the tantrum when the
tantrum's purpose was due to the child wanting to leave in the first
place.

--Robyn
  #26  
Old November 17th 03, 06:18 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default What to do about crying

Robyn Kozierok wrote:

In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote:


Leaving, however, is highly effective, particularly
if leaving doesn't get her what she wants


The problem is how to avoid reinforcing the tantrum when leaving *was*
what the child wanted. Assuming you need to leave for the benefit of
others present, it's hard to avoid rewarding the tantrum when the
tantrum's purpose was due to the child wanting to leave in the first
place.



We've usually found ways to deal with that problem, depending
on the situation. Maybe we go home and it's a quick PBJ dinner
and straight to bed. Maybe the next time the child wants to do
something, Mommy and Daddy won't do it because they don't feel
like it (turnabout's fair play, but only with older kids who
are able to get it, and only if the timing works out--wait too
long and you're just being ****y).
The key is to find out what's driving the fuss. If the
problem is that the child is overtired and not up to restaurant
behavior, that's an entirely different situation from a kid who's
throwing a hissy fit because you're at Taco Bell instead of McDonald's
(or Bella Cucina instead of Chez Louis). A child who's too tired
needs to go home and get to bed, not as punishment but because he's
tired (and shame on the parents for creating a situation in which
the child is doomed to failure, though once they're older they
need to learn to behave in spite of things like being a bit
tired).
A child who's manipulating you is looking to get
*something*, so you have to ask yourself what that something
is. Maybe the something is legitimate. Maybe the poor kid's
been dragged from pillar to post all day long and just wants
a quiet dinner. If that's the case, the problem is not the
request to leave the restaurant, but the manner in which the
request was made (and the day's schedule, which should be
noted as inappropriate for the future). That's different
from pitching a fit because the restaurant just isn't the
current fave.
Anyway, once you know what the child *wants* and
*why*, you can generally come up with an appropriate
response that sends the appropriate message.

Best wishes,
Ericka

 




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