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#11
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Sad
Nevermind was all, like:
"zeldabee" wrote... was all, like: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep [...] [snip] [...] My schedule is brutal for me, and I'm scraped about as thin as I could be, but I worry more about how it's affecting his development. Wow, I really feel for you. What on earth time do you guys get home?! About 7:30-8:00pm. To bed at 8:30-9:00, he's asleep about a half hour later. I usually read for a little while myself before I sleep, with a little nightlight--it's become part of our night-time ritual. What would happen if you lay down with him when he's ready for bed, with the intention of getting back up again after he's asleep? Would you just fall into a deep sleep yourself? I've tried, and I don't want to get back up, and he wakes up if I leave anyway. Besides, he'd end up getting to sleep a half hour earlier, and I'd still have to shower and eat...then, probably, have to get him *back* down to sleep again. So I think it would be a hassle for not much if any gain. [...] Alternatively, maybe you could go down to sleep with him early but then get up before him to get your stuff done? This is basically what I do anyway--I get up at 5:15 am to pump, eat, make lunch, wash bottles for daycare, do the catbox, etc. Get him up at 6:30 to change him and dress him, then leave at 6:50. (As it is he sometimes wakes when I get up.) I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to change the situation, and the only thing I can come up with is that I have to make a major life change...like, quit my job and freelance or start my own business. But that's scary, because I've got a good job with benefits, and a stable child-care situation with which I'm happy. My son's father contributes very little, so for all intents and purposes, I'm the sole breadwinner. What is causing the crushingly full schedule? Are you expected to work long hours at your job? Do you commute far? I basically work 9-5, but I do pump, which adds maybe a half hour to my work day right now, since I have to make up the time it takes to pump. Yes, the commute is long-ish. That's what makes the biggest difference. Is it possible to make changes *at* your job? Could you work from home a couple or a few days per week? This would be very helpful if commuting time is part of your problem. Could you leave at a decent hour but take work home to do after the baby's asleep? (I know lots of people who do that -- not fun, and can be stressful, but allows the kids a better schedule.) No, my job is service-oriented (graphics service bureau). I can't do any of my job from home. My skill-set is such that I could do a similar type of work at home, but I don't know whether I could make a living at it or not, and I'd still have to make some arrangement for childcare. How about the dad? Does he live nearby? If so, could he take over either taking the baby in or picking him up from childcare? Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like pulling teeth to get him to do it. Could anything be changed at daycare to help your baby get better sleep there? I think if she could get him to sleep in the playpen, she could put him in the bedroom, and maybe he'd be able to sleep more that way. But I'm under the impression that she's tried this. She's had some success in getting him to sleep in a stroller, pushing it toward a corner. I think sometimes she's lucky and gets both toddlers and Sprogly to sleep all at the same time. But obviously that can't be counted on, and my hat is off to her for managing to do it at all. It's hard to see a way out without making a huge and risky change...but I'm seriously considering moving to the west coast so I'll at least have some family around to lend support. Would they be a big help? If so, and if you could get a good job out there, then that might be a great option. I can't imagine my life without my mother -- and I've got a live-in husband! But what about the baby's dad? They're all clamoring for me to move out, and I'd imagine they'd be some help. More help than I have now, anyway. I doubt Bloke would move out there if I did, but he might. I'm hesitant to move away from Sprogly's father...but as it stands now, we're barely a couple, and he's a financial liability. That sounds really cold, and at the same time, I do get some help from him in small ways (I'm talking 10 minutes at a time here and there), and if I lived alone with Sprogly, I wouldn't even have that. I've known since I discovered that I was pregnant with him, that I'd likely end up a single mom, but the reality of that is a little scary. |
#12
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Sad
zeldabee wrote:
Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like pulling teeth to get him to do it. Hi Zeldabee, I don't know you well, so I hope you don't mind my jumping in on this point (I guess it is usenet, afterall). What does Bloke do all day? Can you put it to him as something that's valuable for Sprogly, not a request from you? If he's not busy but still unwilling to do pickup every day after understanding that it's important for the baby, I wonder about his mental health... -- Emily mom to Toby 5/1/02 Scheherazade, stillborn at 20 weeks, 3/2/04 |
#13
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Sad
"zeldabee" wrote in message .. .
Nevermind was all, like: "zeldabee" wrote... was all, like: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep [...] [snip] [...] My schedule is brutal for me, and I'm scraped about as thin as I could be, but I worry more about how it's affecting his development. Alternatively, maybe you could go down to sleep with him early but then get up before him to get your stuff done? This is basically what I do anyway--I get up at 5:15 am to pump, eat, make lunch, wash bottles for daycare, do the catbox, etc. Get him up at 6:30 to change him and dress him, then leave at 6:50. (As it is he sometimes wakes when I get up.) I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to change the situation, and the only thing I can come up with is that I have to make a major life change...like, quit my job and freelance or start my own business. But that's scary, because I've got a good job with benefits, and a stable child-care situation with which I'm happy. My son's father contributes very little, so for all intents and purposes, I'm the sole breadwinner. What is causing the crushingly full schedule? Are you expected to work long hours at your job? Do you commute far? I basically work 9-5, but I do pump, which adds maybe a half hour to my work day right now, since I have to make up the time it takes to pump. Yes, the commute is long-ish. That's what makes the biggest difference. Is it possible to make changes *at* your job? Could you work from home a couple or a few days per week? This would be very helpful if commuting time is part of your problem. Could you leave at a decent hour but take work home to do after the baby's asleep? (I know lots of people who do that -- not fun, and can be stressful, but allows the kids a better schedule.) No, my job is service-oriented (graphics service bureau). I can't do any of my job from home. My skill-set is such that I could do a similar type of work at home, but I don't know whether I could make a living at it or not, and I'd still have to make some arrangement for childcare. How about the dad? Does he live nearby? If so, could he take over either taking the baby in or picking him up from childcare? Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like pulling teeth to get him to do it. Pulling teeth? I say, *knock* 'em out! (metaphorically) Is Bloke a scary guy? If not, then I cannot imagine letting him get away with not being a major help. (And if he is a scary guy, you need to leave.) You need major help, and the child's father is apparently available. Does he give a **** that, in your opinion, the baby's development may be compromised by your schedule? He can make the difference. What's he doing during the day?! Is he available (and I do mean available, not "interested in") to either drop the baby off or pick him up from daycare? If so, have him do so. Maybe he could pick the baby up from daycare and drive him around to get an hour's nap (if the baby'd sleep in the car)? That would make his bedtime pretty OK, I think. He could also drop the baby off, so the baby could sleep in. Or one of those two? They're all clamoring for me to move out, and I'd imagine they'd be some help. More help than I have now, anyway. I doubt Bloke would move out there if I did, but he might. I'm hesitant to move away from Sprogly's father...but as it stands now, we're barely a couple, and he's a financial liability. That sounds really cold, and at the same time, I do get some help from him in small ways (I'm talking 10 minutes at a time here and there), and if I lived alone with Sprogly, I wouldn't even have that. I've known since I discovered that I was pregnant with him, that I'd likely end up a single mom, but the reality of that is a little scary. You must be a far better women that I am. I would be a walking piece of molten rage if my kid's father had to be cajoled into picking him up from daycare once per week and could only help out in 10-minute slots while I worked my ass off and pumped and did the catbox and etc etc etc. Is there no way to light a fire under his ass?! |
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