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#11
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The storm hit
"Paul Fritz" wrote in message ... WHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We did kind of call this one at the beginning, did we not? None of this surprised me, I just decided that I already said my share, voiced my opinion, and there is no need to repeat myself. Now what I mean? |
#13
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The storm hit
"Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message ... Subject: The storm hit From: oaway (Joelle) Date: 4/21/2004 8:37 AM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: WHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know, when I read this first of all, I thought "Oh geesh Paul, knock it off, you aren't helping." Then I read all the rationalizing, nonsense and I have to agree. And no, it's not because you've decided not to take the advice about adoption, that's a hard decision - but because you never really considered anything anybody said about it. You want to teach your daughter a lesson. No that's crap. You don't even care about your daughter. You've become attached to that baby for your own self, your own comfort, your own self affirmation and you can't let go because of your unhealthy attachment. Sick sick sick. God help your family, you sure as hell aren't going to let anybody else. Finsihed here because it's just breaking my heart and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Yeah I am done too, you are wrong and that about does it. i.e. srcew the kid....it's all about me Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
#14
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The storm hit
"Lisa" wrote in message . .. "Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message ... Well it is here, what I sensed was happening smacked me right between the eyes tonight. I had thought all day at work today about what I felt was happening over the past couple of weeks, my suspicion my daughter was pulling away from the baby, I thought about the reality of the responses I received from the babble I left here under "calm before the storm" post.I've watched my daughter treat her b/f badly and watched her lie to me, him, and Mari about where she has gone on a couple occasions, she has been pursueingsp.? other boys and not good boys or age appropriate. I have talked till I am exhausted in mind and soul with her. She has been asked all the questions she doesn't know what she is looking for.I asked her today if she regretted her decision to have a baby, she said she regretted the decision but not Jaime..........I asked her how her relationship with J is going she said better, I asked her if she still wanted the baby and she came back at me with yes and I said well I noticed you pulling away from her, she said she doesn't like how long it takes to feed her, I said well she's gotta eat .She then made comment about another girl in her class at school that has a baby about 4-5 months old and she is giving her baby up for adoption adn how Her words "wrong she felt that was because the baby has bonded with her in that amount of time, and it just wasn't right." Then J showed up to the house and the conversation changed to they were gonna get the baby ready to go to her drs. appt. and off they went Baby in tow to her appt. came home left the baby with me for about an hour so they could go and fill her prescriptions and go to report an incident to the police involving them and 3 older boys chasing them the other day in the cars and getting out and beating on the windows to get at them ? They learned the other boys names and went to report them. Fine , and they got the lecture on that event too. I was feeling her out to get answers to what I felt was going on with her pulling away .. I know the stress she has been under is hard , Gayles birthday was Sunday and that was hard for us both. The case involving my step-son and my daughter has come to a plea bargain, on our side because after counsiling and a long conversation with the prosecuting attorney I talked to my daughter and found she should not be put through the defenses beating during a trial.Emotionally she is not able to get through this without a very bad end result and the prosecuter suggested to plea bargain cause she was pretty sure he would take it cause he was going to state prison if he could not win his case and winning would be hard due to the evidence. She said there would be a mess to clean up (my daughter) and I'd be the one to have to pick up the pieces after the trial .he took the plea bargain and sentencing is coming up. Back to the storm that is blowing me away even more so than I really imagined it could be. last night about 9 p.m. my daughter comes in the room where we are and says mom J is gonna take Jaime for a couple months to his house.......................I did not expect the reaction I had and still have within myself...........I am devastated, my heart has snapped, I can not stop crying and I know she is only going 10 minutes down the road but this hurts more than I can express in words and why am I so terribly heartbroken about this ? The amount of emotion and pain that I feel is too intense for me to deal with right now. We invested our hearts and our support for 13 months during her pregnancy and for 4 months now with the baby in our home on a daily basis and this is not easy at all......made excuses for the paternal grandmothers actions toward them and the baby (she is embarrassed) **** her. She has a 17 year old special needs son that she does not deal with, he is high functioning and has been to our house and is the sweetest boy and NO I do not understand a mother turning her back on any child, but see what she does with him and my blood boils. This is not the person I want my granddaughter to have to deal with on a daily basis.I swallow hard because I have no say now do I ? She wouldn't come to the baby shower , refuses to invest a dime in the baby and says if her boys didn't have it, she (the baby) don't need it. grrrrrrrrrrrrr! When the baby has been fussy or not feeling well they called us and have even just brought her back cause they were tired of dealing with it , and I again do not want my granddaughter to suffer and I know in my heart of hearts the amount of love and attention she is used to will not be the same.I have grieved in my life tremendously and this is as bad as any pain I've felt so far, my heart is broken , I am in pieces and I don't know how to do this.................I am scared . I feel myself shutting down, closing,this hurts so bad . You know Bev, although I haven't participated much, I have been very interested reading your posts and the group's responses. Over the years, we've had very young mothers come in that are so struggling to make it on their own and are completely overwhelmed and broke. Always always always, these young ladies have been told to consider returning home to their families if the support is there. So this is the first time that we have the mother that has been exactly what we would hope those other young girls would find within their families. That would be you It kinda confuses me some of the advice that has been offered up, but, that could just be me. Anyways. Now that you've had some time I hope that you've remembered that, yes, you do indeed have the right to an opinion where your daughter is making such major decisions about your granddaughter. This whole adoption thing does not sound to me at all like an option. Sending the baby to her father's house for "a couple months" is ridiculous as well. Tap dancing with your daughter is only making things worse. First. Are you aware of the recent literature with respect to anti-depressants and teenagers? I don't recall if your daughter is still taking medication or not, but if she is then it would be timely to revisit current treatment with her doctor. Second. Who's to say what a conventional family is anymore? The unconventional is now conventional, so to speak. Stand up, raise your right foot. Kay, now put it down. See that? You just put your foot down. Now, make it clear to all exactly what you think. For example,,,,what the **** is the point in the other family taking the baby for a couple months? For example...just because your daughter has had a baby, doesn't mean she gets to do grown up stuff, it only means she has grown up responsibilities. Tap dancing around it only exacerbates and enables. And for goodness sake!!! Will you stop blaming yourself for everything? Geez. It sure hasn't taught your daughter to take responsibility for herself. Why should she? Everything seems to be your fault according to you. **** that. Not every decision needs to be derived from some deep rooted self analysis. Not every decision needs to be open for debate either. It is absolutely OK to make a decision because it's , you know, what you think. I sure I have a point in all this, maybe you can find it. Good luck Bev,,, Lisa |
#15
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The storm hit
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#16
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The storm hit
"Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message Thank you ! Bev Ta. I came across a few really great words of wisdom this weekend just past. Keep discussions in the present. Learn from the past, forgive and then move along. |
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