If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
Where's Bri ?
Anyone Know?
havent seen the FAQ in a while.... (not wishing to step on toes or anything... ) Welcome all you newbies!!! alt.support.single-parents Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) and Resource Guide --------------------------------------------------- Contents -------- Introduction Frequently asked questions 1. Are non-custodial parents welcome on this group? 2. How can I make time to care for my family while going to school or working full time? 3. How can I feed my family nutritious meals on a limited budget? 4. What is a good way of dealing with the everyday stress of being a single parent? 5. Is there life with teenagers or toddlers...they're one in the same, right? 6. Why do I seem to be working to pay the babysitter, or how do I reduce the high cost of day care? 7. How can I negotiate the public assistance system (food stamps, AFDC and medical care) without getting lost in the shuffle? 8. How can I get my child to mind without feeling guilty? 9. How can I help my children cope with divorce? 10. Isn't this group called alt.SUPPORT.*? Why are people so darn *mean* here sometimes? Why doesn't everyone here love me? 11. How can I get the most bang for my buck from this group? 12. Just who, exactly, is welcome on this group? Health and Medical References Groups and Organizations for Single Parents Web Sites for Parents Recommended Reading Other Newsgroups of Interest Contributors to this FAQ Introduction ------------ Welcome to alt.support.single-parents! This group was created to address the unique problems that single parents face and to provide a forum where single parents can support each other and help with solutions to parenting problems. Single parenting can be a difficult job at times, and single parents are often overworked, underpaid, exhausted and generally very busy people, to say the least. This FAQ will attempt to address a few issues of interest to single parents. Hopefully it will grow as people add their ideas and comments (see "Contributors to this FAQ"). It is understood that there are many people who have not been with us very long, so here is just a brief summary of some commonly accepted methods and observances. Practicing these will help to ensure your acceptance and will promote a longer stay here with your fellow single parents. And above all else, have fun! Our lives are tough enough as it is. No need to make it any harder on ourselves! Punctuation and Grammar are important. Just like in the real world, first impressions are important. However, we cannot see you, so our first impressions are made based on your posts. We'd like to hear your ideas. However, if you want us to take your thoughts into consideration, we need to be able to understand them, for example: The following post is something that most would not bother to read: PLESE HELP! I tink tat my ex is an ass. I wants to move away buts h'es fighen me in coart and makings it raelly hard for me and myh new loover. If you have spell check, it is recommended that you turn it on. Capital letters and end punctuation also help to make a post look neat and easy to read. Please snip your quotes. If someone posts a long message and you want to respond to that message, don't quote the whole thing! Quote the sentences that are relevant to the comments that you are going to make. After reading someone's post, most people do not want to read it again in its entirety when reading your reply. However, remember to quote at least some of the message that you are replying to. Most of the time, the reader does not remember the message at the beginning of the thread if it was read three days ago. If you choose to reply to this message without quoting it, the reader is going to have no idea what you are talking about. WebTV'ers, as well as AOL'ers, have a unique problem, it appears. WebTV does not have an "Insert Original Message" option to click on, necessitating that the user copy and paste from the message being replied to. A WebTV-specific cut/copy/paste and "quoting text" tutorial is found at: http://www.geocities.com/~by2000/cutcopypaste.html Some just paste the relevant text and enclose it in angle brackets or other marks, which is faster and works very well. Don't post in HTML. This is not a binary newsgroup. Most of us cannot see your pictures, and sometimes it even freezes up our systems. Also, try not to type in CAPITAL LETTERS. This means that you are yelling. WebTVers: Music and background pictures are lovely but take time to download. Please be considerate of those who pay for internet access by the minute and post only the text of your messages. Expect complaints if you post more than just text. Remember to attribute your quotes. Before you quote someone (briefly), make sure to let us know whom you are quoting. It is good to spell your names correctly. Yes, you are permitted to misspell words (don't worry- it happens!), Make your messages short and to the point. Many people would rather read short posts than long, drawn-out messages with no point. Also, remember to separate the message into paragraphs if you have a lot to say. It is much easier to read, neater looking, and less likely to be skipped over by another reader. Please lurk for a while to get a feel for our newsgroup. This means that you hang around for a little while before making your first post. Lurking for an hour and then posting probably won't give you a good feel for the group. But don't worry! You don't have to hide in the darkness for a whole year before you say something. Usually, it is a good idea to lurk for about two weeks before posting. Coming in and insulting the other posters is not a good way to start things off. Show us your intelligence and make a name for yourself by using humor, knowledge, and kindness, and your days here will be a lot more fun than if you make a name for yourself through hatred, control, and rudeness. This group is primarily about parenting. People whose main interest is in starting a relationship with someone might have better luck in one of the other newsgroups, for example the various singles, personals or romance newsgroups. Those who are looking for ways to get more money via Child Support are often pointed to a group specifically for that purpose, because we have found that fighting can occur for several months on minor little issues. We are here to help each other, and learn from each other, even if we don't always like each other. It also means we might disagree at times. Who here hasn't disagreed in some way with their former spouse about a parenting issue? In order to avoid long, protracted, and usually senseless in-fighting, we recommend (like any time one posts a Usenet article) that one stop, think, count to ten and think again before replying. Especially if one is angry or doesn't like the response they get, or see. Also, since this *is* a support group for single parents, many readers of this group prefer not using phrases that have a negative connotation such as "illegitimate children" or "broken home." All children are legitimate human beings, and many single parent households work very well! Note: this FAQ will be posted on the first day of each month. Frequently Asked Questions -------------------------- 1. Are non-custodial parents welcome on this group? Yes! If you are a parent and you are single, then you are definitely a single parent and welcome on this group! Any insights you have to offer on solutions to the problems of single parenting are bound to help someone somewhere! 2. How can I make time to care for my family while going to school or working full time? Many single parents are very busy people, and finding time to fit everything in can be a challenge. Work, school and family care are the important things, and often other activities such as housekeeping have to be assigned a lower priority. You don't need to be "super mom" or "super dad". If the dirty dishes have to stay in the sink overnight or the vacuuming or laundry or grocery shopping has to wait until the weekend, don't worry about it. It helps to work out and stick to a regular schedule. Children, no matter how young, can be assigned simple tasks to help out. You may need to lower your standards a little, but be sure you never redo what your children have done. In this way small tasks get accomplished, you develop a sense of accomplishment in your children and increase their self-esteem (while decreasing the overall burden for yourself). Be sure the tasks you assign them are age appropriate and that you teach them how to do the task before making it their permanent job. Keep organized by making lists of things that need to be done. Post a list of grocery items on the fridge...have everyone add to it as the week progresses. To avoid making multiple trips, try to run as many errands as possible each time you go out. 3. How can I feed my family nutritious meals on a limited budget? Some single parent families have tighter budgets than other families, but nutrition doesn't have to suffer. In fact, some of the most nutritious foods like fruits, vegetables, beans and grains (the foods at the bottom of the "food pyramid") are among the cheapest. Frozen dinners can be nutritious if you shop carefully, but they tend to be relatively expensive. "Fast food" should be avoided because of high cost and poor nutritional value. Investigate possible alternatives to "regular" grocery shopping such as co-ops, food share, food banks, public assistance, etc. And don't forget to feed yourself! Your kids are important, but remember that you need to eat to maintain your health and energy level so you can be there for them! SHARE is a good resource for inexpensive food. Either $13 or $14 plus two hours of volunteerism (*very* broadly defined) you get a share package worth approximately $30. There is no needs test- everyone is welcome, and you may acquire as many shares as you think you can use in a month. They do take food stamps. For more information and a list of sites near you, call 1-800-499-2506. The American Red Cross WIC program provides vouchers for certain important protein type foods to help alleviate the threat of low hematocrit in children. Assistance is based on all children under the age of five in the family. Many churches will have food programs as well. One recommendation is to check with your local Salvation Army or United Way for various avenues to explore. 4. What is a good way of dealing with the everyday stress of being a single parent? The best things you can do to deal with stress are to eat healthy, balanced meals (esp. lots of fruits, vegetables and complex carbohydrates), exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep and avoid alcohol and caffeine as much as possible. Try exercising with your kids, like playing or running with them outside, skating, bicycling, going for walks, etc. This way you can get some exercise and spend time with your family. 5. Is there life with teenagers or toddlers...they're one and the same, right? Children of all ages demand a great deal of attention from their parents. If you're a single parent, you're the one who has to provide for their needs, and this can be difficult with everyone else demanding attention also...work, school, ex's, bills, your child's school, etc. You still need to have a life of your own, however. Plan relaxation time after the kids go to bed, or rise 30 minutes before they do and enjoy a cup of coffee by yourself before the rush of the day starts. Don't be afraid to take some time for yourself now and then! 6. Why do I seem to be working to pay the babysitter, or how do I reduce the high cost of day care? If at all possible, try to work with other parents on childcare issues. Many parents, whether single or married, are very busy and may be willing to help each other with childcare. Talk to people and be creative! Babysitting co-ops are flourishing everywhere these days...they work on a barter system. We used poker chips as "payment" -- one chip for each hour. The more you watch someone else's kids the more chips you accumulate. I watched kids on the weekends and one evening a week. It gave my kids something to do and I earned chips to use while I worked or attended class. Another possibility might be to trade other skills you may have (auto repairs, computers, etc.) for babysitting services. 7. How can I negotiate the public assistance system (food stamps, AFDC and medical care) without getting lost in the shuffle? Look, you're not a "bad parent" if you need help making ends meet. When you apply for any type of public assistance remember to have *every* possible document they ask for with you at the time. Call the local office and ask for a list of documentation they need. Plan to spend most of the morning at the office. Even if your appointment is for 9 AM, the case worker probably won't get to you until 10 and the interviews can take as long as an hour. Once you jump through their hoops you'll be expected to show up for a case review every six months. You will probably have a new caseworker each time also. Most of all, be patient...it's only temporary and the help you can receive will reduce your financial stress levels by half! 8. How can I get my child to mind without feeling guilty? Single parents sometimes succumb to the urge to be "friends" with their children or worry that they are being too harsh with them. The important thing to keep in mind is that *you* are the parent and the authority figure in their lives. Discipline must be consistent for your child and for your own well being. Younger children don't need "reasons" behind your rules, but you may want to sit down with older children (school age) and make a list of "house rules" and consequences for the entire family...this means you too. Don't forget everyone's chores. Also include a "reward" for the member who follows all the rules each day (for young children...under age 7 or 8) or week (for older children). Your children will have many friends in their lives, but you have to be their parent, especially now when they are adjusting to their lifestyle. 9. How can I help my children cope with divorce? Divorce can be hard on adults, but it can also be devastating for children. Some ideas for helping children cope with divorce: - If possible, help your children maintain a stable, loving relationship with *both* parents. - Establish regular, dependable visiting patterns with the non-custodial parent. - It does help the children if you maintain a healthy and positive outlook on life. Living in the past and holding resentments are not the best for your children (not to mention the toll it takes on you!). - The children need to know that they are loved by *both* parents, and it helps to frequently reassure them of this. - Never try to make your children take sides, and never try to use your children to hurt your ex-spouse. 10. Isn't this group called alt.SUPPORT.*? Why are people so darn *mean* here sometimes? Why doesn't everyone here love me? We are people who have nothing in common for the most part... except for one of the most challenging jobs there is. What brings us to the same group is one item out of a multitude of possibilities. Only one. That isn't always going to be conducive to us all sharing, and us all playing well with theirs, all of the time. We have found "support" on the web is most often a misnomer. Solution? Take what applies, and leave the rest behind. Participate if you like, but not everyone is going to love you. Remember, this is the 'net, not group therapy. Will you, or anyone, really be affected tomorrow, or in 5 years? Best advice we can give you? "Don't take the 'net so darn seriously!" 11. How can I get the most bang for my buck from this group? You get what you put into things. If one doesn't participate, but just sits there and reads, they're probably not going to stick around. It's too bad really, because there's a *lot* of good info, and feedback, available here. Sometimes people aren't *looking* for feedback, they're looking for someone to cosign their BS, and there can be a tad of a rumble. But if you're looking for a place to use, contribute, share, and receive info on single parenting, there aren't many better places. Most of the whining about demon-exes, child support, ad nauseum gets squished pretty quickly, and what we end up with are mostly supportive people sharing their experiences, and needs. 12. Just who, exactly, is welcome on this group? If you are a parent and you are single, have experience as a single parent, or the intricacies of being a custodial or non-custodial parent, then you have an understanding of the complexities of being a single parent and are welcome on this group! Any insights you have to offer on solutions to the problems of single parenting are bound to help someone somewhere! Health and Medical References ----------------------------- "The AMA Family Medical Guide" (Random House) has information on symptoms and risks of various illnesses and injuries (and self help if any), prescription drugs, self diagnosis symptom charts and a wealth of medical information. "Gray's Anatomy" (Running Press) has detailed illustrations and descriptions of the various body systems (skeletal, muscular, nervous, vascular, digestive, etc.). "The Physician's Desk Reference" is a comprehensive resource that describes the purpose and side effects of many prescription drugs. "The Complete Book of Food Counts" by Corinne T. Netzer is a list of over 12,000 foods, showing calories, carbohydrates, protein, cholesterol, sodium, fat and fiber for each item. "Smart Exercise" by Covert Bailey has some very good information on aerobic and anaerobic exercise, diet, metabolism and related topics. Groups and Organizations for Single Parents ------------------------------------------- Parents Without Partners National. 500+ chapters. Founded 1957. Educational organization of single parents (either divorced, separated, widowed or never married). Newsletter. Online chat room. Single parent magazine, chapter development guidelines. Membership dues $20-40. WRITE: PWP 1650 S. Dixie Highway, Suite 510 Boca Raton, FL 33432 CALL: 1-800-637-7974 (561)391-8833 FAX: (561)395-8557 E-MAIL: WEBSITE: http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org Big Brothers/Big Sisters (check your phone book for the number in your area) National Congress for Fathers and Children 9454 Wilshire Blvd., Beverly Hills CA 90212 1-800-SEE-DADS URL: http://www.ncfc.net/ Single Mothers by Choice P.O. Box 1642 New York, NY 10028 (212) 988-0993 URL: http://mattes.home.pipeline.com/ National Organization of Single Mothers National. 3 affiliated groups. Founded 1991. Networking system serving single mothers. Provides information and referrals to single mothers. Dues $19. Assistance in starting new groups. WRITE: NOSM P.O. Box 68 Midland, NC 28107 CALL: (704)888-KIDS FAX: (704)888-1752 E-MAIL: WEBSITE: http://www.singlemothers.org Single Mothers By Choice National. 20 chapters. Founded 1981. Support and information to mature, single women who have chosen, or who are considering, single motherhood. Services include "Thinkers" workshops, quarterly newsletter, and membership. For a brochure and list of back issues of newsletter WRITE: SMC P.O. Box 1642 Gracie Square Station New York, NY 10028 CALL: (212)988-0993 National Organization of Single Mothers Publisher of Single MOTHER Magazine P.O. Box 68 Midland, NC 28107-0068 (704) 888-KIDS Phoenix Single Parents Association http://www.singleparents.org Single Parent Resource Center International. 7 affiliated groups. Founded 1975. Network of single parent self-help groups. Information and referral, seminars, consultation, resource library. Separate group for men and coed groups. Working on groups for homeless single parents and mothers coming out of prison. Newsletter. Guidelines and materials for starting parenting and teen groups. WRITE: Single Parent Resource Center 31 E. 28th St. New York, NY 10016 CALL: (212)951-7030 FAX: (212)951-7037 E-MAIL: Rainbows Peer Support Group 1111 Tower Road Schaumburg, IL 60173 (847) 310-1880 Fax: (847) 310-0120 TOLL-FREE: 1-800-266-3206 URL: http://www.rainbows.org/ G I N G E R B R E A D: The charitable organization for all single parents and their children. 7 Sovereign Close, Sovereign Court, London E1W 3HW. Tel: 020 7488 9300 Fax: 020 7488 9333 Advice Line... 0800 018 4318. Open Monday through Friday 10am to 4pm Advice Email: . Fax...0171 336 8185 E-mail: URL: http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/ Web Sites for Parents --------------------- Resourse for Single Mothers http://www.singlerose.com The online resource for single parent families http://www.singleparentcentral.com The Single Parent Network www.makinglemonade.com The Divorce Homepage http://www.divorcesupport.com/ Fathers' Rights and Equality Exchange (F.R.E.E.) http://dadsrights.org/ ParentsPlace http://www.parentsplace.com/ Parents Without Partners http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org Welcome to Parent Soup! http://www.parentsoup.com/ Widowed Young A discussion group for people who are (or who have been) widowed under the age of about 45. (This is not a rigid limit.) http://www.topica.com/lists/widowed_young Safely Surfing the Internet: Guidelines for Parents and Children http://www.safekids.com/child_safety.htm#Guidelines and you might just wish to peruse the whole link: http://www.safekids.com Low and no cost childrens health insurance program in the US: http://www.insurekidsnow.gov/ US State Medicaid Toll-Free Lines http://www.hcfa.gov/medicaid/obs5.htm Free prescription drugs program http://www.sunflower.org/~cfsdays/freedrug/htm (US) Student Financial aid http://www.fafsa.ed.gov US income tax forms and info http://www.irs.gov Know that everything you say on usenet is archived at google and so you should watch WATCH WHAT YOU SAY!!! http://www.google.com/advanced_group_search?hl=en For people who feel abused online http://www.haltabuse.org For child support, custody, and divorce help http://www.findlaw.com This is a place that gives free help with budgeting http://www.crown.org/tools/budgetguide.asp http://www.crown.org Recommended Reading ------------------- "You Are Your Child's First Teacher" by Rahima Baldwin-Dancy ISBN: 0890879672 Format: Paperback, 384pp Pub. Date: May 2000 Publisher: Ten Speed Press Edition Description: REVISED Barnes & Noble Sales Rank: 26,212 "The Omnipotent Child" (out of print) http://www.omnipotentchild.com/child-rearing_books.htm) ISBN: 096932717x Publisher: Palmer Press "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" Author: Richard Ferber,MD ISBN: 0671620991 (ER163) Format: Paperback "Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? : a Parent's Guide to the New Teenager." Author: WOLF, ANTHONY E. Publisher: Farrar Straus & Giroux; (August 1, 2002) ISBN: 0374528535 "I Can't Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors" by Aphrodite Matsakis ISBN: 157224058X Publisher: New Harbinger Pubs (2nd Edition) "Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families" by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown ISBN: 0316109967 Publisher: Little, Brown & Company Pub. Date: September 1988 Recommend Age Range: 5 to 8 "How to Make Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours" by Dr. Kevin Lehman ISBN: 0800757319 Publisher: Revell, Fleming H. Company\ Pub. Date: September 2000 Edition Desc: 2ND Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid without Losing Your Mind Michael J. Bradley Foreword by Carroll O'Connor ISBN: 0936197439 Publisher: Harbor Press, Inc. (Gig Harbor WA) Pub. Date: September 2001 Recommend Age Range: 5 "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" Faber, Adele and Mazlish, Elaine ISBN: 0380811960 Publisher: Morrow,William & Co Pub. Date: July 1999 "Managing And Understanding Parental Anger" by Harriet and I.J. Barrish ISBN: 0933701411 Publisher: Westport Publishers Pub. Date: April 1991 Edition Desc: REV "Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Shared Custody Work" by Isolina Ricci, Ph.D ISBN: 0684830787 Publisher: Simon & Schuster Trade Paperbacks Pub. Date: October 1997 Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House or Dad's?: Parenting Together while Living Apart Marc J. Ackerman ISBN: 0471130486 Publisher: Wiley, John & Sons, Incorporated Pub. Date: October 1996 "Operating Instructions" by Anne Lamott ISBN: 044990928X Publisher: Random House, Incorporated Pub. Date: April 1994 Edition Desc: REPRINT "Positive Discipline for Single Parents" by Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin and Carol Delzer ISBN: 0761520112 Publisher: Prima Communications, Inc. Pub. Date: July 1999 Edition Desc: 2ND, REVISED "Redirecting Children's Behavior, Discipline That Builds Self Esteem" by Kathryn J. Kvols ISBN: 1884734308 Publisher: Parenting Pr., Inc. Pub. Date: November 1997 Edition Desc: Revised "Siblings Without Rivalry" Faber, Adele and Mazlish, Elaine ISBN: 0380799006 Publisher: Morrow,William & Co Pub. Date: January 1998 "Single Mothers by Choice" by Jane Mattes ISBN: 0812922468 Publisher: Random House, Incorporated Pub. Date: April 1997 Edition Desc: 1st ed "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and.... "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" by Covey, Stephen ISBN: 0307440850 Publisher: St. Martin's Press, Inc. Pub. Date: September 1998 The Complete Idiot's Guide to Single Parenting Sara Dulaney Gilbert ISBN: 0028624092 Publisher: Hungry Minds, Incorporated Pub. Date: April 1998 The Single Mother's Survival Guide Patrice Karst ISBN: 1580910637 Publisher: Crossing Press, Inc., The Pub. Date: March 2000 The Ultimate Survival Guide for the Single Father Thomas Hoerner Patrick David (Illustrator ISBN: 0967473640 Publisher: Harbinger Press Pub. Date: May 2002 The Complete Single Mother: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns Andrea Engber Leah Lungness ISBN: 1580623026 Publisher: Adams Media Corporation Pub. Date: February 2000 Edition Desc: 2ND Magazine: "Going Bonkers?" (covers stress, weight loss, parenting, sexuality, self esteem, etc.) $9/year ($15 for two years), published quarterly. For information, write to: Going Bonkers P.O. Box 189 Palm Beach, FL 33480 or call 1-800-403-8850 (in Florida 407/659-0975) Other Newsgroups of Interest ---------------------------- misc.kids alt.parents-teens alt.parenting.solutions alt.support.divorce alt.support.step-parents alt.child-support alt.dads-rights Contributors to this FAQ ------------------------ We would like this FAQ to reflect the views and experiences of the people of alt.support.single-parents. This is our group, and we're here to help each other. But remember, helping is not always shown by AGREEING with everything everyone says. If you have anything you'd like to contribute to this FAQ, please post a follow up. |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Where's Bri ?
'Kate wrote in message ...
On Fri, 16 Apr 2004 13:14:44 +0100, "Nick" Anyone Know? Oh gosh no. Last I heard she was happy in Vegas, busy though. Glad she's happy anyway. Busy I can relate to. havent seen the FAQ in a while.... (not wishing to step on toes or anything... ) Good idea! I'm glad you took the initiative. May I borrow it when everyone else has finished with it, please? -- Paul Griffiths |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Where's Bri ?
On Fri, 16 Apr 2004 13:14:44 +0100, "Nick" wrote:
Anyone Know? havent seen the FAQ in a while.... (not wishing to step on toes or anything... ) Nostalgic for fights over the FAQ? lm (thinking a fight between Nick and Bri would be interesting reading) |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Where's Bri ?
"lm" wrote ... Nostalgic for fights over the FAQ? who? moi?... fight?... you confuse me with another... perhaps...maybe... ummm lm (thinking a fight between Nick and Bri would be interesting reading) I dont think you can fight with Ms b.... she's just too nice... kinda miss her upbeat take on things... n |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|