21 Month-Old is Hitting

One of my 21-mo old twin boys, when he gets mad or frustrated, gets a little
physically aggressive. He'll hit me or throw a toy at me when he is
mad/frustrated about something.

I don't really see him acting aggressively towards his twin brother,
thankfully.

Is this a typical manifestation of the "terrible twos?" 99% of the time he
is a wonderful, sweet kid, he just has his "moments" from time to time.

I'm looking for suggestions on how I should respond. I've tried looking at
him sternly and shaking my head, with and without holding his arms. I have
also tried just hugging him and saying "yes, I know you're mad, but please
don't hit". The latter seems to work a little better, but not always.

Yes, about the terrible twos and yes, the are completely emotional at this
time, there is a good book I have suggested over and over, "The emotional
Life of the Toddler". It answered a ton of questions about development and
understanding at that age and it truly made being a mom of toddlers (no
matter how many) so much easier because I understood them better. They will
outgrow it (until they are 9 and above), but removing them still works and
letting them know it's a behavior that isn't acceptable at this time.

Good luck
Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95

"Buck Turgidson" wrote in message
s.com...
One of my 21-mo old twin boys, when he gets mad or frustrated, gets a
little
physically aggressive. He'll hit me or throw a toy at me when he is
mad/frustrated about something.

I don't really see him acting aggressively towards his twin brother,
thankfully.

Is this a typical manifestation of the "terrible twos?" 99% of the time
he
is a wonderful, sweet kid, he just has his "moments" from time to time.

I'm looking for suggestions on how I should respond. I've tried looking
at
him sternly and shaking my head, with and without holding his arms. I
have
also tried just hugging him and saying "yes, I know you're mad, but please
don't hit". The latter seems to work a little better, but not always.

Yes, about the terrible twos and yes, the are completely emotional at this
time, there is a good book I have suggested over and over, "The emotional
Life of the Toddler". It answered a ton of questions about development and
understanding at that age and it truly made being a mom of toddlers (no
matter how many) so much easier because I understood them better. They will
outgrow it (until they are 9 and above), but removing them still works and
letting them know it's a behavior that isn't acceptable at this time.

Good luck
Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95

"Buck Turgidson" wrote in message
s.com...
One of my 21-mo old twin boys, when he gets mad or frustrated, gets a
little
physically aggressive. He'll hit me or throw a toy at me when he is
mad/frustrated about something.

I don't really see him acting aggressively towards his twin brother,
thankfully.

Is this a typical manifestation of the "terrible twos?" 99% of the time
he
is a wonderful, sweet kid, he just has his "moments" from time to time.

I'm looking for suggestions on how I should respond. I've tried looking
at
him sternly and shaking my head, with and without holding his arms. I
have
also tried just hugging him and saying "yes, I know you're mad, but please
don't hit". The latter seems to work a little better, but not always.

Yes, about the terrible twos and yes, the are completely emotional at this
time, there is a good book I have suggested over and over, "The emotional
Life of the Toddler". It answered a ton of questions about development and
understanding at that age and it truly made being a mom of toddlers (no
matter how many) so much easier because I understood them better. They will
outgrow it (until they are 9 and above), but removing them still works and
letting them know it's a behavior that isn't acceptable at this time.

Good luck
Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95

"Buck Turgidson" wrote in message
s.com...
One of my 21-mo old twin boys, when he gets mad or frustrated, gets a
little
physically aggressive. He'll hit me or throw a toy at me when he is
mad/frustrated about something.

I don't really see him acting aggressively towards his twin brother,
thankfully.

Is this a typical manifestation of the "terrible twos?" 99% of the time
he
is a wonderful, sweet kid, he just has his "moments" from time to time.

I'm looking for suggestions on how I should respond. I've tried looking
at
him sternly and shaking my head, with and without holding his arms. I
have
also tried just hugging him and saying "yes, I know you're mad, but please
don't hit". The latter seems to work a little better, but not always.

Yes, it's inevitable and yes, you need to intervene, and yes, either (or
both) of your approaches sounds fine to me. What you don't want to do is
give it too much attention or ignore it, but if you are serious, firm, brief
and explain in simple terms he will get it -- although the behavior won't
disappear overnight. I personally would couple an explanation with then
walking away and removing your attention from him since your attention is
what he probably wants most in life.

Unless it grows and tends to extreme violence it's nothing outside the norm
until he gets better at self-control. Encouraging him to use his words
instead of his fists, teeth, spit or whatever else he may try as time goes
by will also be a useful tool.

None of mine went thru a major hitting phase (biting each other was another
thing entirely!) but Holly will still occasionally swing at me or throw a
small toy at me or onto the floor when she is *really* mad (she just turned
three). Mostly she throws stuff at the floor so I play it pretty cool --
hands on hips, raised eyebrows and I tell her that wasn't a nice thing to
do, or even that her teddy is in pain. :-)) Then I walk away from her and
she either sulks or cuddles her toy to kiss it better or both in order.

--Janet
Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96)
and Holly (4/4/01)

"Buck Turgidson" wrote in message
s.com...
One of my 21-mo old twin boys, when he gets mad or frustrated, gets a
little
physically aggressive. He'll hit me or throw a toy at me when he is
mad/frustrated about something.

I don't really see him acting aggressively towards his twin brother,
thankfully.

Is this a typical manifestation of the "terrible twos?" 99% of the time
he
is a wonderful, sweet kid, he just has his "moments" from time to time.

I'm looking for suggestions on how I should respond. I've tried looking
at
him sternly and shaking my head, with and without holding his arms. I
have
also tried just hugging him and saying "yes, I know you're mad, but please
don't hit". The latter seems to work a little better, but not always.

Yes, it's inevitable and yes, you need to intervene, and yes, either (or
both) of your approaches sounds fine to me. What you don't want to do is
give it too much attention or ignore it, but if you are serious, firm, brief
and explain in simple terms he will get it -- although the behavior won't
disappear overnight. I personally would couple an explanation with then
walking away and removing your attention from him since your attention is
what he probably wants most in life.

Unless it grows and tends to extreme violence it's nothing outside the norm
until he gets better at self-control. Encouraging him to use his words
instead of his fists, teeth, spit or whatever else he may try as time goes
by will also be a useful tool.

None of mine went thru a major hitting phase (biting each other was another
thing entirely!) but Holly will still occasionally swing at me or throw a
small toy at me or onto the floor when she is *really* mad (she just turned
three). Mostly she throws stuff at the floor so I play it pretty cool --
hands on hips, raised eyebrows and I tell her that wasn't a nice thing to
do, or even that her teddy is in pain. :-)) Then I walk away from her and
she either sulks or cuddles her toy to kiss it better or both in order.

--Janet
Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96)
and Holly (4/4/01)

"Buck Turgidson" wrote in message
s.com...
One of my 21-mo old twin boys, when he gets mad or frustrated, gets a
little
physically aggressive. He'll hit me or throw a toy at me when he is
mad/frustrated about something.

I don't really see him acting aggressively towards his twin brother,
thankfully.

Is this a typical manifestation of the "terrible twos?" 99% of the time
he
is a wonderful, sweet kid, he just has his "moments" from time to time.

I'm looking for suggestions on how I should respond. I've tried looking
at
him sternly and shaking my head, with and without holding his arms. I
have
also tried just hugging him and saying "yes, I know you're mad, but please
don't hit". The latter seems to work a little better, but not always.

Yes, it's inevitable and yes, you need to intervene, and yes, either (or
both) of your approaches sounds fine to me. What you don't want to do is
give it too much attention or ignore it, but if you are serious, firm, brief
and explain in simple terms he will get it -- although the behavior won't
disappear overnight. I personally would couple an explanation with then
walking away and removing your attention from him since your attention is
what he probably wants most in life.

Unless it grows and tends to extreme violence it's nothing outside the norm
until he gets better at self-control. Encouraging him to use his words
instead of his fists, teeth, spit or whatever else he may try as time goes
by will also be a useful tool.

None of mine went thru a major hitting phase (biting each other was another
thing entirely!) but Holly will still occasionally swing at me or throw a
small toy at me or onto the floor when she is *really* mad (she just turned
three). Mostly she throws stuff at the floor so I play it pretty cool --
hands on hips, raised eyebrows and I tell her that wasn't a nice thing to
do, or even that her teddy is in pain. :-)) Then I walk away from her and
she either sulks or cuddles her toy to kiss it better or both in order.

--Janet
Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96)
and Holly (4/4/01)

"Buck Turgidson" wrote in message
s.com...
One of my 21-mo old twin boys, when he gets mad or frustrated, gets a
little
physically aggressive. He'll hit me or throw a toy at me when he is
mad/frustrated about something.

I don't really see him acting aggressively towards his twin brother,
thankfully.

Is this a typical manifestation of the "terrible twos?" 99% of the time
he
is a wonderful, sweet kid, he just has his "moments" from time to time.

I'm looking for suggestions on how I should respond. I've tried looking
at
him sternly and shaking my head, with and without holding his arms. I
have
also tried just hugging him and saying "yes, I know you're mad, but please
don't hit". The latter seems to work a little better, but not always.