"no gifts, please"

In ,
Iuil wrote:

*
*
*"dragonlady" wrote
*
* Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?
*
* I would either not call it a birthday party or call it a card party.
*
*snip
*
* Cool idea; however, if *I* got an invitation to a "card party", I'd
* probably assume we were going to play poker or hearts or canasta or
* something.
*
*
*If I got an invitation to a "card party" for a 1 year old, I'd assume that
*money was expected inside said card!

Heh. If I got an invitation to a card party for a 1 year old, I'd probably
post to an/mk and ask "what the heck is a card party?" and then you'd say
that it was a moneygrubbing thing and I'd badmouth the sender of the
invitation all over town.

Or not quite.



but something like...

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

If you don't want gifts, then don't call it a birthday party. If your
sending invitations via email, then you can call it a get together. You can
then serve cake for Ollie. That probably would work.
--
Sue
mom to three girls

Sara wrote in message
...
We're going to have a party to celebrate Ollie's first birthday next
month. We don't want guests to feel like they have to bring a present,
and Ollie has enough stuff anyway.

I know we could write "no gifts, please" on the invitations (well, OK,
type it, because it'll probably be done by e-mail). But that seems
rude, like we were presuming people would be bringing gifts. I've
encountered "the presence of your company is the only gift requested"
or words along those lines, but that makes me gag.

Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?

--
Sara, accompanied by the getting-so-big barnacle

Hillary Israeli wrote:
In ,
Iuil wrote:

*
*
*"dragonlady" wrote
*
* Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?
*
* I would either not call it a birthday party or call it a card
party. *
*snip
*
* Cool idea; however, if *I* got an invitation to a "card party",
I'd * probably assume we were going to play poker or hearts or
canasta or * something.
*
*
*If I got an invitation to a "card party" for a 1 year old, I'd
assume that *money was expected inside said card!

Heh. If I got an invitation to a card party for a 1 year old, I'd
probably post to an/mk and ask "what the heck is a card party?" and
then you'd say that it was a moneygrubbing thing and I'd badmouth the
sender of the invitation all over town.

Or not quite.



but something like...


Oh Jeepers!! Well, card parties around here are common and when you see
card parties in a b-day party invite you know it is for a b-day card and not
card games.

Money is never ever expected in them but then again I've only seen card
parties for older people - like 70-80 years old. It is a milestone sort of
celebration to honor the birthday person with a gathering of friends and
relatives. Gifts would be a hassle, not wanted, etc. It is quite common in
this age range in my neck of the woods. I'll be the first to admit that
reading newsgroups has made me painfully aware that etiquette is not our
speciality though ;-)

I've never seen them for young people or kids so that was just an idea. I
wasn't thinking someone would assume to put money in them but now that you
mention it I see your point. We just do regular parties and bring on the
gifts ;-).

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

your presence is your presents?
"Sara" wrote in message
...
We're going to have a party to celebrate Ollie's first birthday next
month. We don't want guests to feel like they have to bring a present,
and Ollie has enough stuff anyway.

I know we could write "no gifts, please" on the invitations (well, OK,
type it, because it'll probably be done by e-mail). But that seems
rude, like we were presuming people would be bringing gifts. I've
encountered "the presence of your company is the only gift requested"
or words along those lines, but that makes me gag.

Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?

--
Sara, accompanied by the getting-so-big barnacle

Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?

Nope. :-) People do try, as you've noted, but it's still off-putting to those
of us who *like* to choose gifts.

But you can protest a bit when people ask you what he would like, as many of
them will, and then suggest something inexpensive if they insist. For my DS'
first birthday, when asked, I always said, "Oh, please don't feel you must
bring a gift, as we have everything he needs. If you really want to, something
token, like a board book, would be fine."

DS' library doubled or tripled in size after that party, I think. :-) Most
people didn't buy *a* board book; they bought two or three or four. They had
fun shopping, and I felt okay knowing that even three or four board books
didn't cost all that much.

Holly
Mom to Camden, 2.5 yrs

Sue wrote:

If you don't want gifts, then don't call it a birthday party. If your
sending invitations via email, then you can call it a get together.

That makes sense, but the problem is that I really want people to come
-- some of my friends have never met Ollie -- and I'm trying to also
politely say "this is more important than just coming over for coffee,
which I know you'd probably blow off, but I like you anyway." Hmmm.
Maybe there's another problem here...

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle
(I check this e-mail account infrequently)

http://postpartum.meetup.com/

iphigenia wrote:

But in the event
that people do bring gifts, they can simply be put in another room to be
opened later, to save guests who did not bring gifts any embarassment.

We'll defintely do that. Good idea.

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle
(I check this e-mail account infrequently)

http://postpartum.meetup.com/

HollyLewis wrote:

Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?

Nope. :-) People do try, as you've noted, but it's still off-putting to
those
of us who *like* to choose gifts.

You know, that's a good point. We're going to a first birthday party
this weekend, and I'm looking forward to going to the bookstore to
pick out a gift.

So... maybe I'll just relax. I won't encourage gifts, but hey, if
people want to go shopping, what the hell. Most of my friends don't
have kids and might like the excuse to read Dr Seuss.

Thanks to all who responded!

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle
(I check this e-mail account infrequently)

http://postpartum.meetup.com/

Sara wrote:

We're going to have a party to celebrate Ollie's first birthday next
month. We don't want guests to feel like they have to bring a present,
and Ollie has enough stuff anyway.

I know we could write "no gifts, please" on the invitations (well, OK,
type it, because it'll probably be done by e-mail). But that seems
rude, like we were presuming people would be bringing gifts. I've
encountered "the presence of your company is the only gift requested"
or words along those lines, but that makes me gag.

Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?


Well, traditionally it would have been quite rude,
and some people still consider it to be so. On the other hand,
most of the etiquette mavens have relaxed things just slightly
so that you can say "no gifts, please" on an invitation if you
really mean it. Them you really hope everyone follows through
and doesn't bring gifts, because at that point you *cannot*
open gifts at the party and you don't want anyone upset at
not seeing gifts opened. Fortunately, with a first birthday
party you're pretty much talking about adults giving gifts
here, rather than other children. They should understand.
But on the other hand, are the guests going to be mostly
close family and friends? Because if so, they may be miffed
at being told not to buy for someone that close to them,
especially for such a momentous birthday (doesn't apply
if you're talking about a party for neighbors or playmates
or something like that, in which case people may well be
relieved and anyone who desperately wants to give a gift
can do so at some other time).

Best wishes,
Ericka

Circe wrote:


but I believe the answer is that
there isn't a polite, non-cheesy way to request that people not bring gifts
if they are wont to do so. Saying that you don't want gifts implies that
there would otherwise be an expectation of a gift, which is rude and
presumptuous (although with birthday parties, there is typically an
understanding that a gift is expected if not required).

And I have to tell you that even after having told many people personally
that no gift is expected or desired, people still bring them because they
WANT to.


Right--that's the big dilemma! Etiquette mavens
have relaxed the standard just slightly (most of them,
anyway) to allow "no gifts, please" but you still have
to consider carefully when and if to go there. They usually
talk about it in the context of things like 70th birthday
parties or 3rd weddings. The *intent* of the original
rule is still in force--it's the prerogative of the giver
to decide whether and what to give. But at some point,
reality intrudes and there has to be a way to avoid some
truly excessive situations.
Kids' birthday parties are highly variable on
this front. On the one hand, kids' birthday parties
come with an expectation of gifts nearly as strong as
showers, and they're supposed to play a role in teaching
children how to give and receive gifts politely. On
the other hand, many parents are realizing that there
are some real problems with toy overload that come
with the very innocent intention of simply having a fun
time for your child and friends on his or her birthday.
In this case, I'd go on a situation by situation
basis. In some communities, it's becoming more common
for children's party invitations to say "no gifts, please"
and the prevailing sentiment is that that's a good thing.
In others, it's very much the norm to do the gifts. Also,
you have to look at the guests. Close family and friends
are probably more likely to *want* to give gifts, especially
for special birthdays like the first birthday. Neighbors
and playmates are more likely to be relieved at not having
to run out to buy yet another gift for a child they don't
know all that well.

Best wishes,
Ericka