"no gifts, please"

Ali's Daddie wrote:


Have you thought about something like "Instead of gifts, Ollie requests that
you donate $5 to charity of your choice"? Or something similar?


It's a very generous thought and obviously well-
intentioned, but it's generally something etiquette mavens
frown on. Most of them have relatively recently said that
"no gifts, please" is okay, at least in some situations,
but they're all still against any variation of telling
guests what gifts to give (whether it's donate to charity
X or please send cash or whatever). That still remains
the sole prerogative of the giver. (Yes, I know, that
doesn't account for registries, which is another long topic
all together... ;-) It's okay if people ask to say
something like, "Oh, you know a gift isn't necessary.
Alegra has everything she needs and the best gift of
all will be her getting a chance to see you!" Then,
if the person presses, you can say, "That's so kind of
you. I'm sure she'd be thrilled with whatever you'd
choose. Right now, she's very concerned about issue
X and would love to be able to make a donation to Y. She
is also very into building toys and art projects and..."

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Ali's Daddie" wrote in message ...
"Sara" wrote in message
...
| We're going to have a party to celebrate Ollie's first birthday next
| month. We don't want guests to feel like they have to bring a present,
| and Ollie has enough stuff anyway.
|
| I know we could write "no gifts, please" on the invitations (well, OK,
| type it, because it'll probably be done by e-mail). But that seems
| rude, like we were presuming people would be bringing gifts. I've
| encountered "the presence of your company is the only gift requested"
| or words along those lines, but that makes me gag.
|
| Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?
|


Have you thought about something like "Instead of gifts, Ollie requests that
you donate $5 to charity of your choice"? Or something similar?

I hate to tell you this, but the etiquette gurus tend to frown on
that, too, on the concept that now you are dictating the gift, and
also that you may find the charity wonderful but it may offend
someone, depending on the situation. (Ericka could probably explain
better than me, but that's the gist as I understand it.)

On a side note, that toy was a cute little giraffe-headed thing that lights
up and plays music when it is moved at all. Kris decided that at almost 4,
she had outgrown it, and gave it to Alegra the day we brought her home...
Ahhh, now if that isn't a kind hearted person in the making, I don't know
what is :-)

Aawww...

To the OP: I think that the only way to get out of gifts is to not
call it a birthday party, as some other people suggested. At least,
the only "perfectly proper" way! :-)

Irene

Irene

How about meet my baby party? LOL, I don't know, I'm just being weird.
People would probably blow it off, I agree if it wasn't exactly stated a
birthday party. Can I ask why your against having presents? It just seems
calling it a party is just easier and let the people buy a present if they
want. It seems really difficult and time consuming to me to have to go to
the trouble and explain that I didn't want presents. It seems easier to me
to just let people buy presents and spend what they want. Most family and
friends would love to be able to buy Ollie something. But that's me. I had a
huge blow out party for my first daughter's birthday.
--
Sue
mom to three girls

Sara wrote in message
...
Sue wrote:

If you don't want gifts, then don't call it a birthday party. If your
sending invitations via email, then you can call it a get together.

That makes sense, but the problem is that I really want people to come
-- some of my friends have never met Ollie -- and I'm trying to also
politely say "this is more important than just coming over for coffee,
which I know you'd probably blow off, but I like you anyway." Hmmm.
Maybe there's another problem here...

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle
(I check this e-mail account infrequently)

http://postpartum.meetup.com/

Sue wrote:

Can I ask why your against having presents?

Su

~ we don't want people to feel they have to go shopping for us
~ there's enough consumerism in this country already
~ fear of Disney
~ afraid people will think we're trying to get them to give us stuff
~ mostly because we have plenty of stuff already.

It just seems
calling it a party is just easier and let the people buy a present if they
want. It seems really difficult and time consuming to me to have to go to
the trouble and explain that I didn't want presents.

Yeah, agreed -- I'm just going to sit back and see what happens.

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle
(I check this e-mail account infrequently)

http://postpartum.meetup.com/

All of which is perfectly understandable. ) Good luck.
--
Sue
mom to three girls

Sara wrote in message
...
Sue wrote:

Can I ask why your against having presents?

Su

~ we don't want people to feel they have to go shopping for us
~ there's enough consumerism in this country already
~ fear of Disney
~ afraid people will think we're trying to get them to give us stuff
~ mostly because we have plenty of stuff already.

It just seems
calling it a party is just easier and let the people buy a present if
they
want. It seems really difficult and time consuming to me to have to go
to
the trouble and explain that I didn't want presents.

Yeah, agreed -- I'm just going to sit back and see what happens.

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle
(I check this e-mail account infrequently)

http://postpartum.meetup.com/

~ we don't want people to feel they have to go shopping for us
~ there's enough consumerism in this country already
~ fear of Disney
~ afraid people will think we're trying to get them to give us stuff
~ mostly because we have plenty of stuff already.


That's why I suggested books to anyone who asked. Yeah, we ended up with a few
duplicates, but you know nobody's going to feel bad about your exchanging or
donating those. And one can never have too many books. ;-)

We did receive a few things that I wouldn't have chosen (the kind of thing I'm
sure is in your "fear of Disney" category) but you know what? Some of those
turned out to be DS' favorite toys for a while. I don't care if other people
want to buy him things *I* wouldn't -- that's what friends and relatives are
for, I think. To buy the Disney junk, the PlayStation games, the Barbie dolls
-- whatever it is the child covets and the parents sort of disapprove of.
(Well, I wouldn't allow my child to keep toy weapons, and I'm sure there are
parents out there who wouldn't allow their kids to keep Barbie dolls, but
usually the people buying gifts for your kids know what the truly banned items
are.)

Holly
Mom to Camden, 2.5 yrs

HollyLewis wrote:

We did receive a few things that I wouldn't have chosen (the kind of thing
I'm
sure is in your "fear of Disney" category) but you know what? Some of those
turned out to be DS' favorite toys for a while.

God, yes. Ollie's favorite books is a Disney Pocahotas one -- "I See
the Diaper." Whoops, sorry, I meant to say "I See the Moon."

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle

HollyLewis wrote:

That's why I suggested books to anyone who asked. Yeah, we ended up
with a few duplicates, but you know nobody's going to feel bad about
your exchanging or donating those. And one can never have too many
books. ;-)


Especially if you know any bookaholics like me who will think, "Books!
Perfect! I'll get him his own set of The Chronicles of Narnia (or perhaps
Gaiman's children's books), so he'll be set for when he's older!"

Kind of in the same vein as people who get you clothing a few sizes too big
so the child has something to grow into...
: )

--
iphigenia
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."

I'll jump in and say to hell with the etiquette guru.
We put "no gifts necessary" on the invitations.
still got a lot of gifts though.
And, although we put it on our invitations, we would not think of going
to a birthday party without a gift, no matter what the invitations said.



"Circe" wrote in message
news:A2G9b.37859$n94.17131@fed1read04...
"Sara" wrote in message
...
We're going to have a party to celebrate Ollie's first birthday next
month. We don't want guests to feel like they have to bring a present,
and Ollie has enough stuff anyway.

I know we could write "no gifts, please" on the invitations (well, OK,
type it, because it'll probably be done by e-mail). But that seems
rude, like we were presuming people would be bringing gifts. I've
encountered "the presence of your company is the only gift requested"
or words along those lines, but that makes me gag.

Is there a polite, non-cheesy way to say "no gifts"?

Ericka is the resident etiquette guru, but I believe the answer is that
there isn't a polite, non-cheesy way to request that people not bring
gifts
if they are wont to do so. Saying that you don't want gifts implies that
there would otherwise be an expectation of a gift, which is rude and
presumptuous (although with birthday parties, there is typically an
understanding that a gift is expected if not required).

And I have to tell you that even after having told many people personally
that no gift is expected or desired, people still bring them because they
WANT to.
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [18mo] mom)
See us at http://photos.yahoo.com/guavaln

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"jojo" wrote in message
y.com...
I'll jump in and say to hell with the etiquette guru.
We put "no gifts necessary" on the invitations.
still got a lot of gifts though.
And, although we put it on our invitations, we would not think of going
to a birthday party without a gift, no matter what the invitations said.

If it says "no gifts necessary", then that makes it an option. If it
said something like "please no gifts" and you brought one anyway,
then that goes against the wishes of the parents. I'm not sure why
you'd do that.


P. Tierney