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#1
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when pretend play goes too far...
alix can't seem to separate pretend play and real life. or doesn't
want to. callie started in with talking about her mommy and daddy last year. it evolved into her mommy, daddy, 2 boys (brothers?), and 2 cats. in reality she has 2 mommies, 1 sister, and 2 dogs. but she just talks about "at her mommy and daddy's..." a couple months ago alix started in with the mommy and daddy scenario. but she takes it a step further. she wants me to call her mommy and daddy. sometimes i do. sometimes i make an excuse not to. or she'll want me to take her there. i make up an excuse and distract her, but it ALWAYS comes up again later. one night kelly came home from work and alix ran up to her, "can you take me to my mommy and daddy's?" and kelly said, "oh honey, that's just pretend." alix started screaming and ran into her room and shut the door and continued to cry. kelly looked at me and said, "what should i have done?" i said to go along with it. yesterday we were at the park and it was starting to thunder so we headed out. she insisted on going to her barn to see her horse which apparently was in the other direction. she kept telling me to turn around to go to her barn. i said it was going to rain and the horse wouldn't come out of the barn. luckily, it started to rain very quickly and she said, "i guess you're right mom." [i know i'm not gonna hear THAT phrase much longer!] so this morning she woke up and it wasn't raining so she immediately started in, "take me to see my horse now. he's waiting for me. please. please. please." i said we could go see SOME horses. we happen to be going somewhere today where we'll pass some horses. but she said, "no, i want to see MY horse!" she hurried and got dressed and told me to get dressed too. she's distracted for the moment but i know she'll start asking again. what do i do? i'm walking on eggshells wondering if my excuses will appease her. should i just say it's pretend and put up with the tantrums? i don't want to stifle her imagination 'cos she such a tight ass otherwise. she's usually the one putting a damper on callie's play. telling her the people on TV can't hear her 'cos they are just pretend when callie gets interactive with the Wiggles. she doesn't have problems with other types of pretend play. this morning she had bits of paper in a jar of water and she said they were her bugs. and she has a box here in the office/playroom that she keeps her baby wolfas (wolves) in. i need help. FAST! pam SAHM to alix and callie 3/24/00 |
#2
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when pretend play goes too far...
Pam,
A good friend of mine had a similar experience with her daughter, who was about 4 at the time. She was obsessed with Wizard of Oz, and every day she would wake up and "assign" everyone (including herself) a character to be for the day. She would refuse to be called by her name and would only answer to the pretend name and also would only call her mom and brother by their pretend name. It went on for months and was getting very frustrating for my friend. I know everyone says "it'll pass", but it really did. She played along to an extent, and eventually her DD got tired of it and just stopped doing it. I honestly wouldn't worry about it. When my DD was little she went through a phase of making up stories about things that never happened, etc. Nothing bad or anything, just "tall tales" as I used to call them. When she got old enough I had to teach her not to do it. I used to sort of kid with her by saying "now, did that *really* happen?" and she would giggle and say no. That way she wouldn't get defensive or feel like I didn't care about her stories. I chalked it up to a roving imagination, which she still has, and fortunately she did learn the difference. Let it play itself out with Alix and I'll bet she'll be on to something else soon. Take care, Ellen -------- Erin 6/26/95 Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 |
#3
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when pretend play goes too far...
Pam,
A good friend of mine had a similar experience with her daughter, who was about 4 at the time. She was obsessed with Wizard of Oz, and every day she would wake up and "assign" everyone (including herself) a character to be for the day. She would refuse to be called by her name and would only answer to the pretend name and also would only call her mom and brother by their pretend name. It went on for months and was getting very frustrating for my friend. I know everyone says "it'll pass", but it really did. She played along to an extent, and eventually her DD got tired of it and just stopped doing it. I honestly wouldn't worry about it. When my DD was little she went through a phase of making up stories about things that never happened, etc. Nothing bad or anything, just "tall tales" as I used to call them. When she got old enough I had to teach her not to do it. I used to sort of kid with her by saying "now, did that *really* happen?" and she would giggle and say no. That way she wouldn't get defensive or feel like I didn't care about her stories. I chalked it up to a roving imagination, which she still has, and fortunately she did learn the difference. Let it play itself out with Alix and I'll bet she'll be on to something else soon. Take care, Ellen -------- Erin 6/26/95 Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 |
#5
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when pretend play goes too far...
On 26 Sep 2003 19:35:56 GMT, (Ellen Kmetz) wrote:
A good friend of mine had a similar experience with her daughter, who was about 4 at the time. She was obsessed with Wizard of Oz, and every day she would wake up and "assign" everyone (including herself) a character to be for the day. My 3-year-old daughter did this for awhile, although it would only be for an hour or so, not a whole day. -- -Seth Jackson, proud father of Derek and Mariel(10/1/99). Pictures at: http://hitmeister.home.mindspring.co...lypictures.htm Music links: www.mp3.com/SethJackson www.mp3.com/loudspeaker www.SethJackson.net |
#6
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when pretend play goes too far...
it's when she insists i TAKE her to her
pretend family or pretend horse barn. how do i get out of actually taking her somewhere time after time? Kids are interesting in the ways that they try to figure out the parameters of their world: who's in charge? How much control do they actually have? And what is 'real' anyway? (TV must be so confusing!). I think we help them most when we define and hold limits for them -- we can help them keep track of reality -- of boundaries and to maintain a sense of stability in the world. I don't think it hurts, in the long run, to let a child have a hissy fit because you really truly cannot drive to see an imaginary horse. The way to 'get out of taking her' is to tell her the truth: "I can't take you someplace that only exists in your imagination. I can play with you and we can pretend there is a horse...just like we sip pretend tea at a tea party or 'talk' for our dollies, but I cannot go to a place that doesn't exist." And when she tells you, "you took me yesterday," I'd say that I was pretending with her, but I'm not going to drive places that don't really exist any more." If she cries, stamps her feet and lashes out at you -- it means she's heard you and is trying her best to manipulate you into doing something that she wants you to do. Good practice for adolescence. Gwen |
#7
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when pretend play goes too far...
it's when she insists i TAKE her to her
pretend family or pretend horse barn. how do i get out of actually taking her somewhere time after time? Kids are interesting in the ways that they try to figure out the parameters of their world: who's in charge? How much control do they actually have? And what is 'real' anyway? (TV must be so confusing!). I think we help them most when we define and hold limits for them -- we can help them keep track of reality -- of boundaries and to maintain a sense of stability in the world. I don't think it hurts, in the long run, to let a child have a hissy fit because you really truly cannot drive to see an imaginary horse. The way to 'get out of taking her' is to tell her the truth: "I can't take you someplace that only exists in your imagination. I can play with you and we can pretend there is a horse...just like we sip pretend tea at a tea party or 'talk' for our dollies, but I cannot go to a place that doesn't exist." And when she tells you, "you took me yesterday," I'd say that I was pretending with her, but I'm not going to drive places that don't really exist any more." If she cries, stamps her feet and lashes out at you -- it means she's heard you and is trying her best to manipulate you into doing something that she wants you to do. Good practice for adolescence. Gwen |
#8
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when pretend play goes too far...
I think you should try this idea and if it fails, move on to Gwen's ;-)
They *are* at a masterful age for manipulation ... but as Gwen just wrote in another post, "expressing opinions of dismay is not the end of the world", so if you can't find a way to make her happy, you'll need (painfully) to accept that she will be mad for a while. --Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96) and Holly (4/4/01) "shirley" wrote in message news:02Edb.610222$YN5.447750@sccrnsc01... How about making a pretend place - outside - join her in her imaginary space - look at the horses and look at all the hay etc, etc. Just walking somewhere might be enough - their space requirements seem to be pretty small at this age. Shirley "pam " wrote in message ... thanx everyone for taking the time to comment. the whole pretend thing doesn't bother me at all. it's when she insists i TAKE her to her pretend family or pretend horse barn. how do i get out of actually taking her somewhere time after time? pam |
#9
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when pretend play goes too far...
I think you should try this idea and if it fails, move on to Gwen's ;-)
They *are* at a masterful age for manipulation ... but as Gwen just wrote in another post, "expressing opinions of dismay is not the end of the world", so if you can't find a way to make her happy, you'll need (painfully) to accept that she will be mad for a while. --Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96) and Holly (4/4/01) "shirley" wrote in message news:02Edb.610222$YN5.447750@sccrnsc01... How about making a pretend place - outside - join her in her imaginary space - look at the horses and look at all the hay etc, etc. Just walking somewhere might be enough - their space requirements seem to be pretty small at this age. Shirley "pam " wrote in message ... thanx everyone for taking the time to comment. the whole pretend thing doesn't bother me at all. it's when she insists i TAKE her to her pretend family or pretend horse barn. how do i get out of actually taking her somewhere time after time? pam |
#10
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when pretend play goes too far...
Kids are interesting in the ways that they try to figure out the parameters
of their world: who's in charge? How much control do they actually have? And what is 'real' anyway? (TV must be so confusing!). I think we help them most when we define and hold limits for them -- we can help them keep track of reality -- of boundaries and to maintain a sense of stability in the world. I don't think it hurts, in the long run, to let a child have a hissy fit because you really truly cannot drive to see an imaginary horse. The way to 'get out of taking her' is to tell her the truth: "I can't take you someplace that only exists in your imagination. I can play with you and we can pretend there is a horse...just like we sip pretend tea at a tea party or 'talk' for our dollies, but I cannot go to a place that doesn't exist." And when she tells you, "you took me yesterday," I'd say that I was pretending with her, but I'm not going to drive places that don't really exist any more." If she cries, stamps her feet and lashes out at you -- it means she's heard you and is trying her best to manipulate you into doing something that she wants you to do. Good practice for adolescence. Gwen This is one of the best responses I have ever seen. When I read the original post - it's when she insists i TAKE her to her pretend family or pretend horse barn. how do i get out of actually taking her somewhere time after time? I was thinking - Just say NO, and let her have a big fit. Gwen - you said it so much more eloquently and explained what I was thinking. Sometimes we just have to remember we are the parents, they are the children. Anyways, I agree with Gwen, and good luck!! Diana (with Jared, Vanessa, & Grace - all of whom have trouble hearing the word no on occassion - but then again, the apples don't fall far from the tree!) |
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