hello - delurking and asking for feedback

Hi everyone!,

Lurker here with a bunch of concerns. I've much to say but I'll
summarize where possible. Here's some background on me and where I am
today:

Age: 38
Weight and Build: very heavy all my life, large build, tall

- Child 1: @ 19yrs. 9 lbs. 7 oz. (conceived in two weeks)
- Child 2: @ 24yrs. 11 lbs. (conceived in three months)

remarried

- Child 3: @ 35yrs. 9 lbs. 5 oz. (two weeks premature) - (conceived
after 5 years)

All three delivered by C-Section, no complications pre- or post-birth,
no gestational diabetes. With third birth, last two months fluctuating
high blood pressure, 2-24hr. monitoring visits to hospital, released
with no medication.

----

My questions and concerns:

After my last child I began to feel I wanted another. After careful
thought and consideration for the last two years I came to the
conclusion that my decision to try again is justified and my reasons are
good ones. I discussed it with my husband and was delighted to find
that he too wants another.

My problem is, was, and has always been my weight. I've been heavy all
my life, but for the last ten years very heavy. My last pregnancy
didn't seem to suffer from this but I sure did. At the last I could
barely breath, walk, and was in constant discomfort, but I guess that's
par for the course with everyone.

So here's where I stand at the moment - 38, still very heavy, three past
C-sections (no complications), am facing a possible hysterectomy as a
means to control chronic anemia (very heavy periods all my life) - and
want another child before something like that happens.

I'm very concerned about going through another pregnancy and being
morbidly obese, and have put myself on a lifestyle change/healthier
eating diet. Thus far this has been successful and I've lost twenty
five pounds but have a long way to go.

The advice I've sought from health care professionals is two to one in
favor of trying.

In my third pregnancy post-birth exams, when I mentioned wanting another
child, my old gynecologist told me risking a fourth C-Section was
certain death, and strongly advised against it. Her opinion was based
on the fact that there aren't many women in her experience who've gone
through four C-Sections, and also on the sad fact that she'd recently
lost a mother of four children to complications occurring after a repeat
C-Section, leaving the father with three children and a newborn to care
for. Her message to me was "you've been lucky thus far, so why push it?
be happy with the children you have and count your blessings".

I questioned the doctors at the hospital where I had given birth and was
told the only problem they foresaw was that my fourth would definitely
be another C-Section. Since I'm familiar with the operation thus far
this is something I'm prepared to undergo.

I've moved to a new town and lately made an appointment with a new
gynecologist. I discussed my thoughts with her and she told me in her
opinion it would be more harmful for my emotional health in the long run
to go ahead and have a hysterectomy and prevent me from trying. That if
I wanted another baby I should work toward that goal, and we'd be as
careful as we could about the outcome. In the meantime she's going to
contact my old doctor, find out as much as possible about my past
history and try to be prepared. I'm to continue to lose as much weight
as I can, safely. She suggested we purchase a fertility monitor and get
started, and she gave me six months as a goal time frame in which to
conceive.

My biggest concern is this: At this age and weight am I pushing my body
too far?

I'm just far enough away from the last pregnancy that I remember how
truly miserable I felt in the last trimester. I could barely walk, I
gasped for breath constantly, and was two weeks premature because I
begged them to take him I was suffering so much. I actually began
complaining about my misery two weeks before that and met with the head
of Obstetrics in the hospital I was to give birth in. He told me
everything looked fine with the baby but the longer he remained in the
womb the better his chances for a healthy birth, and told me he wanted
me to give it another two weeks. I had about twelve days to go before
my due date when I was delivered.

I am serious about losing as much weight as I can before the baby
arrives, should we be lucky and conceive within the next six months -
not by starving or doing anything radical, but by eating healthier and
exercising more. I'm also determined to carry another pregnancy to term
should I conceive, because I have serious misgivings about my asking the
doctor to take the baby to relieve my discomfort. In hindsight I see
what a bad choice that was. If it comes to bed rest and an oxygen tank
this time, then that's what it'll be as long as the baby isn't in
distress.

I wonder if there are any ladies here who've been in my position with
the weight and age, and how did things turn out for you?

(I've seen the plus-size-pregnancy.org site and have bookmarked it for
future research - thanks so much to whomever posted that.)

Well anyway... That was a *tad* long, I apologize. I probably shouldn't
have written it in a fit of anxiety. I'll wait for the group FAQ.
Thanks again to the lady who posted the plus size pregnancy link. It's
very informative.

Hi Desi

I can't be a lot of help with medical statistics, and I was only 23 when I
had my DD, so I can't be a whole lot of help there. I was just going to
mention the weight issue...

When I fell pg, I was overweight, about a size 18-20, I think. My MW seemed
quite concerned about this as I am only 5'2, so my BMI was fairly high. TBH,
I was fairly happy with the size I was, but her concerns worried me a bit,
especially in regards to blood pressure and pre-eclampsia. However, I was so
sick during my first and third trimesters and could only hold down fresh
fruit and veg, that I lost a total of two stone (well, that was my weight
once i'd had my DD at 8lb 9oz). Because my BMI was becoming lower throughout
my pregnancy, the MW had less and less concerns, until they decided it
wasn't an issue.

You've done really well to lose 25lbs so far! If you decide to become pg
again, talk to your healthcare providers about what exercise you can
continue to do while pg... I had a lot of problems with my hips when I was
pg, but my physio gave me a "fembrace" and I was able to do a *lot* of
walking once I had that, and I think that helped to lower my weight and bmi
too. They should also be able to advise you on a healthy diet too.

It sounds to me like it would need to be ongoing, both now, while TTC and
druing pregnancy - I was so glad in my last month that I had lost weight, I
would have hated to have been carrying me, my DD and the extra 2 stone.
Because I have health issues with narcolepsy and was so horribly tired, like
you, I really wanted to be induced early, but fortunately they didn't give
in, and next time, I think I'm just going to grit my teeth and wait until
s/he arrives... at least next time you'll know what's ahead of you.

As for what to do, I think really only you know what you and your body are
capable of acheiving. you sound fairly determined to stick at your weight
loss and to go to term, so that sounds positive to me. As for your age,
you've had other children, so you know what to expext pg-wise, and my mum
became a 1st time mum with me at 38, and my SIL was in her 40's, so that
alone may not be an issue. It sounds like your new gynecologist is quite
good, and hopfully she can help you to gain the support you'll need in
losing the rest of the weight - long term that will be good for you and your
family anyway.

Good luck, whatever you decide! I am sure others here will be able to give
you more detailed advice, I just thought I'd add my 2p's worth

Lucy x

Before I say more, do you mind posting your weight and height? I'm
wondering just how much extra weight you are talking about, because I
should think that would make a difference.

Leslie

lucy-lu wrote:
Hi Desi

I can't be a lot of help with medical statistics, and I was only 23 when I
had my DD, so I can't be a whole lot of help there. I was just going to
mention the weight issue...

When I fell pg, I was overweight, about a size 18-20, I think. My MW seemed
quite concerned about this as I am only 5'2, so my BMI was fairly high. TBH,
I was fairly happy with the size I was, but her concerns worried me a bit,
especially in regards to blood pressure and pre-eclampsia. However, I was so
sick during my first and third trimesters and could only hold down fresh
fruit and veg, that I lost a total of two stone (well, that was my weight
once i'd had my DD at 8lb 9oz). Because my BMI was becoming lower throughout
my pregnancy, the MW had less and less concerns, until they decided it
wasn't an issue.

You've done really well to lose 25lbs so far! If you decide to become pg
again, talk to your healthcare providers about what exercise you can
continue to do while pg... I had a lot of problems with my hips when I was
pg, but my physio gave me a "fembrace" and I was able to do a *lot* of
walking once I had that, and I think that helped to lower my weight and bmi
too. They should also be able to advise you on a healthy diet too.

It sounds to me like it would need to be ongoing, both now, while TTC and
druing pregnancy - I was so glad in my last month that I had lost weight, I
would have hated to have been carrying me, my DD and the extra 2 stone.
Because I have health issues with narcolepsy and was so horribly tired, like
you, I really wanted to be induced early, but fortunately they didn't give
in, and next time, I think I'm just going to grit my teeth and wait until
s/he arrives... at least next time you'll know what's ahead of you.

As for what to do, I think really only you know what you and your body are
capable of acheiving. you sound fairly determined to stick at your weight
loss and to go to term, so that sounds positive to me. As for your age,
you've had other children, so you know what to expext pg-wise, and my mum
became a 1st time mum with me at 38, and my SIL was in her 40's, so that
alone may not be an issue. It sounds like your new gynecologist is quite
good, and hopfully she can help you to gain the support you'll need in
losing the rest of the weight - long term that will be good for you and your
family anyway.

Good luck, whatever you decide! I am sure others here will be able to give
you more detailed advice, I just thought I'd add my 2p's worth

Lucy x


Thank you Lucy, for taking the time to read through all that and be
supportive. I am at a turning point, am frightened, and your sharing
your experiences helps very much.

Leslie wrote:
Before I say more, do you mind posting your weight and height? I'm
wondering just how much extra weight you are talking about, because I
should think that would make a difference.


Hi Leslie. No, I don't mind. I am what I am for the moment and must
learn to accept myself despite my faults.

I'm 6 feet tall and currently weigh 340lbs./154kg. I started changing
the way I eat in early December when I weighed in at 370lbs./168kg., and
that change has resulted in a steady loss.

Right now I estimate my dress size to be a 24/26.

Desi wrote:
Hi everyone!,
Hi, Desi. Nice to "meet" you.

Lurker here with a bunch of concerns. I've much to say but I'll
summarize where possible. Here's some background on me and where I am
today:

Age: 38
Weight and Build: very heavy all my life, large build, tall

- Child 1: @ 19yrs. 9 lbs. 7 oz. (conceived in two weeks)
- Child 2: @ 24yrs. 11 lbs. (conceived in three months)

remarried

- Child 3: @ 35yrs. 9 lbs. 5 oz. (two weeks premature) - (conceived
after 5 years)

Was that five years of actively trying?


All three delivered by C-Section, no complications pre- or post-birth,
no gestational diabetes. With third birth, last two months fluctuating
high blood pressure, 2-24hr. monitoring visits to hospital, released
with no medication.


Do you mind saying why they were all sections?


----

My questions and concerns:


So here's where I stand at the moment - 38, still very heavy, three past
C-sections (no complications), am facing a possible hysterectomy as a
means to control chronic anemia (very heavy periods all my life) - and
want another child before something like that happens.

I'm very concerned about going through another pregnancy and being
morbidly obese, and have put myself on a lifestyle change/healthier
eating diet. Thus far this has been successful and I've lost twenty
five pounds but have a long way to go.

Good for you! That is also what I am trying to do. I lost 60 lbs.
before my last pregnancy and was in good shape from exercising
(although still about 40 lbs. overweight) and I felt much better than I
did with my previous pregnancy when I was about 60 lbs. overweight and
less in shape. Now I'm back to being 90 lbs. overweight and really
don't want to get pregnant until I lose at least 50 lbs.


The advice I've sought from health care professionals is two to one in
favor of trying.

In my third pregnancy post-birth exams, when I mentioned wanting another
child, my old gynecologist told me risking a fourth C-Section was
certain death, and strongly advised against it. Her opinion was based
on the fact that there aren't many women in her experience who've gone
through four C-Sections, and also on the sad fact that she'd recently
lost a mother of four children to complications occurring after a repeat
C-Section, leaving the father with three children and a newborn to care
for. Her message to me was "you've been lucky thus far, so why push it?
be happy with the children you have and count your blessings".

I think she was just being pessimistic--they so often are. After my
3rd section the doctor said my uterus was paper thin and would probably
rupture if I had another baby. He backpedaled a bit on this at the 6
week check up. I've had two babies since. You need to read "Open
Season." It really opened my eyes as far as the REAL risks of rupture.


Also, we had a regular poster here who had four sections in about five
years. No problem at all. Anecdotally, I've heard of women having
seven or more.



I questioned the doctors at the hospital where I had given birth and was
told the only problem they foresaw was that my fourth would definitely
be another C-Section. Since I'm familiar with the operation thus far
this is something I'm prepared to undergo.

May I ask why you haven't/don't VBAC?


I've moved to a new town and lately made an appointment with a new
gynecologist. I discussed my thoughts with her and she told me in her
opinion it would be more harmful for my emotional health in the long run
to go ahead and have a hysterectomy and prevent me from trying. That if
I wanted another baby I should work toward that goal, and we'd be as
careful as we could about the outcome. In the meantime she's going to
contact my old doctor, find out as much as possible about my past
history and try to be prepared. I'm to continue to lose as much weight
as I can, safely. She suggested we purchase a fertility monitor and get
started, and she gave me six months as a goal time frame in which to
conceive.

Now that sounds like a much more sensible doctor and a good plan.



My biggest concern is this: At this age and weight am I pushing my body
too far?

I don't think you are too old at all. I'm almost 40 and I plan to have
one more. You'd know better yourself how the weight facotrs into it.
I think reading at the plus size wensite would help you with that.



I'm just far enough away from the last pregnancy that I remember how
truly miserable I felt in the last trimester. I could barely walk, I
gasped for breath constantly, and was two weeks premature because I
begged them to take him I was suffering so much. I actually began
complaining about my misery two weeks before that and met with the head
of Obstetrics in the hospital I was to give birth in. He told me
everything looked fine with the baby but the longer he remained in the
womb the better his chances for a healthy birth, and told me he wanted
me to give it another two weeks. I had about twelve days to go before
my due date when I was delivered.

I am serious about losing as much weight as I can before the baby
arrives, should we be lucky and conceive within the next six months -
not by starving or doing anything radical, but by eating healthier and
exercising more.

Really, I think being strong (lifting weights, walking, etc.) made a
bigger difference in how I felt last time than the weight loss did.
And you can carry on exercising while pregnant.


I'm also determined to carry another pregnancy to term
should I conceive, because I have serious misgivings about my asking the
doctor to take the baby to relieve my discomfort. In hindsight I see
what a bad choice that was. If it comes to bed rest and an oxygen tank
this time, then that's what it'll be as long as the baby isn't in
distress.

I agree with you there. I'm always having to fight off induction
attempts.


I wonder if there are any ladies here who've been in my position with
the weight and age, and how did things turn out for you?

The most overweight I have been while pregnant is about 70 lbs. I was
a lot younger then, though. I ended the pregnancy weighing about 270
lbs. I'm 5 ft. 7. But I've only started one pregnancy not overweight,
and I gained 70 lbs. with that one . . . My main problem with being
overweight and pregnant is that I can't find anything to wear! My most
recent pregnancy I was 37, and I felt pretty great the whole time. I
ended that one weighing about 260 lbs.

Were I you, I'd continue as you are and go for it.

Leslie

Leslie wrote:
Desi wrote:
Hi everyone!,
Hi, Desi. Nice to "meet" you.


Thank you. It's great to have somewhere to go with my questions.
There is a big difference in asking people who've gone through a
situation and asking medical professionals, who - for good reason or not
- tend to be vague.


Lurker here with a bunch of concerns. I've much to say but I'll
summarize where possible. Here's some background on me and where I am
today:

Age: 38
Weight and Build: very heavy all my life, large build, tall

- Child 1: @ 19yrs. 9 lbs. 7 oz. (conceived in two weeks)
- Child 2: @ 24yrs. 11 lbs. (conceived in three months)

remarried

- Child 3: @ 35yrs. 9 lbs. 5 oz. (two weeks premature) - (conceived
after 5 years)

Was that five years of actively trying?


It was eighteen months of actively TTC which lessened with time due to
my husband's increasing career demands. Despite tests that assured both
of us were capable, in the last couple years we'd all but given up hope
it was going to happen for us, so when we finally conceived it was a
shock.

I remember going to the gynecologist with my husband in tow, reporting
fatigue and symptoms I associated with the presence of fibroid tumors.
(runs in the maternal side of my family, big problems with this) Twenty
days earlier she'd asked if we were still TTC and had given me an herb
medication that was supposed to increase our chances, a side effect of
which was slight stomach upset. I was a little sick then but attributed
it to the medicine.

She suggested an ultrasound, and the whole time she was secretly
checking for pregnancy I was blathering on about being sure I had the
dreaded fibroid. Finally she said 'yes, there it is', and I said 'oh, I
knew it', and she replied 'there's the heartbeat', and I said 'What?!
Tumors don't have heartbeats, do they??' She looked at me like 'No
fool, you're pregnant!'

It took me about three hours afterward to finally get it into my head
that I wasn't facing surgery, I was finally having my baby. Even
funnier, while my husband and the doctor discussed our next visit and
preparations, I sat there in a fugue trying to absorb the news. If he
hadn't been with me to hold my elbow and guide me home I probably
would've walked into the street.


All three delivered by C-Section, no complications pre- or post-birth,
no gestational diabetes. With third birth, last two months fluctuating
high blood pressure, 2-24hr. monitoring visits to hospital, released
with no medication.


Do you mind saying why they were all sections?


!CAUTION! - the next stories may be disturbing to some readers,
especially the one at the end - please skip this part if you feel
sensitive to such things
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The babies were all large, I suspect because I'm large. The people on
both sides of my family tend to the tall and largely built side.

On my maternal side, for some reason, we don't dilate, don't go into
labor, and our pelvic bones don't spread naturally to allow for passage
like they're supposed to. This happened with my maternal grandmother,
my mother, and both my maternal aunts.

When I was born C-Sections weren't common and the doctor let my mother
labor with me so long he almost lost us both. She never dilated or
progressed.

The same happened with my first. Since my water had broken on its own
my doctor let labor progress naturally for nine hours. When nothing
happened he tried to move things along with an oxytocin (?) drip for
nine hours with no results.

Compared to what I've read since then it probably wasn't a very
difficult labor pain-wise (although it sure felt that way!), but I
remember reading when a contraction hit it would last for so long then
there was supposed to be a time I could breathe, relax and recoup. With
the drip I began counting in between my contractions and for nine hours
I had one after the other, hard, with barely three seconds in between to
breathe. At the end of that I was exhausted, and because I couldn't
push I pushed on the end of the hospital bed with my feet. After the
birth when I got up to walk I noticed my feet hurt badly, and when I
looked the bottoms of both my feet were black.

My aunt had the second longest pregnancy in the (then recent) history of
medicine when she was delivered back in 1973 at Bethesda Naval Hospital.
(that's what we were told) Her doctor was determined to let her
pregnancy progress naturally, and when her baby was finally taken by
C-Section he had hair down to his shoulders, long fingernails, cerebral
palsy due to the fact he wasn't getting enough oxygen during the end,
was legally blind, mentally disabled, and her water was green because it
had begun to rot. She'd carried him scant days short of a full year.

With my second, since I didn't have gestational diabetes my doctor kept
a close eye on his size. When it was estimated he weighed over nine
pounds in my eighth month, combined with my other problems, the doctor
asked me what I wanted to do. I chose the C-Section out of concern for
the baby's health. I wasn't pressured into it. The baby weighed in at
a few grams over 11 pounds and was the largest baby carried by a
non-diabetic mother at that time in my doctor's practice history.

With my third it was the same, except I was told it would probably be
best to go ahead and have a C-Section since I'd already had two. And
now, with my intended fourth, I'm no longer given a choice. But if
given one, I'd chose the surgery.


My questions and concerns:
So here's where I stand at the moment - 38, still very heavy, three past
C-sections (no complications), am facing a possible hysterectomy as a
means to control chronic anemia (very heavy periods all my life) - and
want another child before something like that happens.

I'm very concerned about going through another pregnancy and being
morbidly obese, and have put myself on a lifestyle change/healthier
eating diet. Thus far this has been successful and I've lost twenty
five pounds but have a long way to go.

Good for you! That is also what I am trying to do. I lost 60 lbs.
before my last pregnancy and was in good shape from exercising
(although still about 40 lbs. overweight) and I felt much better than I
did with my previous pregnancy when I was about 60 lbs. overweight and
less in shape. Now I'm back to being 90 lbs. overweight and really
don't want to get pregnant until I lose at least 50 lbs.


Although I wouldn't wish you problems, it's good to know I'm not the
only one in this situation.


The advice I've sought from health care professionals is two to one in
favor of trying.

In my third pregnancy post-birth exams, when I mentioned wanting another
child, my old gynecologist told me risking a fourth C-Section was
certain death, and strongly advised against it. Her opinion was based
on the fact that there aren't many women in her experience who've gone
through four C-Sections, and also on the sad fact that she'd recently
lost a mother of four children to complications occurring after a repeat
C-Section, leaving the father with three children and a newborn to care
for. Her message to me was "you've been lucky thus far, so why push it?
be happy with the children you have and count your blessings".

I think she was just being pessimistic--they so often are. After my
3rd section the doctor said my uterus was paper thin and would probably
rupture if I had another baby. He backpedaled a bit on this at the 6
week check up. I've had two babies since. You need to read "Open
Season." It really opened my eyes as far as the REAL risks of rupture.


I will look this up, thanks.

Thus far I haven't been told there is anything wrong with my uterus
other than the fact it's large. I wonder what would've made your uterus
'paper thin'? Don't they shrink back down to almost pre-birth size and
texture after birth?


Also, we had a regular poster here who had four sections in about five
years. No problem at all. Anecdotally, I've heard of women having
seven or more.


Wow! Good. That definitely takes some of the fear away.


I questioned the doctors at the hospital where I had given birth and was
told the only problem they foresaw was that my fourth would definitely
be another C-Section. Since I'm familiar with the operation thus far
this is something I'm prepared to undergo.

May I ask why you haven't/don't VBAC?


Had to look up what VBAC is...
I think the problems I've already listed above cover this answer.


I've moved to a new town and lately made an appointment with a new
gynecologist. I discussed my thoughts with her and she told me in her
opinion it would be more harmful for my emotional health in the long run
to go ahead and have a hysterectomy and prevent me from trying. That if
I wanted another baby I should work toward that goal, and we'd be as
careful as we could about the outcome. In the meantime she's going to
contact my old doctor, find out as much as possible about my past
history and try to be prepared. I'm to continue to lose as much weight
as I can, safely. She suggested we purchase a fertility monitor and get
started, and she gave me six months as a goal time frame in which to
conceive.

Now that sounds like a much more sensible doctor and a good plan.


My biggest concern is this: At this age and weight am I pushing my body
too far?

I don't think you are too old at all. I'm almost 40 and I plan to have
one more. You'd know better yourself how the weight facotrs into it.
I think reading at the plus size wensite would help you with that.


It did! That site is wonderful.

One thing I found out on that page that makes me really angry, that
doctors would take it upon themselves to attempt to scare a woman *they*
don't deem worthy of having any more children (because of weight,
socio-economic situation, etc.) into being sterilized. I've had doctors
ask me this same question with all three births - do you want us to
sterilize you during the surgery?

Is this something the rest of you have experienced also? Is it a
standard question? Or am I just one of those women doctors don't
consider *worthy* of children because of my weight?


I'm just far enough away from the last pregnancy that I remember how
truly miserable I felt in the last trimester. I could barely walk, I
gasped for breath constantly, and was two weeks premature because I
begged them to take him I was suffering so much. I actually began
complaining about my misery two weeks before that and met with the head
of Obstetrics in the hospital I was to give birth in. He told me
everything looked fine with the baby but the longer he remained in the
womb the better his chances for a healthy birth, and told me he wanted
me to give it another two weeks. I had about twelve days to go before
my due date when I was delivered.

I am serious about losing as much weight as I can before the baby
arrives, should we be lucky and conceive within the next six months -
not by starving or doing anything radical, but by eating healthier and
exercising more.

Really, I think being strong (lifting weights, walking, etc.) made a
bigger difference in how I felt last time than the weight loss did.
And you can carry on exercising while pregnant.


This was golden Leslie, thank you. I think you hit the nail on the
head. I didn't exercise before or during my last pregnancy, mostly
because I had 24-hour morning sickness (had that with all three) and
felt terrible the whole nine months. I let that discomfort keep me from
even trying, preferring instead to lie down and make myself as
comfortable as possible until the feeling passed.

I realize now I wrecked my endurance with that method, and if I want to
have an easier time with the next one, I better get moving and not let a
little nausea stop me from exercise. It was my being weak in
combination with the weight that caused the last trimester to be so
difficult.


I'm also determined to carry another pregnancy to term
should I conceive, because I have serious misgivings about my asking the
doctor to take the baby to relieve my discomfort. In hindsight I see
what a bad choice that was. If it comes to bed rest and an oxygen tank
this time, then that's what it'll be as long as the baby isn't in
distress.

I agree with you there. I'm always having to fight off induction
attempts.

I wonder if there are any ladies here who've been in my position with
the weight and age, and how did things turn out for you?

The most overweight I have been while pregnant is about 70 lbs. I was
a lot younger then, though. I ended the pregnancy weighing about 270
lbs. I'm 5 ft. 7. But I've only started one pregnancy not overweight,
and I gained 70 lbs. with that one . . . My main problem with being
overweight and pregnant is that I can't find anything to wear! My most
recent pregnancy I was 37, and I felt pretty great the whole time. I
ended that one weighing about 260 lbs.

Were I you, I'd continue as you are and go for it.


Since writing my first posts until now I've decided that's exactly what
I'm going to do - educate myself, exercise, lose a little, do my best
and hope for good results.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post.
It was a huge help in making this decision.

I am just going to make a partial response - kudos to you for making
lifestyle changes, increasing activity and weight loss. It is not easy
to do - I know because I used to be very overweight. I have lost 72
pounds and still have 25 to go. Changing your life in this way is one
of the most difficult but also one of the most rewarding things you
will ever do.

As you know, being overweight does raise your risks in pregnancy and
particularly the risk of operative and post-operative complications.
This may be why some of the clinicians you have spoken to have
discouraged you from another pregnancy. Losing weight and improving
your fitness would certainly reduce your surgery related risks.

One of the things that helped me change my life was having a specific
goal: a deeply heart-felt reason to improve my fitness. Perhaps getting
in shape for another pregnancy would be such a motivator for you.

You might want to ask your care provider about helping you lose weight
and improve your fitness. Unfortunately I did not get very much help
from my physician. I think clinicians often lose faith in people making
lifestyle changes because so many people talk about changes but never
actually make them. Hopefully your care provider(s) would have more
faith in you.

Remember the "holy trinity" of weight loss:
1) improving nutrition - I had great results with the weight watchers
online "points" system, but whether you use this one or some other,
having some kind of system to be accountable for what one eats and
quantifying and recording what one eats are all critically important
2) cardio exercise - for me, cycling, running, and elliptical trainers
have worked. Whatever works for you, I think it is important to have a
variety of different cardio exercises so you aren't doing the same
thing every day (which makes one prone to both boredom and injuries).
3) strength exercise - many women are averse to weight training or
strength training because they are afraid they will wind up looking
like a man. It isn't going to happen. Studies have shown that women who
do regular strength training lose more weight faster and keep it off
better than those who do not do strength training.

The fourth item, if applicable to you, is to consider change from a
spiritual dimension. Most of us don't like to change: we want to be the
same person and do the same things, only without the negative
consequences. A key for me has been accepting that in order to be
healthy - and to be a healthy example for my children - I will have to
permanently change who I am in some fundamental ways. In my faith
tradition, asking a higher power for help in changing oneself is a
powerful thing to do. I don't know if your faith system includes such,
but if so, this can be a real blessing.

Good luck. I hope some of this may be helpful to you.

Desi wrote:
Hi everyone!,

Lurker here with a bunch of concerns. I've much to say but I'll
summarize where possible. Here's some background on me and where I am
today:

Age: 38
Weight and Build: very heavy all my life, large build, tall

- Child 1: @ 19yrs. 9 lbs. 7 oz. (conceived in two weeks)
- Child 2: @ 24yrs. 11 lbs. (conceived in three months)

remarried

- Child 3: @ 35yrs. 9 lbs. 5 oz. (two weeks premature) - (conceived
after 5 years)

All three delivered by C-Section, no complications pre- or post-birth,
no gestational diabetes. With third birth, last two months fluctuating
high blood pressure, 2-24hr. monitoring visits to hospital, released
with no medication.

----

My questions and concerns:

After my last child I began to feel I wanted another. After careful
thought and consideration for the last two years I came to the
conclusion that my decision to try again is justified and my reasons are
good ones. I discussed it with my husband and was delighted to find
that he too wants another.

My problem is, was, and has always been my weight. I've been heavy all
my life, but for the last ten years very heavy. My last pregnancy
didn't seem to suffer from this but I sure did. At the last I could
barely breath, walk, and was in constant discomfort, but I guess that's
par for the course with everyone.

So here's where I stand at the moment - 38, still very heavy, three past
C-sections (no complications), am facing a possible hysterectomy as a
means to control chronic anemia (very heavy periods all my life) - and
want another child before something like that happens.

I'm very concerned about going through another pregnancy and being
morbidly obese, and have put myself on a lifestyle change/healthier
eating diet. Thus far this has been successful and I've lost twenty
five pounds but have a long way to go.

The advice I've sought from health care professionals is two to one in
favor of trying.

In my third pregnancy post-birth exams, when I mentioned wanting another
child, my old gynecologist told me risking a fourth C-Section was
certain death, and strongly advised against it. Her opinion was based
on the fact that there aren't many women in her experience who've gone
through four C-Sections, and also on the sad fact that she'd recently
lost a mother of four children to complications occurring after a repeat
C-Section, leaving the father with three children and a newborn to care
for. Her message to me was "you've been lucky thus far, so why push it?
be happy with the children you have and count your blessings".

I questioned the doctors at the hospital where I had given birth and was
told the only problem they foresaw was that my fourth would definitely
be another C-Section. Since I'm familiar with the operation thus far
this is something I'm prepared to undergo.

I've moved to a new town and lately made an appointment with a new
gynecologist. I discussed my thoughts with her and she told me in her
opinion it would be more harmful for my emotional health in the long run
to go ahead and have a hysterectomy and prevent me from trying. That if
I wanted another baby I should work toward that goal, and we'd be as
careful as we could about the outcome. In the meantime she's going to
contact my old doctor, find out as much as possible about my past
history and try to be prepared. I'm to continue to lose as much weight
as I can, safely. She suggested we purchase a fertility monitor and get
started, and she gave me six months as a goal time frame in which to
conceive.

My biggest concern is this: At this age and weight am I pushing my body
too far?

I'm just far enough away from the last pregnancy that I remember how
truly miserable I felt in the last trimester. I could barely walk, I
gasped for breath constantly, and was two weeks premature because I
begged them to take him I was suffering so much. I actually began
complaining about my misery two weeks before that and met with the head
of Obstetrics in the hospital I was to give birth in. He told me
everything looked fine with the baby but the longer he remained in the
womb the better his chances for a healthy birth, and told me he wanted
me to give it another two weeks. I had about twelve days to go before
my due date when I was delivered.

I am serious about losing as much weight as I can before the baby
arrives, should we be lucky and conceive within the next six months -
not by starving or doing anything radical, but by eating healthier and
exercising more. I'm also determined to carry another pregnancy to term
should I conceive, because I have serious misgivings about my asking the
doctor to take the baby to relieve my discomfort. In hindsight I see
what a bad choice that was. If it comes to bed rest and an oxygen tank
this time, then that's what it'll be as long as the baby isn't in distress.

I wonder if there are any ladies here who've been in my position with
the weight and age, and how did things turn out for you?

(I've seen the plus-size-pregnancy.org site and have bookmarked it for
future research - thanks so much to whomever posted that.)


Hello there,

OK. At the risk of sounding crude...how obese are we talking here? I am
17 stone and 5ft 8. According to our charts here in the UK, that makes
me morbidly obese but I am sure that if you saw me in the street, you
would not think me more than just *overweight* since I am tall. I
watched a program the other night about a 612Lb woman...now, that really
is obese and frankly, to have a child although probably physically
possible, would be extremely unwise. Since you say that you have
conceived 3 previous children, I am supposing that you did this the old
fashioned way rather than at a clinic? If this is the case, then
basically, if you are capable of having sex, then you are capable of
conceiving a child and carrying that child to term. However, the
operative word is *carrying*. I mentioned that I was 17 stone. I am sure
a couple of people here will remember that I was extremely uncomfortable
during the final 3 months because of SPD and was on crutches. I also
required pain killers to control the pain. Although I had a C-Section,
this was for a sound medical reason but to be honest, I would have been
happy to have her the normal way. The C-Section was performed to limit
damage sustained in the previous pregnancy and to stop that damage from
becoming any worse. I plan to have a further child in about 5 years time
and I am absolutely certain that I will not submit to another C-Section
regardless of the risk of 'ruptured womb' etc. Can you tell us why this
new child that you propose *must* be born by C-Section? If we accept
that C-Section is major abdominal surgery and that this entails risks,
why not use the less risky path that nature provided. Just to let you
know, my mother weighed 24 stone, was 5ft 4inches when I was born and
gave birth naturally without any complications.

As to the psychological effects...if you feel ready to have another
child, I dont see what the problem is. Personally, I would not have a
hysterectomy unless my life were physically in danger. From what you
describe, you have menhorragia, which whilst unpleasant, is not life
threatening. If you have a hysterectomy, your ability to conceive is
removed forever. Your state of mind can change with the wind.

As to loosing weight. I dont think that anyone would dispute that this
can only be a good thing, but let's be clear here. Unless you are
extremely morbidly obese (in the 300Lb bracket), a fourth pregnancy is
unlikely to be a problem. As I said, my mother was 24 stone and 5t
4inches, and that puts her squarely in the *beachball* category. I agree
with your most recent doctor, in that a hysterectomy would be
emotionally harmful. If you are even asking the question about having
another child, then you must go ahead and fulfill that goal. I'm sorry
to say this, but humans are animals after all. Our goal in life is the
procreate and continue the species. To that end, human psychology has
evolved to the point where a female of the species will do anything or
risk anything to become pregnant. Humans are the most successful species
on the planet for a good reason. Go with the biology, but go into it
with your eyes open.

Regards
Wookie