one year check up and now really worried

Emily had her one year checkup today, even though she's 13 months and 2 wks
now. We had a delay in getting her in because we were in Germany when she
turned one. Anyways, Emily still only weighs 18 lbs. She doesn't walk,
although she will pull herself into a standing position. She also has no
interest in crawling, and gets around by scooting on our hardwood floors.
Now the doc wants us to see a physical therapist because she should be
walking by now.

He also says she should not be getting more than a couple cups of milk each
day, and the rest should be water. I guess to me this seems
counterintuitive because she needs extra calories for weight gain...

She still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She sleeps in a crib in our room, but
sometimes out of desperation, we'll bring her to bed with us. We do offer a
bottle still at night too, because after 10 minutes of crying, I start to
feel like I'm going to fall apart. The doc says we have made a big mistake,
and that we have made her more dependant on us. So I feel like a
bad/ignorant mother. So now he wants us to move her crib downstairs, since
we do not have another bedroom on the same floor. And that we should let
her cry in 30 minute intervals, which seems so brutal to me!

I'm mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm just really hoping
to hear some advice or some empathy!

determined skrev:
Emily had her one year checkup today, even though she's 13 months and 2 wks
now. We had a delay in getting her in because we were in Germany when she
turned one. Anyways, Emily still only weighs 18 lbs. She doesn't walk,
although she will pull herself into a standing position. She also has no
interest in crawling, and gets around by scooting on our hardwood floors.
Now the doc wants us to see a physical therapist because she should be
walking by now.

RELAX!!!!

None of my very high-IQ kids walked before 15 months. My eldest (now 14
yo and fine, thank you) never crawled - couldn't be bothered :-)

In Denmark where I live - by no means a third world country - anything
before 18 mos is quite all right for walking.

He also says she should not be getting more than a couple cups of milk each
day, and the rest should be water. I guess to me this seems
counterintuitive because she needs extra calories for weight gain...

I think we say 0,5 - 0,75 litres at that age. There are foods that are
higher in calories than milk - he may be right there.

Some kids are made to be on the light side. My 9 yo 130 cm tall boy
still doesn't weigh more than 24 kg (48 lbs?). He's skinny, but very
healthy and never has a cold.


She still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She sleeps in a crib in our room, but
sometimes out of desperation, we'll bring her to bed with us. We do offer a
bottle still at night too, because after 10 minutes of crying, I start to
feel like I'm going to fall apart. The doc says we have made a big mistake,
and that we have made her more dependant on us. So I feel like a
bad/ignorant mother. So now he wants us to move her crib downstairs, since
we do not have another bedroom on the same floor. And that we should let
her cry in 30 minute intervals, which seems so brutal to me!

He's a doctor, right? He deals with illness and health. Not with
parenting principles. My kids came to bed with us every night until they
were more than 3 yo. And none of them slept full nights before that.

And how are you going to hear your child and tend to her needs if she
sleeps on another floor? She cries for a reason - she needs you!!! If
you comfort her when she's unhappy she'll learn that you are there for
her when she needs you and that she can safely try new things because
you'll pick her up - physically and mentally - if she falls.

You are biologically MADE to want to comfort her when she cries. I
wouldn't voluntarily let my kids cry for 10 SECONDS at that age. How
should a 13 mo child be anything BUT dependant.

Get another ped! You're doing quite fine. I'm a very control focused
person who loves to plan everything. I discovered that everything went
more smoothly and turned out better if I followed my instincts and did
what I FELT like and not necessarily what the books said - at least when
the kids were that age.


I'm mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm just really hoping
to hear some advice or some empathy!

You don't need advice or empathy - your're doing fine just doing what
you are. (Okay - maybe empathy.... :-) )

Go on bringing up your wonderful daughter just as you are.

Tine, Denmark

determined skrev:
She still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She sleeps in a crib in our room, but
sometimes out of desperation, we'll bring her to bed with us.

Could you co-sleep altogether? It may give you all more sleep.

Or take turns sleeping in another room so that the adults get sleep
every other night?

Tine, Ditmar

"Workingmom" wrote in message
...
determined skrev:
She still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She sleeps in a crib in our room,
but sometimes out of desperation, we'll bring her to bed with us.

Could you co-sleep altogether? It may give you all more sleep.

Or take turns sleeping in another room so that the adults get sleep every
other night?

Tine, Ditmar

Doesn't seem to be enough room for the 3 of us, Emily tends to get
sideways... But maybe we could take turns.

"determined" wrote in message
...

"Workingmom" wrote in message
...
determined skrev:
She still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She sleeps in a crib in our room,
but sometimes out of desperation, we'll bring her to bed with us.

Could you co-sleep altogether? It may give you all more sleep.

Or take turns sleeping in another room so that the adults get sleep every
other night?

Tine, Ditmar

Doesn't seem to be enough room for the 3 of us, Emily tends to get
sideways... But maybe we could take turns.





my boys walked at 9 moths old but in books that i have read say that u only
have a problem if at 18 months they are not walking so i would say try to
stick it out unless u think she does have a problem and even now they weigh
24 pounds but are very active and eat well they just may be slim i child
should have 500 to 600 ml of milk a day untill they are two years old i
think u should talk to a different doc i think with the sleeping u should
give the milk but put it in a smaller bollte or less milk and thenshe will
drink it and think she is having milk but it wont be as much and she may
sleep then and if that works u could slowly give less and less milk then she
my then not need any and wont have to wake up for it and if she sleeps m=in
ur bed try putting her back in her bed when she has fallen a sleep if u did
wont to leave her to cry try ten min then 15 then 20 give her time to get
used to it and she may well just sleep try to not talk to her and keep
things quite and charm give it a try say over a week and let me know how
things go

natasha

Emily had her one year checkup today, even though she's 13 months and 2
wks now. We had a delay in getting her in because we were in Germany when
she turned one. Anyways, Emily still only weighs 18 lbs. She doesn't
walk, although she will pull herself into a standing position. She also
has no interest in crawling, and gets around by scooting on our hardwood
floors. Now the doc wants us to see a physical therapist because she
should be walking by now.

honestly, I'd fire your pediatrician, the fact she is standing shows she is
making steps to walking 13 mths is the average for walking, 18mths is when
it becomes late, though for some children you might be aware of a problem
earlier and some will still be fine, even if not walking at that age. Babies
that scoot like that are often late walkers as they have less incentive to
walk. She is small, but hey, someones got to be the smallest, my DS was
smaller than that, he was walking so had more muscle tone, so probably even
less fat!

He also says she should not be getting more than a couple cups of milk
each day, and the rest should be water. I guess to me this seems
counterintuitive because she needs extra calories for weight gain...

Well if she's her natural weight there is no need to be pressing the actual
weight gain, but equally 2 cups, unless they are really big ones is not the
usual recommended amount, in the UK, they say 1 pint, which is bigger than a
US pint, 20 oz. Yes, you can have a balanced diet with less milk in it, but
that doesn't mean you should be. I would watch that she does get enough from
other sources to ensure balance, which may mean you have to place a limit on
total milk consumption, so there is space in her tummy for the other foods
she needs.

She still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She sleeps in a crib in our room,
but sometimes out of desperation, we'll bring her to bed with us. We do
offer a bottle still at night too, because after 10 minutes of crying, I
start to feel like I'm going to fall apart. The doc says we have made a
big mistake, and that we have made her more dependant on us. So I feel
like a bad/ignorant mother. So now he wants us to move her crib
downstairs, since we do not have another bedroom on the same floor. And
that we should let her cry in 30 minute intervals, which seems so brutal
to me!

I can see what he is getting at, sometimes babies that don't sleep well are
underweight simply because they don't get enough sleep to do all the growing
they need, but that doesn't mean there is one way to do it. What we did is
usually known as "controlled crying", you let them cry for x amount of
minutes, then comfort them and put them down as soon as possible, then x+2
and so one, I think only once did we have to go in after x+4 and I suspect
had we just let the crying get worse and worse and worse, it would have
taken longer overall by the time he had calmed himself down. The starting
value of x can be whatever you want, 5 being the suggested, with 2 is you
are anxious, or 10 if you have nerves of steel, DH made us do 10, but it
worked!

I'm mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm just really
hoping to hear some advice or some empathy!

I'd seriously be looking for another paediatrician, telling you you have
madea huge mistake is an unpleasant thing to do, as is prescribing how you
do anything, they should offer suggestions and suggest resources where you
might get more help. I honestly think you do have a sleep issue that needs
to be addressed, but I think that is your only issue, not one in many, but
there are many many ways to approach sleep issue and it isn't one size fits
all, different parents and different children need different approaches.

Anne

Hi --

Most babies are capable of getting through the night without eating by
13 months. And babies will often sleep better if they get out of the
habit (yes, it's a habit by then, not a need) of eating during the
night. But that doesn't mean she needs to cry herself to sleep!

Here's what worked for us:

First step: in the morning, don't feed right away upon waking!
Instead, do the diaper, get dressed, go downstairs ... gradually stretch
things out until eating doesn't take place until about a hour after
waking. That will help your baby stop waking from hunger pangs, and
instead wake because she's slept enough.

Second step: switch to a water bottle for the night wakings. Leave it
in the crib, always in the same spot, where she can get it for herself.
Don't give it to her, but instead scoot her up the bed to where the
bottle is and place her hand on it. She'll get the idea pretty quickly!
If she pitches a fit at getting water instead of milk, try gradually
diluting the milk with water over the course of a week.

I've heard from many people that when their babies stopped drinking
milk/nursing at night, then they got more interested in solids during
the day and began to eat a more healthy, varied diet. They also started
to grow more. Whether this was because their diet improved or because
they were sleeping more, I couldn't say.

As for not walking at 13 month .... about HALF of babies walk at 12
months. No doctor should get worried before 18 months though, and a few
outlier-babies don't walk until 24 months! As long as the pre-walking
stages are in place (pulling up, walking along a sofa while holding on)
you probably don't need to worry. HOWEVER, I have heard that scooting
instead of crawling CAN be a signal of a deeper issue that needs
addressing. (Don't remember the details.) But many babies scoot by
preference and develop just fine, thank-you.

I hope this helps.
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

On Jan 25, 11:35 am, "determined" wrote:
Emily had her one year checkup today, even though she's 13 months and 2 wks
now. We had a delay in getting her in because we were in Germany when she
turned one. Anyways, Emily still only weighs 18 lbs. She doesn't walk,
although she will pull herself into a standing position. She also has no
interest in crawling, and gets around by scooting on our hardwood floors.
Now the doc wants us to see a physical therapist because she should be
walking by now.


That's bull****. The average age for walking is 13 months, and not
walking until 16 or even 18 months is still within healthy range.


He also says she should not be getting more than a couple cups of milk each
day, and the rest should be water. I guess to me this seems
counterintuitive because she needs extra calories for weight gain...

I *believe* the amount of milk (according to What to Expect) is 24 ozs.
My almost 13 month old takes in about this much.

She still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She sleeps in a crib in our room, but
sometimes out of desperation, we'll bring her to bed with us. We do offer a
bottle still at night too, because after 10 minutes of crying, I start to
feel like I'm going to fall apart. The doc says we have made a big mistake,
and that we have made her more dependant on us. So I feel like a
bad/ignorant mother. So now he wants us to move her crib downstairs, since
we do not have another bedroom on the same floor. And that we should let
her cry in 30 minute intervals, which seems so brutal to me!

Listen. You've already had one child right? (I may be wrong, but don't
you have a teenager, or at least an older child?) So listen to your
instincts. My baby still wakes up once or twice a night, and I still
give her a bottle. Maybe it *is* the wrong thing to do, but, I've
raised two other kids. They are perfectly healthy, body-wise. Don't do
things that your heart tells you is wrong. *You* know what's right for
your baby. Do it.


I'm mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm just really hoping
to hear some advice or some empathy!

Unless your baby is unhealthy, listless, uninterested in her
environment, Don't Worry! She's fine! If she's bright, interacts with
you, loves games and playing, gives you joy in her everyday actions,
then she's a normal, healthy child. Yes, letting her cry *may* teach
her to sleep on her own, but you know your baby. You *know* the
difference between a simple fuss and a more demanding cry to be held,
snuggled, or fed.
Yes, your doctor *may* be right. But you aren't capable of making
rational decisions in the middle of the night, so make a couple of
watered down bottles before you go to bed, that way you cut down on her
calories at night so she wakes up hungrier in the morning. *If* you
think that's the way to go. You are in charge, not your doctor. Don't
let your baby cry for ten minutes at night if you know she's not going
to go back to sleep. Get up, do something about it, so you both get a
better sleep. (I know my baby, once she starts crying, that's it. She
will cry until something is done about it, and she's not the one to do
it. She's about the same age I think as yours, she turned 1 on the 4th
of Jan.)
Don't let your doctor tell you how to raise your child.

Stasya

determined wrote:

Emily had her one year checkup today, even though she's 13 months and 2 wks
now. We had a delay in getting her in because we were in Germany when she
turned one. Anyways, Emily still only weighs 18 lbs. She doesn't walk,
although she will pull herself into a standing position.

13 months is the mean, the bell curve reaches
18 months at the slow end.

She still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She sleeps in a crib in our room, but
sometimes out of desperation, we'll bring her to bed with us.

Do what works for you, don't listen to other
people who are not in your bedroom.

-- Anita --

In article ,
(Beth Kevles) wrote:

Most babies are capable of getting through the night without eating by
13 months. And babies will often sleep better if they get out of the
habit (yes, it's a habit by then, not a need) of eating during the
night.

I'm not convinced. DS1 didn't stop night-waking till nearly 4. We found that
offering him water didn't help at all. At the same time, he ate well AFAICT
(I was never worried about him starving, as some women are).

First step: in the morning, don't feed right away upon waking!
Instead, do the diaper, get dressed, go downstairs ... gradually stretch
things out until eating doesn't take place until about a hour after
waking. That will help your baby stop waking from hunger pangs, and
instead wake because she's slept enough.

That REALLY doesn't make any sense to me. How will leaving the baby hungry
for longer make hunger pangs go away?

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue