My 3.4 yr old ds says NO to potty training

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...
On Apr 25, 10:30 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Mom2Max wrote:
My son has known exactly what he needs to do since 18 months. The
healthy curiosity, has done both on the potty, gets his rewards. Now
it is justu a major powerplay. We don't scream and yell. We just let
him know that it's his choice...BUT there are certain things he won't
be able to do if he chooses diapers. I show him underpants (even CARS
pullups, etc.) He says, that's OK. I'll wear underpants and pullups
but I'm going to pee and poop in them...all with a big smile. It's
total and complete knowing rebellion. He is intrigued with summer
camp and he knows he can't go to summer camp wearing diapers...but
otherwise, forget it. This morning he smiled and said he peed and
pooped in his diaper. I didn't say a word and changed him. When he
asked where his pullups were (because the sun was up) I told him he's
decided he's not ready for pullups. When he's ready to use them he'll
let me know. And then I left it alone. I'm very frustrated and I
know this is a popular thread with this group. Any and all
suggestions welcomed. I need him to be potty trained by July 9
because I NEED him to go to summer camp and they won't take him if he
isn't. Plus he'll be 3 1/2 (very, very bright child..no developmental
delays...)

He's got you over a barrel. This is really, really
important to you, and he knows it. That's too much pressure
for him, and he's going to resist with both feet. The backing
off thing only works if you *really* back off. He knows this
is really important to you, so it's the same as if you were
actively pushing.

How long does one back off for?

Not an issue for us (yet), I ask because our 3.5 yo nephew (will be 4
on Aug 1) refuses potty training. They accept it and don't push it at
all, and he's still making no motions to want to be potty trained. He
hates having a poopy diaper, but has no desire to use a toilet. In
fact, he insists he wants to stay a baby - he wants a bottle, tried to
use DD's carseat and play with her baby stuff....that 'I am a baby'
aspect I know has caused some issues for them. Part of me thinks it's
because he's smart enough to know he gets away with stuff because he's
the baby - his older brother always gets in trouble for stuff he does
because the older brother should know better (he's 6) and the little
one is 'just a baby.' I think the potty training is just falling in
line with this.



If it were me, I would look to the greater issue of the baby desire as a
whole rather than potty training. If expectations are not consistent and age
appropriate, then they should be. If they are vocalizing that he is not
responsibile for his actions because he is "just a baby" IMO they are
walking down a path that will bite them in the butt in the end.

So how long does one wait til they need to make it an issue? 4? 5?
Obviously the kid needs to be potty trained by kindy - I don't know of
any that would take a diapered kid. He's in pre-K now, so I'd have
thought peer pressure would help, but not. It's not *my* issue, so I
stay out of it, but certainly it has DH and I thinking/preparing
should we be faced with it.



IMO you should not worry too much about facing it since it seems to be
symptomatic of a larger issue. That said, if I came across a 4+ child who
was not trained, assuming no other extenuating circumstance, I would throw
away the diapers, abdicate my clean up responsibility to the degree I was
able and move on with my life.

"Grahame" wrote in message
...
If you KNOW for sure its just rebellion then I would take drastic steps.
When he gets up the next morning, I would tell him, he has decided to be a
baby by wearing nappies, or peeing and pooing in his pants, so you will
have to treat him like a baby now.
So when he gets up, give him a bottle, and stick him back in bed.
If he gets up shut the door, keep telling him, kids who pee and poo in
their pants have to stay in bed ALL DAY like a baby, cannot play with toys
cannot watch tv cause they are too little.
Anything he wants to do as a 3 yr old he cannot do now cause he is a baby.
If he wants to do more he has to go to the toilet.
My nephew was 3 when he pulled this caper. Treating him as a baby lasted 1
morning. By lunch he agreed to use the toilet. But if it takes him longer
be prepared to do this for a few days at least.

All the best



And when he is a teen and is faced with a challenge he does not know what to
do with, your nephew sure as hell wont go to his mother for advice. All
other problems with this method aside.

"Knit Chic" wrote in message
et...

"Mom2Max" wrote in message
oups.com...
My son has known exactly what he needs to do since 18 months. The
healthy curiosity, has done both on the potty, gets his rewards. Now
it is justu a major powerplay. We don't scream and yell. We just let
him know that it's his choice...BUT there are certain things he won't
be able to do if he chooses diapers. I show him underpants (even CARS
pullups, etc.) He says, that's OK. I'll wear underpants and pullups
but I'm going to pee and poop in them...all with a big smile. It's
total and complete knowing rebellion. He is intrigued with summer
camp and he knows he can't go to summer camp wearing diapers...but
otherwise, forget it. This morning he smiled and said he peed and
pooped in his diaper. I didn't say a word and changed him. When he
asked where his pullups were (because the sun was up) I told him he's
decided he's not ready for pullups. When he's ready to use them he'll
let me know. And then I left it alone. I'm very frustrated and I
know this is a popular thread with this group. Any and all
suggestions welcomed. I need him to be potty trained by July 9
because I NEED him to go to summer camp and they won't take him if he
isn't. Plus he'll be 3 1/2 (very, very bright child..no developmental
delays...)


Stop talking about it w/ him and stop buying pull ups. Have a nice big
stack of underpants w/i his reach and pretend like you don't care. If he
asks for help, help him. Other than that leave him alone. Even if that
means letting him stink all day. When it becomes a non-issue, he will
figure it out.
IMO pull ups cause huge problems, I really think they are worthless and
wouldn't be cauught dead putting them on my kids.
btw, both of mine were self toilet trained at less than 2 years old
because I never made it an issue.




I laugh. Pull ups are definitely not a potty training tool IMO. I bought
them because I did not like diaper tabs sticking out of the pants. Otherwise
we treated them exactly like diapers.

"Knit Chic" wrote in message
I really think they are worthless and wouldn't be cauught dead putting them
on my kids.

I found them to be very useful in DD1 when she was still having accidents at
7 yrs old. Her bladder was very immature and she did take medicine for it
for a while. The pull-ups saved her at night from the humilation and a wet
bed. The pull-ups also let my daughter sleep through the night in a dry bed.
So for me, I can't say they were worthless and I'm glad that I say never
because you never know. )

Sue

On Tue, 1 May 2007 20:15:56 -0400, Sue wrote:

"Knit Chic" wrote in message
I really think they are worthless and wouldn't be cauught dead putting them
on my kids.

I found them to be very useful in DD1 when she was still having accidents at
7 yrs old. Her bladder was very immature and she did take medicine for it
for a while. The pull-ups saved her at night from the humilation and a wet
bed. The pull-ups also let my daughter sleep through the night in a dry bed.
So for me, I can't say they were worthless and I'm glad that I say never
because you never know. )

Sue

I find them useful, because DD goes to the potty in the middle of the night
(she still has many accidents overnight). She would have trouble putting a
diaper back on, but pull-ups make it easy.

"Sue" wrote in message
news:npSdnVnZPtTfRarbnZ2dnUVZ_hCdnZ2d@wideopenwest .com...
I found them to be very useful in DD1 when she was still having accidents
at 7 yrs old. Her bladder was very immature and she did take medicine for
it for a while. The pull-ups saved her at night from the humilation and a
wet bed. The pull-ups also let my daughter sleep through the night in a
dry bed. So for me, I can't say they were worthless and I'm glad that I
say never because you never know. )

I wish they weren't so expensive, though, compared to diapers! I'm going
through my second bed-wetter now, and she's not scrawny like my first one
was. My problem now is that her skin is so sensitive to any diaper but
Luvs(we literally tried them all), and the largest size of Luvs is almost
too small. I wish there was a Luvs brand pullup.
Marie

"Marie" wrote in message
I wish they weren't so expensive, though, compared to diapers! I'm going
through my second bed-wetter now, and she's not scrawny like my first one
was. My problem now is that her skin is so sensitive to any diaper but
Luvs(we literally tried them all), and the largest size of Luvs is almost
too small. I wish there was a Luvs brand pullup.
Marie

I agree that they are definitely expensive. It seems that I had coupons a
lot and sometimes they went on sale. My friend has that problem with her
son. Her boy is very big for his age and she ended up using Depends because
the pull-ups didn't come any larger. I thought that they were making the
pull-ups bigger now, they should if they are not. I loved Luvs, that was the
only brand of diaper that I used.

Sue

On Tue, 01 May 2007 22:01:58 GMT, "Stephanie" wrote:


I laugh. Pull ups are definitely not a potty training tool IMO. I bought
them because I did not like diaper tabs sticking out of the pants. Otherwise
we treated them exactly like diapers.

We use them during the day because A can pull them down to use her
potty chair and pull them back up when she's done. But if she goes in
them it's no big deal. They fit her better than diapers do. I tried
regular panties and she just wasn't ready yet.

Nan

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 01 May 2007 22:01:58 GMT, "Stephanie" wrote:


I laugh. Pull ups are definitely not a potty training tool IMO. I bought
them because I did not like diaper tabs sticking out of the pants.
Otherwise
we treated them exactly like diapers.

We use them during the day because A can pull them down to use her
potty chair and pull them back up when she's done. But if she goes in
them it's no big deal. They fit her better than diapers do. I tried
regular panties and she just wasn't ready yet.

Nan

I use them when away from home (and naps/overnight). DD2 is pretty good
about using the potty at home, but is skeptical about other potties, and
while she's can hold for a pretty long time, a several hour trip is a bit
much if she gets in one of her "no" modes (I can't blame her-even with a
folding topper, the big toilets have to feel pretty scary to a tiny little
thing, and only a few places have family bathrooms with little toilets for
toddlers/preschoolers). With pull-ups, we can take it on and off as needed
in the quest for an appropriate potty, and diapers just plain don't do that
well.

On Wed, 2 May 2007 14:53:29 -0500, Donna Metler wrote:

(I can't blame her-even with a
folding topper, the big toilets have to feel pretty scary to a tiny little
thing,

Have you tried a portable potty? I have one that fits in a diaper bag and
used it quite a bit when DS was potty training, especially since I didn't
want him hanging onto one of those gross public toilets you find at rest
areas.