mini-vent on bf comments

I am 35 wks pregnant and planning to breastfeed and have told this only
to people who have asked about it. Why do some people insist on making
negative comments about it? I have had only a few people say "that's
great" and more people go on and on about what an inconvenience it is
for the mother. And these people *are* mothers. One of my closest
friends (who also just had her first baby) ranted about all the
"downsides" of bf when I first told her, so from then on i made a point
not to discuss it with her, but recently she brought it up again saying
how tired i'll be from getting up every hour to bf. First of all, i
thought you had to bf like every 2 - 2.5 hrs, and second of all, i'm
going to be tired with a newborn no matter what. I think the health of
my baby takes precedence over what is convenient for me. Sheesh. What
is up with people being so negative/bossy? Oh, and my mom and this
friend actually said to me that I had better make sure I have some
bottles and formula onhand just in case bf doesn't work out. I mean, do
they think I am THAT stupid to not figure out how to feed my baby, or
realize that babies need to be fed one way or another??

ok, vent over, thanks!

-kim

Kim E. wrote:
my mom and this friend actually said to me
that I had better make sure I have some bottles and formula onhand
just in case bf doesn't work out.

Personally, I'd put this on the list of things to not have under any
circumstances, unless and until you know there's a problem requiring them.
We had a rough start (not as rough as some, but not as easy as some), and
there were days when "I'd rather nurse just this once more than listen to
her scream in hunger while someone goes to the store for formula" was all
that kept me going.

Phoebe
--
yahoo address is unread; substitute mailbolt

"Kim E." wrote in message
a.net...
I am 35 wks pregnant and planning to breastfeed and have told this only
to people who have asked about it. Why do some people insist on making
negative comments about it?

(((HUGS))) -- I'm sorry you're hearing all of that. To make up for it, good
for you! Bf'ing is a great thing, one of the most precious gifts you can
give your baby! As for every hour, your baby may vary, but so will
formula-fed babies. 9-13 times in 24 hours is considered a reasonable
expectation for a bf baby, which means an average of every 2-2.5 hours, but
some babies do a lot of nursings in a several hour stretch. It wasn't
uncommon for my DD to nurse for a while (minimum of 15 minutes, often more)
at 7, 8, 9, and 11 pm, and then sleep from 11 to 5 or something like that.
But I know some moms whose babies nursed round-the-clock every 2-3 hours.
Nobody knows what your baby will be like, but you'll adjust to whatever, and
if you only sleep in short segments, your body will adjust. Frankly, I find
bf'ing to be very convenient and easy, but I know the moms who ff say they
don't find it inconvenient. (And for some moms/babies, the first few weeks
can be harder. Don't judge the whole experience by the first few weeks if
that's the case.) As for downsides of bf'ing, I can't really think of any,
except that if you don't do any formula or pumped milk, it makes it hard for
the mom to leave a small baby for an extended period of time. I don't find
that to be a downside, personally; I just brought DD anywhere I wanted to
go. But I know that's not true for everyone.

Oh, and my mom and this
friend actually said to me that I had better make sure I have some
bottles and formula onhand just in case bf doesn't work out. I mean, do
they think I am THAT stupid to not figure out how to feed my baby, or
realize that babies need to be fed one way or another??

Wal-Mart and other places are open 24/7. If there's some emergency, someone
can always go out and buy some bottles and formula. I don't recommend that
new moms keep formula on hand. If bf'ing isn't going smoothly, it's too
easy for someone to convince a tired, frustrated mom that "one bottle won't
hurt." And, as you seem to know, that's not true. Far better to have a
good bf'ing book on hand, like _Nursing Mother's Companion_, and a
supportive partner. When my DD was about 4 days old, I started freaking out
that she wasn't latching right, and worrying that I'd never get it right.
(My milk had come in the day before, and by 4 days, my body was tired and a
bit sore from the rigors of labor, which didn't help.) Instead of
suggesting that we get some formula, my sweet DH said, very calmly,
something to the effect of "You're doing fine; she's doing fine. She's
wetting and dirtying her diapers like she's supposed to be, and she's happy.
Why don't you lie down for a bit and get some rest?" So I did (and either
the baby snuggled up against me or DH cuddled her up himself), and he went
into the computer room and started searching the most obvious site he could
think of, breastfeeding.com, for advice. I rested for a bit and felt much
calmer afterward, and then I did feel more confident about the latch.
Looking back, I think it was more tiredness that made me freak out than
anything, but it really meant a lot that DH was that supportive and
reassuring. So get your partner on board, and encourage him to tell any
nay-sayers to get lost.


--
-Sara
Mommy to DD, 27 months, still nursing
And Someone Due in February 2005

"Kim E." wrote in message
a.net...
I am 35 wks pregnant and planning to breastfeed and have told this only
to people who have asked about it. Why do some people insist on making
negative comments about it?

Hey Kim,

Sorry you've had so many negative comments about chosing to breastfeed!
Luckily, everyone in my family and all of my close friends have breastfed,
so I never got negative comments at all from anyone whose opinion mattered
to me. In fact, I don't think the question ever came up; everyone just
assumed I would. I HAVE, however, gotten a few negative comments on just
about every other decision I've made with regards to my son. The current
hot topic at our family gatherings is why I am not starting my son, who is
almost 4 months old, on solids yet. Sometimes it is so frustrating, I just
want to scream, even though I know they only mean well. And you know, now
that I have a few months mothering experience under my belt, I understand
where that urge to give unsolicited mothering advice comes from. You work so
hard to figure out what works for you and your child, sometimes you just
want to share with everyone you can. I've had to catch myself from giving
(probably unwanted) advice to friends a few times already.

I have had only a few people say "that's
great" and more people go on and on about what an inconvenience it is
for the mother. And these people *are* mothers. One of my closest
friends (who also just had her first baby) ranted about all the
"downsides" of bf when I first told her, so from then on i made a point
not to discuss it with her, but recently she brought it up again saying
how tired i'll be from getting up every hour to bf. First of all, i
thought you had to bf like every 2 - 2.5 hrs, and second of all, i'm
going to be tired with a newborn no matter what.

I'll add one more "that's great!" to your list. As far as inconvenience...as
a breastfeeding mom, you never have to wash a bottle, stumble into the
kitchen in the middle of the night to heat a bottle, worry about running out
of formula. If you go out, you don't need to pack any food for baby...it is
always there. AND it is always free! As for getting enough sleep, people
always comment on how well-rested I look for a new mom. It isn't that Owen
doesn't wake up in the middle of the night; he is up usually 3 times during
the night. But we also cosleep, so I hardly wake up to feed him at all. I
just pull up my pj top, help him latch, and fall right back asleep. You
certainly can't do that with a bottle!

As for time between feeding, it really varies. 2-3 hours is the average you
are supposed to shoot for with a newborn. Some babies want to go longer
between feeds, and sometimes you'll hit a growth spurt and will need to feed
the baby every hour or so. That usually only lasts for a day or two, though,
so don't panic.

I think the health of
my baby takes precedence over what is convenient for me. Sheesh. What
is up with people being so negative/bossy? Oh, and my mom and this
friend actually said to me that I had better make sure I have some
bottles and formula onhand just in case bf doesn't work out. I mean, do
they think I am THAT stupid to not figure out how to feed my baby, or
realize that babies need to be fed one way or another??

I think it is great that you are chosing to do this for your baby's health.
Believe me, I know it is easier said than done, but just ignore all the
negative comments. As for having formula on hand... it is so up to what
makes you feel comfortable. I didn't want them around, because I didn't want
to be tempted to use it if we ran into a small glitch. If we ran into a
total emergency and really needed it, DH could have driven to a 24-hour
store, and we would have had it within an hour; I saw no reason to keep it
around just in case. We finally picked up bottles when DS was almost 5 weeks
old so we could get him used to taking an occasional bottle. We still have
never purchased formula.

Best of luck to you! I think what you are doing is great,
Michelle

suggesting that we get some formula, my sweet DH said, very calmly,
something to the effect of "You're doing fine; she's doing fine. She's
wetting and dirtying her diapers like she's supposed to be, and she's
happy.
Why don't you lie down for a bit and get some rest?" So I did (and either

It sounds so much like my DH :-) Even to the point of finding objective
information in stead of listening to GM's who never nursed.

And it was so valuable to me too.

Tine, Denmark

Good for you. Sorry you are getting such negative comments. I don't
understand why. BF is sooooo much easier, cheaper, faster, cleaner & better
smelling (at the other end....).

Good luck for your birth - not long to go :-)))

Kind regards
Camille - mum to Aiden 9 weeks old :-)))


---
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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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"Cat" ss.dd@ff wrote in message
...
suggesting that we get some formula, my sweet DH said, very calmly,
something to the effect of "You're doing fine; she's doing fine. She's
wetting and dirtying her diapers like she's supposed to be, and she's
happy.
Why don't you lie down for a bit and get some rest?" So I did (and
either

It sounds so much like my DH :-) Even to the point of finding objective
information in stead of listening to GM's who never nursed.

We are fortunate that both of our children's GM's nursed and have been
completely pro-bf'ing (though maybe a bit skeptical about whether it's a
good idea to aim to tandem nurse or not, but at least they don't say
anything), but it sure does help a lot when the DH is on board 110% as well!


--
-Sara
Mommy to DD, 27 months
And Someone Due in February 2005

In article ,
says...

"Kim E." wrote in message
a.net...
I am 35 wks pregnant and planning to breastfeed and have told this only
to people who have asked about it. Why do some people insist on making
negative comments about it?

(((HUGS))) -- I'm sorry you're hearing all of that. To make up for it, good
for you! Bf'ing is a great thing, one of the most precious gifts you can
give your baby! As for every hour, your baby may vary, but so will
formula-fed babies.

I am not even concerned about the exact frequency of feedings. I don't
have to go back to work, and I am expecting (looking forward to!) that
my every waking moment will be devoted to baby for a while. I'm not
expecting it to be a walk in the park for sure, but I don't see the
point of people trying to focus on their perceived negative aspects to
bf/pregnancy/childrearing etc. One comment I left out was that my
friend said that I should get a pediatrician who was not all gung-ho
about bf, because just in case I can't bf, I won't want a dr. who is
pressuring me into it. Does *that* make any sense??

9-13 times in 24 hours is considered a reasonable
expectation for a bf baby, which means an average of every 2-2.5 hours, but
some babies do a lot of nursings in a several hour stretch. It wasn't
uncommon for my DD to nurse for a while (minimum of 15 minutes, often more)
at 7, 8, 9, and 11 pm, and then sleep from 11 to 5 or something like that.
But I know some moms whose babies nursed round-the-clock every 2-3 hours.
Nobody knows what your baby will be like, but you'll adjust to whatever, and
if you only sleep in short segments, your body will adjust. Frankly, I find
bf'ing to be very convenient and easy, but I know the moms who ff say they
don't find it inconvenient. (And for some moms/babies, the first few weeks
can be harder. Don't judge the whole experience by the first few weeks if
that's the case.) As for downsides of bf'ing, I can't really think of any,
except that if you don't do any formula or pumped milk, it makes it hard for
the mom to leave a small baby for an extended period of time. I don't find
that to be a downside, personally; I just brought DD anywhere I wanted to
go. But I know that's not true for everyone.

As I mentioned, I'm not going back to work, and after a while if I want
to leave without baby for a few hours, can't I just pump?

Oh, and my mom and this
friend actually said to me that I had better make sure I have some
bottles and formula onhand just in case bf doesn't work out. I mean, do
they think I am THAT stupid to not figure out how to feed my baby, or
realize that babies need to be fed one way or another??

Wal-Mart and other places are open 24/7. If there's some emergency, someone
can always go out and buy some bottles and formula. I don't recommend that
new moms keep formula on hand. If bf'ing isn't going smoothly, it's too
easy for someone to convince a tired, frustrated mom that "one bottle won't
hurt." And, as you seem to know, that's not true. Far better to have a
good bf'ing book on hand, like _Nursing Mother's Companion_, and a
supportive partner.

When I told my DH about these comments, he said to assure everyone that
he knew where the bottles and formula were at our 24/7 stores, if it
should come to that. I am pretty committed to making bf'ing work, and
DH is very supportive, so I think I'll be ok. I'm also planning to go
to LLL meetings which are monthly and very close to our house. THanks
for the book recommendation, I'll definitely want a book like that too!

And thanks for your positive comments!!

-kim

"Kim E." wrote in message
a.net...
I am 35 wks pregnant and planning to breastfeed and have told this only
to people who have asked about it. Why do some people insist on making
negative comments about it? I have had only a few people say "that's
great" and more people go on and on about what an inconvenience it is
for the mother. And these people *are* mothers. One of my closest
friends (who also just had her first baby) ranted about all the
"downsides" of bf when I first told her, so from then on i made a point
not to discuss it with her, but recently she brought it up again saying
how tired i'll be from getting up every hour to bf. First of all, i
thought you had to bf like every 2 - 2.5 hrs, and second of all, i'm
going to be tired with a newborn no matter what. I think the health of
my baby takes precedence over what is convenient for me. Sheesh. What
is up with people being so negative/bossy? Oh, and my mom and this
friend actually said to me that I had better make sure I have some
bottles and formula onhand just in case bf doesn't work out. I mean, do
they think I am THAT stupid to not figure out how to feed my baby, or
realize that babies need to be fed one way or another??

ok, vent over, thanks!

-kim

(((((((Kim))))))
I am so sorry you've had to hear all of that.
In response, I'll say how wonderful I think it is that you are planning on
bf your baby. I have personally found it one of the most rewarding
experiences of being a mother.

As for being tired - you are right - you will be tired anyway.
It would be a strange thing to have to bf every hour of every day ... DD did
this for periods during the day (but not *every* hour) but only ever woke
once or twice during the night. FWIW, I didn't even need to get out of bed
at night and quite often we both went back to sleep with DD still attached
to my breast.

BF can be difficult at first, but by arming yourself with heaps of
information beforehand (check out the ABA website -
http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/ and also pop on over to mkb), you should
hopefully get lots of help if you need it. (FWIW, I thought I'd never be
able to do it the first two days after my milk came in ... but then we both
figured it out and it was plain sailing until she self-weaned at 18 mo).

People often feel the need to tell you to do things that *they* did in order
to make themselves feel better about their own choices and everybody will
have an opinion on what you are doing right / wrong with your baby. For
myself, I tried to get as much information as I could so that I (we) could
make the choices for my baby that I (we) thought best - and now I just try
to laugh off negative comments that I find silly (for example - my SIL
insists that DD will need braces on her teeth by the age of 12 because she
doesn't like the crusts on her sandwiches ... but I had a hard time not
laughing as this was said while her own daughter was slurping down her
fourth raspberry cordial for the day

Best Wishes
Amanda

--
DD 15th August 2002
1 tiny angel Nov 2003
EDD 19th August 2004

Some people are just ignorant to breastfeeding. You will be tired no matter
what your baby is eating, may as well do it the healthy way! Besides, once
you have a great bf relationship on the go, feeding is so quick, and you
don't have to worry about bottles, mixing, bottles going warm in your bag
while your out, I mean, formula is such a hassle.

I must say though, I was up every hour or so breastfeeding at the beginning,
it wasn't uncommon for a feeding to last an hour, then DD be hungry again an
hour later! Cosleeping was a blessing for us, we moved her into her own
crib at 3 months when she was sleeping through the night!

I'm sure you will be great at bf'ing, you sound like you are very determined
to make it work!

KR

"Kim E." wrote in message
a.net...
I am 35 wks pregnant and planning to breastfeed and have told this only
to people who have asked about it. Why do some people insist on making
negative comments about it? I have had only a few people say "that's
great" and more people go on and on about what an inconvenience it is
for the mother. And these people *are* mothers. One of my closest
friends (who also just had her first baby) ranted about all the
"downsides" of bf when I first told her, so from then on i made a point
not to discuss it with her, but recently she brought it up again saying
how tired i'll be from getting up every hour to bf. First of all, i
thought you had to bf like every 2 - 2.5 hrs, and second of all, i'm
going to be tired with a newborn no matter what. I think the health of
my baby takes precedence over what is convenient for me. Sheesh. What
is up with people being so negative/bossy? Oh, and my mom and this
friend actually said to me that I had better make sure I have some
bottles and formula onhand just in case bf doesn't work out. I mean, do
they think I am THAT stupid to not figure out how to feed my baby, or
realize that babies need to be fed one way or another??

ok, vent over, thanks!

-kim