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Crying at a daycare
Our 15 month kid just started at daycare. She is screaming when we
leave her and also off and on during the few hours she stays(we haves tarted with few hours a day). We hear that this is the way(crying) toddlers adjust to a new environment because of separation anxiety but this is very difficult to see our kid crying. Is it ok for her to go through this? Will it have any bad effect because of the crying? How do we help her adjust at the daycare better? Thanks in advance, |
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Crying at a daycare
"New Mommy" wrote in message ups.com... Our 15 month kid just started at daycare. She is screaming when we leave her and also off and on during the few hours she stays(we haves tarted with few hours a day). We hear that this is the way(crying) toddlers adjust to a new environment because of separation anxiety but this is very difficult to see our kid crying. Is it ok for her to go through this? Will it have any bad effect because of the crying? How do we help her adjust at the daycare better? Thanks in advance, I think it is. You will find many who disagree. I don't think you can predict whether there will be a noticeable bad effect on any particular child in adulthood. This article goes along with my personal beliefs. http://www.taemag.com/issues/article...cle_detail.asp Dagny |
#3
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Crying at a daycare
On Thu, 18 May 2006 16:53:44 -0400, "Dagny"
wrote: I think it is. You will find many who disagree. I don't think you can predict whether there will be a noticeable bad effect on any particular child in adulthood. This article goes along with my personal beliefs. http://www.taemag.com/issues/article...cle_detail.asp That is a heartbreaking article. There was a time I didn't have any other option for a few months except daycare, and my mom ended up quitting her job and babysitting my daughter. It was horrible for me, it is true that even the "good" daycares are not good enough. The best daycare that everyone talked about was just like in the article...babies lined up to be fed and changed like an assembly line. Not being held if they cried because the workers were busy with other babies. Bottles were propped, babies were left in the bouncy seats as long as they didn't need anything done to them. I was so grateful to my mom for her sacrifice and I felt so normal when I met dh and didn't work anymore so I could take care of my baby myself. That was 10 years ago and it still makes my heart ache. Marie |
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Crying at a daycare
Well, the crying is somehow 'normal' because most kids who get so
attached to the parents do the same thing as yours. I think she'll get over it later, just don't expect a sooner one cause you might just get disappointed. But I believe she will. That happens to my SIL's daughter. It took her half a month. After that, the baby just got well adjusted. Just make sure you get the best daycare so far... Good luck! love, nina http://asweetnectarwomb.lipblogs.com |
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Crying at a daycare
DD had a lot of trouble at that age adjusting to her mother's day out.
It was 2 days a week for 5 hours. She did OK the first day, but after that she just cried until I came to get her. I know they treated her very well there, you could check on them any time, and she was always being cuddled or rocked, lots of love and attention. The program was great, and we decided to try an hour or two at a time while she got used to it. For a month I thought it was a complete waste of time,and felt very guilty for leaving her there when I didn't "have to" for work. She would cry for an hour til I came and got her. Then, we missed a week, and after we went back, she loved it, ran right in, played all day, and never cried there again for the rest of the year. I'm an SAHM, and it was a great experience for both of us- I got some free time to get things done, and I think she learned a lot from the other kids. I'm glad we stuck it out. I hope you are able to make it work. Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Tips I got from others with the same trouble were to always say goodbye, remind them that "Mommy always comes back" and then leave quickly even if they are crying. When you get back, remind them again that Mommy always comes back. It's nice if you have the luxury of starting with short stays. A lovey doesn't hurt either if they have one. JJ |
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Crying at a daycare
On Thu, 18 May 2006, Dagny wrote:
http://www.taemag.com/issues/article...cle_detail.asp This really is a heartbreaking article and (as I sit here at work reading it) I want to cry. I'm one of the lucky ones. My provider is at home with no more than two other kids with my two year old. I can call in whenever, and if I wanted to I could stop in whenever. She is SUPER responsive and my kid LOVES her, and she's very fond of the other kids too. Unfortunately, the article tells us about all the hell and badness of the child care industry, but it doesn't tell us what to do to stop it -- either by quitting our jobs as those 9 moms could, or by finding quality care. Let's face it, the 9 women who simply quit their job rather than keeping their kids in quality care on site very probably didn't have to sell their homes to make this decision. I'm betting none of them are on welfare now. Single parents and many dual income parents don't have the luxury of simply shrugging off a job. Frequently, it's a choice between a residence in a neighborhood without driveby shootings and drugs on the corner vs. mom staying home. Or keeping decent health insurance *and* a decent income vs. one parent being the fulltime caregiver. Frankly, the system is broken, and tragically, it's nothing new. Historically, kids and capitalism have battled it out and the kids always get the short end of the stick -- sometimes literally what with child work conditions 200 years ago. Every week I get very afraid when I hear how my sitter is having financial problems because I know so am I and I cannot pay her any more. I'm just hoping we can hold on together until things get better for all of us. |
#7
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Crying at a daycare
In article . com,
"New Mommy" wrote: Our 15 month kid just started at daycare. She is screaming when we leave her and also off and on during the few hours she stays(we haves tarted with few hours a day). We hear that this is the way(crying) toddlers adjust to a new environment because of separation anxiety but this is very difficult to see our kid crying. Is it ok for her to go through this? Will it have any bad effect because of the crying? How do we help her adjust at the daycare better? Say goodbye in the same way every time: eg settle her into an actiity, or hand her to a carer, give a hug and kiss, say, "Have a good day! I will be picking you up after lunch", and walk out with a smile. NEVER sneak out. It's deceitful, and frightening for the child, who doesn't know when you'll next just disappear. If the staff haven't told you this, and if they don't appear to be coping with a child's perfectly normal reaction to being left with relative strangers, you might want to change centres. There should be a carer welcoming her with a smile and inviting her to join in an activity. -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled." Kerry Cue |
#8
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Crying at a daycare
In article ,
T Flynn wrote: On Thu, 18 May 2006, Dagny wrote: http://www.taemag.com/issues/article...cle_detail.asp This really is a heartbreaking article I found it irritating in some respects and prone to overgeneralisation. I found the references to the eevul liberals tedious and inaccurate. Day care is not a left/right issue, at least not here. Our right-leaning government has been pushing people to use day care centres through its benefit arrangements, and there is no government support for funding longer maternity leaves -- certainly not for the 3 years mentioned in the article! This means that women in the lower ranks of the job market are back at work at 6 weeks pp or they give up paid work. Women at the lucky end, like me, might be able to afford some years of Leave WithOut Pay, but that can cause you professional problems when you do return to work. Unfortunately, the article tells us about all the hell and badness of the child care industry, but it doesn't tell us what to do to stop it [...] welfare now. Single parents and many dual income parents don't have the luxury of simply shrugging off a job. Indeed. And while regulation doesn't guarantee a brilliant day care (that's down to the quality of staff), it does prevent some problems, so deregulating is hardly a sensible suggestion. IIRC the Australian staff:child ratios are 1:3 for infants, 1:5 for 1-3yos, and 1:10 for 4-5yos. But that is AT ALL TIMES. That is, the ratio has to stay at that level when staff are going to the loo, eating lunch, etc, which of course means that you would be likely to see, say, 4 carers for 14 toddlers. We also have mandatory outdoor space requirements, so children aren't stuck inside all day with no gross motor development. IOW, the 'good' dccs are not as 'bad' as the article makes out -- not here, anyway -- *purely* because of the regulations. Bad day cares still exist -- my DS1 was in one for six months. But the lack of care seemed to me to be the result of staff/management attitude. They sat loose to some of the regulations, they deceived me... and I think some of the staff were just thick. Frequently, it's a choice between a residence in a neighborhood without driveby shootings and drugs on the corner vs. mom staying home. Do you USers have a serious problem with police corruption? We just don't have that sort of neighbourhood *anywhere*. That's not to say we have no social problems, but we don't have it so much in public as you people seem to. -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled." Kerry Cue |
#9
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Crying at a daycare
Chookie wrote: In article , T Flynn wrote: On Thu, 18 May 2006, Dagny wrote: http://www.taemag.com/issues/article...cle_detail.asp This really is a heartbreaking article I found it irritating in some respects and prone to overgeneralisation. There's a part of me that started to glaze over when reading about the researcher who went through 10 caregivers within 2 years...There's a part of me that said, yep, I know what's coming. Yep, children cared for during the Blitz b/c their parents were dead and homes were bombed out did seem unduly disturbed, yep, yep, gotcha. Yep, some places are understaffed, yep, some parents seem less-than-optimal. Wow. I found the references to the eevul liberals tedious and inaccurate. Day care is not a left/right issue, at least not here. I'd say it's a vaguely left/right issue here -- the left promoting daycare and family leave, the right subtly promoting SAHMs. (e.g., If I took a job at Wal-Mart and earned 10k a year, I'd be taxed at 33% based on spouse's tax rate.) Our right-leaning government has been pushing people to use day care centres through its benefit arrangements, and there is no government support for funding longer maternity leaves -- certainly not for the 3 years mentioned in the article! This means that women in the lower ranks of the job market are back at work at 6 weeks pp or they give up paid work. There's technically no maternity leave here -- there's disability leave (alas, the only time I really really wanted a C-Section was when I read that with a C you're considered disabled for longer than a vag birth...Hmmm, another angle on the rise of C-Sections in the US?) with partial pay (or no pay), and FMLA (no pay). Women at the lucky end, like me, might be able to afford some years of Leave WithOut Pay, but that can cause you professional problems when you do return to work. Unfortunately, the article tells us about all the hell and badness of the child care industry, but it doesn't tell us what to do to stop it [...] welfare now. Single parents and many dual income parents don't have the luxury of simply shrugging off a job. Indeed. And while regulation doesn't guarantee a brilliant day care (that's down to the quality of staff), it does prevent some problems, so deregulating is hardly a sensible suggestion. IIRC the Australian staff:child ratios are 1:3 for infants, 1:5 for 1-3yos, and 1:10 for 4-5yos. But that is AT ALL TIMES. That is, the ratio has to stay at that level when staff are going to the loo, eating lunch, etc, which of course means that you would be likely to see, say, 4 carers for 14 toddlers. We also have mandatory outdoor space requirements, so children aren't stuck inside all day with no gross motor development. IOW, the 'good' dccs are not as 'bad' as the article makes out -- not here, anyway -- *purely* because of the regulations. Bad day cares still exist -- my DS1 was in one for six months. But the lack of care seemed to me to be the result of staff/management attitude. They sat loose to some of the regulations, they deceived me... and I think some of the staff were just thick. Frequently, it's a choice between a residence in a neighborhood without driveby shootings and drugs on the corner vs. mom staying home. Do you USers have a serious problem with police corruption? We just don't have that sort of neighbourhood *anywhere*. That's not to say we have no social problems, but we don't have it so much in public as you people seem to. I'm not sure how police corruption ties into drive-by shootings...without knowing (much), I'd say that police corruption is no more or less present here than in other countries. I think -- again, with little background -- that the US's gun control is less stringent (and in many cases, I applaud this, esp. w/r/t warrantless searches) than in Australia. Dunno. I also know that there are neighborhoods where there's a lack of police presence (and a lack of jobs, and younameit, coupled with more violence) -- but aren't there camps in Australia with the same issues? (Again, my knowledge of Australia -- as in 'learned in school' versus from talking to Australians -- stops around elementary school. ) Caledonia |
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Crying at a daycare
"Chookie" wrote in message ... In article , T Flynn wrote: On Thu, 18 May 2006, Dagny wrote: http://www.taemag.com/issues/article...cle_detail.asp This really is a heartbreaking article I found it irritating in some respects and prone to overgeneralisation. I found the references to the eevul liberals tedious and inaccurate. Day care is not a left/right issue, at least not here. Our right-leaning government has been pushing people to use day care centres through its benefit arrangements, and there is no government support for funding longer maternity leaves -- certainly not for the 3 years mentioned in the article! This means that women in the lower ranks of the job market are back at work at 6 weeks pp or they give up paid work. Women at the lucky end, like me, might be able to afford some years of Leave WithOut Pay, but that can cause you professional problems when you do return to work. Unfortunately, the article tells us about all the hell and badness of the child care industry, but it doesn't tell us what to do to stop it [...] welfare now. Single parents and many dual income parents don't have the luxury of simply shrugging off a job. Indeed. And while regulation doesn't guarantee a brilliant day care (that's down to the quality of staff), it does prevent some problems, so deregulating is hardly a sensible suggestion. IIRC the Australian staff:child ratios are 1:3 for infants, 1:5 for 1-3yos, and 1:10 for 4-5yos. But that is AT ALL TIMES. That is, the ratio has to stay at that level when staff are going to the loo, eating lunch, etc, which of course means that you would be likely to see, say, 4 carers for 14 toddlers. We also have mandatory outdoor space requirements, so children aren't stuck inside all day with no gross motor development. IOW, the 'good' dccs are not as 'bad' as the article makes out -- not here, anyway -- *purely* because of the regulations. And, despite the article, this is the situation in the USA, too-and this is from someone who has worked in and out of licensed daycares for years. Actually, you're much more likely to get a bad situation with an unlicensed home care provider because there is no oversight-that's where the one person caring for 11 kids stories come from. I once worked in a head start center which had been set up because the state had found one older woman who was truly trying to do her best with just about every child in the neighborhood. Since there were no other good options, a local businessman offered a building for use, and the local head start agency hired several college and graduate students to come in and assist this lady (who I think I learned more about child development from than any college or grad school professor). TN has a state rating system with enough loopholes to drive a truck through-but one thing I like about it is that in order to get the top rating, not only does the center have to exceed the minimum CSRs, they have to do so with consistent caregivers for each group. I've only worked in one truly BAD daycare (for one summer in college)-and then, it wasn't the staff but the management. The center was operating under recievership in bankruptcy, so NO money was spent out which wasn't absolutely necessary. One side effect of this was that in order to maintain the absolute minimum ratios, they'd combine groups and shift staff around at the drop of a hat, so while I was technically a 2/3 yr old teacher, I might spend the mornings with the infants, then assist at lunch with my toddlers, then be shifted to the 6-12 yr olds when they got out of school. Staff would also be sent home early if kids were picked up early, and working as many as 12 hours in a day (only to have that time "flexed" over the rest of the pay period so they didn't have to pay overtime) because they'd miscalculated and sent too many people home. Not too surprisingly, none of the kids really knew any of the staff well, and the staff didn't know the kids and their individual quirks at all well. Bad day cares still exist -- my DS1 was in one for six months. But the lack of care seemed to me to be the result of staff/management attitude. They sat loose to some of the regulations, they deceived me... and I think some of the staff were just thick. Frequently, it's a choice between a residence in a neighborhood without driveby shootings and drugs on the corner vs. mom staying home. Do you USers have a serious problem with police corruption? We just don't have that sort of neighbourhood *anywhere*. That's not to say we have no social problems, but we don't have it so much in public as you people seem to. The problem comes from housing costs. In general, you can only get subsidized housing in certain neighborhoods, usually where the government has built housing projects. Then, the houses around the area go down in value, and often become low price rentals, and the neighborhood really falters badly. Normally, there simply isn't enough funding put into police coverage to keep crime down, because if the police concentrate on the really bad areas at the cost of letting minor things slide in the more expensive areas, the people who pay more taxes whine about not getting coverage and refuse to pay more money when more is needed. So, as a result, certain areas become really bad-slums, ghettos, and barrios. I've spent a large part of my teaching career in ghetto and barrio schools, and in a few of these schools, we couldn't let the children outside to play unless it was in a walled courtyard because of the risk of getting caught in the crossfire. I've also taught at schools where we had no night events because, while it was reasonably safe to be outside during the day (and we could let the children play, etc), at night, the drug dealers came out and it got quite dangerous. The best thing which ever happened with my former school was that the principal, hearing complaints in the news about funding for a police department substation/dispatching station, offered space in the school building for it. As a result, we had much increased police presence, which made the whole neighborhood safer (and, after a few years of this, we got our precinct station-right on the same block as the school). -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled." Kerry Cue |
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