single man looking for single mom

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 17 Dec 2004 18:19:48 -0600, steveb wrote:

On Sat, 18 Dec 2004 00:18:27 GMT, 'Kate
wrote:


I'd have to disagree in principle..

All of this is true, of course, if you pick the wrong partner

ste ..

The divorce rate for second marriages suggests that we tend to do just
that.

I remain ever hopeful that some do, indeed, work well.

'Kate


Plus one doesn't know they picked the wrong partner until its to late.

T

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 17 Dec 2004 23:20:02 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Plus one doesn't know they picked the wrong partner until its to late.

T

Yep... that's true. If we didn't notice the warning signs the first
time and it ends badly, then how can we be sure that we didn't miss
them the second time.

er... don't want to scare anyone... getting married is good... if it's
to the righit person. Step families can work very well. They can and
often do benefit the children if only by providing another adult to
share the work of the household.

'Kate



Oh I agree! But I also agree that the step-parent should not try to be the
'parent'. Me and the guy I am seeing already discussed this..... I told him
I will not parent his kids nor he mine. Plus I kind of can't say no to the
little boy, he is to damn cute.

T

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 17 Dec 2004 23:20:02 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Plus one doesn't know they picked the wrong partner until its to late.

T

Yep... that's true. If we didn't notice the warning signs the first
time and it ends badly, then how can we be sure that we didn't miss
them the second time.

er... don't want to scare anyone... getting married is good... if it's
to the righit person. Step families can work very well. They can and
often do benefit the children if only by providing another adult to
share the work of the household.

'Kate



Oh I agree! But I also agree that the step-parent should not try to be
the
'parent'. Me and the guy I am seeing already discussed this..... I told
him
I will not parent his kids nor he mine. Plus I kind of can't say no to
the
little boy, he is to damn cute.


So when is the wedding? ;-p

T

The children did come first. The parent and child have a longer
history together (usually) and the longer that history, the longer
period of time that the step parent will have to wait to "belong".
Step parents *will* have to understand that *all of this* is part of
the package. They may very well feel excluded until an individual
family has found its "way". That's just how it is. And it's better
that the step parent wait and take his/her time than have the child
feel pushed out. Adults can be adults. Kids can be kids. If there's
any "give" then it's up to the adult to give first.

'Kate


What she said.

Without the boots.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

The divorce rate for second marriages suggests that we tend to do just
that.

I don't think it has anything to do withe picking the right person. I think
the failure rate with second marraiges has to do with this unrealistic
expectation that because the husband and wife love each other, the whole family
is gonna come on board, they will all instantly jell into a family.

I remain ever hopeful that some do, indeed, work well.

And I'm convinced the ones that work come with realistic expecations of even
"the right person"

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

er... don't want to scare anyone... getting married is good... if it's
to the righit person.

But even with the "right" person there are problems. The right person has
flaws and weaknesses as you do - you just have to decide that what is good is
worth putting up with the flaws. And accepting that you are not going to
change the weaknesses.

Step families can work very well. They can and
often do benefit the children if only by providing another adult to
share the work of the household.

Yes, I'm seriously taking that into consideration - considering a change of
heart from our email ;-) ...the extra income doesn't hurt either.

Just have to decide if the good points outweigh the not so good...

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

On 18 Dec 2004 14:45:28 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:

Those of you who are all gunho for the stepparent to have parenting rights and
even veto power if they "feel more strongly" or "have more expertise" I
assume, then if your ex gets married or moves in with someone, it's just fine
and dandy for their honey to have an equal say in parenting decisions as
well....

My point was that I just thought this came at it from the wrong
direction is all. Adults negotiate between them the respective roles
they will play. Natural parents do this, as well as step-parents.

I wasn't arguing that any *specific* rights should exist, merely that
none should be ruled out by writ.

steveb

On 18 Dec 2004 14:45:28 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:

I have a question.

Those of you who are all gunho for the stepparent to have parenting rights and
even veto power if they "feel more strongly" or "have more expertise" I
assume, then if your ex gets married or moves in with someone, it's just fine
and dandy for their honey to have an equal say in parenting decisions as
well....

There was no gunho, you quote me out of context, I have direct and
relevant experience with the scenario you describe that could possibly
move this discussion from theory to reality, and yet you're just rude
enough that a thoughtful response to your question is not worth my
effort.

lm

On 18 Dec 2004 14:41:05 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:


Oh God. Well considering your expectations for this group, I'm not surprised
you have TOTALLY unrealistic expectations for a spouse and relationship.

This wasn't a point about *me*, nor about *my expectations* for this
group.

For the record .... my last relationship lasted 15 years, and was
ended by me, to the utter dismay of my wife :: shrug ::

My two boys live in a stable and happy home, a product I believe, of
consistent caring and realistic expectations.

steveb

ps. weren't you the one who took a break recently, when this group
failed to live up to your expectations?

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
But boy, you'd sure have to have compatible child rearing
views & styles to make it work.

And isn't that the point.


Okay, now i'm thinking some of you that haven't been married or had bad
marraiges maybe think that a good marraige parents agree about
childrraising
all the time? Let me disabuse you of that fantasy.

A couple can be compatible, share values, blah blah blah and still
disagree
about "Should we let her pierce her ears, buy that game, ect?" When you
are
both the parents, you have to work that out, compromise. You aren't going
to
agree on everything. Someone is going to have to give in.

When a step parent is involved, I'm saying ONE PERSON makes those
decisions,
and it's not the step parent. The parent decides if she gets to wear that
shirt to the dance, not the step parent. I don't think agreeing on the
shirt
should be a requirement for getting married, I think agreeing WHO decides
about
the shirt is a requirment for getting married.

And I also believe discipline is the parents job. You earn the right to
discipline a child by virtue of having been there their whole life...not
by
having sex with their mother or father.


Now I'm getting deja vue and wondering if I ought to be shining up those
KGB
boots...

Joelle


LOL..... funny thing to read this cold Saturday morning.

I agree with what you say Joelle. Though I am sure the parent will take the
step-parents idea's and views into consideration, because you know we aren't
ALWAYS right...... the end decision is the bio-parents solely.

T