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How much privacy do you give them?



 
 
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  #21  
Old November 6th 03, 07:55 PM
Bev Brandt
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Default How much privacy do you give them?

Wendy wrote in message ...
dejablues wrote:
The kids have their own computer, with no internet access. If they want
internet, they have to use the one in the kitchen or our bedroom.


My husband is a network admin guy and I use computers in my business
so we've got various generations of computers lying around:


So have your husband set up a firewall and some filters. The one thing
my experience as an admin person on the job has taught me is that my
home system should be as bullet-proof as a corporate system.

I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed that no one took the position
that the adolescent has a right to privacy. I feel cruel not giving it to
her.


Don't you ask her questions like "where are you going?" if she goes
out? Do you ask her what she did at school? (I know, I know:
"Nothing." But you *ask,* right?) I think those questions are as much
your business as what she's doing on the internet.

She has more home computer privacy at 13 than a 40 year old does at
work. Though since *I'm* the one doing the monitoring at my job, I
have all the privacy I afford myself (including my Google Usenet
habit,) but if one of my bosses feels that an employee is using the
computers in violation of our written corporate policy, I can and I
*will* certainly track that usage down.

She's darned lucky. And though I understand that you're torn between
knowing what she's doing and respecting her privacy, she *is* only 13
and it *is* your computer system and it *is* your house. You have a
right to know what's up.

If she were a live-at-home college student or even a high school
junior or senior, I'd feel differently. I'd feel very different if
she'd bought her own computer and was paying for her own internet
access.

When I picked her up after school yesterday I started out by saying,
"I want to talk about privacy." She said, "Good, when are you going to
give me some?" Oops, that wasn't the way I wanted that direction to go.


Just reading this, it sounds very smart-assed of her. I hope it wasn't
said as I'm "hearing" it. I'm a pretty hot-tempered mom. If my child
said something like that to me in the tone I'm imagining, that would
be the last of her computer usage at home. (I'd likely live to regret
that, too.)

I couldn't even promise her that I'd never read her email or look at her
chat conversations, but I did promise her that snooping wouldn't be my
FIRST stop with no warning, i.e., I'd only do it if I were particularly
concerned about something and I would bring up that concern with her
first.


Unfortunately, you're kind of back-pedaling and she knows it. Of
course there's nothing to be done about that now and I'm quite certain
I'll be doing much back-pedaling when mine are in their teens. But it
seems as though the rules weren't laid out earlier.

To me this is akin to rules about how much TV is allowed or whether or
not homework is done or how late a kid can stay out. And it's your
prerogative as a parent to change the house rules if you think they
need to change.

- Bev
  #22  
Old November 6th 03, 08:03 PM
dragonlady
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Default How much privacy do you give them?

In article ,
(chiam margalit) wrote:

Wendy wrote in message
...
Today I tried to use her computer to do something with the iPod that I
share with her and I wasn't able to log in. She has a password at
login. She also has passwords for her mail account and her AOL Instant
Message program. I cannot see her buddy list or who is emailing her.

I'm unhappy with this. I don't intend to read her email or chat
conversations but I want to have the OPTION of monitoring them. My
feeling is that she was only allowed to go on AIM because we required a
level of oversight (like no computer behind closed doors.) The reality is
that she's up in my husband's den and can hear me coming from a mile away
and everytime I walk past she's on NeoPets. I just don't know what she's
doing online for hours at a time!



A timely question, for we're also dealing with this. It's one of the
reasons I didn't buy my kid a laptop, but gave him a desktop, which
needs to be used where I say it must be used, in a public space that I
can monitor. Even so, I've caught him downloading porn twice (it's a
guy thing!) and thus he's completely lost his computer privileges for
the rest of the school year. He may only use the computer for homework
when I'm sitting right next to him.


Just for the record, girls have been known to check out porn sites, too.
At least, my girls have. I haven't seen evidence that any of my kids
have been to any of the really raunchy sites, though it is undoubtedly a
possiblity.

My kids are old enough that I no longer monitor them at all; after all,
in less than a year, they'll be old enough to be off to college! Our
computer has always been in a public place, but for the most part I
haven't done much monitoring.

I guess I have always believed in a fairly high amount of privacy for my
kids; I don't read their mail, look through their journals, or go
through their rooms. That right to privacy can (and has) been lost, but
only for specific cause, and the cause was pretty dramatic.

Bringing the internet into the house changes things, but since ours was
always in a public place, I didn't do much about it -- since I could
always be wandering past while they were on, I guess I just expected
that they wouldn't do much that was dangerous or questionable.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #23  
Old November 6th 03, 08:08 PM
JennP
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Default How much privacy do you give them?


"Marion Baumgarten" wrote in message
om...

My daughter has hd her won par top since about that age


Marion, I think I broke your code
--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
remove "no........spam" to reply


  #24  
Old November 6th 03, 08:10 PM
JennP
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Default How much privacy do you give them?


"Marion Baumgarten" wrote in message
om...

My daughter has hd her won par top since about that age (she paid for
half of it). She does not have internet acess on it, however- she does
use it for school a lot for papers, etc.


I think this is wise if you are going to allow a child to have a computer.

I guess I just don't understand why a 13 y.o. can't use the family computer
for assignments. JMO, I guess.
--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
remove "no........spam" to reply


  #25  
Old November 6th 03, 08:15 PM
JennP
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Default How much privacy do you give them?


"Sophie" wrote in message
...

Heck my kids won't even have TVs in their rooms, let alone computers.


Heck, *I* dont' even have a tv in my room.

--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
remove "no........spam" to reply


  #26  
Old November 6th 03, 08:15 PM
dragonlady
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Default How much privacy do you give them?

In article P0xqb.131056$Tr4.337381@attbi_s03,
"JennP" wrote:

"Marion Baumgarten" wrote in message
om...

My daughter has hd her won par top since about that age (she paid for
half of it). She does not have internet acess on it, however- she does
use it for school a lot for papers, etc.


I think this is wise if you are going to allow a child to have a computer.

I guess I just don't understand why a 13 y.o. can't use the family computer
for assignments. JMO, I guess.


It may depend upon how much use the computer gets. If you have a parent
working from it at home, and another sibling or two or three using it
for homework -- well, the log jam can get pretty interesting!

Several high schools around here are experimenting with giving all
students lap tops, and having the entire campus set up so they can
access the library and the internet wherever they are. They have grants
for this, and I have two friends whose kids have these "freebies"
(which, if I understand correctly, they do NOT get to keep!) It will be
interesting to see how this experiment turns out.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #27  
Old November 6th 03, 08:31 PM
user
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Default How much privacy do you give them?

On Thu, 06 Nov 2003 19:15:06 GMT, JennP wrote:

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

Heck my kids won't even have TVs in their rooms, let alone computers.


Heck, *I* dont' even have a tv in my room.


We have one TV in our house. And it's just 19".

And it was almost impossible to find one that size,
in the first place - if you want small, they have 12"
sets, if you want big, EVERYONE sells 26"+ sets.
But 19"? We had to look at a lot of different
retailers here before we found one.


  #28  
Old November 6th 03, 08:31 PM
Sophie
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Default How much privacy do you give them?


"JennP" wrote in message
news:_4xqb.130620$Fm2.108001@attbi_s04...

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

Heck my kids won't even have TVs in their rooms, let alone computers.


Heck, *I* dont' even have a tv in my room.

--
JennP.



We got one for our bedroom last Christmas. Dylan hated the idea but then
with Iraq it was great for watching TV there and not letting the kids see
the news.

I'm with you. One computer for everyone. Or maybe a second one, with no
internet access, for typing/printing school work. There's no reason for a
child to have their own internet access IMO.


  #29  
Old November 6th 03, 08:39 PM
Circe
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Default How much privacy do you give them?

"JennP" wrote in message
news:_4xqb.130620$Fm2.108001@attbi_s04...
"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Heck my kids won't even have TVs in their rooms, let alone computers.


Heck, *I* dont' even have a tv in my room.

Oh, me neither. I wouldn't want one, honestly. We have one TV in our living
and one in our au pair's room. When she leaves to go back to South Africa
next week, we'll have a live-out nanny instead, so we might put the TV
that's in her room back in storage.

There *is* an old (bought in 1994) Macintosh computer upstairs in Vernon's
room. The kids don't play with it much any more because they've mostly
outgrown all the games that will run on it. But it's not connected to the
Internet and has nothing on it that's not appropriate for children, so I
feel no particular need to monitor it.
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [20mo] mom)

This week's special at the English Language Butcher Shop:
"Rejuvinate your skin." -- Hydroderm ad

Daddy: You're up with the chickens this morning.
Aurora: No, I'm up with my dolls!

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #30  
Old November 6th 03, 08:40 PM
Sophie
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Default How much privacy do you give them?

"user" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 06 Nov 2003 19:15:06 GMT, JennP

wrote:

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

Heck my kids won't even have TVs in their rooms, let alone computers.


Heck, *I* dont' even have a tv in my room.


We have one TV in our house. And it's just 19".

And it was almost impossible to find one that size,
in the first place - if you want small, they have 12"
sets, if you want big, EVERYONE sells 26"+ sets.
But 19"? We had to look at a lot of different
retailers here before we found one.



We have 2 that size. You're right though, most are huge.


 




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