A different ? about potty training (I hope)

Hi! I'm glad to see so many familiar names here - it's been a long time
since I've been here. Some of you may remember me as "frood" with twin frat
girls, who are almost 3, that I refer to as Giles and Spike (not their real
names, but what I call them online).

Anyway, I read the google archives to see if I could find an answer to my
question, but couldn't. Giles and Spike are almost 3, as I said - their
birthday is Aug 3. Giles is pretty much potty trained - still has the
occasional accident, and I have to watch for signs of pooping and rush her
to the potty, but is doing pretty well. She just loves the pretty underpants
she picked out!

Spike, on the other hand, is her own person. Although extremely competitive
with Giles in almost everything else, does not want to use the potty. She
cries when I put her on the potty (we've tried the little potty, and the
ring on the big toilet), but will sit for about a minute. If asked if she
wants to wear underpants, she screams "No! I hate underpants!"

The problem is, Giles is starting to ask to wear diapers again. Although she
likes the underpants, I think she would rather just pee in a diaper, than
have to be interupted to use the potty. Spike doesn't have to stop what she
is doing to use the potty, why should she??

I have started to put Spike on the potty first thing in the morning (she
sits, says she's done, gets a diaper on and immediately pees and asks for a
clean diaper. ARgh!) and at nap and bed times. If either child was a
singleton, I would have no problems with Spike continuing on her own
"schedule" and waiting to train her. But I think that Giles feels "left out"
or something, and I'm worried that she will start to back-slide. Giles hates
to have accidents, and gets really upset, even though I've never scolded her
or anything. It really isn't a big deal, we just clean her up and she gets
on new clothes. I do so much laundry with 5 kids anyway that it doesn't
matter to do a little more. G

Any suggestions? Support??
--
Wendy
http://griffinsflight.com/Quilting/quilt1.htm
de-fang email address to reply

They are singletons though. Different kids, different personalities and
different time tables. At least that's my take. They will continue to do
different things, want different things and be on different time tables from
now on. This is the age (from here on out) where I find it gets
interesting. I'd go with the flow. I never and I mean never put the twins
on the potty or had a routine. They trained at 3.3 and never looked back.
All I did was suggest that they could stay dry if they went on the potty by
themselves AND that I was too busy to just stop to change them at the age
they were, they did have control of the whole problem. We never ever used
potty seats but put the inserts into the toilet so they felt comfortable
sitting just like us. Although I do have to say there were rewards of toys.
I know it sounds extreme BUT it also ended in about 1 week after they both
started to do everything on the potty. We let them pick a toy at TRS (Toys
R Us), generally, they would pick a coloring book, or a small toy, (even
without direction). Anyhow, people used to tell me it was going to backfire
on me and it never did. Now that doesn't mean it would work for all kids.
We did not want to make food or candy a reward for going to the bathroom.
To us, food and candy are not rewards, they are necessary items to keep us
happy and healthy. Anyhow, I'd see where this is going to go and stay
patient. No one tells us when to go and we have to make sure we keep in
mind this is a very personal issue to them too. My pediatrician used to say
that sex and toilet training are VERY personal things and to keep it in mind
when training.

Good luck and just count to 10. This is a phase and it will pass. They
will not go to college in diapers I can guarantee it but it will take longer
if issues are made. I had a friend who pushed the potty training only to
have a 4 year old tell her NO! The ped finally said "knock it off and let
her decide." The moment that Stacy did that Ali went on her own.

Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95

"frood" wrote in message
. com...
Hi! I'm glad to see so many familiar names here - it's been a long time
since I've been here. Some of you may remember me as "frood" with twin
frat
girls, who are almost 3, that I refer to as Giles and Spike (not their
real
names, but what I call them online).

Anyway, I read the google archives to see if I could find an answer to my
question, but couldn't. Giles and Spike are almost 3, as I said - their
birthday is Aug 3. Giles is pretty much potty trained - still has the
occasional accident, and I have to watch for signs of pooping and rush her
to the potty, but is doing pretty well. She just loves the pretty
underpants
she picked out!

Spike, on the other hand, is her own person. Although extremely
competitive
with Giles in almost everything else, does not want to use the potty. She
cries when I put her on the potty (we've tried the little potty, and the
ring on the big toilet), but will sit for about a minute. If asked if she
wants to wear underpants, she screams "No! I hate underpants!"

The problem is, Giles is starting to ask to wear diapers again. Although
she
likes the underpants, I think she would rather just pee in a diaper, than
have to be interupted to use the potty. Spike doesn't have to stop what
she
is doing to use the potty, why should she??

I have started to put Spike on the potty first thing in the morning (she
sits, says she's done, gets a diaper on and immediately pees and asks for
a
clean diaper. ARgh!) and at nap and bed times. If either child was a
singleton, I would have no problems with Spike continuing on her own
"schedule" and waiting to train her. But I think that Giles feels "left
out"
or something, and I'm worried that she will start to back-slide. Giles
hates
to have accidents, and gets really upset, even though I've never scolded
her
or anything. It really isn't a big deal, we just clean her up and she gets
on new clothes. I do so much laundry with 5 kids anyway that it doesn't
matter to do a little more. G

Any suggestions? Support??
--
Wendy
http://griffinsflight.com/Quilting/quilt1.htm
de-fang email address to reply

Missed you Wendy!

With the girls I did the whole no pants/underwear thing. Brought the little
potty out in the yard. Got the stain remover ready for when we came inside.
They were trained in a week with only the occasional accident once or twice
after that.

I would just continue on the way your doing. Encourage Giles to wear
underwear. Evan didn't like having accidents either but the learning curve
went pretty fast once he understood when he had to use the bathroom. Going
back to diapers just isn't an option, around here anyway. Maybe it Giles
wearing underwear will encourage Spike after awhile, and maybe not.

It's hard to get out of the habit of them doing everything together. It's
especially hard for them! Morgan lost her first tooth 6 months before Megan.
Oh the unfairness of it all, Megan thought. What a trauma that was!! Six
months of complaining. I wanted to pull one out while she was sleeping just
to stop it all. : )

Good to have you back.
--
Erin
Morgan and Megan 2/15/97
Evan 5/14/00

"frood" wrote in message
. com...
Hi! I'm glad to see so many familiar names here - it's been a long time
since I've been here. Some of you may remember me as "frood" with twin
frat
girls, who are almost 3, that I refer to as Giles and Spike (not their
real
names, but what I call them online).

Anyway, I read the google archives to see if I could find an answer to my
question, but couldn't. Giles and Spike are almost 3, as I said - their
birthday is Aug 3. Giles is pretty much potty trained - still has the
occasional accident, and I have to watch for signs of pooping and rush her
to the potty, but is doing pretty well. She just loves the pretty
underpants
she picked out!

Spike, on the other hand, is her own person. Although extremely
competitive
with Giles in almost everything else, does not want to use the potty. She
cries when I put her on the potty (we've tried the little potty, and the
ring on the big toilet), but will sit for about a minute. If asked if she
wants to wear underpants, she screams "No! I hate underpants!"

The problem is, Giles is starting to ask to wear diapers again. Although
she
likes the underpants, I think she would rather just pee in a diaper, than
have to be interupted to use the potty. Spike doesn't have to stop what
she
is doing to use the potty, why should she??

I have started to put Spike on the potty first thing in the morning (she
sits, says she's done, gets a diaper on and immediately pees and asks for
a
clean diaper. ARgh!) and at nap and bed times. If either child was a
singleton, I would have no problems with Spike continuing on her own
"schedule" and waiting to train her. But I think that Giles feels "left
out"
or something, and I'm worried that she will start to back-slide. Giles
hates
to have accidents, and gets really upset, even though I've never scolded
her
or anything. It really isn't a big deal, we just clean her up and she gets
on new clothes. I do so much laundry with 5 kids anyway that it doesn't
matter to do a little more. G

Any suggestions? Support??
--
Wendy
http://griffinsflight.com/Quilting/quilt1.htm
de-fang email address to reply

Wendy,

That sounds like a tough situation. My boys will be 3 in Oct. and we just
started introducing the potty within the past couple of weeks. Today Bradley
pooped and peed on it, while Alex refuses to go near it. Totally the opposite
of what I predicted! Anyway, I honestly don't know what I'd do if B. was
trained and started to regress because he saw A. keep refusing. I am
interested to see if anyone else has had to deal with this. Not much help, I
know! I guess I'd just keep telling Giles what a great job she is doing and
that she can help Spike along if she keeps going on the potty. Good luck!


Ellen
--------
Erin 6/26/95
Bradley & Alex 10/5/00

We went away for the weekend for a mini-vacation. I took pull-ups with us,
so I didn't have to deal with both diapers and pull ups or accidents. Spike
hated the pull-ups - we told her we were out of diapers, and she demanded
that we go to the store to get some! (it really was funny!)

Anyway, Giles did not have one accident the whole time, and IMO, is
officially Potty Trained! I don't think we'll have a problem with her and
diapers anymore.

Since Spike is resistive to any change (her other nickname is Entropy -
counterpart to Giles' Chaos), my DH thinks we ought to just switch to undies
for her cold turkey. She screams about everything, why should this be
different?

I'm not sure about this. I know from my other kids that if they don't want
to use the potty, they won't. DD#1 had a terrible bout of constipation
because she didn't want to poop in the potty. I'm inclined to wait a little
longer. They start preschool in 5 weeks, and they are not required to be
trained. Maybe if Spike sees the other kids using the potty, she'll want to
do it.

I'm going to give it another week, anyway, and see how this week goes. I am
going to continue to sit her on the potty first thing in the morning, and
before bedtime. I tell her she doesn't have to pee, she just has to sit
there. I think she'll calm down about it once it becomes a routine.

--
Wendy
http://griffinsflight.com/Quilting/quilt1.htm
De-Fang email address to reply

I WOULD NOT FORCE THE ISSUE!!! Enough said. Really, if she's not ready,
she's not ready. Forcing it can only cause problems for her and you. If
she is resistant to change, this is really the one area you need to let her
pick the right time. Again, no one tells you when to go. I realize we are
talking about an adult but children have to be able to choose SOMETHING in
their life, if not when they use the toilet, what then. I think you are on
the right track about letting her see other kids. It's amazing how much
force peer pressure (even at their age) has on the kids. No one else (or
few) or the children will need attending for diapers and I bet anything that
a big fuss is made over the children who use potties during the school time.
This is a hard thing to go through but don't rush it. What's the rush
anyway, you want them to get out of diapers? Then it's your call, not
heir's. I could hardly wait to push the diaper issue, but the constipation
thing you talked about is how my friend ended up having the doctor scold
her - in addition, her DD started to have bladder infections cause she
wouldn't go on the toilet often enough and Stacy wasn't going back to
diapers!. What a pain that was - literally, ER's on weekends. So don't
push it. She has enough competition with a twin and it will get even worse
as they age, let her do something at her own time and not compare it to her
brother. That really causes issues.

Good luck..
Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95

"frood" wrote in message
. com...
We went away for the weekend for a mini-vacation. I took pull-ups with us,
so I didn't have to deal with both diapers and pull ups or accidents.
Spike
hated the pull-ups - we told her we were out of diapers, and she demanded
that we go to the store to get some! (it really was funny!)

Anyway, Giles did not have one accident the whole time, and IMO, is
officially Potty Trained! I don't think we'll have a problem with her and
diapers anymore.

Since Spike is resistive to any change (her other nickname is Entropy -
counterpart to Giles' Chaos), my DH thinks we ought to just switch to
undies
for her cold turkey. She screams about everything, why should this be
different?

I'm not sure about this. I know from my other kids that if they don't want
to use the potty, they won't. DD#1 had a terrible bout of constipation
because she didn't want to poop in the potty. I'm inclined to wait a
little
longer. They start preschool in 5 weeks, and they are not required to be
trained. Maybe if Spike sees the other kids using the potty, she'll want
to
do it.

I'm going to give it another week, anyway, and see how this week goes. I
am
going to continue to sit her on the potty first thing in the morning, and
before bedtime. I tell her she doesn't have to pee, she just has to sit
there. I think she'll calm down about it once it becomes a routine.

--
Wendy
http://griffinsflight.com/Quilting/quilt1.htm
De-Fang email address to reply

I had a co-worker tell me something interesting. She said that her mother
never had a problem with potty training. I guess she would feed the babies,
and around 10 minutes later, hold them over the toilet. They were used to
the toilet from the very beginning. Sounds like something I wouldn't mind
trying, but . . . having triplets, how do you hold all three over the
toilet? :-)

"frood" wrote in message
. com...
Hi! I'm glad to see so many familiar names here - it's been a long time
since I've been here. Some of you may remember me as "frood" with twin
frat
girls, who are almost 3, that I refer to as Giles and Spike (not their
real
names, but what I call them online).

Anyway, I read the google archives to see if I could find an answer to my
question, but couldn't. Giles and Spike are almost 3, as I said - their
birthday is Aug 3. Giles is pretty much potty trained - still has the
occasional accident, and I have to watch for signs of pooping and rush her
to the potty, but is doing pretty well. She just loves the pretty
underpants
she picked out!

Spike, on the other hand, is her own person. Although extremely
competitive
with Giles in almost everything else, does not want to use the potty. She
cries when I put her on the potty (we've tried the little potty, and the
ring on the big toilet), but will sit for about a minute. If asked if she
wants to wear underpants, she screams "No! I hate underpants!"

The problem is, Giles is starting to ask to wear diapers again. Although
she
likes the underpants, I think she would rather just pee in a diaper, than
have to be interupted to use the potty. Spike doesn't have to stop what
she
is doing to use the potty, why should she??

I have started to put Spike on the potty first thing in the morning (she
sits, says she's done, gets a diaper on and immediately pees and asks for
a
clean diaper. ARgh!) and at nap and bed times. If either child was a
singleton, I would have no problems with Spike continuing on her own
"schedule" and waiting to train her. But I think that Giles feels "left
out"
or something, and I'm worried that she will start to back-slide. Giles
hates
to have accidents, and gets really upset, even though I've never scolded
her
or anything. It really isn't a big deal, we just clean her up and she gets
on new clothes. I do so much laundry with 5 kids anyway that it doesn't
matter to do a little more. G

Any suggestions? Support??
--
Wendy
http://griffinsflight.com/Quilting/quilt1.htm
de-fang email address to reply

Except for telling me she's wet first thing in the morning after she gets
change, Spike does not care if she ever gets a diaper changed. I don't
change her right away when she says this (mainly because we are on our way
to get breakfast), and then she forgets about it. She can have a horrid,
full diaper, and when I go to change her, she says "I'm fine! I don't need a
diaper change!" She just really hates changes of any kind, good or bad.
Hence the nickname Entropy!

I just saw you post on RCTQ - good to see you after so long!

I think Spike just going to do it her way for a while. Just like everything
else. :-)

--
Wendy
http://griffinsflight.com/Quilting/quilt1.htm
de-fang email address to reply

The other one
can't go to school because she still poops her pants.

Just a question to clarify things...
Is the one child really not allowed to go to school because she doesn't poop in
the potty? Couldn't she wear a pullup and call mom when she needs cleaning up?
I'm wondering if when you say "can't go to school" it's more like, we can't
send her to school like this because it's an embarrassing situation; and less,
it's against the law to send our child to school because she's not fully potty
trained. I mean, I know that potty training is required for reasons that the
teachers can't touch private areas, but surely there is some way to work around
the situation. Because I would think there are kids who are special needs that
can't handle their bodily functions alone and they go to school.
I would have a heart to heart with a teacher or administrator, so the child
will be allowed to participate with kids her age and not have this one thing
hold her back and be this big, giant burden on her shoulders.

Socially, she is falling way
behind her sister from not being able to go to school.

If she isn't socially ready for school, she should probably be held back for a
year or be homeschooled. Some states say school isn't required until 6 years
old. And if they are turning 5 in September, that's not a big deal at all.
Some schools have kindergartens split up in these elaborate divisions - pre-4K,
pre-5K etc. But that probably varies by state.

These are just a few thoughts that floated through my head. I hope something
works out for your girl.


Stephanie
Jake and Ryan 9/3/99

wrote:

Some states say school isn't required until 6 years
old.

In Washington it isn't *legally* required until age eight!

--Helen