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parent teacher relationships
My children go to medium sized elementary school, which has a very
active PTA and parent participation is high. Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district and appears to have family and friends independant of the school. Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the external friendship that has formed during the first course of the school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she has shown a decided bias in her decisions. This bias has been particularly glaring in the case of one of the children, who has had consistent issues throughout grade school, and now is being given the "benefit of the doubt" in every situation that arises. My question here is what is the appropriate relationship between teachers and parents? SHould we begin to engage the principal and when? |
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parent teacher relationships
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parent teacher relationships
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#5
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parent teacher relationships
On Wed, 28 Dec 2005 17:27:21 EST, Kevin Karplus
wrote: On 2005-12-28, wrote: Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district and appears to have family and friends independant of the school. It is not unusual nor inherently wrong for a teacher and parents to be part of the same social network, especially in a small community. Teachers are human beings also and are allowed to socialize with other adults. That's kind of tricky. If I were advising the teacher or the teacher's friends, I'd point out that it was important to avoid the appearance of favouritism and the potential of awkward situations, and suggest that they defer pursuing the friendship very far until the kids have moved out of that class. I avoid pursuing closer friendships with the parents of kids I coach, for that kind of reason. Whether or not the friendship is harmless, the appearance is not. Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the external friendship that has formed during the first course of the school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she has shown a decided bias in her decisions. Favoritism in the classroom is unprofessional behavior and does need to be addressed. Don't confuse the issue, though, by bringing in outside-of-school friendships, which are none of your concern. Even the favoritism gets tricky for another parent to address - seems to me the principal would respond better to a request for your child to get more attention than an observation that one or two kids get undeserved attention. I like Kevin's idea of having a group of calm parents try to make that point, though -- that would look more objective. At question is *not* the relationship between the teacher and the friendly parents (which is really none of the school's concern, as long as it is a mutually agreeable relationship), but the relationship between teacher and students. Actually, I don't know anything about whether the school board might have guidelines, or the community might have customs, about teachers limiting their socializing with parents. Louise |
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parent teacher relationships
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parent teacher relationships
In article ,
Louise wrote: On Wed, 28 Dec 2005 17:27:21 EST, Kevin Karplus wrote: On 2005-12-28, wrote: Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district and appears to have family and friends independant of the school. It is not unusual nor inherently wrong for a teacher and parents to be part of the same social network, especially in a small community. Teachers are human beings also and are allowed to socialize with other adults. That's kind of tricky. If I were advising the teacher or the teacher's friends, I'd point out that it was important to avoid the appearance of favouritism and the potential of awkward situations, and suggest that they defer pursuing the friendship very far until the kids have moved out of that class. I avoid pursuing closer friendships with the parents of kids I coach, for that kind of reason. Whether or not the friendship is harmless, the appearance is not. I'd advise against pursuing a NEW friendship with parents of a kid currently in your class; I think that IS crossing a boundary. However, where a prior friendship exists -- even if it started out after an older sibling was in the class -- I see nothing wrong with continuing that friendship. That's the point many of us have been trying to make: especially in a small town, a teacher may well have students enter his or her class who are the children of friends. It is important to maintain appropriate boundaries, but there is nothing inherently wrong with teaching the child of a friend. Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the external friendship that has formed during the first course of the school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she has shown a decided bias in her decisions. Favoritism in the classroom is unprofessional behavior and does need to be addressed. Don't confuse the issue, though, by bringing in outside-of-school friendships, which are none of your concern. Even the favoritism gets tricky for another parent to address - seems to me the principal would respond better to a request for your child to get more attention than an observation that one or two kids get undeserved attention. I like Kevin's idea of having a group of calm parents try to make that point, though -- that would look more objective. At question is *not* the relationship between the teacher and the friendly parents (which is really none of the school's concern, as long as it is a mutually agreeable relationship), but the relationship between teacher and students. Actually, I don't know anything about whether the school board might have guidelines, or the community might have customs, about teachers limiting their socializing with parents. That would be extremely rare -- I've never heard of any professional guidelines about this, only about relationships with students themselves. -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
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parent teacher relationships
You have two issues I see here. 1) Socializing and 2) claim of bias
To answer the first question. I don't have a problem with the teacher socializing with whomever. I grew up in a small university town. All the Ph.D.s were "Uncle Bill" or "Uncle Al" etc. Most of their wives taught in the local school system and I called them "Aunt Peggy" and so on - I had to learn to call them Mrs. *Jones* when I got in their classes. Their older kids would baby sit me and my brothers and as I got to be one of the older kids I baby sat their younger kids. I pet sat and house sat for some of them when they went on vacation or sabbatical. Many of them lived in the same neighborhood as my family as my father was one of the Ph.D.s also. I played with their kids, spent the night, had Girl Scouts, etc., my brothers and their friends played tennis and baseball, etc. It wasn't uncommon to have dinner parties, bar-be-ques, birthday parties, at our house or theirs. I can't ever remember a time when the social aspect had any impact on the teaching other than the fact that at the university I had a lot of "Uncles" and that gave a bunch of the other kids a big laugh. Guess what, I'm grown-up, my parents are retired, and they still socialize with their friends and I get to see all my old teachers at the various dinner parties, bar-be-ques, fish fries, etc. that they all still have. I think it's great! As to your bias - if you think you can prove it then go talk to the teacher about it if you want. MYOB about her socializing and don't even go there. It just might be that she knows something that you don't and is trying to help that family out in some way. My biggest concern would be if my child was somehow hurt, mistreated, not given respect, etc. by this teacher because of the bias. So what has you the most upset? just that she is showing special treatment to a student other than your child? wrote in message oups.com... Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very personal relationships with the teacher, We feel that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she has shown a decided bias in her decisions. This bias has been particularly glaring in the case of one of the children, who has had consistent issues throughout grade school, and now is being given the "benefit of the doubt" in every situation that arises. My question here is what is the appropriate relationship between teachers and parents? SHould we begin to engage the principal and when? |
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