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Etiquette Question - wedding invites



 
 
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  #21  
Old July 18th 06, 05:50 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Jess
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Posts: 117
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites


"Marie" wrote in message
...
Mine was similar to yours. It was the least stressful wedding I'd ever
been
in ;o) All the other weddings where I was the maid of honor or bridesmaid,
the brides wanted all these expensive things- floral arrangements ordered,
catered food, dresses made and shoes dyed, and so many other extravagant
things and any little thing that went wrong caused yelling and/or tears.
It
can get crazy! I didn't stress about any part of my wedding (except when
the
minister tried to talk me out of having my children in my wedding!!) and
it
all went peacefully and cozy.


I'm glad. I thought my first was relatively quiet, and there were times we
debated skipping to Vegas. The second time around, we had a better
idea-we got married, then told our families. Absolutely priceless.

Jess


  #22  
Old July 18th 06, 07:15 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sarah Vaughan
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Posts: 443
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites

FlowerGirl wrote:
wrote in message ...


I don't know how to say this politely (to those who invited you), but
I certainly agree with you. Simply tell them that your are nursing,
you can't leave your baby for long, and if he is not welcome, you
cannot come. end of story.

Larry


Ditto that.
I think that before you actually *are* a bf mother, the options seem so much
simpler ... "oh why don't you just hire a baby sitter and leave some
bottles " seems like such a good option if you don't know exactly what a
huge ask that is: "just leave your precious child with a complete stranger
for 5 hours, let them feed her food she's never had before and which may or
may not damage her gut and you can be uncomfortable for a couple of hours
and maybe leak breastmilk all over your nice new dress"..


I suspect that what the couple are actually thinking is that they don't
want children at their wedding, and that it's up to each set of parents
to decide whether that means that they themselves can come or not.

I think that for some people, this is turning into "How unreasonable of
them to dare to separate you from your precious baby!", which isn't very
conducive to finding a rancour-free solution. The couple getting
married here aren't trying to separate anyone from their children,
they're trying to have a child-free wedding. I think it's worth
remembering that that's a choice they're entitled to make. The
inevitable result of it, of course, is going to be that some of the
parents won't be able to make it either; but that's for the bride and
groom to deal with, and they can decide for themselves whether it's
worthwhile.

There's nothing *inherently* wrong with wanting to plan a child-free
event (for a wedding or anything else). To answer Larry, remembering
that one simple fact is probably going to go a long way towards helping
the OP answer politely. ;-)


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell
  #23  
Old July 18th 06, 08:50 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 77
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites


KD wrote:
Greetings folks:

Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to
a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental,
gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc.

Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the
reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is
exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone.
Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding,
there's no one to leave him with.

Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this
didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me
that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought
that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include
children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most
important member of my family isn't welcome.

What do you all think?


Some friends of mine got married about 10 years ago and insisted on no
kids. It offended a lot of people but those without kids (me at the
time) couldn't see what the problem was. This year some friends got
married and again no kids. The difference was they had a baby one month
older than ds (about 9 months IIRC) who was going to have her naming
ceremony at the same time. Ds was old enough to be left with granny and
grandad so if we had gone (he was ill so we didn't) it wouldn't have
been a problem. However I think it was very odd personally, given they
had a baby themselves. It wouldn't be my first choice and personally it
wouldn't be a good day without my family, including kids. But my bottom
line on weddings is that it's up the those getting married what they
do- but they should accept that they will offend some people and those
offended should accept that it is *their* big day and try not to make a
big fuss. If I was in your situation I think I would politely decline
the offer explaining why and perhaps that you would have love to have
come had it been possible. Maybe if enough people they want to come
decline they will change their minds?

Just my 2p. Either way it's not an easy one.

Jeni

  #24  
Old July 18th 06, 09:56 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sarah Vaughan
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 443
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites

FlowerGirl wrote:
wrote in message ...


I don't know how to say this politely (to those who invited you), but
I certainly agree with you. Simply tell them that your are nursing,
you can't leave your baby for long, and if he is not welcome, you
cannot come. end of story.

Larry


Ditto that.
I think that before you actually *are* a bf mother, the options seem so much
simpler ... "oh why don't you just hire a baby sitter and leave some
bottles " seems like such a good option if you don't know exactly what a
huge ask that is: "just leave your precious child with a complete stranger
for 5 hours, let them feed her food she's never had before and which may or
may not damage her gut and you can be uncomfortable for a couple of hours
and maybe leak breastmilk all over your nice new dress"..


I suspect that what the couple are actually thinking is that they don't
want children at their wedding, and that it's up to each set of parents
to decide whether that means that they themselves can come or not.

I think that for some people, this is turning into "How unreasonable of
them to dare to separate you from your precious baby!", which isn't very
conducive to finding a rancour-free solution. The couple getting
married here aren't trying to separate anyone from their children -
they're trying to have a child-free wedding. I think it's worth
remembering that that's a choice they're entitled to make. The
inevitable result of it, of course, is going to be that some of the
parents won't be able to make it either; but that's for the bride and
groom to deal with, and they can decide for themselves whether it's
worthwhile.

There's nothing *inherently* wrong with wanting to plan a child-free
event (for a wedding or anything else). To answer Larry - remembering
that one simple fact is probably going to go a long way towards helping
the OP answer politely. ;-)


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell
  #25  
Old July 18th 06, 01:00 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Caledonia
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 255
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites


wrote:
KD writes:
: Greetings folks:

: Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to
: a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental,
: gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc.

: Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the
: reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is
: exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone.
: Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding,
: there's no one to leave him with.

: Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this
: didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me
: that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought
: that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include
: children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most
: important member of my family isn't welcome.

: What do you all think?

: KD & G

I don't know how to say this politely (to those who invited you), but
I certainly agree with you. Simply tell them that your are nursing,
you can't leave your baby for long, and if he is not welcome, you
cannot come. end of story.

Larry


I would go with Larry's response, but skip the "if he is not welcome"
part -- there's no point in adding it, except to fire a volley back at
the people who have sent the invitation.

Caledonia

  #26  
Old July 18th 06, 03:48 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sarah Vaughan
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 443
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites

wrote:
KD wrote:
Greetings folks:

Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to
a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental,
gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc.

Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the
reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is
exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone.
Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding,
there's no one to leave him with.

Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this
didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me
that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought
that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include
children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most
important member of my family isn't welcome.

What do you all think?


Some friends of mine got married about 10 years ago and insisted on no
kids. It offended a lot of people but those without kids (me at the
time) couldn't see what the problem was. This year some friends got
married and again no kids. The difference was they had a baby one month
older than ds (about 9 months IIRC) who was going to have her naming
ceremony at the same time.


Sorry if I'm being dim, but I'm kind of lost here - does this mean that
she was an exception to the 'no kids' rule, or that her parents were off
getting married somewhere instead of attending her naming ceremony?
Both sound (in different ways) incredibly self-centred.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell
  #27  
Old July 18th 06, 05:56 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
KD
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 34
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites


KD wrote:
Greetings folks:

Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to
a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental,
gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc.

Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the
reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is
exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone.
Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding,
there's no one to leave him with.

Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this
didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me
that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought
that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include
children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most
important member of my family isn't welcome.

What do you all think?

KD & G


Well, to be honest I am a bit offended about it. But a lot of people
want us to go, I want to see the family members who will be travelling
to attend, so my mom and others have made some arrangements so that we
can go. There will be a babysitter on site, about two minutes from
where we'll be at the reception. I'll have some EBM in a bottle just in
case it's needed. We won't be staying late anyhow, and this will allow
DH and I to see the family we haven't seen in a long time, and show off
DS between wedding and reception.

Thanks for the input all. IT wasn't written in the invitation, just
passed on through word of mouth. I was confused because it just didn't
occur to me that some people would want to leave a young baby out of
their celebration. I guess I'm a bit dimwitted in that department!
Oh well!

KD & G

  #28  
Old July 18th 06, 06:48 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites


wrote:
Andrea Phillips wrote:
KD wrote:

Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this
didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me
that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought
that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include
children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most
important member of my family isn't welcome.



Depends on the wedding. We specifically asked if our daughter was
invited to one wedding while she was still nursing, and the answer was
no children, so we declined to attend


snip

I had similar experience not at a wedding but at a reception. It was a
formal event at a fancy hotel. The invitation was addressed only to me
and DH. So I wanted to make sure that the kids were invited too. So I
sent the groom an email asking if they were. The answer was that they
weren't. So I politely declined and wished them well.

After couple of weeks I got an apologetic email from the groom saying
they indeed had a few guests accompanied by their kids to the event
assuming that the kids were welcome. He said he felt bad that he
excluded our kids from the event. Well.. they should've either invited
everyone or explicitly excluded children if they felt strongly about
that.


if their names are not on the invitation, they *are* explicitly
excluded.

  #29  
Old July 18th 06, 08:24 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
emilymr
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 34
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites

I totally concur with Sarah's post. Although we had a very
child-friendly wedding and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I can
see why someone would want to have a child-free wedding. In fact, I
just went to one last month; it was held at a winery on a mountainside,
and was definitely *not* appropriate or safe for kids. I wasn't at all
insulted that my friend would dare to invite me and DH without the most
precious member of our family.

I also turned down two wedding invites from good friends because I
couldn't leave my then-nursing child for that long. And guess what --
we're still friends!! Sometimes, it really isn't all about me...

Em
mama to Micah, 11/14/04


Sarah Vaughan wrote:

I suspect that what the couple are actually thinking is that they don't
want children at their wedding, and that it's up to each set of parents
to decide whether that means that they themselves can come or not.

I think that for some people, this is turning into "How unreasonable of
them to dare to separate you from your precious baby!", which isn't very
conducive to finding a rancour-free solution. The couple getting
married here aren't trying to separate anyone from their children,
they're trying to have a child-free wedding. I think it's worth
remembering that that's a choice they're entitled to make. The
inevitable result of it, of course, is going to be that some of the
parents won't be able to make it either; but that's for the bride and
groom to deal with, and they can decide for themselves whether it's
worthwhile.

There's nothing *inherently* wrong with wanting to plan a child-free
event (for a wedding or anything else). To answer Larry, remembering
that one simple fact is probably going to go a long way towards helping
the OP answer politely. ;-)


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell


  #30  
Old July 19th 06, 12:43 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Leslie
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Posts: 185
Default Etiquette Question - wedding invites


I'm glad you've found a way to make it work!

Just a point of etiquette--the ONLY people invited to the wedding are
those whose names are on the invitation. Therefore, if only your name
and that of your husband were on the invitation, then only the two of
you were invited.

Leslie

 




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