Vent--Comfort Sucking & Sleep Issues

I just really need to vent...thanks in advance to anyone who reads this.

When I decided to BF our DD (5 weeks, 5 days old...exclusively BF) I had
no idea how hard it was going to be...

Before I say anything else, let me say I really do LOVE BF'ing...really.
I enjoy the actual act of BF'ing...it makes me feel good, and I know
it's best for my DD. But there are some things that are drawbacks (for
me) that nobody told me about before hand.

Number one is the comfort sucking. I don't mind it sometimes, but often
it seems like DD wants to be latched on to me 24 hours a day...just
sucking, or even just laying there somehow in contact with my breast
(she likes to use it as a pillow). This has been hard on me, because
for the most part no one else can comfort DD. At times my DH is able
to, but really most of the time she wants me. I understand that, and in
many ways that makes me feel so good...but it also makes it next to
impossible for me to get anything else done around the house or for
myself.

No one told me she would want to do this, and now I understand that it's
a common thing with BF'ed babies. I've only had experience with formula
fed babies, so this is new to me. Really I am glad to comfort her...but
I also occasionally need to go to the bathroom or answer the phone or
make a sandwich...it makes me a nervous wreck to have to run through all
of these things because she is crying for me.

The other (and bigger) problem is sleep. DH and I choose not to
co-sleep with DD. Really it's not even an option...we have a tiny
apartment and a full size bed...we take up every inch of it...barely
room for us. DD and I are not tiny people and can both be heavy
sleepers...I am very afraid of rolling over onto DD. I've tried kicking
DH out onto the couch, but even with just DD and me I get absolutely no
sleep. She really doesn't seem to sleep all that well either...she
seems to be constantly rooting for me all night long. She sort of tries
to latch onto me in her sleep (very unsuccessfully) and ends up just
shaking her head and licking at my nipple for long blocks of time...she
seems restless and I feel like I'll go out of my mind.

No one told me that BF'ed babies don't sleep for long periods (in
general) like formula fed babies do. DD doesn't sleep for more than an
hour at a time...meaning I barely sleep at all. People say sleep when
she sleeps...that seems impossible to me. She refuses to sleep in
her...she wakes up within minutes of my laying her down in what I
thought was a deep sleep.

I hope no one takes this as a slam against BF'ing. I am still so glad
that I chose to do it...and I am going to continue to do it. Monday I
hit the 6 week mark of exclusively BF'ing, and I am proud of that.

I just needed a bit of a vent I guess. In a way I feel like I wasn't
given all of the info about BF'ing before I made the commitment to do
it.

Please, someone, tell me this is going to get better soon?

Thanks for listening,
Kathy

It will get better. I posted a similar vent about comfort sucking. My son is
now 2 months plus one week and gradually I am seeing changes. I am actually
able to set him in his bouncy seat on the kitchen floor while I prepare a
sandwich or wash dishes. As long as he can see me he is ok. When I first
started this he would cry as soon as I set him down but after a few seconds of
crying he would stop and realize he was ok, and that Mommy is still there.

~Tracy

Kathy ) wrote:

No one told me that BF'ed babies don't sleep for long periods (in
general) like formula fed babies do. DD doesn't sleep for more than an
hour at a time...meaning I barely sleep at all.

I don't think this is necessarily to do with breastfeeding. Some babies are
like this no matter how they are fed ... and yes, it is hard! It sounds as
though she is relatively high-needs at the moment. I take it that she isn't
actually colicky, just wakeful?

I think you need to let others help even if it seems that she is really
satisfied with no one but you sometimes. Have someone take her for a walk for a
hour or so just after she's nursed a lot, and you take a nap.

Best of luck. You are doing a great job.

--Helen

Have you tried a pacifier? By 5.5 weeks, there shouldn't be much worry
about nipple confusion anymore.

Anna



Kathy wrote:

I just really need to vent...thanks in advance to anyone who reads this.

When I decided to BF our DD (5 weeks, 5 days old...exclusively BF) I had
no idea how hard it was going to be...

Before I say anything else, let me say I really do LOVE BF'ing...really.
I enjoy the actual act of BF'ing...it makes me feel good, and I know
it's best for my DD. But there are some things that are drawbacks (for
me) that nobody told me about before hand.

Number one is the comfort sucking. I don't mind it sometimes, but often
it seems like DD wants to be latched on to me 24 hours a day...just
sucking, or even just laying there somehow in contact with my breast
(she likes to use it as a pillow). This has been hard on me, because
for the most part no one else can comfort DD. At times my DH is able
to, but really most of the time she wants me. I understand that, and in
many ways that makes me feel so good...but it also makes it next to
impossible for me to get anything else done around the house or for
myself.

No one told me she would want to do this, and now I understand that it's
a common thing with BF'ed babies. I've only had experience with formula
fed babies, so this is new to me. Really I am glad to comfort her...but
I also occasionally need to go to the bathroom or answer the phone or
make a sandwich...it makes me a nervous wreck to have to run through all
of these things because she is crying for me.

The other (and bigger) problem is sleep. DH and I choose not to
co-sleep with DD. Really it's not even an option...we have a tiny
apartment and a full size bed...we take up every inch of it...barely
room for us. DD and I are not tiny people and can both be heavy
sleepers...I am very afraid of rolling over onto DD. I've tried kicking
DH out onto the couch, but even with just DD and me I get absolutely no
sleep. She really doesn't seem to sleep all that well either...she
seems to be constantly rooting for me all night long. She sort of tries
to latch onto me in her sleep (very unsuccessfully) and ends up just
shaking her head and licking at my nipple for long blocks of time...she
seems restless and I feel like I'll go out of my mind.

No one told me that BF'ed babies don't sleep for long periods (in
general) like formula fed babies do. DD doesn't sleep for more than an
hour at a time...meaning I barely sleep at all. People say sleep when
she sleeps...that seems impossible to me. She refuses to sleep in
her...she wakes up within minutes of my laying her down in what I
thought was a deep sleep.

I hope no one takes this as a slam against BF'ing. I am still so glad
that I chose to do it...and I am going to continue to do it. Monday I
hit the 6 week mark of exclusively BF'ing, and I am proud of that.

I just needed a bit of a vent I guess. In a way I feel like I wasn't
given all of the info about BF'ing before I made the commitment to do
it.

Please, someone, tell me this is going to get better soon?

Thanks for listening,
Kathy

Kathy wrote:

I just really need to vent...thanks in advance to anyone who reads this.

When I decided to BF our DD (5 weeks, 5 days old...exclusively BF) I had
no idea how hard it was going to be...

Number one is the comfort sucking. I don't mind it sometimes, but often
it seems like DD wants to be latched on to me 24 hours a day...just
sucking, or even just laying there somehow in contact with my breast
(she likes to use it as a pillow). This has been hard on me, because

DD was really "sucky" too - but couldn't figure out how to comfort nurse
without getting milk and thus getting mad. So we introduced the pacifier-
and we worked pretty hard at getting her to take it, but you may want
to consider it, especially if nursing is well established. As for sleeping,
at that age, DD needed to be really swaddled up to sleep. Really snug.
She also napped in her carseat - I'd put her in it and go for a walk
(snapped
into the stroller), she'd inevitably fall asleep and I'd leave her in it.
People
have also had good luck getting their kids to sleep in a swing, if you have
one try it, or see if you could borrow one. We did resort for awhile to
letting DD sleep in her carseat, at night, between us. I know this isn't
recommended (there are risks to it), but we were desparate.

And it does get better. DD never slept for long periods, up a couple
of times a night, until she turned two. She probably would have been
like this if we had formula fed, I suspect its just the way she is.

You are doing great, hang in there, it'll improve.

Mary

It will almost certainly get better soon. It does sound like you are
having a tough time. We used a dummy from about 4 weeks and it definitely
helped times like you describe, we ditched it at 12 weeks without a
problem. What's she like in a pushchair? If that will help settle her,
then someone else can take her out whilst you rest. At 5 and half weeks I
got a breast pump, when he was 5 weeks 6 days old, I let a friend give him
a bottle, I got the longest amount of sleep I'd had since he was born,
which was fantastic. Have you got a pump? If not you could probably easily
hand express enough for a bottle (or other feeding method) at this stage,
if you did this once a week it might just give you enough of a break to
push through the next couple of months, or however long it takes.

Kathy wrote:

I just really need to vent...thanks in advance to anyone who reads this.

When I decided to BF our DD (5 weeks, 5 days old...exclusively BF) I had
no idea how hard it was going to be...

Before I say anything else, let me say I really do LOVE BF'ing...really.
I enjoy the actual act of BF'ing...it makes me feel good, and I know
it's best for my DD. But there are some things that are drawbacks (for
me) that nobody told me about before hand.

That's why I like this newsgroup so much. There's
nothing like a bunch of people who are actively
engaged in a particular activity to help you find
out what ACTUALLY happens. I was not prepared from
the books (even the highly-recommended ones).

Number one is the comfort sucking. I don't mind it sometimes, but often
it seems like DD wants to be latched on to me 24 hours a day...just
sucking, or even just laying there somehow in contact with my breast
(she likes to use it as a pillow).

I hear you! I had about 15 minutes "free" every
hour to run around to go to the bathroom, refill
the cup, whatever, before Pillbug wanted more again.
Make dinner? Ha! My husband bought dinner home
a lot initially!

The other (and bigger) problem is sleep. DH and I choose not to
co-sleep with DD. [...]
No one told me that BF'ed babies don't sleep for long periods (in
general) like formula fed babies do.

Exactly. In fact, I did not realize that I would
not get unbroken sleep for a LONG time. Pillbug is
four months old now, and I have not slept over 4
hours at a stretch since, oh, the sixth month of
pregnancy!

The pediatrician checked my logs (I've been keeping
feeding/peeing/pooping/sleeping logs since the first
week at home) and said that Pillbug is being "normal".
I said I need more sleep. He asked if I wanted to
use formula. I said no, I don't want to give Pillbug
formula more than I want sleep. So, I had to accept
this.

I hope no one takes this as a slam against BF'ing. I am still so glad
that I chose to do it...and I am going to continue to do it. Monday I
hit the 6 week mark of exclusively BF'ing, and I am proud of that.

People here understand completely! Just a bit of
warning... You are about to hit the 6-week growth
spurt where your baby will want to nurse EVEN MORE.
(And not comfort nurse, real nursing.) It will
get better after a few days to a week, but be
prepared to be latched on even more. (It does end
and you go back to what is currently "normal".)

-- Anita --

Kathy wrote:
I just really need to vent...thanks in advance to anyone who reads
this.

When I decided to BF our DD (5 weeks, 5 days old...exclusively BF) I
had no idea how hard it was going to be...

Oh boy. This type of baby can be so delightful, yet so overwhelming. I was
able to nurse Hunter to sleep and then transfer him onto his dad. Steve was
happy to nap with him :-) Try that. Also, when my aunt would come down she
would take the baby for a walk for 30-60 minutes everyday she was there.
This was really much more helpful then you can even imagine. 30-60 minutes
of being in my house to do whatever I wanted without the stress of a crying
baby in the background. I think he probably fussed but he wasn't in
discomfort and was being attended to. If I could have gotten Steve to do
that I think I would have been much less stressed. Really try and get your
dh to get on board with something like that (or a bath maybe) now. IME,
once this type of baby gets a little older it is even harder to get them to
accept someone other then mom.

I spent a lot of time sleeping in the recliner with Hunter on my chest
during the day. He would sleep for larger chunks of time if he was on
someone. That might work for you even if co-sleeping does not.

As Hunter got older he continued to comfort nurse but mostly in the evening
(marathong nursing sessions) and during nap times. He nursed frequently
during the day but didn't linger as long.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

In article , says...
The pediatrician checked my logs (I've been keeping
feeding/peeing/pooping/sleeping logs since the first
week at home) and said that Pillbug is being "normal".
I said I need more sleep. He asked if I wanted to
use formula. I said no, I don't want to give Pillbug
formula more than I want sleep. So, I had to accept
this.

Would it be possible to pump and switch off night feeds with dad?

--
Robin

(Trying out a new email system. This address *does* (well, "should")
work.)

(Kathy) wrote in message ...
I just really need to vent...thanks in advance to anyone who reads this.

When I decided to BF our DD (5 weeks, 5 days old...exclusively BF) I had
no idea how hard it was going to be...


Do you think we'd get any new converts if we *admitted* this? Just
kidding!

Before I say anything else, let me say I really do LOVE BF'ing...really.
I enjoy the actual act of BF'ing...it makes me feel good, and I know
it's best for my DD. But there are some things that are drawbacks (for
me) that nobody told me about before hand.


It's great that you're still so positive.

Number one is the comfort sucking. I don't mind it sometimes, but often
it seems like DD wants to be latched on to me 24 hours a day...just
sucking, or even just laying there somehow in contact with my breast
(she likes to use it as a pillow). This has been hard on me, because
for the most part no one else can comfort DD. At times my DH is able
to, but really most of the time she wants me. I understand that, and in
many ways that makes me feel so good...but it also makes it next to
impossible for me to get anything else done around the house or for
myself.


I suggest that you allow him to learn his own way of comforting her.
maybe after the next growth spurt, when you can be confident that it's
not a genuine hunger issue. A lot of babies 'insist' on comfort
nursing, or Mom only, but I think most of them will accept Dad if
they're clear that they have no choice. Take a long shower or bath,
and let your husband have the baby. I really suggest this because
it's one thing I would change drastically if I could go back in time.

My husband took Sage for a few hours at night when she was colicky,
but that really only lasted a couple of weeks, and since then, it's
taken me four years to get him to watch the kids when I'm home,
without my direct involvement, and it's still just for a couple of
hours at a time, he doesn't do baths, he doesn't put them to sleep and
he doesn't really feed them (he'll give them food, but he won't help
them eat if they need help (really only the 2 y.o.) and he won't clean
up after they eat). A lot of my friends had their husbands doing this
stuff starting when their babies were little, and it's helped them all
(Mom, Dad and Baby) a lot in the subsequent years.

No one told me she would want to do this, and now I understand that it's
a common thing with BF'ed babies. I've only had experience with formula
fed babies, so this is new to me. Really I am glad to comfort her...but
I also occasionally need to go to the bathroom or answer the phone or
make a sandwich...it makes me a nervous wreck to have to run through all
of these things because she is crying for me.


You have to stop being a nervous wreck about it. Really. That's what
I think, at least. It's not going to hurt her to understand that you
go to the bathroom alone (though if you manage this once she's moving
around, I'd love to hear how!) from time to time, and if you can get
some sort of phone time, I'd really admire that!


No one told me that BF'ed babies don't sleep for long periods (in
general) like formula fed babies do. DD doesn't sleep for more than an
hour at a time...meaning I barely sleep at all. People say sleep when
she sleeps...that seems impossible to me. She refuses to sleep in
her...she wakes up within minutes of my laying her down in what I
thought was a deep sleep.


Both of my daughters were like this at times. Have you swaddled her
tightly? That helped with Sage. I mean *tightly* So that you could
move her around like a little pod while she's sleeping and she doesn't
even notice.

And if that doesn't help, a lot of people used to tell me that it's
the smarter babies that sleep less -- I thought that was just
something nice they made up to tell me as I wandered around on 2 hours
of sleep day after day, but it may be true, both my girls are very
smart : ).

I hope no one takes this as a slam against BF'ing. I am still so glad
that I chose to do it...and I am going to continue to do it. Monday I
hit the 6 week mark of exclusively BF'ing, and I am proud of that.


We're all proud of you, too!


I just needed a bit of a vent I guess. In a way I feel like I wasn't
given all of the info about BF'ing before I made the commitment to do
it.


It wouldn't really be possible, though, for all this info. to be
given, because it's so individual. A friend of mine nursed her
daughter for 2.5 years and is still nursing her son at over 2 y., and
has never had any of the incessant nursing issues you've posted about,
she felt like she got good sleep from day one and her kids have slept
over 12 hours a night, almost their whole lives -- but she does get
mastitis frequently. Her mom and I were talking recently -- she
nursed each of her (2) kids for over 4 years, and she never had any
issues with either, at all! But she even felt sympathetic and said
she wouldn't blame me for weaning my 2 year old!

Please, someone, tell me this is going to get better soon?


It is! And your attitude is already so much better, I think! You're
doing great!

Tina.

Thanks for listening,
Kathy