poll: How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?

toypup wrote:


"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message
...
toypup wrote:


"Jayne Kulikauskas" wrote in message
...
So how do people feel about us cross-posting a few threads between m.k
and
a.c.b? We can put X-post in the subject line so they are easily
avoided
by
those who don't wish to read them. Are there any other suggestions
about
how to clearly mark these?

I'm not interested. I don't feel I have much in common with my
parentless
friends ATM. In fact, I'm hoping they have some kids so we could all be
on
the same page.


I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child?

Surely I do. But they have interests I'm completely not interested in, like
scouting for cute guys. When we're in a restaurant, that's what they're
doing. When we travel, that's what they're doing. When we're at the gym,
that's what they're doing. They go clubbing, I'm not into that anymore.
It's not like I don't have any hobbies outside my child. I knit, crochet,
upgrade my computer and surf the internet. I also work part-time, travel,
go to the movies and eat out alot. DH and I take a day off for ourselves at
least once a month, but we try for every other week. We are not hermits who
revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still
scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean
that I don't have interests outside of my child?


But look at what you typed above:

I'm not interested. I don't feel I have much in common with my parentless
friends ATM. In fact, I'm hoping they have some kids so we could all be on
the same page.


That isn't a gripe about single friends constantly clubbing - it's a
wish for them to have children so you could be the same again. What
happened?

I guess like Banty, I became a parent relatively late (36) so I was the
single friend with married friends and kids. I learned then to express
an interest in my friend's or sibling's lives whether or not the lives
mirrored mine and most likely they won't at some point. That's what
makes the friendships so enjoyable. I get to peek into a different
lifestyle or viewpoint.

I ask my single friends about their social/love lives if it's important
to them. We talk politics, finances, movies, places travelled, articles
we've read as well as our personal lives.


Jeaane

toypup wrote:

"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message

I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child?

Surely I do. But they have interests I'm completely not interested in, like
scouting for cute guys. When we're in a restaurant, that's what they're
doing. When we travel, that's what they're doing. When we're at the gym,
that's what they're doing. They go clubbing, I'm not into that anymore.
It's not like I don't have any hobbies outside my child. I knit, crochet,
upgrade my computer and surf the internet. I also work part-time, travel,
go to the movies and eat out alot. DH and I take a day off for ourselves at
least once a month, but we try for every other week. We are not hermits who
revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still
scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean
that I don't have interests outside of my child?


I think this is more about your friends than you,
from what you describe ;-) I have a few remaining single,
childless friends (though not many, just because of my
age), but even when I had many more we never had issues
with them being too caught up scouting for prospective
partners that it interfered with our socializing. There
were some minor issues resulting from their getting used
to the fact that I needed more advance planning time than
when I was childless (couldn't just go do adult-only things
on the spur of the moment because I had to arrange child
care), but other than that we had plenty to do that was
satisfying to both of us. But then again, clubbing and
scouting for prospective partners wasn't high on our
lists of things to do even when we were all single/childless ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article , Ericka Kammerer says...

toypup wrote:

"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message

I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child?

Surely I do. But they have interests I'm completely not interested in, like
scouting for cute guys. When we're in a restaurant, that's what they're
doing. When we travel, that's what they're doing. When we're at the gym,
that's what they're doing. They go clubbing, I'm not into that anymore.
It's not like I don't have any hobbies outside my child. I knit, crochet,
upgrade my computer and surf the internet. I also work part-time, travel,
go to the movies and eat out alot. DH and I take a day off for ourselves at
least once a month, but we try for every other week. We are not hermits who
revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still
scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean
that I don't have interests outside of my child?


I think this is more about your friends than you,
from what you describe ;-) I have a few remaining single,
childless friends (though not many, just because of my
age), but even when I had many more we never had issues
with them being too caught up scouting for prospective
partners that it interfered with our socializing. There
were some minor issues resulting from their getting used
to the fact that I needed more advance planning time than
when I was childless (couldn't just go do adult-only things
on the spur of the moment because I had to arrange child
care), but other than that we had plenty to do that was
satisfying to both of us. But then again, clubbing and
scouting for prospective partners wasn't high on our
lists of things to do even when we were all single/childless ;-)


Yes yes.

First of all, childless or childfree marrieds presumably wouldn't be doing the
scouting for partners thang. (Wellll, depends on the particular crowd, from
what I hear - but that would NOT be my scene.. ;-)

But I can really relate because of the time in my thirties when I was ready to
move on, pursue my individual interests, buy a house, etc., and just go on with
my life with sort of a Plan B (which eventually included having a child on my
own). And getting really, really sick and tired of the Thursday night calls as
to where the gaggle of professional singles I had at one point gotten hooked up
with was going to go that coming weekend. There was a desparate air about it
sometimes, places had to be amenable to the presence of other unmarried
professionals, and all weekends had to be planned for. To snag that suitable
partner finally, and to avoid the expected loneliness of the non work-filled
days. I just sort of - outgrew - that. And when I had my son, after the
shower, these are the folks who pretty much dropped away.

The engineering world of my professional life has always had some examples of
the settled, happy, never-married woman in her 40', 50's and 60's, both gay and
straight, for me to know and emulate as a real option in life.

Banty

We are not hermits who
revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still
scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean
that I don't have interests outside of my child?

So it sounds like the main difference between you and your old friends isn't
that you have kids and they don't, but that you are married and they are
single.
Nothing to do with the absence or presence of children.
(And ... it's just me maybe, but I'd get bored pretty quickly with a group of
friends who could find nothing more interesting to do/talk about than look
for/discuss cute guys...)



Naomi
CAPPA Certified Lactation Educator

(either remove spamblock or change address to to e-mail
reply.)

On 6 Aug 2003 08:22:20 -0700, Banty wrote:

In article , lizzard woman
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
(snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My
take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking
for
activity-buddies, one can always join a club.

A club like USENET perhaps? e.g.

Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register...

(tee heee heee.....)

Except when you vote... hehe


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

"toto" wrote in message
...
On 6 Aug 2003 08:22:20 -0700, Banty wrote:

In article , lizzard
woman
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
(snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My
take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is
looking
for
activity-buddies, one can always join a club.

A club like USENET perhaps? e.g.

Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register...

(tee heee heee.....)

Except when you vote... hehe

And not even then (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!)

Signed,
Mrs. Banty's mother

In article , lizzard woman
says...


"toto" wrote in message
.. .
On 6 Aug 2003 08:22:20 -0700, Banty wrote:

In article , lizzard
woman
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
(snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My
take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is
looking
for
activity-buddies, one can always join a club.

A club like USENET perhaps? e.g.

Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register...

(tee heee heee.....)

Except when you vote... hehe

And not even then (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!)

But it's only a matter of timing... :-)


Signed,
Mrs. Banty's mother

MOMMY!

(And it's MS. Banty!)

Banty

On Wed, 06 Aug 2003 20:07:51 GMT, "lizzard woman"
wrote:


"toto" wrote in message
.. .
On 6 Aug 2003 08:22:20 -0700, Banty wrote:

In article , lizzard
woman
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
(snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My
take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is
looking
for
activity-buddies, one can always join a club.

A club like USENET perhaps? e.g.

Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register...

(tee heee heee.....)

Except when you vote... hehe

And not even then (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!)

Signed,
Mrs. Banty's mother

do too... just in an all in one process g

(now you say do not)... (I say do too) and we all
fall down


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

x-no-archive:yes

To answer the original question - I don't care one way or the other if
stuff is xposted.

Mamasamba wrote:

On Wed, 06 Aug 2003 15:47:57 GMT, user wrote:

These parents you're talking about are the ones that have problems
when their nest is empty because they've invested everything in their
children not leaving anything for themselves. It's a two way street
and there is nothing wrong with having or doing things without the
children in my opinion. Same goes for the marriage.

It's not simply that there's nothing wrong with it - you HAVE
to do things without the children, or you start to lose whatever
made you interesting in the first place. There are times and

I don't think it is necessary to force activity without the children
in order to stay 'interesting'. I reject that idea. If you are an
interesting person, you will stay that way whether you have children
or not and whether you go out without the children or not.

Nor do you have to do stuff without the children in order to be OK
when the children leave the nest. If you have a functional family,
the children will leave the nest but will still be in touch, and you
will still be doing stuff for them and with them even though they are
65 and you are 94. (me and my mom) Or 42 and 65 (me and dd#1).

places where children can, and should be involved. There are
also times when you just need to go out, even just for a couple
of hours, and have conversations or do things that have nothing
to do with the kids. I can't imagine not doing that. In regards
to marriage, you're correct - it works the same way. Some people
think my wife and I are strange because we don't need to be
joined at the hip and go out with different friends, on occasion.
Personally, I like having some variety in our social experiences.

When your children get older you will be doing (or I was doing) many
things together as a family WITH the children. We were going to
practice and competitions etc. And when my youngest was 6, I was a
WOHM with a full time job and just before that I was a full time
student for a year.

I concur, every parent *should* start at some point. Obviously this
is harder to do when one's child is an infant. My dd is 5 now and
already knows that daddy and mama do things without her. She has no
problem with this and looks forward to being with her sitters who
bring to the table some things that we can't.

Some people think my dh and I are a bit strange too. He takes a
couple of long weekends with his friends and for 4 yrs has been going
on hiking trips with his pards. He has a large circle of childhood
friends that have remained friends after all these years and he goes
with my blessings. I'm sure you can guess how many of my married
friends wouldn't do the same. shrug It's a little harder for me

My dh was quite adamant that he would NOT go off with the guys. But
he was coming from a slightly different perspective. He was in the
Navy for 20 years and so periodically he was required to 'go off with
the guys' (mostly guys in those days). He felt that when he was in
port, it was childish to go right off on a fishing trip or something
like some of the men did, when he had a family he hadn't seen in a
couple of weeks or a couple of months.

He does not have a circle of friends from childhood and really neither
do I. Plus moving around that was required with the Navy meant that
the friends we had in one place (and we usually were living in
civilian neighborhoods and never on base) would gradually drop away
when we left the area.

because my group of friends is much smaller but I take classes from
time to time at the local bead store to fill in the gaps, trips to the
bookstore/library, movies we both don't want to see, etc. No trip
with the girls this year but maybe next. He's taking dd on a
father/daughter weekend in October while I work my first art faire.
Think about all the things we'll talk about, the 3 of us when that
weekend is over. Variety! It's the spice of life, truly.

I do agree with that.

I did a lot of things without my dh by default because he wasn't
there. So in effect a lot of the time in the first 20 years of our
marriage I was a single parent. It was probably harder to adjust to
his being home all the time than it was to adjust to being alone a
lot.

grandma Rosalie

"Banty" wrote in message
...

(And it's MS. Banty!)

No, dear.

That was in reference to the "Welcome Back, Kotter" TV show where one of the
characters would bring in notes signed not with the usual "Mrs. First Last"
(entire mother's name) but instead with "Mrs. (Character's name) mother
which is funny because it was obviously forged by the character.

And aren't you a "Dr." anyway??????????

--
sharon, momma to savannah and willow (11/11/94)