not CIO but Cry-In-Arms?

Jake Mysterio wrote:
I'm skeptical that a four-month-old baby only needs one or two night feeds,
and possibly only if he/she was small for age. It doesn't sound like the
author BF, but I could be wrong.


Every baby is different. All 3 of my children slept through the night from a
young age. Jas 6weeks Sean 7weeks, Tara before we left the hospital (3days)
And all my children have been or are breastfeed. So just because one child
needed night feeds doesnt mean the next will just as it doesnt mean that
many dont need many night feeds. And I think the emphase is on NEEDS they
probably only do NEED one or two feeds but the probably WANT many more.

Cheri



Yup, Will used to feed at 10pm, 4am, 7am. That was for about a month,
then for a week it was 10pm, 5am, 7:30am... even better! Now, for the
last 3 weeks it is a completely diffrerent story.

Jo

Jake Mysterio wrote:
Have you ever actually left your baby to....cry it out. My baby 4months will
cry for all of 5 minutes and she is asleep. Maybe she only needs that little
time. I would never leave her for more than that though. I hate to hear her
cry but at the same time I know she is tired and she woundnt go to sleep if
I was there with her. I personally couldnt see cry in arms working for my
baby.

Cheri

Only in the car when I couldn't pull over. Admittedly, it *was* only 5
min before he slept. I couldn't imagine doing it on purpose though...

Jo

Jamie Clark wrote:
What exactly are you considering doing... not using a pacifier or swaddling
any more? Your Will is still a tiny baby, and I think you need to follow
your gut. Wrap him tight, nurse, rock, pacify, etc, and if he wakes in the
night, it's likely that it's because he's hungry, so feed him. Hugs my
friend. It's only going to get easier and easier. 6 months is so much
easier than 4, I promise!

Jamie, I don't even know what I am considering doing! I just know I need
more than 15 minutes sleep every 45 min overnight... and I know that
often all he needs is dummy back in and re-wrapping. If he wakes again
not long after, he gets fed (whether he's properly awake or not - he
usually cries in his semi-sleep). If he wakes awake, he gets fed. I
wouldn't mind if he actually needed feeding that often overnight - I'd
at least know his waking was for a purpose, but just for the dummy seems
silly to me, to keep it up. Co-sleeping doesn't work - he can comfort
suck now, but it's constant - like all night on and off. I can't sleep
at *all* then.

Jo

wrote:
*sigh* It's so frustrating isn't it. ds has a hard time with naps as he
fights sleep all the way and mostly only sleeps for 45mins. He never
just falls asleep if he is tired but just gets more grumpy and
overtired until he just cries continually. So it's vital we catch his
tired signs and whisk him into his cot asap. But he still cries most of
the time we put him down. We have found it all depends on the time of
day as to what will soothe him. For instance, just now I put him down,
he didn't cry, so I left him to wibble (moan a little) and after 10
mins he is asleep. I am always in the next room readly to rescue if he
starts crying. By the early evening he is far more cranky and it
usually takes a dummy, a lot of comforting strokes and shh.... to get
him of for his evening nap. If he really cries I pick him up and cuddle
and soothe for a minute or so until he is calm and put him back down
again.

That is exactly what we do.
/snip/


I'm still look for the magic answer on how to get him to nap longer
than 45mins at a time, but I'm not sure there is one.

I don't find it hard to get him to sleep either, just keep him asleep.

Thanks for your reply

Jo

Jenrose wrote:
some stuff, then...

If they're going to cry somewhere, in arms is better than not.

I think the idea that you're "putting off inevitable crying" with a pacifier
or extended nursing is silly--it may be true for some kids, but never was
for mine.

I didn't know if it was silly or just that I had never heard of it before.

Jo wrote:
Anyone heard of this?

What are your thoughts?

http://www.awareparenting.com/answer13.htm

Its all so confusing! I thought it would be much kinder to them if they
didn't cry - a dummy/boob/rocking/wrapping helps that, but what do we
really know about how much a baby *needs* to cry?

Am I just delirious with lack of sleep for even considering this?

Does Will cry a lot at night? Or does he just
wake a lot? What exactly is he doing?

Maybe there are babies for whom that works,
but I can't say that my babies ever behaved as that
article suggests they would, so I'm a bit skeptical.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Jo wrote:

Yup, Will used to feed at 10pm, 4am, 7am. That was for about a month,
then for a week it was 10pm, 5am, 7:30am... even better! Now, for the
last 3 weeks it is a completely diffrerent story.

When something like that happens, I wonder about a
growth spurt and/or other developmental changes. He may
be getting to the age where he *can* keep himself awake,
and so he is. In my experience, at that point you have
to give them the picture that the interesting world isn't
going to come back if they fuss. So, I'd go back in
and pat or cuddle or whatever, but no lights, no talking,
no stimulation, no fun. I'd put them back down as soon
as they settled a bit. Sometimes I'd have to repeat a
*lot* before they went back to sleep, but this was usually
a rare thing, so a night or two wasn't a killer in terms
of the big picture.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Jo wrote:
Jake Mysterio wrote:

Have you ever actually left your baby to....cry it out. My baby
4months will cry for all of 5 minutes and she is asleep. Maybe she
only needs that little time. I would never leave her for more than
that though. I hate to hear her cry but at the same time I know she is
tired and she woundnt go to sleep if I was there with her. I
personally couldnt see cry in arms working for my baby.

Only in the car when I couldn't pull over. Admittedly, it *was* only 5
min before he slept. I couldn't imagine doing it on purpose though...

I wouldn't worry about a few minutes of crying.
My kids definitely had a different "blowing off steam"
cry than a hungry cry or a frightened cry or whatever.
All you get if you try to soothe them through a "blowing
off steam" cry is a whole lot of work for you and less
sleep for them.
It's one thing to ignore your baby when he
needs you, but why would you assume that all crying
is a terrible thing and Must Be Stopped Now? Are you
not allowed to have emotions other than happy and
content on occasion? Babies don't have lots of
ways to express themselves, and some will cry
sometime to blow off some steam. If they do that,
it's because they need to and it will help them
to do so, just like sometimes you feel a lot better
after a good cry. If you interfere with that process,
you just make everything *more* difficult for
everyone.
I don't have any problem with a baby crying
for a few minutes to blow off some steam or express
dissatisfaction with being put down. What I object
to is allowing babies to cry for long periods of
time without comfort or allowing a baby to move
into a different cry without addressing that need.
Think of it this way: when a toddler
throws a tantrum, they're blowing off steam too.
They're mad as hell and they're letting it all
out. Usually, you're best off just letting
them blow it off rather than trying to cajole
them out of it (while keeping a watchful eye,
of course). BUT, some will move from being
angry to being scared or really upset. If
that happens, they need someone to come and
help them through. Intervening earlier prolongs
the tantrum. Intervening when necessary helps
things out.
Go to your baby when it's going to help,
but let them blow off steam when that's going
to fix things. If you feel better letting them
do that in your arms, go ahead. I'm not so
convinced that that will be helpful. Out of
three babies, *none* of mine have ever cried
for an extended period of time in my arms as
described by the article (none of my babes were
colicky), but they have blown off steam at
bedtime on occasion. I'd say at 4-5 months,
they'd fuss when I put them down about a quarter
of the time, and that gradually decreased over
time. Even now with my 2.25 year old, on occasion
(maybe once a week or so) she'll fuss at bedtime
or naptime, but it doesn't even last a minute.
If I stay with her, the fussing lasts much longer,
and much the same happened if I stuck around when
they were babies.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Best wishes,
Ericka

Best wishes,
Ericka

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Jo wrote:

Yup, Will used to feed at 10pm, 4am, 7am. That was for about a month,
then for a week it was 10pm, 5am, 7:30am... even better! Now, for the
last 3 weeks it is a completely diffrerent story.


When something like that happens, I wonder about a
growth spurt and/or other developmental changes.

I thought a growth spurt in the beginning, but it's been 3 weeks now,
and sleep patterns have not returned to his previous normal. I thought
of other developmental things, too... like trying to roll, etc... but
when he does wake, he's not *doing* anything but semi-crying with eyes
closed and mouth open waiting for the dummy!

He may
be getting to the age where he *can* keep himself awake,
and so he is. In my experience, at that point you have
to give them the picture that the interesting world isn't
going to come back if they fuss. So, I'd go back in
and pat or cuddle or whatever, but no lights, no talking,
no stimulation, no fun. I'd put them back down as soon
as they settled a bit. Sometimes I'd have to repeat a
*lot* before they went back to sleep, but this was usually
a rare thing, so a night or two wasn't a killer in terms
of the big picture.

Yup, all I do when I go to him to resettle is put the dummy back in, or
if his arms are unwrapped, rewrap him, put my hand on his chest and say
'back to sleep' in a low voice, and leave again.

Thanks for your thoughts, Ericka

Jo

Jo wrote:

Jamie, I don't even know what I am considering doing! I just know I need
more than 15 minutes sleep every 45 min overnight... and I know that
often all he needs is dummy back in and re-wrapping. If he wakes again
not long after, he gets fed (whether he's properly awake or not - he
usually cries in his semi-sleep). If he wakes awake, he gets fed. I
wouldn't mind if he actually needed feeding that often overnight - I'd
at least know his waking was for a purpose, but just for the dummy seems
silly to me, to keep it up. Co-sleeping doesn't work - he can comfort
suck now, but it's constant - like all night on and off. I can't sleep
at *all* then.

This is the roughest period with a pacifier, because
they pretty much have no ability to get it back in but they
want that sucking. He may just be a really, really sucky
baby. If he's waking and really wants to suck, replacing
that pacifier *is* meeting a need--a need just as valid to
him as eating. His need to suck will diminish a bit, and
that'll help a lot. Can you take turns with getting up
to rewrap and replace the pacifier? When we went through
rough spots, I'd kick DH to handle those nighttime calls
and only go myself when feeding was necessary. Sometimes
we'd stake out which parts of the night we'd handle so
that each of us could get *some* relatively uninterrupted
sleep.

Best wishes,
Ericka