Weaning woes, support needed

Hello, I don't know who else to go to...I'm in a small town....I'm
still nursing my 3 1/2 year old and he shows no signs of stopping.
Weaning has been very difficult, and he still nurses for about 90
minutes total every day, spread out from morning in bed, naptime,
during naptime, waking up from naptime, and going to sleep at night. I
really want to cut this down because I am not able to stay
pregnant--I've lost 4 pregnancies due to very low levels of prolactin
due to breastfeeding so much (I'm 39, which may be affecting this more
than in younger women). I really want to get pregnant before I get any
older! Why is this so hard? He is devastated when I talk about not
having as much milk for him, and I've tried offering chocolate milk
instead or some other treat....just doesn't work. I'm trying to be
gentle with him, we've cut down immensesly on the nursing over the last
few months, but STILL it is too much. Can any of you offer advice and
support and help for me--without judgement that I'm being a wimp or
that I should just STOP nursing him? One current problem is that he
nurses too much during his nap--likes to wake up, start nursing again,
falls asleep, and over again...when I say no more, he just cries
terribly...it disrupts his ability to get a good nap....should I just
say no and let him cry until he understands no more milk during the
nap...and that it will get better soon? I night weaned him and it
wasn't so bad as this! Thanks a lot, Sarah

At his age it is perfectly okay to set whatever limits YOU feel
comfortable with, including weaning him without feeling guilty if that
is what you feel you need to do!

If I were you, I would cut out the naptime nursing. Is he tired at
naptime? Many kids his age don't nap anymore and that may be why he
has to nurse so much to fall asleep! But if he really does seem tired
at that time, this is how I night-weaned my child who was the same age.


I would have him lie down for his story and then tell him I had
something to do (go to the bathroom or whatever) and I would nurse him
when I returned. Then I would go out for awhile and usually he would
just fall asleep. If he didn't, I would nurse him for a few minutes
and if he didn't fall right asleep I would tell him I had to leave
again and would be back. Eventually he would fall right asleep without
nursing. If that works for nap, you could then do it for betime, which
would leave you with only the two waking up nursings.

If you wanted to get rid of the post-nap nursing, you could handle it
by having something very exciting and fun to do right after nap so that
he would be distracted. That is already working for my
not-quite-one-year-old--if I want her to unlatch I suggest a trip
outside to play with the dog and she pops right off!

Good luck!

Leslie

My ds1 nursed until 4 1/2. When he was age 3, we were nursing I think 4
times a day, similar to what you described, before and after nap and
bed. I had a miscarriage wround this time(which I attribute to
hormonal/hypothyroid issues, as I had been neglectful of having my
levels checked before getting pg, but who knows?). Because of the
physical and emotional exhaustion I was feeling after the miscarriage, I
immediately dropped the two waking up nursings, which had always been
the most annoying to me anyway, as he would go on and on and I could
never get up and get on with the day. When he woke up in the morning or
from nap, we simply got up. Not to say it was without problem, because
this kid is a champion whiner, but I stuck to it and continued to nurse
just twice a day through the next pregnancy and early postpartum period.
He was 4 when the baby was born, and despite tandem nursing, trying to
get two down for a nap often proved more difficult than it was worth and
ds1 and I eventually agreed it was time to stop his naps, which gave us
some time to do things in the afternoon while the baby was sleeping. He
had also been having a hard time getting to sleep at night, which
improved after the naps stopped, so it was clear it was time. He
continued to nurse just before bedtime until we stopped, again by mutual
agreement, on his "half-birthday" at age 4 1/2. Around 2 1/2 he stopped
falling asleep with the bedtime nursing, so he was only nursing for a
set period of time, then reading books and going to sleep on his own. As
we approached the weaning date, I gradually cut down the time period he
was nursing before bed and it went remarkably smoothly.

-Karen, mom to Henry 5 and William 18 months-
bugsy wrote:
Hello, I don't know who else to go to...I'm in a small town....I'm
still nursing my 3 1/2 year old and he shows no signs of stopping.
Weaning has been very difficult, and he still nurses for about 90
minutes total every day, spread out from morning in bed, naptime,
during naptime, waking up from naptime, and going to sleep at night. I
really want to cut this down because I am not able to stay
pregnant--I've lost 4 pregnancies due to very low levels of prolactin
due to breastfeeding so much (I'm 39, which may be affecting this more
than in younger women). I really want to get pregnant before I get any
older! Why is this so hard? He is devastated when I talk about not
having as much milk for him, and I've tried offering chocolate milk
instead or some other treat....just doesn't work. I'm trying to be
gentle with him, we've cut down immensesly on the nursing over the last
few months, but STILL it is too much. Can any of you offer advice and
support and help for me--without judgement that I'm being a wimp or
that I should just STOP nursing him? One current problem is that he
nurses too much during his nap--likes to wake up, start nursing again,
falls asleep, and over again...when I say no more, he just cries
terribly...it disrupts his ability to get a good nap....should I just
say no and let him cry until he understands no more milk during the
nap...and that it will get better soon? I night weaned him and it
wasn't so bad as this! Thanks a lot, Sarah

bugsy wrote:
Hello, I don't know who else to go to...I'm in a small town....I'm
still nursing my 3 1/2 year old and he shows no signs of stopping.
Weaning has been very difficult, and he still nurses for about 90
minutes total every day, spread out from morning in bed, naptime,
during naptime, waking up from naptime, and going to sleep at night.
I really want to cut this down because I am not able to stay
pregnant--I've lost 4 pregnancies due to very low levels of prolactin
due to breastfeeding so much (I'm 39, which may be affecting this
more than in younger women). I really want to get pregnant before I
get any older! Why is this so hard? He is devastated when I talk
about not having as much milk for him, and I've tried offering
chocolate milk instead or some other treat....just doesn't work. I'm
trying to be gentle with him, we've cut down immensesly on the
nursing over the last few months, but STILL it is too much. Can any
of you offer advice and support and help for me--without judgement
that I'm being a wimp or that I should just STOP nursing him? One
current problem is that he nurses too much during his nap--likes to
wake up, start nursing again, falls asleep, and over again...when I
say no more, he just cries terribly...it disrupts his ability to get
a good nap....should I just say no and let him cry until he
understands no more milk during the nap...and that it will get better
soon? I night weaned him and it wasn't so bad as this! Thanks a lot,
Sarah

When my youngest son was 2.5yo he had to stay with his grandma for two
nights. He was down to nursing 4 times a day (which was hard to do) but
would have nothing doing with cutting back more. When I returned I told him
there was no more num-nums. He asked a few times but did not cry or tantrum
over not getting it. We did have a hard time after that in other areas but
we were going through a very stressful move at the same time (that is why he
had to stay with his grandma) so there were other factors.

--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
EDD 4/06

bugsy writes:

I've lost 4 pregnancies due to very low levels of prolactin due to
breastfeeding so much

I don't otherwise have anything to add, but I want to comment on this bit.
I don't think it makes sense. Breastfeeding *raises* prolactin levels. That
can be a problem for fertility, since it inhibits ovulation, but you've
obviously conceived. There's been a suspicion that breastfeeding can
trigger pre-term labour in some women, but even that is not very clear.
There's an article about it, with some references to research, he

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/artnewlook.shtml

I don't know whether it makes it better or worse, but it may be that your
miscarriages have nothing to do with the breastfeeding. I'm sorry for your
losses, either way.

Sidheag
DS Colin Oct 27 2003

In article .com,
"bugsy" wrote:

One current problem is that he
nurses too much during his nap--likes to wake up, start nursing again,
falls asleep, and over again...when I say no more, he just cries
terribly...it disrupts his ability to get a good nap....should I just
say no and let him cry until he understands no more milk during the
nap...and that it will get better soon? I night weaned him and it
wasn't so bad as this! Thanks a lot, Sarah

This isn't what you want to hear -- sorry -- but when my son weaned
right before he turned three, we had to pretty much give up on naps.
He's fine falling asleep at night without nursing, but just can't calm
down enough during the day for a nap.
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006