should I have DD at the birth?

On Nov 11, 5:07 pm, "Linda" wrote:
So the last option - which I like the best, but also worries me is the one
to just take DD with us to the hospital. I like the idea of having her
close and letting her see the newborn baby and being a part of it all - but
I had a pretty traumatic time of it when DD was born and screamed the place
down which would not be good for her to be around if it was like that again.
We could take her and then when it started getting bad take her to the
nurses station and just have DH go and see her periodically. I know the
hospital wouldn't be encouraging that plan, but I have a friend who pretty
much did that, although her DD was 4 so that's a bit older, not as much of a
trouble for the nurses. We could take along her favourite dvds though and
that would pretty much guarantee she'd stay put for a few hours if
necessary. And of course it could well be during the middle of the night
when she'd just fall asleep anwyay.
TIA

I don't know the rules in Australia (as I see you are from in further
down posts), but here in the US--you *cannot* leave a child under the
age of 16 unattended in a hospital. no one under the age of 18 to
spend the night (even if staying with mom) unless there is another
caregiver specifically for the child. Nurses are *not* babysitters. We
have *way* too much to do, and there are a ton of legalities in a
hospital setting that necessitate nurses take responsibility for only
the patients assigned to them.

For assistance, make friends, and quick. If nothing else, they might
be willing to come to the hospital to care for your DD in the waiting
room, then bring her in to see the baby, leave her with your husband
and then go home.

I like the idea of a doula.

Also, check into 16-20 year old babysitters in the area. Have them
babysit several times in the interim before the baby is born. There
are some who love children and just enjoy their time with them. I was
one of those, and I overnight sat 2 boys when their younger brother
was born, and I was the one to drive them to the hospital to meet
their brother for the first time. I was an "adopted" daughter by that
time (granted, I'd been with them for almost 2 years), and not yet 18.
Last count my Senior Year of High School, I had 33 families I sat for
regularly (at least once a month), and 67 kids who were *mine*. No
wonder I grew up and became a pediatric RN. ;-)

Ask at local schools/colleges, churches, etc. for some names of
babysitters they recommend. Also, ask your neighbors who they use.
There are some wonderful people out there just waiting to help you
out, you just have to do the footwork and find them. :-)

Good luck!

Sharalyn
mom to Alexander James

Linda wrote:
Hmm not really sure where that leaves me - time to try to make some good
friends fast??

I would say you don't need a good friend as much as you need a good
babysitter.

I had a small role in my next door neighbor's birth plan. If she had
to go suddenly to the hospital while her oldest was at school, he
would find his house empty and come to our house. This was a
reasonable plan because at that time my DS was napping every afternoon
when her oldest came home from school. We actually used the plan
once, but not for the baby; it came in handy for another, smaller
emergency.

Pologirl

This probably doesn't help you much since I gather you feel differently,
but, when I thought about the what-to-do-with-older-child dilemma for
myself, I realised that I was not actually that bothered whether DH was
at the birth or not. In my last labour, I spent quite a bit of it just
focusing my way through contractions by myself (we thought I had much
longer to go than I actually had, so we'd agreed that it would be better
for him to go and lie down) and I don't mind doing that again. Of
course, if anything goes drastically wrong I'd like to have him there,
but I can cope on my own if need be. DH wants to be there so that he
can support me, but he's not worried from the point of view of the whole
bonding-with-the-baby thing - he's happy that with eighteen years to do
that, being there for the very first minute the baby emerges is not that
crucial.

So, our plan is that DH will bring Jamie to the birthing centre and be
on the premises, but taking care of Jamie in a separate room. (I've
checked with the midwife at my last antenatal appointment and she said
that this sort of thing has happened before and the birthing centre will
be OK with it.) We'll also ring round every available relative as soon
as I go into labour and whoever isn't about to go to work or whatever
will jump in their car and drive, but given the distance away from us
that they all live and the fact that my first labour was a quick one,
it's debatable whether or not they'll make it on time. If anyone does
get there, they'll pick Jamie up from the birthing centre and take him
back to our house. If not - well, DH will be in a different room on the
premises while the baby's born, which is maybe not the way we'd do it in
an ideal situation but is something we can both live with. And it means
that he and Jamie can come in fairly soon afterwards (though I do want a
bit of time for skin-to-skin and to see whether I can get the baby nursing).

Anyway, that's our plan. It sounds as though you don't want to be on
your own for the birth, though. I agree with Anne that if you start
looking for doulas, you'll probably find them, and that might be what
works well for you. Good luck!


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...


And I've read a lot about doulas in these groups but I think they are
taking a while to catch on in Australia - I've certainly never come
across one, or anyone who has used one - so I don't really think that is
an option either.

I think that might be a misassessment of what the situation really is. I'm
from the UK, from this group and other groups, I could quite easily have
thought there were no doulas in the UK and they were just something that
existed in the US. I can't think of anyone from this group over the past 5
years who is based in the UK and has used a doula and I definitely didn't
know anyone in real life who had used a doula.
I know people who have used doulas (in UK). At my antenatal class the
midwife recommended them particularly for someone who'd had a horrendous
first birth (in US!!) and was terrified about the second, and they said
their husband was worse then they were, and didn't want to be present.
She had used one herself, and I think had a list of local ones.
I don't think they're commonly used, and definitely not on NHS but they do
exist :-)
Debbie

But
knowing I wanted some help postnatal, it took me about 5 minutes to find
doulauk and 4 doulas in my city, which isn't a big one, nor close to any
other big cities. So, I googled "doula Australia" and this is what I found
http://doulanetwork.com/directory/Australia/, my geography of Australia is
not great, but that looks like a reasonable number of cities and given it
isn't a Aus based site, so clicking on the links might get you to an Aus
based site and a more comprehensive list.

You might also try and get involved with the nearest LLL group or the
Australian Breastfeeding Association and any other similar groups...

Cheers
Anne

"Linda" wrote in message
...
I've got a while to make the decision, but I'm trying to figure out what
to do with DD when I have the baby. She'll be 2 years, 3 months or
thereabouts at the time. We moved interstate a few years ago and hence
all our family and close friends are a long way away. We've made friends
here, but I guess it takes us a while to become close. Because of this -
and also I guess our parenting style, we have never left DD alone with
anyone else - which really hasn't been an issue anyway until I've had to
consider this. We do however have a very nice neighbour - who always says
hello to DD and seems to like her - so we could encourage that and let DD
get to know her more (assuming our neighbour was happy to be on standyby
when the time came) so everyone was comfortable. Our neighbour does work
though, so there's a chance that she might be at work anyway and not
around when the time comes. Plus our neighbour does seem nice, but we
haven't really known her for all that snip
Sorry this post has become pretty long - but I'm not sure what to do.
Any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated.
TIA
My feeling is that I wouldn't plan on having your daughter with you because
there's nowhere else for her to go. If she was desperate to be present (off
her own bat, not by persuasion) then it would be slightly different.
Also you've got to consider that it could happen while she needs to be
asleep. It wasn't a quick labour last time, and although it's likely to be
quicker this time, could easily be a few hours which is a long time for a 2
year old to be waiting.
My personal feeling is that it would put so much pressure on me to have my
older ones present, so I wasn't willing to be in that situation.
With #2 I'd hardly left #1 (age nearly 3) alone, certainly not for more than
a couple of hours. You know what, she toddled off with the friends and
happily stayed the night without any problems.
When in labour with #3, #2 (3 1/2yrs) went with a family she would have
recognised, but not known well. She left first thing in the morning, and
didn't come back ill the next morning. She had such a great time she still
talks about it, and they didn't do anything special, just took her round
with their other children.
Debbie